"Gilbert!" Ludwig called out as he returned home. "Did you finish the cleaning I asked you to do?!" He set the groceries on the kitchen counter and started putting them away, waiting for his brother's reply. Gilbert grumbled and trudged out of his bedroom into the hall.
"Ja, ja, kitchen's done, bedroom's done, floor's vacuumed..." He ran a hand through his hair in exasperation. "Have some faith in me, West."
Ludwig nodded in appreciation. "Gut. I bought some more beer for you." He held up a 12 pack before setting it in the fridge. "Did anyone come over?" he asked curiously. "Italy said he might be stopping by sometime today. He didn't say when."
Gilbert grinned and immediately headed to the fridge, pulling a can out of the twelve pack gratefully. He had been down to his last two cans today, and they weren't even his favorite variety. Bleh. He closed the fridge and cracked it open, drinking appreciatively.
"Ita? No, he didn't come by today. Least I don't think so, there isn't any randomly made food in the kitchen," he chuckled, knowing the Italian was prone to coming by just for food.
"Hm..." Ludwig mused, finishing up with the groceries. "I hope he's all right." He sighed, looking over at Gilbert already drinking a beer. "Don't drink too many at once," he cautioned. "I don't feel like dealing with you drunk right now."
Gilbert rolled his eyes, scoffing. "This is only my second all day, I don't exactly get shitfaced easily," he murmured, taking another sip for good measure. "He probably found some girl and got distracted. Don't worry about him too much; the kid can take care of himself when he needs to."
It could be considered strange for Gilbert to refer to Feliciano as "kid," seeing as technically, he and Feliciano were around the same age, the Italian perhaps being even older, neither of them really knew. But Gilbert couldn't really come to think of Feli being very old at all, and therefor referred to him as such.
Ludwig's concerned frown still didn't go away. "Still...perhaps I should go out looking for him?" He looked to Gilbert for some advice. He couldn't help worrying about the Italian man. Feliciano was so thoughtless sometimes that Ludwig honestly didn't know how he'd survived so long. Gilbert shrugged, seeing the concern on his brother's face. Hm.
"Well, I would try calling him first... If he doesn't pick up, then feel free. I'll even come with you, I haven't been out of the house all week." Living a pathetic indoor existence was not Gilbert's cup of tea.
"Ja...that sounds like a gut idea," Ludwig mused, quickly pulling out his cell phone and calling Italy up. After a few moments of talking to the Italian, it turned out that Feliciano had ended up spending the day with Romano and Antonio.
Sighing in relief, Ludwig hung up the phone, smiling at Gilbert. "Well, he's all right!" he reported. "Do you still want to go out somewhere?"
"Ah, that's good. Ja, please... It's so boring in here..." Gilbert quickly chugged down the rest of his beer, despite how much he hated wasting the savor of it, and tossed the can in the waste bin as he went to grab his coat. He was more than eager to get the hell out of the house. "Got anywhere in mind?"
"Out to dinner or perhaps a movie? Or we could go to a bar," Lud suggested.
"Any of those sound great to me," Gil replied, tugging on his coat and sweeping his hand through his hair. He quickly slipped on his shoes, ready to go almost immediately.
"Well you have to choose. We can't just go to all of them," Ludwig protested. He was already ready to go since he hadn't changed yet since he'd gotten home.
"Mmmm..." Gil had been staring at his computer screen most of the day, so another two hours in a crowded movie theater didn't sound so great. Food sounded good but he'd already eaten. "Bar. If we get hungry, we can stop somewhere on the way home."
Ludwig nodded, grabbing his jacket again. "We can't stay too long. I have work to do when we get home." He went to the door, grabbing the car keys. "Coming?"
Gilbert rolled his eyes. "You always have work... We never go do anything fun anymore..."
Gilbert knew wholeheartedly just how much work running a country was, and he knew that most of the weight of his own country had been shifted onto Ludwig's shoulders. That didn't change the fact that he enjoyed spending time with his brother. He buttoned up his coat and headed out the door ahead of Ludwig.
Ludwig sighed deeply. "I'm sorry!" he apologized. "It's not my fault there is so much to do! There never seems to be time for me to relax..."
