EVERGREEN – 1st December

"No, Doctor Watson, I will not permit you to bring a live tree into the living room! I never did approve of the practice. No, Mr Holmes, I am quite certain that not everybody does it. If everybody did it what do you suppose would happen to all the forests? I would have thought with a mind like yours that would have been obvious. Exactly. You and Doctor Watson leave enough of a mess for me to clean up as things are, and to have to pick individual needles out of the carpet would really be too much! Besides, how would you water it? Where would its roots grow? The whole idea is just nonsense. Yes, I give my full blessing for you to engage in all other Christmas activities, early as it may be, but not the tree."

-/-/-

"Watson? Come with me…We have a mission to complete."

"Where are we going?"

"Down to Blandford Street. I've found the perfect tree."

"Really, Holmes. Mrs Hudson said no…"

"I assure you she will never know…I have it all worked out."

"That is immoral, Holmes."

"Exercise faith, Watson."

-/-/-

"I fail to see how it would be possible to conceal one of these from Mrs Hudson…"

"Ah, but we could hide a part of one."

"Whatever are you talking about?"

"The jack knife from my mantelpiece. Just sometimes I am glad the majority of people cannot walk into a room and immediately notice that something is different."

"I still can't see how a jack knife will help. You would need something far bigger and sharper than that to make an impact on one of those monoliths…"

"Observe, my dear Watson. We don't need to make an impact on the main trunk, merely on one of the branches. I cut it like so…and there you have it!"

"Is that going to be our Christmas tree?"

"And why not? We can place it in a saucer, anchored by candle wax. It needs no decorations. It is perfection in itself."

"And should its needles dry out before Christmas, we can simply take another cutting!"

"Exactly, Watson! Nobody loses out, and we remain in-keeping with a burgeoning tradition!"

-/-/-

"Where can we put it? Do you really suppose she will mind a mere cutting?"

"Perhaps we can put it into something."

"Do you mean something like a trophy cabinet?"

"Exactly. Only a trophy cabinet would be entirely inappropriate for the size of it."

"Perhaps we could make shift?"

"What do you mean?"

"How about one of your test tubes for example, corked up."

"By Jove…what a good idea, Watson!"

"Thank you. So you don't mind sacrificing a test tube for the festive season?"

"Not at all. I have amassed far too many, and some inevitably break anyway."

-/-/-

"There."

"Splendid. I think we have managed to have our cake and eat it, Holmes."

"Yes, it is in the house but not of it."

"The salt in the bottom was a particularly pretty touch. As was daubing the leaves with mercury."

"It is rather fetching, isn't it? The beads on the branches look like tiny silver baubles. And the salt gives a pleasing feeling of snow and winter."

"Where shall we put it?"

"On the windowsill, where the sunlight can reflect off the salt crystals and baubles and make them sparkle."

-/-/-

"Watson?"

"Yes Holmes?"

"I don't think we thought this through. The test tube can't stand up on its own due to its rounded bottom."

"Why not put it in a test tube rack then?"

"But I might need that rack. I'm planning a highly intricate experiment involving the study of tea leaves."

"Surely that is a little far-fetched even for detection?"

"Ah, I assume you are referring to the alleged practice of tea leaf reading? No no, you misunderstand me! When I say that tea leaves are important, I mean that everybody has their preferred brand and type of tea. To be able to differentiate between different tea leaf residues may help to deduce who was present in a particular venue, who drank from which cup, and who knew the most about their friends' habits. If I had written this monograph before that case involving the Hertfordshire poisoner, I might not have made as many blunders as I did."

"Well, if you are examining tea leaves, they're not dangerous, and I presume you don't need exact measurements. Why not just use tumblers?"

"That may indeed work. Thank you, dear fellow!"

"A pleasure."

-/-/-

"Hmmm."

"What?"

"I can't help thinking, the test tube is still more prominent to the eye than the actual tree."

"You're right."

"What if we fill the entire rack with test tube trees?"

"That would look very picturesque, yes. Do you have test tubes to spare for that?"

"If I use tumblers instead of test tubes for the tea leaf study then yes – I shan't be needing them until after Christmas, at which point I can clean them out for use."

"Excellent. To Blandford street!"

-/-/-

"There. Now it's a miniature forest."

"I wonder what Mrs Hudson will say? She forbade a Christmas tree…and now we have six of them!"