by: Psychomorph
e-mail: psychomorph@excite.com
NOTE- This story takes place right after book 18 and contains violence and cursing.
I dug through the trash to see if I could find some cans for recycling. No such luck. Good luck had been a hard thing to come by lately. The weather had been harsh, cold, bitter rains and long periods of hard, dry heat. No wonder everyone was miserable. Shelter had also been hard to come by. So had friends. But then, friends had always been hard to come by when I was around. It's not something I do on purpose, I just don't attract people that well.
I meandered over to the mall. There was always the possibility I could find some tips people left on the tables. Baja (the city, not the penninsula), California isn't exactly the best place in the world for a homeless fifteen year old. Baja was a large town with a population of about 40,000. A mall, themepark/zoo called the Gardens, and a Planet Hollywood. Not that I care.
There were a lot of things that I didn't care about lately. My dad had died about three months ago, leaving me alone. I took to the streets. I knew it was a dead end way of life, but at the time was to numb to think ahead for the next day, let alone the rest of my life.
Dad's death left me feeling empty and hollow. Things like that usually do. My mom had left my dad not too long ago. I loved her, but she was gone. It felt like it had always been just me and dad. He had been my entire family. Mother as well as father. I loved him. He wouldn't really like the lifestyle I lead, but that doesn't change anything.
I've come to prefer the shadows and back streets. I don't know them that well, but I've found that I have an knack for getting where I need to be. Right now, I needed to be in a nice dry area instead of the pounding, cold rain.
The mall was crowded, normal for a Saturday. I looked around, absorbing the sights, sounds, and smells. Shops everywhere were screaming "Come here, buy here!" There was everything from bookstores to New Age shops. Everyone was walking around, some in a hurry, some window shopping, and some, like me, searching for something without really knowing what it was. People always talked in the mall; it was never silent. Malls even have their own smells. The new book smell of the book stores, the spicy scents of the taco stands in the Food Hall.
What caught my attention right away was a strange boy about my age running. He was running in a very strange way, almost as if he had just adjusted to walking on two legs, stumbling every few steps. Two security guards were chasing him.
"Hey! Hey you! Stop!!"
The boy ran into me. He looked around frantically as he tried to get his bearings. For a split second, we were looking each other in the eye. He was afraid. Afraid in just about every way possible. Like me. Those guards, when they caught him, weren't just going to let him off with whatever he had done. They were going to hurt him. He knew that, and then, so did I. As he started off in some other direction, I called out to him.
"This way!"
He looked at me, confused. The guards were getting closer.
"You don't have much of a choice! Come on!" The boy followed me. I grabbed his arm and jerked him into a new shop with me. The shop was part of the expansion of the mall, but hadn't been fully constructed yet.
The guards barged in with almost half a dozen gawkers after them. It doesn't matter where I go, I still find gawkers. Gawkers are those creepy people who stare at bodies after people have jumped off of buildings, stare at a person still alive who has half their body mangled after a hit and run, stare at a person who had a gun to their mouth, almost egging them on. I hate those people.
"Behind the barrels," I hissed. The boy just nodded and followed. We crouched behind the rancid barrels, both full of residue from some foul, nauseous chemical. His breathing became short and ragged. "Calm down; they'll find us if you don't breath quieter." The boy sucked in a lungfull of air and held it.
Still crouching, I lead him out through the supply door. Then, after wedging loose some plank boards, we were free.
"Do you know where to go from here?" I asked.
He looked confused. "Why did you assist me? Sisst?"
"I don't know." I turned and started to walk away, but looked back. "Hey, are you going to be okay?"
Hesitantly he answered, "I do not know. I need help in finding my way back home." Surprise crossed his face for a moment. "Strange, that I call this place home now." He added, "Nuh-ow. Now."
"What's your name?"
"My name is... Phillip."
"Mine's Chariss."
Phillip and I walked through the streets for a short time. "You said that you didn't know why those guys were chasing you. You wouldn't have run if you didn't have a reason. You wouldn't have looked so scared without a reason."
He didn't look at me. "I cannot tell you."
I think I got the message. "There are some people who have to hide. Others do it by choice. Somehow, I get the idea that you're hiding something that could be very, very dangerous if the wrong people got it."
Phillip stared at me. His mouth hung open slightly, almost like I had guessed the answer to some riddle that he and only he was supposed to know the answer to.
"Yeerk!"
Phillip was crazy. He was lost, obviously scared by something, but he was crazy. Slowly it began to dawn on me as to why he might have been running from those guards.
"Are you okay? In the head I mean." After I got a blank stare, I elaborated. "Are you crazy?"
"I am not insane! Ane," came the indignant reply.
I laughed gently. "Then why do you play with sounds like that?"
"I do not. Dooo not."
Phillip never told me where his home was. He stayed with me for a few days. While he acted sane most of the time, I still thought he was a little touched in the head. Phillip had this strange tendency to disappear about every hour and a half. One day, I actually took the time to clock every time he vanished. It was only for a few moments, and there he would be, shaggy brown hair hanging down from his head while he peeked around a corner. I told him a little about my life, and he a little about his. He was separated from his family. His brother had been killed in a war.
Phillip had became a friend.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to leave. Luh-eave. Eave. I will return. Urn. Eave."
I heard noises. A rustle of jackets and hushed voices. Stealthy footsteps approached us. I heard only a few scattered words.
"...went this way...hurt them for...our territory."
"The...girl is mine...want to...real bad."
I heard enough. I grabbed what meager belongings I had, and then Phillip's arm. He looked at me in alarm.
"No time. We've got to run."
He ran. I wasn't too far behind him. The voices had gotten louder. Closer. I saw a flash of knife.
I motioned for Phillip to follow me into an alley. To the owners of the voices, it was a dead end. For us, it was a way out.
I lifted the loose plank on the fence in the end of the alley, getting splinters in my hands. Shoving Phillip in, I followed. I lead the way to a building that was almost ready to collapse on the spot. No way out if they found us here, but the chance of that happening was very unlikely. We crouched in the shadows. Perfect.
Phillip was starting to get twitchy. He jerked away. "I have got to leave."
"This really is not the time. We have to hide. Those guys are going to show us a whole new level of pain if we don't. If you have to use the bathroom, hold it. If you have to do whatever it is you do when you vanish, wait until they're gone."
He was panicking now. "I have to go. Now."
As he was getting up, I jerked him down beside me hard. I grabbed his chin and forced him to look me in the eye. "If you go out there and they find you, they will kill you. And if they find you, they'll know I won't be that far behind."
"Rob, they went through the fence! I can see a loose plank!"
"Good work!" someone shouted, most likely "Rob." "We need some new hosts, and these guys are the lucky candidates, practically Controllers all ready!"
Phillip went nuts. "We have to move! Now! Now! Before they find us!"
So much for very unlikely in finding us. I silently cursed my arrogance. Never get yourself into a situation you couldn't get out of. On the streets, that was one of the many things which separated the survivors from the stiffs. "We've got to fight."
Something about this was strange, and dug under my skin. Phillip had not seemed really worried until those guys mentioned the word "Controllers." Something about the way Rob said that sent chills down my spine. Whatever he meant, it was something evil, unclean.
"Please do not fear me," he begged.
"What?!"
Suddenly Phillip began to change. Bluish fur sprouted from his arms. Two eyes upon stalks rose out of his head. Phillip fell to the ground, unable to support himself due to the fact that his feet had become hooves. Two legs exploded out of his chest. A tail with a dangerous looking blade/claw grew out of the base of his spine. His mouth disappeared. Blue fur burst out of his skin like weeds in a time lapse film. He stood before me on four hoofed legs, a centaur-esque creature, arms crossed over his chest and head hung down.
I just backed further into the corner. Afraid.
Phillip, though I doubted that was his name, ran to the voices. I heard screams of "Andalite! It's a god damned Andalite!" These screams did not last long.
When he returned, I was still hiding in the corner. I heard a strange voice in my head. I looked around, only to relieze it was Phillip.
< Chariss? Chariss? Where are you? > He sounded worried. I just stayed in the corner, shaking. My friend, my only friend in almost an eternity of time, had mutated into some freakish monster and killed people. I could guess how. The sickle-like blade at the end of his (its?) tail.
He saw me crouching, hiding in the corner, praying that he wouldn't.
I nearly screamed.
< I will not harm you Chariss. You are a friend. >
I finally managed to speak. "Who-- no, what are you? What did you do to those people?"
His eye stalks lowered. < My name is Aximilli-Esgarrouth-Isthill. I am an Andalite. Your people would refer to me as an 'alien.' >
"What did you do to them?" I demanded.
< They will not be heard from again. >
"You killed them."
He said nothing.
He walked over to a shadowy corner. The changes that had occurred earlier reversed themselves. The last thing that I noticed in the shadows as he changed was a single drop of blood falling from his wickedly curving blade, once gray, now red. A few moments later, he sat before me on the ground. "Never tell anyone about this," he murmured sadly. With that, he turned and ran, a dark figure rushing out to meet the coming night.
I wept. Crouched in that corner until dawn, I wept. I didn't know what else to do. This time I didn't feel numb. My stomach churned with a thousand emotions. He was an alien. My friend had transformed into some freak and killed people. They were going to kill us, but when someone that you care about kills someone else, it digs into you.
Phillip, Aximilli-whatever-whatever, had saved my life. I was so glad that it was the punks and not me. I was grateful that I was alive. I was worried about him, even though he was an alien. But most of all, I was afraid.
I hate that, I hate fear. Fear gnaws away at you from the inside, weakening you. Fear devours your soul while you huddle in a corner, wishing, hoping, praying, that something would happen. The end. Freedom. Anything to just to set you free from the fear....
The fear left me when the sun rose. I just felt empty after that. Nothing. Void. I know that sounds stupid, weak. Watch someone mutate before your eyes, someone you thought you knew.See how you like it when all your former boundaries of reality are shattered. Where I come from people don't transform into blue monsters.
I went back to my normal routine of life. Digging through trash cans, familiarizing myself with the backways of Baja. I acted like Phillip never existed. I still had the dreams, the nightmares. But life went on.
Once again I was forced to take sanctuary in the mall again. This time the sights, sounds, and smells didn't appeal to me as they did the last time I had been there. Everything just seemed artificial now. Were there others like Phillip here? Hiding? Changing in the shadows?
Earlier that day I had managed to snag some change. I'm not proud of the fact that sometimes I have to steal, but it's either that or an empty stomach. I returned the wallet and only took twenty bucks. Not enough to start a brand new future, but maybe enough to get a decent meal and new clothes at the Five and Dime.