After the past few weeks, Ludwig was feeling extremely strung out and exhausted. He wasn't even sure he'd be able to stay awake very long at the bar. He might need to take a nap there just to be able to drive home.
Gilbert paused and looked at him, frowning a bit. "We don't have to go out tonight. I can do the work." Hell, Gilbert hadn't done any of the serious papers in years, even with Merkel cracking down on him to involve himself, but he knew what to do. He'd rather let his brother ease up a bit than take him out when he was so bogged down with work. And Gilbert's drinking would only pose as a bigger problem for Ludwig... Gosh, he felt like he had never actually thought these things through.
"Nein nein!" Ludwig replied, waving his hand dismissively. "I'll be fine. We'll go out for drinks, I'll finish up my work, and maybe we'll catch a show or something before we head to bed, ja?"
Gilbert frowned. "Fine... I'll help you with the work later though, alright?" He held open the door for the other to follow. Sometimes he wondered how Ludwig could be such a workaholic.
Ludwig stifled a yawn, walking out and getting into the car. "I'm sure you'll feel different after the bar," he said with a small chuckle. Ludwig had always been driven by a strong sense of duty. It usually got the better of him when work was difficult.
Gilbert stuck out his tongue and got on the passenger side, tugging on his seatbelt. "Whatever, I can still help! I used to do the work and raise you and deal with dad who didn't fucking know how to raise kids." He rolled his eyes, crossing his arms.
He wouldn't say he was necessarily fond of their Germanic father, seeing as Gilbert spent the first few years of his life practically starving and figuring shit out on his own. His definition of 'work' also differed quite a bit, as then it fit the criteria of "go kick someone's ass and discuss militaristic relations over some liquor". But he still carried quite a bit of weight in his day.
"I don't want you overworking yourself," Ludwig insisted, starting the car and backing out of the driveway. "I didn't mean to imply that you couldn't do it. I just don't want you to do my work for me! It's my responsibility."
Gilbert snort-laughed, staring at Ludwig. "Overwork myself? Are you kidding me? West, I sit on my ass all damn day. Und I'm Germany too..." Gilbert didn't necessarily like that title. 'Herr Ost Deutschland.' Ost, pfftch. Germany was a title he had fitted and pressed for his brother and his brother alone. The fact that they had begun sharing it during the Cold War made Gilbert feel...well, ashamed. But fitting, seeing as he was living under Ludwig's roof regardless. "Merkel is right to nag me; you shouldn't be doing everything..."
Ludwig sighed, looking over at Gilbert for a moment as he drove to the bar. "I...I worry about you, okay?" he muttered. "I'd rather have you do simply chores and then sit around the rest of the day than overwork yourself and have something bad happen to you!"
Gilbert frowned. God, not this shit. "... I can handle myself, you know. You don't need to worry about me." He crossed his arms and looked out his window, not wanting the scowl on his face to be seen.
He hated people thinking he was weak or incapable. Especially now. It had been twenty some odd years since the wall had fallen, he had regained more than enough strength to help run the country, if not run it solely on his own if need be. Or at least he thought so. Wanted to think so. He couldn't believe Ludwig still had concern about him. He wasn't made of glass, for gods sake.
Ludwig frowned, knowing from the tone in Gilbert's voice that he was upset. He pulled the car over so he could look at Gilbert properly. "I know you can handle yourself," he said firmly, turning in his seat toward his brother. "Is it so wrong for me to care about you?"
Realizing what he'd just said, his cheeks flushed with color and he quickly looked away. Gilbert's face reddened, but the solemn look didn't disappear. He stayed turned away from his brother, crossing his legs as if that would put more distance between them. He didn't like other people seeing him when his feelings were hurt.
"... No... But these aren't the days of the wall, Lud... It's been two decades or better already, I'm not some kid..." In all truth, he couldn't deny how hollow and just how far gone he was by the time the wall finally came down.
Ludwig could probably guess just as well as Gilbert knew the kinds of things Ivan had done to him in that length of time, and it had made him incredibly weak and vulnerable. But he was better now, and he wanted Ludwig to respect that. He wanted people to treat him like they used to... Not like a fucking doll. Ludwig sighed, reaching out and hesitantly touching Gilbert's shoulder.
