bakugou katsuki hates life, and yet he still lives like it has something to offer him.
stars and galaxies and bakugou drowns in the prettiness of it all. normally a quick puff of illegal substances would smash him outta reality and into dreams, but this time he introduces the heavens to the world of lo-fi music and is sprawled out on freshly-cut grass.
the night is chill as it can be. he hears a neighbor complain about loud noise, and bakugou responds by turning it up louder. the music transitions from a hip-hoppy vibe to one that consists of weed and self-reflection. bakugou katsuki wonders if midoriya izuku likes this kind of music, too.
and then he remembers that he shouldn't be fucking thinking about deku.
but he does anyway because bakugou has the power to create and break rules. and one rule that is repeatedly made and unmade is keeping midoriya off his mind. it's not like bakugou is on midoriya's mind right now. no, if he overheard right (and he did because he is life's cruel bitch), todoroki shoto is on deku's mind. probably on deku's body, too, but the sudden smell of burning grass tells bakugou to stop thinking like that.
the music reaches its maximum potential and manages to cancel out the bitching from next door. bakugou closes his eyes for a quick moment, and when he reopens them he sees clouds manifesting before him. one looks like deku and bakugou screams because are you fucking kidding me, whoever the fuck lives up there?
deku, deku, deku. fucking nerd bothers him all these years and then decides that he's done with him. no. no. that's not fair, midoriya izuku. that's not fair, you can't do that to him. but he can do that, he can and bakugou screams some more because he hates to admit just how much he has fucked up.
they could have been a thing. they could've been the ones the school whispers about. they could've been the ones deku's fucking nerd friends fawned over. they could have been "wow, katsuki-kun and izuku-kun are boyfriends!"
instead, it's "wow, shoto-kun and izuku-kun are boyfriends!"
they could have been the ones that kiss and blush. they could have been the ones to go out on stupid dates.
he could've been the one to make izuku laugh and blush and cry and angry.
he could've been the one to feel deku's heart and body become his and vice versa.
what the fuck are todoroki and midoriya, anyway? they're too perfect – they're not real. fuck that. fuck that. todoroki shoto and midoriya izuku aren't real. bakugou katsuki and midoriya izuku are. they're real.
(they could've been so, so real and precious and just everything the world could have ever dreamed of.)
he slams his callused hands against his face because he doesn't want the night sky to see his pathetic tears. they drip down his face like fire and he laughs to himself because how ironic that he feels this burning pain. a part of him says it is for the best and the other part tells him to shut the fuck up, you're wrong, asshole. and it becomes an internal battle and there are causalities everywhere and –
a drop of rain hits his rough knuckles. bakugou slowly moves his hands like a child examining a new, foreign place for the first time. crimson eyes stare at the sky that cries with him. another tear plops directly onto his nose. it is cold.
it is icy.
the music stops and so does bakugou katsuki.
this is my first time in any fanfic of mine that i have followed the eastern naming order instead of the western naming order.
it is just intriguing to myself. that's all, haha.