The Cinnabon, a coffee/donut shop, looked about empty. I walked in and ordered a cup of coffee, black, and a bagel. Sitting down, I looked around at the other people who were in the Cinnabon. A mother and sticky, glazed donut munching child. A sad old man who looked like he needed someone to talk to. Another such as myself, sitting alone in a booth only for two that seemed so large with just one sitting in it. A group of six people about my age walked in.
I choked on my bite of bagel and dropped the rest in my coffee.
Phillip.
With a yelp I grabbed my pack and ran.
"Chariss!"
"Get down you idiot!"
I ran out the Cinnabon. I was too busy looking behind my shoulder to notice the security guard in front of me. I bowled into him, nearly knocking him over. Phillip ran into me, while the group he was with ran into him.
The security guard looked at me with piercing eyes. "What seems to be the problem here, ma'am?"
It was a tense moment. On girl in the group looked like she wanted to kill Phillip. The others just looked tired and weary, almost as though they had gone through something like this almost daily and were getting tired of it. Phillip looked at me with pleading eyes.
I forced myself to walk over and shake his hand. "S-sorry I didn't recognize you, Phillip." I turned towards the guard. "I'm sorry, sir. It was just a slight misunderstanding. Sorry to have bothered you." I tried to slip away from the concerned look of the guard and the querying looks from Phillip's "friends." But most of all, away from Phillip.
Phillip gently gripped my arm, but I flinched as though touched by a branding iron. "Please." His eyes filled with hurt, but I ignored the sudden change in emotion. I didn't need this.
The group started to walk away, half dragging me with them. Out in the parking lot, we "talked." Although not without attracting alot of attention as we walked out, all six of them surrounding me like Secret Service Agents around a witness to the Mafia.
"Could we discuss this some place dry?" A young male whined.
"No, we can't," another snapped. "Who are you?"
I just stood there. Silent. "A question for a question. What are you?"
He stared at me. "My name is Jake. I am a human. What. Is. Your. Name?" He spoke to me as though I were a stupid child.
"I'm not an idiot! Name's Chariss O'Conner. He's not human, and as far as I know, humans don't go mutating into aliens," I said as I motioned toward at Phillip accusingly. He, in turn, looked as though I had slapped him
There was nothing about Phillip that didn't look human. He had the right amount of fingers, and facial features. I looked at the others to see if they held any secrets such as his.
A tall blond dressed in very fashionable clothes stood like a cat ready to pounce. The boy who had whined about the weather was a Hispanic. Jake was about the same height of the blond, but with light brown hair. A short African-American girl dressed in cutoff shorts and an old T-shirt stood nearby. A tall, lanky boy who kept squinting stood off to the side, watching.
Jake turned to Phillip. "Ax, how do you know her? Is she the one that helped you out when you were missing a few days ago?"
"Yes."
Suddenly Squinty walked over to Jake. Obviously, Jake was a leader of some sort. "Jake, we were looking for a seventh? Look she already knows about Ax. And back there, with the security guard, she could have fried us, but she didn't. If Chariss were a Controller, she'd be all over trying to contact her buddies."
I looked nervously for a way out but was blocked by the blond.
"Look, you don't have to be jumping all over the place, it's not like we bite or anything." Almost as an afterthought she added, "Well maybe Marco does, but he's had his rabies shots." She motioned over to the Hispanic.
Marco came over and made an elaborate bow. "Glad to be of service!" he said with a cocky grin.
I looked over to Jake, Phillip, and Squinty, who were in a heated discussion about something. Me, most likely. The small trio broke up and walked over.
"I think it's time to take a long walk, Chariss, a very long walk," Jake sighed.
"...and that is how this whole mess started," Marco concluded.
The story was both long and interesting. Apparently, an alien invasion was taking place on Earth by mind controlling slugs known as Yeerks. One of the only hopes against the Yeerks were the Andalites, Phillip's race. An Andalite prince, Elfangor, crashed on Earth and gave the power to morph to five children. Morphing involved "acquiring" the DNA of an animal. They called themselves the Animorphs. Later, the Animorphs found Phillip at the bottom of the ocean. Incipiently, Phillip was Elfangor's brother.
Now, they were offering this power to me. The power to turn into any animal I chose.
I had calmed down considerably since the mall fiasco. The walk had lead us to a large barn near the woods. I wanted to stay outside with the coming darkness and damp earth.
"My parent's shouldn't be here until midnight, so we can go in and talk," Cassie said. Cassie was the African-American girl. Squinty was really named Tobias, and Rachel was the one with whom I got the impression of a cat, seemingly unalert, but ready to pounce.
The barn, more officially known as the Wildlife Rehabilitation Center, was large and had rows of cages along either side of the walls. Many of these cages held injured or recovering animals.
Phillip demorphed into his true form. I shuddered. Tobias, it turned out, was really a hawk with a human mind. Later, that was explained. Early on, Tobias had been trapped within hawk morph. Staying in morph for more than two hours results in permanent morph. Later, a being known only as the Ellimist, returned his morphing ability and took him back in time so he could acquire himself in human form.
"All right, let me get this straight, you guys found this Andalite cube on the beach that only has one 'charge' left. A cube that could give me the ability to morph, as you put it. You want me to have these morphing powers so I can help fight off the bad guys? Right?"
"Right."
"Right."
"Duh."
< Correct. >
"I'll do it."
My first morph was a panther. Morphing, I found out, was not gradual or logical, but a jumbled, nightmarish mess. Black fur sprouted all over me in a thick, rough coat. A tail grew from the base of my spine, lashing ans twitching as it gained length. My fingernails sharpened and reformed to the dangerous killing claws. Bones shortened, some lengthened. My ears distorted their shapes and moved further up my head.
All the while, I felt absolutely no pain. It was like being pumped up full of novocaine while the dentist is drilling away at the nerves in your teeth. You can feel the drill cutting through your teeth, and know it should hurt, but doesn't.
The mind of the panther was beautiful. It knew no fear. It had the power to stand and fight. It wasn't the arrogant pride that I had anticipated, but rather a cool calm. The panther knew that it could handle itself. Case closed.
I looked around through the panther's eyes. Through my eyes. The cool calm and lack of fear were my cool calm and lack of fear. In every way possible, I was the panther. Movements were as easy and natural as they been were when I was human.
The night air was impossibly alive with sights, scents, and smells. To my human eyes, the night was an inky blackness. To my panther eyes, it was as bright as a full moon on a cloudless night. Sounds and scents never before registered in my human brain poured in by the thousands. It is impossible to describe the life, the energy that I knew was around me. The forest itself was alive.
I was in the forest testing and practising new morphs under the supervision of Tobias and Aximilli. Aximilli was Phillip's real name. I was still a little testy around him. Casting a glance out of the corner of my eye, I noticed him doing the same.
< Chariss, talk to me here, > Tobias said from the tree he was perched in.
I spoke hesitantly in thought-speech. < I'm all right. This is so... I don't know how to describe it. It's like this is my true form, that my humanity was nothing but a dream.... So strange.... I have my human thoughts, memories, and mind, but I'm still the panther. >
< Yeah, well, don't get too comfortable. You might wind up taking permanent residence. Like I did. > Tobias didn't say this bitterly or like he regretted what happened, but like a person might discuss surgery. A bit of nostalgia, but nothing to really worry about. < What other morphs did you get at the Gardens? >
< I acquired a Cooper's hawk, striped dolphin, and a rat. >
< A rat!? Why did you acquire a rat? >
< Have you ever tried to kill one of those things, let alone deinfest a house full of them? >
< Chariss, I eat those things. >
Earlier that day, I had gone to the Gardens with Cassie. Because her mother worked there, Cassie got in free. I had to pay, but didn't mind that much. The Gardens had been full of animals and many interesting rides. The hawk, panther, and striped dolphin had been somewhat easy to acquire. All three were tame and part of the petting zoo. The rat I acquired later in the barn, and then only because it had been captured in a trap.
< I'll see you guys later, I promised to help Rachel with her report on birds of prey. That shouldn't be too hard, considering that I am one. > Tobias flew off into the night, leaving me behind with Aximilli.
I demorphed. It was impossible to morph with loose clothing on, but I had managed to incorporate a tight, black swimsuit into my human form. Stolen, of course. I pulled on my shorts and an old army jacket of my dad's. That jacket was one of the few possessions I had. A compass, an old tattered copy of an animal encyclopedia, blade that I carried for defense, and the worn out pack they were in were my only other possessions. I pulled on my boots and turned to leave.
< Where are you going? > Aximilli inquired.
"Back to Baja," I replied without even looking back.
< Why are you frightened of me? >
"Why shouldn't I be?" I shot back. "You didn't tell me. You didn't trust me."
< When I returned to my original form, you were terrified. Had I entrusted you with that knowledge earlier your reaction may have considerably worse, > he countered.
I glared at him. Not an easy thing to do when he was glaring right back with all four eyes. I just wanted to turn it all back. I didn't want to face that we were being invaded by soul less creatures from another planet and our only hope lie in the Animorphs, me, and creatures such as Aximilli. I also didn't want to face that one of my only friends had been lying to me all along.
"You killed those people, didn't you?"
< This is a war. One must do what they can to survive. Sometimes in this survival, one must make sacrifices. What someone once believed was right and wrong. Or, someone's life. >
"That doesn't change anything."
< They would have killed us both in cold blood. You said so yourself. >
"I'm going back to Baja; that simple."
Aximilli just stood there. < You aided me at a time when others would have forced me away. You became a friend, in spite of the fact that you did not know me and considered me 'crazy.' Again, you helped, and at a time when you had no way of knowing if you could trust me or not. For that, I thank you. >
He looked me directly in the eye. That's when I noticed something. Even though he had changed form and his eyes were now a shocking green instead of brown, he was still the same. Aximilli was still the same person I had befriended. Still the same person who risked discovery and himself to protect me. And I was the one who hated and feared him because of that.
A tear slipped down my cheek. "Forgive me," I whispered. "Forgive me." Nothing more needed to be said.
The first mission was one that I wish I couldn't remember. Apparently the Yeerks had discovered another area nearby where they could build another Yeerk pool. Our job was to infiltrate the new pool and find a way to destroy it. A new Yeerk pool would provide a new source of Controllers. Because it was still under construction, we had a chance to destroy it before it became to much too handle.