"...I'm sorry," he apologized sincerely. "I shouldn't treat you this way." He took a deep breath before continuing. "I'll make sure to include you when work needs to get done in the future. Is that acceptable?" In his mind he knew that Gilbert was strong and could handle things but in his heart, he worried. He couldn't lose his brother again. He wasn't sure he could survive it.
"... Yeah..." Gilbert turned his head slightly to look over at his brother. He gave him an apologetic look, feeling a bit sorry for overreacting but not being able to voice it. He was never good with words, they never came out right. "It's okay... I guess I can't blame you..."
Gilbert knew he had spent a good forty or fifty years without his brother by his side, and he knew it had to have taken its toll on Ludwig as well. He was selfish, thinking his captivity had only affected himself... He sighed softly and touched Lud's hand back gently to show he forgave him and things were okay. "Let's go get beer, okay?" He smiled weakly, moving out of the depressing subject. The last thing on earth he wanted to think about was Braginski.
Ludwig sighed in relief, not realizing he'd been so tense. "Ja. I'll buy you as much beer as you want!" he replied, smiling what was considered a wide smile for him. "And you can use me as a, uh, 'wing man'?" He wasn't quite sure of the term. "If you'd like to try to flirt with a fraulein."
Gilbert only laughed, grinning at his brother. "You're such a dork..." he muttered, lightly punching him in the arm. "I don't think you'd really appreciate me bringing home bar skanks..."
To be quite honest, he was trying to excuse the fact that he just...didn't have much of a desire for quickies anymore, or even women in general. Elizaveta had pretty much ruined women in his mind, he didn't even understand how. He liked tits, but that was about as far as it went. He had...developed other tastes, over the years. Ones that were fairly embarrassing to speak of that he tried not to act upon. At least not within range of his brother knowing.
"... Dunno, maybe..." the albino added after a moment.
Ludwig looked at Gilbert curiously as he began once again to drive to the bar. "Are there others that you're interested in?" he asked. He knew that Feliciano wasn't attracted to women and, before he'd told him, had acted a bit similarly. Maybe that was what was going on. "I just thought you might like some company other than me. I know I'm not very...very good company."
"No, no, I just... Wanna raise my standards, I guess..." Gil blushed a bit, knowing he had spent a good week perusing the red light districts of Germany for cheap sex, and he was fairly disgusted by the selection of women and Romanian sex trafficking. He'd even sent in a report to one of his bosses about the environments in the area. He, Gilbert Beilschmidt, was not supporting legal prostitution. Someone make a damned documentary already, sheesh.
"Lud, you're fucking great company, there's no one I'd rather go have a good time with." Gil said it quite sincerely, he appreciated Ludwig's presence above all others.
Lud's lips twitched in a smile. "Danke," he said gratefully. "Sometimes I worry that I annoy you or that you'd rather live with someone else..." he admitted.
He had quite a lot of worries about his brother now that he thought about it. He should probably figure them out so he didn't have so many. It was probably contributing to how tired he felt all the time.
"What the hell makes you think that?" Gilbert asked, frowning. "I'm always the one doing stupid shit... Being unhelpful... Unappreciative..." He stared down at the floor guiltily, swallowing the lump in his throat. God, he had become a terrible brother...
"...I never give you enough attention," Ludwig said softly. "I don't ever seem to have enough time to spend with you... I figured that you'd rather live with one of your friends who could be there for you more than I can."
Gilbert sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Lud... I'm lucky you bothered to take me back in after the wall...if you hadn't I'd probably have fuckin' dissolved with it, so don't you ever think I get mad about that, okay..." He knew there were requirements, he could sacrifice time with Ludwig if it mean being able to be near him now and then. That was enough.
As he pulled into a parking spot, Ludwig looked over at Gilbert with a serious look on his face. "I'm taking the rest of the night off," he said firmly. "I...I've been missing you. I'll get the rest of the work done tomorrow somehow."
Gilbert blinked and look back at him. "...A-Are you sure?" Gilbert was flattered. That was an understatement. "I-I'll help you with everything tomorrow, we can get it done twice as fast!" He grinned, rather excited now.
Ludwig chuckled, getting out of the car and stretching. "All right then. It'll give me a chance to see exactly how fast you can get the work done." He waited for Gilbert to get out of the car so he could lock it and then go into the bar.
