Disclaimer for this whole story:I do not own PoT or any of the characters in it.
Welcome, new students!
As I am quite sure that not one of you would be interested in my jolly greetings and whatnot or my casually supercilious explanation regarding the benefits of going to a school as great as this one, I have no choice but to head on over to the rules and regulations that you must abide by at all times. Punishment for the purposeful or accidental disregard for the codes of conduct will depend on the gravity of damage inflicted and will be decided by the Headmaster of the Academy.
That means me.
Academy of Special Sciences
Codes of Conduct and Further Reminders
As dictated by the Respectable and Praiseworthy Headmaster Echizen Nanjirou
1 - Never insult the Headmaster. EVER. Only positive adjectives are allowed to be used to describe the greatness that is me. No, Fuji-kun, sarcasm and negative undertones are not allowed either. DON'T THINK I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
2 - Pornographic materials are to be sent to the Headmaster's Office for filtering . . . Oh, shut up. This is a request from the Board and, for once, I was not the one to suggest it.
3 - Teacher-Student relationships are forbidden. This is directed to you, Hanamura-sensei, and don't you roll your eyes at me, lady!
4 - Amendment to Rule 1: After some complaints from the "partner" of the second-in-command of a certain student leader stating that they no longer have an authority figure to slight, I hereby allow the students to use Sakaki-sensei as the subject of their derisive comments.
5 - Don't call me; I'll call you when you are in BIG trouble.
6 - The four-foot tall complaint box situated by the red fountain – that would be the one nearest the library which is the building farthest from my office, Momoshiro-kun, as I am sure the thought of even setting foot on "that vile place" has never even crossed your mind – has been replaced by another box only a foot tall. This is due to the graduation of one of our most notorious students who, I recall, was the sole reason the complaint box had been set up in the first place.
7 - Students are required to wear at least one of the articles of clothing designated as the uniform. Preferably the pants. No one cares if you're in a hurry, Marui-kun. Going to class clad only in boxers is, after traumatizing a class too many students, forbidden.
8 - Any activity ending with the suffix '-cide' is not to be attempted within the Academy grounds. Go to either Niou-kun or Oshitari-kun for further instructions regarding the said activities if you seriously need to perform them.
9 - The only place where blood is authorized to be shed is the Infirmary, luckily under the supervision of the old hag Ryuuzaki or, less luckily and with the added variable of death, Inui-kun. I'd stick with the old hag if I were you, no matter how much her face makes me want to hide back in my mother's womb.
10 - A special request from Rokkaku: If anyone spots a boy walking around unattended and telling puns, kindly kick him on the back of his head and bring him to either Kurobane-kun or Saeki-kun. Do not, under any circumstances, leave him with Aoi-kun if you know what is good for you.
11 - Sexual acts are to be limited to the bedroom or any place where no one is likely to walk in on the session and possibly end up mentally or physically scarred.
12 - Poisoning the food in the cafeteria is forbidden. You eat it too, you know.
13 - Alcoholic drinks are not allowed on campus without the permission of the Headmaster. And I expect a commission in exchange for my Yes.
14 - The teachers are to be respected. Educating the students is serious business.
15 - There are SIX and only SIX student leaders. Actually, there were seven, but as one graduated without assigning an heir to replace him (see Rule 6), Yamabuki has merged with the House closest to it, namely Seishun. What follows is the list of student leaders for this year.
House – Leader
Fudoumine – Tachibana
Jyousei – Kajimoto
Hyotei – Atobe
Rikkai – Yukimura
Rokkaku – Aoi (council proxy – Saeki)
Seigaku (Yamabuki) - Tezuka
16 - Amendment to Rule 11: Hugging and glomping are not considered sexual acts. Forgive me for the slight confusion, Kikumaru-kun. However, hugging or glomping, coupled with groping, is. We'll be watching you, Yukimura-kun.
17 - From this Academic Year onwards, new students are required to make use of the Buddy System to avoid untimely accidents. As Tezuka-kun usually says: Don't let your guard down.
18 - Illegal substances, in any form, are not allowed on campus. Punishments for breaking this rule will be left to Yukimura-kun so don't come crying to me about injustice. Yukimura-kun's punishments, to my knowledge, are perfectly just and deserved by whoever is on the receiving end of them. Go ask Sanada-kun. I believe those two are quite close.
19 - Entry into the woods – the place with many trees and bushes, Mukahi-kun – requires permission from any of the TWO prefects and the presence of your Buddy. These safety measures have been deemed mandatory by the Board after the incident involving a certain notorious graduate (see Rule 6) and a Jyousei student with the misfortune of invoking his wrath.
20 - A list of organizations can be found on the bulletin board outside the cafeteria. Students are not required to join any of them, but it would be nice to get you lot off my back every once in a while. Formation of new organizations is not encouraged as I am a busy man, but I accept written requests in the company of bribery.
Persons in Authority
Headmaster – Echizen Nanjirou
Prefects – Oshitari Yuushi – Yagyuu Hiroshi
Student Leaders – (See Rule 15)
Teachers – (too lazy to add a list)
Even More Reminders
It is advisable for all students to check this list before deciding to commit anything normatively offensive as it updates itself quite regularly. On the other hand, you can just try not to get caught so I wouldn't have to bother thinking up creative punishments such as wearing a bikini while painting the cafeteria pink during lunch time.
Thank you and I hope you enjoy your stay in A.S.S.
Many hugs for with love - fred and may she rest assured that I will mention her over and over and over again in gratitude for becoming my Beta Reader. Your patience be endless, Freddipoo. I will soon send my minions to spam you with love! That is, when I get my hands on some minions. Ohoho.
Thank you for reading, everyone!