Splitting up into three groups, we continued on to our individual parts of the mission. Rachel and Tobias were to use their Hork-Bajir morphs to infiltrate the area. Marco was staying behind as backup. Jake and Cassie, using cockroach morph, were scouting the area. It was left to Aximilli and me to hack into the computers.
Morphing flies, we set off. Little was said on the way to the main building where the computers were housed. Morphing a fly was incredible; it made the hawk I morphed earlier look like it was still on the ground. No roller coaster could ever have compared to the thrill ride I was having at the time.
< I believe we have arrived at our destination, > Aximilli said.
It was hard to tell through the strange, distorted eyes of the fly. He demorphed. So did I, but I quickly remorphed into the panther. After a curious look, I answered, "I know nothing about hacking into computers. The most I can do is stay near the entrance and keep watch. >
< What does it mean to 'hack?' >
< It means to infiltrate the computer's software, and to get past any protective programming it may have to obtain the needed information. >
Aximilli quickly set out on the keyboard, fingers flying over the keys. Odd symbols appeared on the screen. It seemed as though he could read them. I turned my attention to the doors below on the ground floor. Two men approached, but left after a brief moment.
< I'm going down there. I'll warn you should anything happen. >
< Understood, > Aximilli replied in a distracted manner.
< Did you find anything? >
< Nothing that would be able to aid us, I'm afraid. >
Suddenly, I saw the same two men return running. My sensitive ears picked up what they were saying as clearly as though they were right beside me.
"The computers--"
"I know! I know! We have to get there before anything else is screwed up! The Visser will have our heads!"
< Aximilli! We have to go! Two guards are heading this way! >
< Hold them at bay as long as possible; I believe I may have found something useful. >
I attacked. Before they could scream, I dropped out of the shadow and struck. My claws raked through their flesh. Soon, they stopped struggling. They lay there, limp, unmoving. Others came. Others fell. Their Dracon beams could not stop me. I jumped and leapt out of their reach.
A gorilla came thumping in. Marco. < Monkey-boy, awwaaaay! >
A full attack was on. Hork-Bajir and Taxxons gathered near, roaring and yelling in a strange language. Marco punched one of the Hork-Bajir and it went down. Hard. I felt a slash along my flank. Growling in pain, I struck, leaving four deep trails of blood in one man's face.
My mind receded into the battle, a murky pool of chaos and screams. It wasn't the morph, but my own human savagery. Something that we've all seen at times, blind hatred surfacing, translating itself into physical violence. A bizarre, deadly desire to harm another living being rather than face the growing rage and madness within.
The battle continued on. My sanity was beginning to resurface. I saw them. I saw those who were shooting at me, injuring me. I saw those whom I had killed. Some faces I recognized, some I didn't. My blood sang for the kill, human savagery combining with the panther's potential to kill.
I fell into the darkness of my own soul.
Things after that blurred. The next thing I remembered was being carried by Marco, who was still in gorilla morph, to safety. Somehow I had morphed back to a human during the battle. We had succeeded in sabotaging the new Yeerk pool. The others didn't talk about what happened. I got the feeling that they, too, had terrible memories of the battle and area where it took place.
I went out to the forest, to talk to Tobias and Aximilli.
"So, what happened with you guys?"
Such a pointless and casual question. "So, what happened with you guys?" Like asking about the weather or a hockey game. A cold, impersonal, heartless question. Forget the question or talking. I walked through the woods, thinking about something of my own. Why had I killed those people? Why was it so hard for me to forget the look in their eyes?
I leaned against the trunk of a tree; the harsh, rough bark was a painful anchor to reality. Tears fell freely down my cheeks, each one a physical manifestation of the silent screams welling within my soul.
< Chariss, is that you? >
"Who else would it be, Aximilli?"
Aximilli knelt down on the ground next to me. < A valid point, my friend. >
I looked up from my tears. "What did I do out there? I can't remember, but it's still-- I mean..."
< I understand. >
"Please, I have to know."
< You fought them. There were three Hork-Bajir. Ten humans fell under your claws and never rose. You fought with a blind hatred, not seeing them. > He paused before continuing. < Later, you ran. You ran from the battle, from the Yeerk pool. We found you a short distance from it, returned to your original form. >
"Thank you." I tried to hold back the fresh tears that threatened to pour from my eyes but failed. "I never really saw any of them. One of them could have been my own mother." I didn't really know my mother that well; she and dad had split up when I was much younger. She would come to my birthday party, and at Christmas, but later, she stopped coming as often. Then, after a while, she stopped coming altogether. "Why did I do that? Why did I kill them?"
< You fought to survive. >
"There's a difference in killing to survive, and killing in cold blood," I murmured. "I could have let them live. I could have knocked them out, or something. Couldn't I? You said that in war, one had to make sacrifices. Did I sacrifice my own soul?"
< I do not know Chariss. I thought that all species were either good or evil once. My species was good, the Yeerks, evil. Then, one of my people, another Andalite, sold himself out to the Yeerks. For a long time I could not accept that. I could not accept that one of my own people had become an ally with the Yeerks. Later on, I did. I had to accept that no species is perfectly good or evil. Just as you will have to accept your own capacity for evil, as well as good. >
"This is supposed to make me feel better?" I said with a cold laugh.
< That was sarcasm? >
"Yes, Aximilli, that was sarcasm."
< Ahh. >
"Tell me about him. About the Andalite." And he did. We talked far into the night.
Aximilli had become a friend.
When I awoke the next morning, I was alone. I stretched and walked around. Though my soul still screamed with the memories of those who died, I felt I could face the morn and not be ashamed.
I found my boots and jacket. I slung my pack over my shoulder and headed towards Baja. I looked out towards the field and saw Aximilli running. He trotted over.
< Where are you going? > he asked.
"I'm going back to Baja. Back where I belong." I looked at the ground guiltily. "I don't belong here. My home's on the streets of Baja."
Little had changed since I had left. The world still revolved around the sun. People still walked the streets, some free, some infested. It took me a while to realize that I was the one who had changed. The battle had taken something in me and killed it. What it left....
It was forbidden, by courtesy of our leader, Jake, to morph whenever not necessary. I still felt better knowing that if I had to, I could morph the panther and fight my way out. I was no longer prey. But I wasn't going to be a predator. One of the main reasons I returned to Baja was to have time to think. So much had happened in so little a time. So much had happened that would forever change my life. So I roamed the streets, morphing when needed to reach shelter or obtain food.
I wish I could describe the beauty of being atop a tall building and looking out into Baja. Of looking out and seeing the city shining like a sea of stars. Of looking down and seeing the other people of Baja, asleep and safe from the harsh reality.
The Animorphs said that when they morphed, they experienced two clearly different minds; their own, and the instincts of the morph. With me, there was no distinction. My mind was one with the panther's. It came to the point were the morph almost was addictive. One time I stayed in morph for one hour and fifty-five minutes, according to a watch I saw. After that, I was much more cautious.
It was not long after that I discovered something about myself and the panther morph. Morphing the panther was becoming easier and easier. Too easy. I would peek around a corner to see if the coast was clear and already the morphing would begin. It became a reflex. Whenever I felt afraid or threatened, I could feel the changes beginning. Morphing was supposed to take two to three minutes. It only took me one.
I never mentioned this to Aximilli or the others. We had all become friends. Good friends, but not... I don't know how to explain this. We were friends, but lacked the closeness the group had on its own. I was accepted and befriended, but I did not feel that closeness.
Still, I learned many things about them. Rachel, though she seemed the ever eager warrior, had fears and doubts of her own. Cassie and Jake were very close. They thought it was a big secret, but we just humored them. Marco was annoying, but held unusual and often useful insights to things that most people would overlook. Tobias and Aximilli were shorms, an Andalite word meaning "tailblade." Shorms were the Andalite equivalent of blood brothers. I felt I could never be that close to them or anyone else like that. It was something that I often regretted.
I and the Animorphs, with the exception of Rachel went on a second mission to investigate the remains of the second Yeerk pool. If they had rebuilt or repaired since our last mission, now would be the time to act.
"Look, guys, I can skip the gymnastics meet. You don't have to go without me."
"Look, Rachel, we can take care of ourselves, okay? It'll be hard, but I think we might be able to manage without ol' mother Xena hovering over us like a demented psycho warrior hen."
"Marco, you don't need 'ol' mother Xena' to look after you; you need twenty-four hour a day, seven days a week supervalience from the nuthouse."
"Oh yeah! Well you need--"
Jake held up his hand. "Children, please. We've been through this before. We stick to regular activities. If we suddenly drop everything, people are going to be suspicious."
"All Marco has to do to make people suspicious is to act normal. Then people are really going to know that he's up to something," Rachel quipped.
Tobias fluttered in the rafters and said, < From the way they go at each other's throats, you'd think they were nuts about each other. >
Cassie laughed. Rachel and Marco both just stared at them like they were starving cats and Cassie and Tobias were fat mice. I knew that if they said anymore they would be in big trouble, but they continued.
"Yeah, they must like each other. They're just so weirded out by it that they pretend to hate each other," Cassie snickered.
Sighing, I heard Jake mutter, "Sometimes I don't even know why I try."
By the time the meeting was over, we had more or less prepared for the second mission. Again we split up into smaller groups, this time I was going with Cassie and Tobias. We were to be backup.
< I still don't understand why we have to be backup, > Tobias said in that silent voice of his.
"Because it's our turn, Tobias. Last time you were in all the action and Marco had to stay behind." Tobias grumbled, but said nothing. It was Cassie's natural ability to be a peace maker. It was just something that she did, without making anyone else feel dumb or useless and without making herself look like an idiot. "I'm not sure I really mind being backup."
< Traitor! > Tobias retorted only half-jokingly.
Cassie and Tobias were each in their original forms. I had opted to morph into the panther, ready in case anything happened.
< Do you think that Rachel and Marco really like each other? > Tobias asked.
Cassie replied with, "Either that, or they really drive each other crazy."
< They drive us allcrazy, in case you haven't noticed, Cassie. >
Cassie just shook her head. All the while I had remained silent, waiting for something to happen. Then, it did.
< Guys, we need you! Jake's surrounded out here! > It was Marco, very far away.
I ran out into the night, towards the pool. Despite the fact I was running toward great danger, I still noticed the dark beauty around me. The trees tore past, the ground a blur. The moon was bright overhead, casting strange shadows upon my midnight black hide that twisted and contorted for the briefest of moments.
Tobias took off after me. < Chariss! Wait! >
I stopped for a moment, my sides heaving. I saw Cassie morph into a wolf and come loping towards me. We flew together through the night. Cassie and I upon the ground, Tobias in the air.