Gilbert got out, a grin plastered on his face as he shut the door. "Y'know what, just for that, I'm gonna work twice as hard. Just try to keep up with me~" he sneered, grinning playfully.
He ran ahead of Lud to the bar door, looking way too excited and giggly to be walking into a bar. Maybe a gay bar or a sports bar. Or a gay sports bar. That sounded like Gilbert. Ludwig quirked an eyebrow at how excited Gilbert was but just smiled gently as he walked after him. Even though he thought that Gilbert could tone it down once in a while, he enjoyed seeing his brother this upbeat.
"Ja ja, we'll see," Ludwig replied teasingly.
Gilbert chuckled and held open the door for him, ushering his brother inside. "In fact, feel free to get shitfaced, I can do all the work!" He was teasing, of course, because Gilbert generally got too intoxicated to drive properly anyway; at least too intoxicated to want to drive any of Ludwig's beautiful cars.
Ludwig affectionately ruffled Gilbert's hair before he could stop himself as he walked inside. "I think I'll stay sober just to make sure you don't cause any trouble," he replied with a chuckle. He looked around the bar out of habit, scouting out the people who were there. "...quite a crowd already," he remarked.
Gilbert pouted and blushed, following Ludwig in. "Oh, hush... I don't get into trouble anymore..." He scowled and looked around. He wasn't exactly fond of a lot of people around, but he wasn't exactly fond of wasted trips either.
"Here. We'll get a booth towards the back where there aren't as many people, ja?" Ludwig ordered beer for them and then walked to an empty booth that was farther away from all the festivities. "There seem to be a lot of people here looking for uh..." He blushed as he saw several couples walking away together toward the restrooms.
"..." Gilbert stared at them. "...glad I didn't drink much today."
There days when Gilbert would happily sneak up to the bathroom door just to have a listen. But those days were pretty much long gone. He rather enjoyed modesty and privacy as of lately. He sat down in the booth, taking off his jacket and setting it down beside him.
"But, uh-" Gil started, "if you wanna go for any of the girls around here, feel free." He didn't want to act like it was a terrible thing or anything. Ludwig could do what he wanted; Gilbert would even wingman for him if he asked. "I'd recommend the car over the bathrooms, though..."
Ludwig's cheeks filled with even more color at Gilbert's words. "N-Nein!" he said quickly. "That won't be necessary! I, uh, I-I'm not very...interested..." There was no way he was going to let his brother know that he'd been talking with Feliciano about his sexuality and had started to think that perhaps he, Ludwig, was more attracted to the same gender as well.
"...oh?" Gilbert cocked a brow, smirking a bit. "Not interested in the selection or not interested in me knowing about your activities?" He crossed his arms, grinning. He in no way even thought to consider that perhaps Ludwig's sexuality wasn't what he assumed it to be, the idea never crossed his mind.
"I-It's none of your business!" Ludwig said gruffly, completely embarrassed. "Oh thank god, the beer is here," he said gratefully as the beer arrived. He heaved a mental sigh of relief, thinking that the conversation would be over now that their drinks had come.
"And why isn't my business?" Gilbert smirked. "I'm your bruder, you know you can tell me everything..." He mocked a look of hurt before smiling lightly, taking his beer and indulging in a sip. Way better than anything from a can.
"Nein, I can't!" Ludwig shot back, busying himself with his own drink and carefully avoiding Gilbert's gaze. "It's just...it's just not your business is all." He knew that was a lame excuse but he couldn't think of anything else.
Gilbert stared at him seriously now. What the hell was up with him? "...Uh...a-alright..."
He frowned uneasily, unsure what that was really supposed to mean. Gilbert was pretty well-known for being overbearing, but...Lud was being pretty defensive. He looked down at the table instead, drinking his beer. So Ludwig didn't trust him. Cool.
Ludwig let out an audible sigh of relief that Gilbert had seemingly dropped the subject. Ludwig relaxed slowly, drinking the beer and enjoying it fully. He didn't notice that the silence could be perceived as awkward. He always enjoyed silence and so he didn't think there was anything wrong. Gilbert also stayed silent, not enjoying it. Now he just wanted to know what Ludwig was being so defensive about.
