Chapter 1
BPOV
Okay well this story is really depressing and the Cullens don't come in it till much later. This story is based on a dream I had a couple of weeks ago and I had to write it down. It is also inspired by the song Dance With My Father Again. I hope you like it and please review.
"NO! NO HE CAN'T BE! HE CAN'T!"
"I'm sorry Bella, dear, he's gone."
"No, no, no, NOOO!" I screamed as I fell to floor sobs wracked my body and I curled in on myself, tears streaming down my face as I came to grips with his death. I had never felt so alone.
I'm Bella Swan and until a few moments ago my life was great and I wouldn't of had it any other way. I had amazing friend's, a great husky dog, Jake, who was the loyalist dog you could get, named after my best friend Jacob, and a wonderful father, sure my mom wasn't great but I wouldn't have changed my life for anything. Well my life changed alright but not in a good way. I had been living with my father for ten years and I'm now seventeen. I spent my first seven years living with my mother until she got re-married which made us argue a lot. It wasn't that I had a problem with her husband –Phil –but we both knew that she was still hopelessly in love with my father but because they were both stubborn and she didn't want to seem like the weak one she refused to try and get back with him. She had changed since she got married it was like she couldn't be my mother and his wife at the same time so I had gone to live with my dad so she would be able to just be a wife. I hadn't minded I had a great dad, but now, even that had been taken away from me.
I cried until there was nothing left for me to cry and fell asleep with Jake curled next to me his ears drooped as if he knew exactly what was happening. I woke up screaming from a nightmare about the car crash my dad had died in just yesterday and started screaming and crying again, my mother ran into the room, I hadn't known that she had arrive she must have shown up last night when I was too far gone to notice. She wrapped me in her arms and cried with me whispering comforting words in my ear that she missed him too and that everything would be okay. I wondered where Phil was but didn't care at the minute, she was being my mom and that, was what I had needed she held me until I wasn't sobbing but still had tears streaming down my face as she hushed me while rocking us back and forth. Jake wined and put his head in my lap as I rubbed behind his ears. I was a zombie for the next few days until the funeral; I wouldn't eat, drink, or talk. My mom had to force me to drink some water and eat some soup but I had trouble keeping it down. Most of the time I threw it back up. During the days I would write down my feeling the only way I could, in a song and at nights I would sit outside the guest room where my mom was sleeping and would fall asleep listening to her cry with me whilst mine had faded to silent tears falling down my face. The day of the funeral came and I had never felt so empty, so alone, as if I had died with him, and a part of me had.
We arrived at the church and the Minister started speaking.
"Charlie was a great man; he was a beloved member of the police force here in Arizona and was well known all over Phoenix. He was an amazing father and will be missed dearly by his family and friends as he had many of them. He will always be missed and remembered, his daughter, Bella Swan, would like to say a few words on behalf of his family." I slowly stood up and walked to the front of the church as the sobs grew louder at what I'm sure I must have looked like. I cleared my throat and spoke loud enough but my voice was dead and had a deep sadness to it.
"My father was a great man. He was there for me when no one else was and I couldn't think of a better man than him he was the best father in the world and I don't know what I would have done without him. His place here was cut short but that doesn't mean that he will be forgotten or that i will think of him any less than I did before. He's the only one that I could talk to when I needed comfort the most and though I had many friends they will never be able to take his place with that. I have written a song which describes exactly how much he meant to both me and my mother even though they were divorced many years ago."
I gave the music sheet to the pianist who was stationed at the grand piano in the corner and stood in front of his coffin. It was a closed casket because of the injuries and I couldn't help but wish I could see his face one last time. I had sung in this church many times for peoples weddings, funerals and in a choir when I was younger but this time the song came from my heart, my feelings, not the mourners around me.
Back when I was a child
Before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high
And dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure
I was loved
If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love to dance with my father again
Ooh, ooh
When me and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me, yeah, yeah
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he
Would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance
One final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
Cause I'd love, love, love to dance with my father
again
Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear my mamma cry for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much too much
But could You send back the only man she loved
I know You don't do it usually
But dear Lord, she's dying to dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep
And this is all I ever dream
(.com/watch?v=cDV8HqdLh2w)
The tears ran down my face as I sat back down and many other's were crying even more now than before. The following weeks passed in a blur, as I sorted through his clothes and sold the house having to move back in with my mom until I was 18. I had to start school again in a few weeks and I knew I wasn't ready. The pain was worse than before and I started drinking to ease the pain, my mom caught me and shouted her head off at me, I knew it must be hurting her to see me like this but I didn't care anymore, I didn't care about anything. I needed to change myself, change everything about me. I went shopping and bought some black hair die, new clothes, black nail varnish, makeup and some skull and crossbones jewellery.
When I started school again my hair was black instead of the mahogany colour it started as, I was wearing ankle boots, black combats, a long sleeved grey top and 'Life is wasted on the Living' written in blood red on the front and a hoodie that would cover my face. I was wearing black eyeliner, mascara, smoky eyeshadow and had blood red lips. There were scars tracing my arms from where I had decided to cut myself to help take the pain away. I hadn't said a word since the funeral and didn't like being with anyone except perhaps my dog Jake. Everyone that I hated just gave me sympathetic looks and the people who were once my friends I didn't want to talk to. Rozanna ran up to me and embraced me but I just stood there waiting for her to let go. When she did she had such sympathy in her eyes that I didn't want to see it. I stepped back away from her and walked off. It was repeated continuously along with the questions about why I was dressed the way I was. I ignored everyone and by the end of the month they ignored me too. A few of the people that I hated and who felt the same way always made comments about no matter how I act or dress I'll always be a pathetic little daddy's girl who is lost and that I should have been the one who was in the crash instead of him. After two months I'd had enough, people were always comparing how I am now to before. It didn't matter. I wasn't that old, careless, little girl who they had gone to junior high and started high school with. I was someone completely different; the funny thing with grief is that it can take over your life even when you don't want it to but I did, I was glad to have changed it just proved that he would always be with me. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror as if nothing had happened but I didn't want to stay here any more. I had always hated Phoenix anyway so moving wouldn't bother me I just had to convince my mom and Phil.