A battle was growing by the time we arrived. Hesitating, I leapt into action. This time, I did not kill. I dove in and out of the paths of the Dracon beams, getting hit only once. The beam tore across my left flank, leaving a path of burning pain. Cassie ran to aid Jake, but by then it was hardly necessary.
Jake was in tiger morph, an animal both stronger and faster than the panther or wolf. The battle that followed was nothing like the last. Then the Yeerks had expected the "Andalite bandits," at least to the extent that extra security was placed on the computers. Thinking we were Andalites, they did not expect another attack so soon. 'Unhonorable,' I suppose. We held the element of surprise.
I realized with a start that my two hour limit was almost up, due to the long wait. I ran to the shadows and demorphed. Before I could remorph, a fallen Hork-Bajir shoved me out of the way, thinking I was another Controller blocking its path. I fell into the Yeerk pool.
A small pool had been installed. The brackish grey water frothed and writhed with the disgusting demons that swam within its waters. Only I couldn't see all this. Not yet. The water was thick and warm in a disgusting way. Like the warmth of someone's breath. Or someone's blood. I tried to swim to the surface, but was bogged down. I could feel the Yeerks swimming past me. It was like being in a real pool with fish.
I heard someone's thought-speech. < Chariss, were are you? Lazying out on us? Any time you want to jump in will just be fine! > Marco most likely.
A felt a burning pain in my head, and all went black.
I wasn't carried from battle this time. I just sprawled ungracefully on the 'shores' of the Yeerk pool. I could hear distant rumblings of what had to be wounded Hork-Bajir, most likely abandoned until the survivors could be sure of safety.
I tried to move my head but couldn't. I just laid there for an immeasurable amount of time, my head drumming, sight swimming in and out of focus. My thought turned to the battle. Had the Animorphs won, or just driven away?
Again, as it had with "Phillip" and the human Controllers in the alley, something plagued me. Why would the Yeerks build a new Yeerk pool above ground? Why where we might be sure to find it? Why with so little protection? A trap?
< A trap indeed, pretty little host. A trap indeed. > A sourceless voice echoed through my head.
A Yeerk.
I was a Controller.
< Oh, you are a smart host aren't you? A very bright one. Too bright for your good and the good of your 'friends.' > The Yeerk twisted and distorted that word until it sounded like only a cruel parody.
Suddenly, my eyes focused. I got up and walked. Only I wasn't the one controlling the movements. The Yeerk was. I tried to fight. I tried to move my eyes, my arms, or even just to scream. To no avail. I was trapped in every horrible, unimaginable way.
I tried to wrap my thoughts up, to bundle them. The Yeerk must not discover them.
< Oh, but I have, little host, little Chariss. I will find them. I already know where Cassie lives. And Tobias. And the Andalite. Oh, this is interesting. Very interesting. You think they are your friends, don't you? You think you can trust them? >
< Leave them alone, you son of a bitch! > I screamed in my own silent scream from some far corner of my brain.
< If they were your friends, they would be here, wouldn't they? At least one. At least one, > the foul creature crooned in a smooth, vicious tone.
All they while, the Yeerk had walked further into the forest in my body. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to scream. I felt sick. All because of this horror within my very self. It was like some terrible gaping, pus filled wound in my head. I wanted to scratch it out, dig it out, burn it out, ANYTHING TO GET IT OUT OF ME!!
< Why don't you report to your gracious leader, Visser Three, oh mighty Yeerk! > I retorted.
< I love it when they fight back, > the Yeerk whispered in a cruel tone. < Visser Three shall not know of the others, because he would feel 'threatened' by the presence of another morph-capable being. No, I shall wait. I shall discover them. And one by one, I shall kill them. >
And I knew. I knew that this foul beast would not rest until it had hunted down and killed every one of them. Tobias. Rachel. Jake. Marco. Cassie. Aximilli. Dear stars, no.
< So you see and accept. Disappointing. I had hoped to break you. > The Yeerk knew, if it truly knew where Cassie lived, then it knew that I would never bend under its rule. < So you think you can fight me? > it sneered in the silent thought-speech only I could hear. < Remember how you fought the Hork-Bajir and humans on your first mission? > Crooning in a foul, hideous voice. < Remember... >
< NOOOOO!!!! >
Again I saw the battle. Again I felt my claws rip through them. Again I felt the searing pain of Dracon beams and talons raking against my hide. Again I saw the death. Only this time it was different. This time I could see and hear and smell and feel it all around me. I could not sink into the darkness that soothed the impending madness the first time. And I knew, I knew every time I tried to rise against it, the Yeerk would send me back there, back to the memories, vividly and painfully aware. Aware of everything.
No tears ran down my face, no whispers for mercy left my lips, no pleas for salvation were uttered. Only my own silent screams echoing unheard throughout the night.
I slept, I don't know how it was possible, or for how long, but I slept. And I dreamed.
I am a young girl once again. I call out to my father, but he isn't there. I had been asleep in my bed, but a monster had woken me up. The monster comes out of the shadows. It is my mother. Suddenly, she morphs into a panther. My mother wails and cries, "Why did you kill me? Why did you kill me?" over and over.
"I didn't mean to," I whisper. Just as suddenly as my mother appeared, she vanishes, leaving behind only a memory.
Abruptly, I appear in the same meadow where I had rediscovered that Aximilli was still my friend, regardless of form or species.
< Where are you going? >
"Back to Baja."
< Why are you frightened of me? >
"You killed those people, didn't you?"
< This is a war. One does what they must to survive. >
"That doesn't change anything."
< You became a friend...For that I thank you. >
"Forgive me."
I awoke. Only to my imprisonment. Only to the Yeerk. < Amusing, your species. Pathetic, weak, but amusing to play with. Amusing to torture. > The Yeerk all but wallowed in its triumph. I just remained quiet, powerless to do anything but watch.
< Why do you do this? > I pleaded.
< Why not? Why fight us? We offer a salvation. From your woebegotten lives. From the lies that you feed yourselves and actually believe. From your own humanity. Why not just lie back, why not just sleep? Sink into the oblivion of your own soul. Why fight something you cannot even hope to defeat? >
I simply said nothing. All that I said, thought, or felt, that monster would know.
I don't know how far we traveled, or for how long. Looking through my own eyes was strange. I could not control were they looked, or at what. The Yeerk did not morph, did not change into something that could travel faster. I knew why. It wanted to break me. It wanted to be sure that when really mattered, I would offer no resistance.
It was long before we reached the meadow where Aximilli and Tobias would often meet. They were there, both of them, Aximilli and Tobias. I longed to reach out of my prison of flesh and mind and warn them, but couldn't. So I watched. I waited.
It was Tobias who spoke first. < Chariss! Where have you been?! > He fluttered over and perched in a nearby tree.
"I was trapped at the pool," the Yeerk replied through my voice.
Aximilli was looking at me with suspicious eyes. < How did you escape? >
"I couldn't get out without being noticed; that's all." Inside, the Yeerk was seething. Inside, it spat out < Andalite! > with the same vehement tone Aximilli used when he said Yeerk. < Hold on to your suspicions, vermin. You shall be the first! >
I screamed. With every fiber I could muster, I attacked the Yeerk. < You will not hurt him! I won't let you! >
I twitched. That small, incremental victory caught their attention. I couldn't move, couldn't speak, but I got their attention. The Yeerk quickly summoned up visions of the first battle. I struggled to rise from that hell and failed.
< Chariss, you okay? > Tobias asked.
"No," the Yeerk replied. "I'm still shaky from last night." Aximilli still stared at me, but said nothing.
I was afraid. Again the fear gnawed at my gut, tore at my heart. The Yeerk, too, felt this fear. Not as much or as strongly, but it felt fear. That fear was enough to give me strength. I rose against the Yeerk again. Again, I gained a response. Aximilli placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.
But this time the Yeerk wasn't prepared. The battle flashed before me again, but not before the Yeerk said the fatal words that branded it for what it was.
"Don't touch me, Andalite freak!" the Yeerk screamed. Not a threatening whisper of things to come, but a scream. Aximilli's touch was like a Dracon beam cutting through it.
< Yeerk! >
The tailblade meet with my throat faster than I could blink.
"Your death," the Yeerk hissed in a twisted version of my voice.
Tobias flew off. < Okaaaay, that blows any doubts in my mind; Ax-man, I'm going after the others. I'll be back as soon as possible. >
The Yeerk knew that it had been discovered. It also knew that I could morph faster than Aximilli. The morph began almost instantly. Aximilli stepped back, startled. As soon as the claws were there it struke through me. The Yeerk snarled through my panther morph and swiped viciously at Aximilli's face. His tailblade flashed. The paw quickly hit the ground.
The Yeerk quickly morphed back. " 'This is a war. One does what they can to survive. Sometimes in this survival one must make sacrifices. What someone once believed was right and wrong. Or, someone's life.' " The Yeerk paused. "Those are your words, Andalite. Do you wish to make this sacrifice? Do you wish to sacrifice her life?"
Aximilli's tailblade quivered slightly. < I shall make what sacrifices I must Yeerk, > he said quietly.
The others arrived soon after. Aximilli kept that tailblade to my throat. Never wavering, never ceasing to keep the Yeerk at bay. Tobias only managed to find Marco and Cassie. Jake and Rachel weren't close enough to risk searching for.
"So you are telling me she's a Controller. Great! This is just great." Marco stared me in the eye. "I bet you planned this just to mess around with my hectic schedule."
"Marco, this is serious. Chariss, if you can hear me in there, you will be free."
"I doubt that, human. This host suits me fine."
Cassie stiffened. "We deinfested Jake about one year ago. He had more morphs, and Ax had to morph him. Ax who goes crazy around food. Ax plays with sounds. We pulled it off. We can do it again."
"True enough, but you didn't deal with this host or this Yeerk. If I have to, I can abandon her and contact the others. But I won't do that. Because I won't have to."
Marco stepped in. "Listen, ladies, if you don't mind, I have homework. Let's get Chariss deinfested so I can study for that killer exam we're having tomorrow. Ax, if you will, keep the blade at her throat. Tobias, look and see if we can use the same shed we did last time. Cassie, help me hold our friend here until Tobias gets back."
The past three months on the streets had conditioned my body. I was lean and thin, but very strong and fast. The Yeerk knew how to use advantages when it saw them. While Cassie and Marco watched Tobias fly off, the Yeerk dropped and kicked at Aximilli's legs. The Andalite went down, temporarily. Marco, who still had a hold on my shoulder, received an elbow to the gut.