He drummed his fingers in the table impatiently. "So I'm not good enough to know, is what you're saying?" he blurted out after a minute or two of silence. His brain would be racking itself all night if he didn't get some answers. Now it wasn't even so much the question of "Why aren't you interested?" so much as "Why can't I know?"
Since he hadn't even suspected that there was something wrong, the question startled Ludwig. "I-It's not that!" he responded quickly. "It's not that I don't trust you either!" he added. "I..." He searched for the right way to explain without actually revealing what he was trying to hide. "It's something personal that I'm not ready to share with anyone just yet," he said after a moment.
Gilbert stared at him for a moment, before realization struck him. Oh. Oh. That...made sense. "Alright... S-Sorry for pushing you."
Gilbert felt kind of bad now; he knew that if he were to tell anyone that, he'd take his time too. Even now, no one really knew about Gilbert's tastes, and he didn't really feel like telling his brother would be the easiest thing either. He tried not to make it obvious that he'd figured Ludwig's situation out, but it was pretty readable on his face.
Ludwig took a peek at Gilbert's face and knew that his brother knew. He clenched his jaw, quickly looking away and taking a large, long drink of beer. He didn't say anything else; didn't feel like there was anything to say. As it was, he was barely restraining himself from running out the door and never looking back. He could only imagine what his brother was thinking of him now.
Gilbert stared at the table for a minute or so, not touching his beer. Fuck. He had just made that situation a lot worse than it needed to be. He twiddled his thumbs for a moment, thinking of what to say to ease it up. He could do that whole "loving family member" bullshit, but those sounded uncomfortable as hell for both parties, and that wasn't the kind of person Gilbert was.
He took quick breath before looking back up at his brother. "... I am, too...y'know..." Well, he supposed he couldn't say that. He'd been with plenty of women and fully enjoyed it. His tastes had simply changed over the years, and now he didn't really give women a second glance. Guess that left them somewhat within the same boat. He looked away again awkwardly.
Ludwig's attention quickly snapped back to his brother as his jaw dropped open. "Y-You...you?!" he asked, completely shocked. He'd had no idea. "B-But...But I thought...!" He couldn't even organize his thoughts into words. He took a moment to take a deep breath and calm down. "...for how long?" he asked, feeling a bit comforted at this turn of events.
"Uh... A-Always, I guess..." Gilbert blushed deeply, his gaze focused on the table. Ludwig was the first person he ever actually discussed this with. "... I-I mean, girls are great too, but...but not anymore, I guess..."
This was so weird to say out loud. Ugh. While he'd always had an attraction to the same gender, he'd never really acted upon it until the Cold War, for...reasons beyond his control. That was what ashamed him for the most part, not so much his sexuality.
"You...You remember how I was on Ivan's side of the Wall?" Gilbert swallowed, not really fond of the subject. Ludwig listened intently and nodded at the question.
"...ja," Lud replied slowly. "Do you have...do you have someone you are fond of?" he asked, stumbling over the question. He asked more out of politeness than real curiosity. For reasons he'd never admit to, he didn't want to know of Gilbert's crushes. He'd never liked when his brother had paid more attention to someone else.
No... That's not it..." Gilbert swallowed and decided it'd be better to drop the subject. He had someone he was very much not fond of, actually. He took a sip of his beer. "N-Never mind... Anyone you interested in?"
Ludwig couldn't help the slight coloring that immediately rose to his cheeks. "N-Nein," he obviously lied but hoped Gilbert wouldn't push the subject. The person he was interested in just so happened to be his brother. He'd resigned himself to the fact that nothing was going to happen there, that nothing could happen, and so he just made tiny gestures here and there that he hoped Gilbert wouldn't put together.
Gilbert stared up at him cocking a brow, unimpressed. "West, you just denied to share completely relatable information with me that I wouldn't have judged you one bit on regardless, plus it probably turned out even better than you thought it would, so why are you holding back stuff again? I told you, I can relate."
He rested his head on his hand and grinned up at his brother. Anything Ludwig said couldn't be worse than what Gilbert almost said. Or at least hopefully, right? He was pretty sure Ludwig hated the commie bastard too, right? So everything else was okay.
"Nein..." Ludwig said with a deep sigh. "This is something that not even you could possibly understand. You'd most likely hate me for it."