I ran. I could feel the lungs I no longer controlled heaving in and out, but could not stop them. Aximilli had gotten up and was after me. I morphed. The panther dove in and out of the trees, not faster than Aximilli, but fast enough to use the head start. The Yeerk leapt up a tree. Leaping from branch to branch, dropping to the ground only when necessary, we evaded our pursuers.
All the while, I could do nothing. I watched as the foul creature used my morph to escape. I watched, as I injured two friends and could do nothing about it. That was all I could do. When Aximilli had lost the trail, the Yeerk trailed back, listening.
Marco was still having difficulty breathing. "What just happened here?"
< I pursued her, but lost the trail. > Aximilli's head was hung low. < I have failed. I could have-- >
"Ax, don't beat yourself up about it," Cassie replied. "Chariss doesn't know where any of the others live, just me, Tobias, and you. I don't think she knows our full names, either."
"This is great! Just great! From now on, I will not open my window to that fleabag of a bird." He paused. "Chariss's gonna turn us in, isn't she? She knows enough to do us in major league." He continued. "What are we going to do if we find her? Take her in, make her surrender, or will we have to ki--"
< It will not come to that! > Aximilli snapped.
"Okay, man, I get the point. One of us waits for Tobias to show up, the other two go after Rachel and Jake, and we decide what to do."
All the while, we lay among the branches of a nearby tree. The conversation was easy to hear because of the panther's acute sense of hearing. No, the Yeerk would not 'turn them in' as Marco had put it. It would hunt them, as others before it hunted their enemies and others to follow.
< And what a glorious hunt it shall be... >
The Yeerk did not hunt unprepared. A weapon was obtained from the original Yeerk pool. A dangerous weapon, even to the most dangerous morphs.
< Why are you doing this? > I begged to the cruel Yeerk.
< Because if I turn them to the Empire, others such as myself would be created. I cannot have that. As soon as I destroy them, I shall destroy Visser Three. And you shall be there, precious Chariss. It will be your claws that rip through them. Your face will be the last they see, Chariss. Your face. Not mine. >
At night, when the Yeerk slept, so did I. We would dream. Dreams not unlike the first one. Always strange, twisted, distorted Some dreams would be that of the Yeerk's, controlling me even in my dreams. Others would be peaceful, of running in a strange city that resembled both Baja and the forest, merged into one. I would be running with someone, always out of my sight. But always there. Someone I could trust and be trusted by. But these dreams always ended with the Yeerk. No matter where I was within them. I was always found.
The hunt began with Aximilli.
The Yeerk's action was a bold one. It simply strode right out to the field where Aximilli had been feeding. It just stood there, in my body. He stopped and approached me carefully. Tailblade meet throat.
< What do you want, Yeerk? >
The Yeerk just laughed. "Do you think I am here to bargain for my life or to surrender? You are wrong. Do you know what this is?" The Yeerk pulled out a small, golden sphere from my pocket. "This is a small version of the Gleet BioFilter. This can destroy all organic or living material within a ten foot radius."
< You will destroy yourself as well, Yeerk. The BioFilter you possess is too small to screen out both you and your host. > "Your host" was said in a strained voice I could barely hear.
"Of course, if you're fast enough, you can kill me before I activate it. It's a gamble Aximilli-Esgarrouth-Isthill. A deadly gamble. Me and the host, or all three of us." He just stood there, not responding. The Yeerk continued. "I do not care if I die with you. The short satisfaction of knowing that the last Andalite who carries the same bloodline of Beast Elfangor will perish with me is more than enough, no matter what the cost."
< You will not anger me into striking, Yeerk. That will be of my own choosing; not your's, > Aximilli finally said. < And I am not the last of my family. I know within my hearts that what you say is not true. My mother and father live. >
"You do not know that, Andalite filth. You have not been within the Yeerk pools. You have not seen the latest reports of the invasion. You have not been on the Andalite homeworld for almost two years. I have, Andalite. I have."
< For the last time, Yeerk, what do you want? > Aximilli asked again.
"There is something you have forgotten; technology has advanced much in the past year. This BioFilter will allow me to leave here unscathed. You, however, won't even be allowed the dignity of becoming ashes." The Yeerk began to activate the miniature BioFilter with my hand. Then stopped.
I did not know it was possible. I was rebelling. < I do not care how many times you force me to re-live that, you will not kill my friends. You will not kill Aximilli! > I fought back without really knowing how I was doing it. The Yeerk tried to retaliate by forcing me back into the nightmare.
Aximilli used the diversion to grab the BioFilter. The Yeerk just stood there. < You no longer hold the advantage, Yeerk. Any Dracon beam you may have hidden will no longer be of use. I now hold an extra option. >
My small rebellion had been cut short. While Aximilli had snatched the BioFilter, the Yeerk had forced me back into the battle. Only this time it was much worse. Those that I struck down became my father and my friends. They all whispered silently, "Why Chariss? Why did you kill us? Why?" This was real. All memories of the battle had been intensified and distorted to fit the Yeerks needs.
I did not know what was happening, save the replayed memories of the battle. That was my world now, whole and complete. < This is not real, it can't be! None of this happened there! None of this happened! > I screamed to myself in the thought-speech of the panther morph. It did not help. The battle raged on for what might have been hours.
My mind contorted into a kaleidoscope of images. I saw the world through the eyes of a Hork-Bajir, one who had volunteered to become Controller to save its family, only to have been the one to destroy them. The memories of strange creatures floated through my mind. Others were of an alien ocean world with yellow frog-like creatures. I saw a small, furry rodent which the Yeerk had enslaved. Incredibly intelligent with a deadly venom that was perfect as a host. Hork-Bajir forcing several Andalites down into an unidentifiable Yeerk pool. All these and more kept pilling in my mind.
This was not torture designed by the Yeerk. This was madness. Pure, unadulterated madness. Suddenly, I was aware of a sharp pain racking my body. My eyes were opened and a bright light blinded me. The pain was everywhere in my body. Every joint, bone, tissue, tendon felt the same pain. Then, it was gone.
My head was pounding like a drum, but the pain was over. I felt someone pull me up to my feet. I fell. The Yeerk made no move to stop the fall or brace for it, it just let me fall. I blacked out.
When I came to, I was aware of laying upon a hard floor. The air around me was musty and stale. A groan escaped me.
"Hey Tobias! She's up!" It was Rachel. I heard her walk over to me. I was lifted up roughly by the shoulder and again hoisted to my feet. "Chariss, you in there? Talk to us. Chariss, you're free."
I tried to move, to speak. It was difficult, but I could move. Of my own free will, I could move. The Yeerk no longer dwelled within my head.
I opened my eyes, only to find that I couldn't see. Everything was a shadow with no depth, just a murky field of white. "I can't see," I whispered.
"Don't worry; that thing is out of you now," Rachel said, still holding me up.
"No," I said laughing. "I can't see." I hugged her tightly in my happiness. "Don't you get it? I can't see!" I laughed. My laugh. I leaned against the walls of whatever place we were in and laughed. It was a weak, breathless laugh, but it was my laugh.
< Okaaay, this seals it. She's a wacko. > It was hard to identify where Tobias was, but I could sense the relief in his voice.
"No, you don't get it. I can't see. Not 'the host' can't see, but I can't see."
Rachel than said, "Look, morphing would heal that, but I'm not sure you're in the best of shape at the moment."
"I'm fine. Trust me, I'm fine." I morphed into the panther. Once again, I could control where I looked. I could look towards the claws growing where finger nails had been. I could feel the tail growing. I could feel and see what was happening to me. The panther's eyes, my eye's, appeared and healed. When the transformation was complete, I demorphed.
I slumped against the wall again. "Don't worry," I murmured before sleep claimed me. "Don't worry." I fell into the first peaceful sleep in what seemed to me ages. Into a peaceful dreamless sleep of my own with a smile on my face.
I was free.
"How did you guys free me?"
We were all in Cassie's barn, talking. Aximilli and Tobias were in human morph. Marco, as usual, was sprawled ungracefully on the bails of straw and hay. Jake was trying to get the 'meeting' to order, and failing, as usual. Cassie and Rachel were helping an animal that had been injured.
"I modified the Gleet BioFilter to screen out the Yeerk. It was fairly easy, once I had the BioFilter was hooked up to a computer," Aximilli replied.
Marco stared at him a moment and whispered to Jake, "He's not playing with sounds anymore. Weird!"
Almost as if to contradict him, "Puter, er. Com, pu-ter. Er."
Marco just flung his head back and groaned.
Meanwhile, Jake had been trying to get Tobias and Rachel from arguing about some washed out band called Hanson. I walked over. "Jake, you don't have to worry. The Yeerk didn't tell anyone about you guys. It wanted to play it solo." I paused, breathing raggedly, "It wanted to hunt you."
Jake placed a hand on my shoulder. "That's over now. You're free. It's hard to believe for a few days, and memories of what you did or almost did haunt you, but it's over and you're free."
I hesitated before continuing. "It's not just that... It's memories of the past hosts, of the Yeerk itself, they, well they're apart of me now. Always will be, I guess. Did they leave you?"
"No." Jake managed a weak smile before turning to Cassie.
It wasn't long before the meeting split up and everyone went home in little groups. Rachel went home on her own. Marco had to make up the same report Rachel had worked on almost two weeks ago and needed Tobias' help. Jake had been invited to join Cassie and her family for dinner.
During the confusion of everyone leaving, I slipped out. I ran. Not from anyone, or in fear; I ran just for the sheer joy of it. Because I could and because I was free. The night was clear with a million stars out. Animals were going to sleep; some were awakening. I didn't morph into the panther; I wanted to enjoy this as a human. The grass was slick and I fell a few times, but I always got up and continued. I don't know how long it was before I realized Aximilli was running with me. Nothing was said. We just ran.
Soon, I had to slow down and rest, lungs heaving in and out to get fresh air. Looking around and thinking, I couldn't help but wonder about something. "Aximilli, what happened?"
< I do not understand your question. >
I walked around and leaned against a tree that looked like it had smoother bark than any of the others. "I mean, what happened to me just before-- Well, just before I blacked out or whatever it was."
< Ahh. I was distracted when you stumbled. I do not know if the fall was intentional, but the Yeerk used that opportunity and shot me in the shoulder with a hidden Dracon beam, which was later destroyed. I then proceeded to knock you unconscious. Tobias came and assisted me in transporting you near the shack you woke up in. He and Rachel watched you while I reprogrammed the Gleet BioFilter to screen out the Yeerk using a laptop. The entire process took about two hours, during which the Yeerk went insane. >
"Thanks. Look, are you okay? From the Dracon beam, I mean."
< Yes, why? >
"I, um, I'm sorry about whatever happened back there."
< That was not your fault. >
I got up and started to head towards Baja, but stopped. I walked over to Aximilli and hugged him. "Thanks. Thanks for helping me get free." I walked a way, but not before noticing one of those strange Andalite smiles.
My dreams the next few nights were those of the memories of the Yeerk. Terrible memories. But I learned from those memories. I learned of entrances to the original Yeerk pool, of events happening in far corners of the galaxy, and of new parts of the invasion.
There was something else I had learned from the Yeerk. Something I couldn't bear to tell Aximilli. The Yeerk had been telling the truth when it said that the invasion had reached the homeworld of the Andalites.
I got the impression that one of the main things that helped Aximilli have hope in the future was the fact that his people were free. That his people, though they may never be able to return him home, would be able to fight the Yeerks no matter what. That was just one of the hopes he held.
I couldn't tell him that his own people were being enslaved. No other morph-capable Andalites, but Andalites nonetheless. If the Animorphs knew of this, there hopes would also be shattered. I didn't want to be the one to look them in the face and tell them that all their efforts may have been in vain; that all they did was delay the inevitable.
The Yeerk that infested me was not the only hunter of the Yeerks. Many were starting to doubt Visser Three, some even to form their own rouge groups. Hunters. Hunters that cared just as much about the conquering as they did the conquest.
I still harbored one shred of hope that we might win, that we might at least be able to pave the way for others to learn of the invasion, for others to lay the foundation that might save those conquered by the Yeerks. And as long as I held that hope, that terrifying secret would burn inside of me, never to be told.
I did tell the others of new entrances and of how far the invasion had spread through Baja. Even Marco was grim when I spoke of this.
< This is not good. >
"We're being invaded by mind controlling slugs from another planet, our only hope to stop them is by becoming bugs and cute bunnies, and the guy who is stuck eating mousie buggers for the rest of his life suggests this is not good. You might have a point."
< Shut up Marco! >
I have always looked to the stars for guidance and protection. Now when I gazed upon the celestial beauty above, I could think only of how the scourge of the Yeerks came from that same source. I could only think of how cold and lifeless that beauty is now.
Looking up at those same stars, I shivered. The nights had been growing imcreasingly cold. Snow very rarely fell in Baja, but it wasn't an abnormal occurrence for the winter.
Cassie had called an emergency meeting. Her parents were working late at the Gardens, so the meeting could take place in the barn without fear of discovery. The others arrived in bird morph. I took to the backstreets and alleys, following Tobias, who contacted me.
Cassie was pacing around the barn nervously. The others were sitting in chairs brought from the house. Marco and one boy were sitting on a bale of hay and talking. A boy I had seen in the Yeerk pool.
Running up to him, I drew my blade and pressed it against his throat. The others stared at me. The boy just looked up at me, confused.
"Controller!"
Jake ran over and pulled my arm from his throat. "Erek, this is Chariss. Chariss, this is Erek the Chee. A friend."
"Jake this guy is no friend! I saw him down in the Yeerk pool; he's a Controller!"
"Chariss, Erek is not a Controller. He's an android built by the Pemalites. The Pemalites died thousands of years ago. He pretends to be a Controller and a human by using holograms. Trust me, he's with us."
The others by that time had more or less relaxed. I sat down not that far from Erek, to watch him.
"Those are good instincts. Dangerous, but good," Erek said, speaking to me for the first time.
"Those instincts are what kept me alive this long," I replied in a cold voice.
Jake just sighed and tried to get the meeting started. "Okay, from what I've heard so far, Erek called Marco and said that he needed to meet with all of us now. It's something important. Really important."
Erek got up and started to pace the barn with Cassie. "This is something I wish I didn't have to tell you. The invasion had reached the Andalite homeworld. Several Andalites have been taken as Controllers. Six Andalite-Controllers will be arriving in less than a week. The only name I have is Noorlin-Sirinial-Cooraf. Do you know him, Ax?"
I glanced over to Aximilli. All the while, his face had been a stoic mask. < Prince Jake, I request permission to leave the meeting for a few moments. > Without waiting for an answer he ran.
Jake just looked shocked for a few moments and called to Tobias, "Follow him. See if he's okay."
Before Tobias could answer or fly off, I was up and heading towards the door. "Jake, let me handle this, okay?"
Outside, I morphed into the panther and took off into the dark night. Aximilli was far ahead of me; I could neither see or hear him. Following his strange, alien scent, I was soon able to find him. Aximilli had run as hard and fast as he could, and apparently fell or something.
I found him lying in the dirt of the forest floor, breathing hard. I demorphed and did my best to help him to his hooves. "What Erek said back there, what was it?"
< The Andalite whose name he gave, he is, he was-- > Aximilli broke off. Had he been human, I know he would have been crying.
"Who?" I pressed as gently as I could.
< My father. >
It took a few moments for the entire realization of what he was saying to sink in. "Oh no. That Noorlin guy, one of the Andalite-Controllers. Look, I'm sorry."
< Why should you apologize for something the Abomination had done? > His main eyes were downcast, but his stalk eyes glared at the night skies above him with a cold dark hatred. < He will pay for this. I will avenge my father. He will not be forgotten. >
Inwardly, I shuddered. The only time I had seen that same look in someone's eyes was when I had seen my own reflection in the Yeerk pool during the first battle. I gripped Aximilli firmly by the shoulders and shook him hard. "Aximilli! Snap out of it! He's not dead. We can and will free him."
He just jerked away. < Death would be better than to be a Controller! >
"I know that, Aximilli," I said coldly. "I know that much better than you ever could."
< My people were never meant to be conquered by the Yeerks! >
"No race is meant to be enslaved!!" I yelled at him. "No race is meant to be controlled like that! Aximilli, you Andalites have fought off this invasion singlehandedly since it began, but you are not immune to the disease the Yeerks are!"
Aximilli looked as though I had struck him.
"Your race is no more superior in resisting infestation than humans or Pemalites or Chee or whatever," I continued in a voice of cold steel. "You have to accept that. You have to accept that you are indeed mortal, that you are just a kid, just as scared as the rest of us." I slumped down to the ground and leaned against a tree, hugging my knees close.
Aximilli just stared at me before answering. The look in his eyes told me that I couldn't have shattered what hope in his race he had left if I had gift wrapped him and personally hand delivered him to Visser Three. < Then it is truly over. If the warriors themselves have no hope, the battle is as good as won. > He turned away and walked deeper into the forest.
"Aximilli! Wait up! I never said that! I never said I didn't hope."
< Please go back to the others, back to your kind. I need to think about this. >
I walked ahead and stood in his path. "No. If you go out there, you are either going to get really depressed or do something really stupid. Either way, I can't let that happen." I paused a moment. He stopped and listened. "When I was a Controller, I felt nothing, no hope, only fear. All the time I was like that, I wished there was someone, anyone, even Marco I could talk to, someone who wasn't the Yeerk. And I know you feel like that right now, Aximilli. Even if you won't even admit it to yourself, you need someone."
I sat down on a log and waited. Waited for him to leave, or to answer. He left. I stayed, too wrapped up in my own conflicting emotions to care.
No mission was going to be arranged to free the imprisoned Andalites. When the Yeerks left their hosts to feed in the vile Yeerk pool, the Andalites were so heavily guarded that there was no way we could free them without too many loses on our side.
We were sent on frequent missions to scout the area for any suspicious moves made by the Yeerks. Rachel and I were scouting by air. I was in my hawk morph, Rachel was a bald eagle.
< Look, I'm telling you, this does not make any sense! >
< Chariss, the Yeerks aren't supposed to make sense, okay? So just chill, > Rachel replied in a dry, annoyed voice.
< Rachel, too much has happened just to mere coincidence! Why would the Yeerks build another Yeerk pool just to function as a trap when they could have used those resources to strengthen their defences or expand the old pool? Where did they get those resources? Why are some of the Yeerks starting to turn away from Visser Three? I'm telling you, it's just all too desperate! >
< Maybe Visser Three's being demoted or something. Who can tell? >
< I still say something's very wrong here. Too many coincidences. Why so much in such a short time? >
A sudden thermal tore her from sight before I could hear her answer. With a mental sigh, I flew towards where I last saw her. The winds were strong with the coming storms, the skies turbulent and grey. A sudden bolt of lightning pierced the sky and came hurtling towards me. By some grace of the stars, a gust of wind blew me out of the path of the lightning. I fell to the ground, the skies too wild to fly upon.
I don't know how long I was out, but demorphing proved I was not trapped in hawk morph. My head still pounded, even though the demorphing took care of all injuries the lightning and fall had caused. I saw the source of my headache: a large tree, one that obviously broke my fall, or else I would not be alive at the moment.
I looked around the park I had fallen into. A thick, pelting rain began to pore from above. I ran to the nearest shelter, an area to get food and snacks from vending machines. I sat huddled in the corner until the morn came. And I dreamed.
I run through forgotten paths deep within a forest. Again there is that strange assurance that someone who is a friend runs with me in the darkness. The same friend who ran with me in the dreams before. We run together, never seeing one another, but knowing still of the other's presence.
The scene suddenly shifts. I am in a strange hallway with mirrors lining the walls. I look into one and am startled to see that I am changed. Instead of the haunted grey eyes, and short, shaggy blazing red hair, I see a strange youth with the eyes of a panther and a midnight-black mane of hair. A dark mist swirled around my ankles.
Darkness falls upon the already dim hallway. A voice without words speaks to me. We are to be hunted, it says. The Animorphs and I are to be prey for some monster even the Yeerks would fear. We are to prove ourselves to this beast. A single voice fills my mind to the brim with the monster's name. A name that makes my soul quake.
VIRON.
I woke up screaming. I knew beyond any doubt that I had been warned. The warning was mine to heed or ignore. We were to be hunted.
The first person I contacted that morning was Rachel. I called her on a pay phone. Lucky for me I guessed it right the first time when I looked her last name up in the phonebook. "Hello, ma'am. I know that it is terribly rude for me to be calling this early on a Saturday, but I have to talk to Rachel." A groggy voice called out to Rachel.
"Hello, who's this?"