He poured himself some more beer. Why did he have to be interested in his brother?! He mentally hit himself. Anyone else would have been acceptable but he had to choose the one person he shouldn't want.
Huh? Gilbert couldn't hate Ludwig for anything, Lud knew that, right?
"... What's that supposed to mean?" Gilbert frowned and looked up at Ludwig solemnly. "...I can't hate you, you know... I-I can't think of anything that bad..."
For a moment, Ludwig considered just telling him but he quickly brushed that idea away. "Then you'd never be able to look at me the same way again," he said. "Maybe I'll tell you someday but not now." He offered Gilbert a small smile, hoping that would smooth things over a bit.
Gilbert looked at him for a moment, and he understood that it was not something for him to know. He could deal with that. He felt more assured with this idea than the last. "Alright. I can live with that." He smiled back at his brother before taking another sip of beer.
Ludwig's smile grew as they seemed to finally move past the awkward conversation. "So what would you like to do for the rest of the night?" he asked, stifling a small yawn. "We could stay out and go around the town or we could go back home and do something. What do you think?"
Gilbert smiled; his brother was punctual as always. "You don't exactly sound up for a night out on the town, so…home? We could watch a movie or something."
Ludwig nodded. "That sounds like an excellent plan. Roderich brought over a cake early this morning. Perhaps we could eat that while we watch?" he suggested. He'd hidden the cake so Gilbert wouldn't find it during the day. He hoped that his plan had worked.
"Huh? Ugh, you let Roderich into the house?" Gilbert wrinkled his nose. He hoped that wasn't the piece of ass Lud was after. "Ah... Yeah, cake sounds great, actually." He smiled a bit. He didn't love sweets near as much as his brother and weirdass fru-fru cousin, but cake sounded good.
Ludwig chuckled. "I didn't let him into the house. He simply dropped it off at the door." He'd always been a bit amused by Roderich and Gilbert's dislike of each other. "Then we'll eat cake. Do you want some more beer before we go?" he asked, not wanting to push his brother out the door of the bar before he was ready.
Gilbert shook his head. "Nah... I think it's better if we stay sober tonight," he chuckled. There was work to do in the morning. He stood up, putting his coat back on, and then headed over to Ludwig, mumbling softly. "You know...you don't have to hide anything else like...like that from me, you know," he said, referring to the first little mystery they had argued about. "I-If you wanna keep stuff to yourself, that's fine, but...but I'm always gonna love you regardless, y'know?" He smiled warmly up at his brother. They didn't connect like this enough.
He smiled, heading out the door. "I know," Ludwig replied. "There are some things that I have to work up to telling you about," he added after a moment as he unlocked the car. "I mean, I can't believe that you tell me literally everything!" He paused. "...or maybe I can. You talk more than I do."
Gilbert smiled and got in the car, getting buckled immediately. Ludwig's statement wasn't entirely true. The telling part, anyway. The talking part was spot-on.
"Hah... Well, not everything," he admitted softly. "... We all have secrets. I try to let you in on what I can." He looked out the window, and then pulled out his phone, checking the time. Little side things people normally did. "Most of the time I just talk to talk," he chuckled weakly.
Ludwig started the car up and began the drive home. "...you don't like silence very much, do you?" he asked curiously. He'd always wondered about that. He himself enjoyed silence very much but it seemed as though Gilbert was the complete opposite.
Gilbert sighed, looking out the window. "...There wasn't much to say in Ivan's home," he murmured. "Forty years of either silence or your own screaming starts to get to you..." he mumbled the second part under his breath, not wanting Ludwig to worry about any of that.
Faint as it was, Ludwig's keen hearing picked up the gist of what Gilbert had said. He frowned. "...you'll never have to go through anything like that again," he said in a stern tone. "That much I swear to you."
"..." Gilbert just stared out the window.
He wished Ludwig had promised him something like that before it happened. He'd gone through more things there he'd ever wished to experience. Most of his secrets involved that awful place. He just couldn't understand how the wall kept him there for four decades.
Ludwig pulled the car into the driveway and shut off the engine. He turned to look at Gilbert whose mood seemed to have fallen again. "So, uh, movie and cake, right?" he said, trying to be as cheerful as possible. "Let's go! Brothers night!"