"It's me, Chariss. Sorry I baled out on you so soon last night. I got really caught up in watching the storm. I was almost struck by lightning--"
"Chariss. You had better have one heck of a good reason for leaving me hanging like that. I was worried sick! I even had Tobias look for you! What happened?!?" she spat out in a cold voice.
"I told you! I got wrapped up in the storm. I can't tell you on the phone. I'll have to meet with you guys at the Cinnabon." Before she could reply, I hung up the phone.
A strange thought came to me and grew even before I could stop it. What if I was going crazy? What if all that had happened had finally caused me to go crazy, believing in pointless dreams? What if all that had happened never really happened, and I was someplace in a straight jacket?
We never meet at the Cinnabon. We meet instead at Marco's place. It was small, but clean and well furnished.
"Don't touch the CD player, 'kay, Chariss? My dad would fry me mercilessly if I messed with those settings. Ax! Put the ashtray down!!" Marco was almost frantic to keep the place in order. Everyone had to stifle a smile or laugh as Marco tugged the ash tray away from Aximilli who was now in human morph. Even I had to keep myself from grinning widely at the comical scene.
When things calmed down, I began to tell everyone about what I had noticed about the latest happening in our lives. About the storm. About the dream. "I know it's just a dream, but still... You said you found Aximilli because of a dream both Cassie and Tobias were having. The creature's name was--"
"Viron," Aximilli and I said at the same time. He continued in a soft, haunted voice, "The name of the monster was Viron. A voice without words warned that we were to be hunted."
I could barely manage a whisper. "Yes."
Everyone stared at Aximilli and me for a few moments before Jake began to speak. "If Ax and Chariss are having the same dream, it might mean something. We don't know anything about this Viron character, so we'll just have to wait and see what happens. There may be a chance that this is all just a big coincidence."
"Yeah right," Marco snorted. "Since when has anything this weird been 'just a big coincidence' lately?"
"That's just what I'm worried about. If this is--"
Whatever he was about to say was immediately forgotten. Everything stopped. The sound of the cars outside. The news blasting on the radio. Jake's nervous pacing back and forth. My heartbeat.
Everything just... stopped.
Just as suddenly as everything stopped, it began again. We were all the darkened hallway of my dreams. The mirrors and mist were there, just as they had been in my dream.
"I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Dorothy," Marco said to Rachel.
"I don't think we're on Earth anymore, Toto," she replied wryly.
I AM SORRY, MY FRIENDS.
I heard someone moan in thought-speak, < Not again. > It was Tobias. A slight hint of fear showed could be heard in his voice.
I saw Aximilli standing off to the side, returned to his true form, shaking. I had not known him long, but in all that time, I had never known him to be truly afraid. Apprehensive, yes, cautious, yes; but never had I known him to show his fear as visibly as this. That scared me.
The mist that had been swirling around our ankles began to gather and condense into a pillar that took on a vaguely humanoid appearance. What finally formed of the mist was anything but human. The creature was a male. Its skintone was a pale, softly glowing blue. Long white hair ran down the creature's back. Its ears swept up to end in almost elven points.
What was truly inhuman about the manifestation before us were its eyes. Its eyes were the darkest of night skies. The darkness of space. Yet within those same eyes were brief pinpricks of light; almost as if the creature somehow encompassed the entirety of a galaxy within those alien eyes.
"I am sorry my friends. I never meant to bring you here; I had no choice in this matter."
< What do you want, Ellimist? >
"It is not a matter of what I want, Tobias. It is a matter of what it wants."
"You mean Viron," I said.
The Ellimist, or whoever he was, hung his head down low. "I have no choice in this matter, just as you don't. I did not wish to bring you here."
< What manner of creature can control an Ellimist? > Aximilli asked in shaky thought-speak.
THIS MANNER OF A CREATURE, YOUNG PEST.
This voice was like the Ellimist's when he first spoke to us, an enormous thought-speak filling our minds. Only this voice was stronger, malevolent. This voice shone like a beacon in your mind illuminating and magnifying every fear in your heart.
We all looked around for the source of this voice only to find none.
I AM CURIOUS. CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT DRIVES YOU TO LIVE, TO FIGHT. YOU ARE MORTAL, YOUR TIME IS VASTLY LIMITED, YET YOU CONTINUE ON. ODD. I WISH TO LEARN WHY.
"You have no right to do this!" Rachel screamed shaking a fist at the ceiling.
WHAT RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO CONTINUE LIVING?
"The right we were born with!" I said coldly to the faceless voice.
Viron continued, THE RIGHT YOU YOURSELF HAVE REPEATEDLY VIOLATED AND STOLEN FROM OTHERS? AHH, SILENCE FROM THE ONE WHO SOUGHT TO DEFEAT ME WITH LOGIC.
"We fought to survive."
YOU COULD HAVE WAITED FOR THE BATTLE TO COME TO YOU.
"Survival isn't just about covering your own tail! We fought to survive, we as in us, as in our family, we as in all the intelligent species who the Yeerks now control!"
ENOUGH!! I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH OF YOUR MEANINGLESS PRATTLE!
We fell to the ground, the Animorphs, the Ellimist, and I. We all shook from the force of the monster's voice. I felt warm saltwater falling down in tracks on my cheek. Tears.
EACH OF YOU SHALL FACE YOUR FEAR. A FEAR THAT HAS GROWN INSIDE OF YOU SINCE THIS BATTLE BEGAN. FOR EVERY ONE OF YOU, THERE IS ONE FROM THE YEERK EMPIRE OR ONE WHO IS AN ALLY OF THE YEERKS. WHOSOEVER HAS THE GREATEST NUMBER OF SURVIVORS SHALL RETURN HOME TO WIN THIS INFURIATING WAR.
Fear coursed through my veins. Already an inkling of the one fear that was held within started to grow. The others looked around, worried. Some looked at the Ellimist with undisguised hatred and fear. Not that I blame them. He was the one who brought us here.
RACHEL SHALL FACE THE FEAR THAT SHE MIGHT FAIL HER FRIENDS IN BATTLE. Before the monster had even begun to finish talking, Rachel vanished. No bright lights, no poof, not even a slight sigh of wind to fill in the area where she once stood.
JAKE SHALL FACE THE BURDEN OF LEADERSHIP.
MARCO SHALL FACE THE FEAR OF BATTLING HIS OWN MOTHER.
AXIMILLI SHALL FACE THE GUILT OF ABANDONING HIS PEOPLE.
CASSIE SHALL FACE THE SHAME OF HER LIES AND FEAR.
TOBIAS SHALL FACE THE PAIN OF BEING TRAPPED.
THE ELLIMIST, THOUGH NOT A PART OF THIS TEST, SHALL HAVE TO WATCH, HIS WORST FEAR AND GUILT. WATCHING BUT BEING UNABLE TO AID.
With each name it spoke, that person disapeered. The voice continued to the name that I knew would come, but prayed wouldn't.
CHARISS SHALL FACE--
The hallway was suddenly replaced with darkness. There was nothing all around me. No ceiling. No floor. No walls. Nothing. I could see nothing, hear nothing, feel nothing. It was all darkness and silence. The nothingness was not empty; it was full and thick with malice and hatred, just as the voice of the beast Viron.
In my panic, I morphed into the panther, too frightened to keep control. It was strangely comforting to feel the power and strange unity of mind. I still couldn't see, hear, or feel anything, not even a cold wind.
Just as suddenly as it happened, the darkness vanished. I was standing in the hall of mirrors once more. I demorphed and looked around. None of the others were there. I was alone.
"Look, I don't think we can trust her. It's just too convenient. She accepts the entire Animorphs bit and she's not a Controller and she trusted Ax? That's just not right. We can't be that lucky!"
I whirled around to find the source of the voice. No one was there.
"We need all the help we can get."
"Yeah, unless that help would happen to be a Yeerk."
The voices came from a mirror. Above the mirror, a small sign read, "The Mirror of Truth."
"As if this couldn't get any cornier," I mumbled to myself, half meaning it.
The mirror's glass showed a scene in the woods. Marco was talking to Jake and Cassie.
"Marco could have a point. I mean, Chariss did run away from us. She is gone a lot of the time. I don't want to think that she might be a Controller, but there is that very possibility," Cassie said.
"Yeah," Marco replied. "She may not even be a Controller. She may just be some weirdo who thinks she can cash in on this."
Jake interrupted with, "She would have had plenty of time to go tattle off to Visser Three or some tabloid." He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Better have Tobias follow her for a while when he's got the time, just to be sure."
The scene blurred. "Any question you ask shall be shown to you," a soft musical voice from the mirror said.
"Aliens invading Earth and magic mirrors. This is starting to look like the combined nightmares of George Lucas, Walt Disney, and Stephen King."
"Any question you ask shall be shown to you."
"How do I get out of here?"
"Any question you ask shall be shown to you."
"I just asked a question; how do I get out of here?"
"Any question you ask shall be shown to you."
"Stupid mirror." I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I walked down the halls to find an end. My feet padded dully on the blood red carpet. The scene never changed. Always the mirrors placed on the walls. Always the never ending hallway, vanishing off into the horizon. Always the growing silence. Always the silence.
I started whistling to make any kind of noise. Row, Row Your Boat, Bingo, Old MacDonald Had a Farm, anything to keep my mind off the silence no matter how mundane. Complete silence gets to you after a while. Echoes of your footsteps somehow become a stranger following you. Each breath brings to mind someone breathing down your neck. It enfolds you, crushes you, leaving only the thuds of your own heart and the whispers of an overactive imagination.
Suddenly, without warning, each of the mirrors showed a scene. A funeral of a Controller killed in the Yeerk pool. Jake telling Tobias to follow me around. The cautious distance the others kept during the first meeting. Erek's look of surprise as my blade meet with his throat. Slain Controllers from the first mission.
Then I heard something that chilled me to my bones. A voice from the not-so-distant past.
The Yeerk.
< Hello, precious little Chariss. Hello, precious little host. Did you miss me? >
"No!! You're not real! You died! I'm not a Controller anymore!"
< Then why do you have to yell? Just so you will believe yourself? Because you know that I am not gone. You know that I am still here. Still in your pretty little head. >
I fell to the floor of the endless hallway, hugging my knees close. My breath came in ragged gasps as I struggled both to breath and answer the atrocity that now spoke to me from the grave. "The others told me you were gone. I went more than three days without returning to the Yeerk pool. I can still think and move on my own! You are dead!"
< How do you know that they didn't lie to you? How do you know that I'm not just trapping you in another illusion? I did that with my last host. My last host went insane when he realized that his freedom had been nothing more than a dream, a torture. >
"You couldn't do that for more than two weeks without my knowing! You couldn't have." I rose to my feet. "You died. You are nothing more than a dream concocted by that monster Viron. YOU AREN'T REAL!!"
< Oh, I am real enough, Chariss. Just not in the form you expected. > As the foul creature spoke, its voice began to change. It became the voice of Viron. NOT IN THE FORM YOU EXPECTED AT ALL.
"How could you have known about the Yeerk?" I gasped.
I WAS THE YEERK, PATHETIC CREATURE. I CAN TAKE MANY FORMS; A YEERK IS ONLY ONE AMONG MANY. YOU HAVE SERVED YOUR PURPOSE WELL, MY CREATION.
"I am not your creation! I am a human! Not some thing!"
YOU ARE ANYTHING BUT HUMAN, CHARISS. YOU ARE MY PAWN IN THIS LITTLE TEST, YOU ARE MY CATALYST FOR THE HUNT. MORE THAN THAT; YOU ARE THE HUNTER.
My response was almost a scream. "You said this was nothing but a test, not a hunt! Not a hunt!"
I AM AMAZED, USUALLY YOUR SENSE OF INTUITION IS STRONGER THAN THIS. I TOLD YOU THERE WAS TO BE A HUNT. The voice paused, a thick silence settling over me. Almost as bad as its voice being heard, was the fact that it had no body for me to see or strike. THIS IS NOT PART OF THE TEST, AS YOU WOULD LOVE TO BELIEVE. THIS IS A HUNT, LITTLE ONE. THIS IS THE TRUE HUNT.
Images of those who represented the Yeerks swirled in my head. Visser Three's paranoia of other morph-capable beings. Visser One's battle with her host. A Taxxon never able to sate its eternal hunger. A Hork-Bajir who Visser Three nearly killed. A strange, ratlike creature that was an ally of the Yeerk's listening to the screams of those it killed for the Yeerks. Visser Two, a Hork-Bajir, facing raving insanity. A Controller who lead the Yeerk rebellion against Visser Three.
Most frightening, I saw that the beast was right. I was its creation. All memories of my past were mere fabrications used to make me a more useful subject. The decisions made were mine, any interference from Viron would have ruined the project. Viron made other changes, though.
It was Viron who started the Yeerk rebellion against Visser Three, Viron who led to the capture and infestation of the Andalites. All for the sake of this hunt. All the lives torn and lost, merely so this beast could prove a point. My life among them.
The hunt would begin soon. I would hunt down and kill my only friends, and be aware of every moment of it. The true hunt was to begin with Rachel.
Rachel's 'test' was nearly as bad as my own. She was forced to re-live countless battles in which she failed us. The final seconds it took on a morph before she could get to someone. Her own fear rooting her in place. Rage clouding her judgement.
< Rachel! Over here! > I called out in panther morph.
< No! You're not real, you can't be! > Rachel, the ever constant warrior, was far from being caught up in the illusion taking place in the Yeerk pool. The 'deaths' of her friends obviously chilled her to the bone, but she fought only to save herself.
< I'm not part of the test! I found a way out of these things! > It was only Viron, controlling me as ruthlessly as it had when it was a Yeerk and I the host. Of course every word I uttered was false. Words that would only trap her.
< You'd better hope you're real. Where are the others? >
< I haven't been able to get to them yet. Come on! We have to get out of here! >
Rachel lumbered after me in bear morph. The sharp claws glistened with a liquid that I knew wasn't water.
By that time, I wasn't that far from the brink of insanity. < You can't fight her! Not in panther morph! She'd tear you apart! >
< Pathetic little pawn. I can take on any form I wish. I know of thousands of forms that could rip her apart in that worthless bear morph with a mere glance. I am not limited to your meager store of morphs. I, we, are Viron. Remember that, daughter. Remember. >
< How do we get out of here? >
< Your way shall be swift. And painful. > Suddenly, I began to morph within a morph. Claws grew and strengthened to become talons. My hind legs grew longer and contorted to a shape that could support me standing like a human while still able to lope on the ground at good speeds. The long tail became serpentine and whiplike. My overall shape was becoming more and more human, but still so alien. The fur receded into a muted blue leathery hide. My sense of smell grew even stronger; the water of the Yeerk pool was like ammonia.
< How could I have been so stupid! > Rachel bellowed as a paw big enough to cover my face came at me. Hard. Fast. Rachel's paw slammed into me like a ton of cold iron. A blow like that should have crushed my head if not rip it off.
My nose bled a little.
The huge behemoth that was Rachel backed away, studying my new form. The normally dangerous canines of the panther had sharpened and lengthened to become deadly venom delivering fangs. My eyes were a slightly luminous grey. I was swift, strong, agile. Deadly. Even to a grizzly.
Rachel's next blow was even harder. This one was aimed at my throat. Viron twisted me out of the way, talons raking through the thick, protective fur of the bear. Blood seeped through. My talons dug in deeper.
The mere nosebleed had been followed by a severe headache. My arm felt like it had been ripped out of the socket; it nearly was. A bloody gash decorated my face. Rachel was in much more worse shape. Her fur was matted in several places with blood. I could see the bone, a sick shade of pink, peak through in some wounds.
Suddenly, Rachel shifted position. Fangs sank down in her neck. Venom flowed. She dropped, limp.
Dead.
< NOOO!!!! Why did you do that! Why did you kill her?!? > I wailed. < Rachel... >
< This is what you keep forgetting. I did not kill her. You did. You were the one who delivered the killing blow. >
Rachel, the warrior, the strength of the Animorphs. < My friend. >
< Why do you care, Chariss? She turned on you at the last moment. She attacked. She was mere flesh. Nothing more. >
< She was my friend! She trusted me, she cared!! She was one of the few people in this twisted, hellish lie of life who cared!! That is why she matters! That is why she is more! Her fear was of failing her friends! Why would that be her fear if she didn't care?! WHY?!? >
There was no answer, no response to my screams. Viron was silent, mocking me. Taunting me with threats yet unheard.
< Why won't you answer me? Why are you doing this? What are we to you that you have to hunt us? >
< Prey. Meat. Toys. >
The world twisted and blurred, becoming another place. A graveyard. Two fresh graves lay near me. Jake knelt crying between each of them. Without looking at the headstones, I knew who they were. His parents.
"Mom, Dad. Why did I tell you those lies? You'd still be alive if I had just told you-- Just told you the truth-- Not lies!" His voice became sharp and broken. "I had to be the leader."
< He thinks they have escaped. He thinks his parents have died because of his lies as the price of his leadership. His pain is as great as yours, little Chariss. > Viron morphed my strange and contorted form back into a human.
"Jake," "I" said softly.
He turned around, startled. "Chariss?"
"Hey! Hey, it's okay. It wasn't your fault. They had no way of knowing...."
"That's the point! If I had told them they might still be alive!" He knelt again at the graves, the freshly ripped earth pungent and strong. HE couldn't see the hand I no longer controlled reach into my pack which I shouldn't have been carrying. He couldn't see me pull out a blade I had never seen. He couldn't see the shimmer along the edge of that blade as it was pulled back, preparing for the plunge which would kill her. That blade gleamed as it sank through the air--
< NO! >
--and was buried hilt deep in the dirt.
YOU
The world shifted--
WILL
--hall of mirrors--
NOT
--Yeerk pool--
HURT
--graveyard--
MY
--the Baja/forest.
FRIENDS!
Darkness.
A sweet, soft darkness. A gentle rustle of leaves in the wind. A beautiful song sung by some unknown bird. My eyes fluttered open to a darkness like that of a church after a storm, a darkness like that which brings a parentless child dreams of a loving family.
I got to my feet and looked around. It was the Baja/forest of my dreams. Tall buildings melded with trees, looking freakish and somehow right at the same time. Thick brush filled the streets.
"Chariss."
I nearly screamed at the sound of my own name. I whirled around, mind prepared to morph the panther, claws already growing.
It was the Ellimist.
"It is over, Chariss. The hunt has ended."
"What do you mean the hunt is over? What about Rachel?"
"You defeated Viron. It created you, but you proved stronger. Viron will no longer harm you or your friends."
I fell to my knees and wanted to cry. I wanted to cry because I was just fifteen, still just a kid. I wanted cry because of Rachel, because of the father I loved but who never existed. I wanted to cry from relief, from pain. But most of all, I wanted to cry because I was trapped, trapped within some twisted, insane nightmare that would just not end. That would not just end and let me die in peace.
But the tears would not come. It seemed they would never come.
The Ellimist waited patiently. "I cannot interfere, but I can set right what was unjustly destroyed. The others have been returned to where they belong. Rachel, as well."
I turned and looked at him with eyes that had become so weary, so damned ancient in such a short time. "Child begot of demon soul. Shall you have to right this mistake, too, Ellimist?" I asked quietly.
"That will be your choice."
"What do you mean?"
"You will have to choose. You can return with the others, remembering everything, knowing who you are, knowing what you are. Or I can uncreate this entire event."
"Including me." I didn't need him to affirm my comment. "They are my friends, I care about them, I need them. They need me."
"So shall it be, Chariss. 'Child begot of demon soul,' you have greater strengths and powers than Viron could ever possess. Those powers will surface soon. All else will continue. The others will remember little of the hunt, the Andalites captured will continue to be Controllers, the rebellion against Visser Three will continue."
"And so will I."
"Chariss?"
"Yes?"
"The Animorphs are your family now."
Sweet, soft darkness.
"--as big as I think it is-- We're all back where we started!" Jake trailed off. We were back. Back on earth, back in Marco's apartment.
"What in the hell was that?!?" Marco yelled at the top of his lungs. "What in the hell just happened here?!?"
Cassie just went to the window and pulled aside the tightly drawn drapes. She looked outside and murmured in an awed voice, "We're back. We're back and this is real!"
Rachel was tightly hugging Tobias, who was in human form. "We are alive! We made it out in one piece!"
"I won't be if you keep squeezing me like this!" Tobias said with a laugh.
I found myself hugging Aximilli tightly as well. I laughed. Not the hard cynical laugh I had grown accustomed to, but an honest laugh. I whirled around in a circle, still holding Aximilli, laughing. He pulled back, a bit startled, but hugged me back when he realized where we were. We both laughed.
I knew that there would be other battles, other Hells, other hunts to live through. But for now, that wasn't important. For now, all that mattered was that I was home. I was with people that I cared about, and who cared about me. After all, isn't that what really matters?
