There are times where I feel so totally alone that I think I could shrink into nothingness and no one would notice. Not really anyway. When those times hit me, I remember that at least I have friends. Some people don't even have that.
One of them is special. So very special, yet I don't think this person even realizes it. Not like they should. This person is always behind me when I need someone. Always there to make me laugh. Always… just there. Sometimes it amazes me that anyone could be like that. And then I wonder… do I do the same for this person? Because if I don't, then maybe I'm not the kind of friend this person is to me.
I have to admit that at first, I didn't really trust this person. Then again I didn't trust any of them. How could I? After all I have seen and all that I know. It's hard to trust anyone, even your own family. But I've learned. It's because of that person that I learned. I might have gone on forever distrusting those people who would lay down their lives for me, but this person showed me that they could all be trusted.
Maybe it's something I should have seen before. I don't know. But it counts that I see it now. Right? I mean, it counts that these people are my family… the ones I turn to when I need something. The ones who will stand beside me no matter what happens. No matter what has already happened.
Even though these people have become so much a part of my life, and even though I see these people every day, my day isn't complete until I see that person. Until that so very special person walks into my day and makes me smile. Until words come from that person's mouth that are meant only for me.
Sometimes those words are very simple. Only a "Have a good day" or "Good luck on the test", something like that. But sometimes they're more. Sometimes the words aren't the important part. Sometimes it's the meaning behind them. And that meaning has been so very clear from the beginning.
At first I admit that I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to see what this person felt for me. It was so obvious, but I didn't want to hear it. Didn't want to even consider it. If I did… if I did then what next? Next I would have to examine my own feelings. I don't think I was ready for that. I'm still not sure I'm ready for that. Even after everything I had put this person through, this person still cared for me. Still went out of their way to make sure I was ok. Even after everything…
I tried to tell myself that the whole thing meant nothing. Even after the first kiss. Even after the way I treated that person… It worked… for a while. Until the whole world came crumbling down around me. And when that happened, it was that person who sat there and tried to put it back together again. The person who would gladly have given up their own world if it meant mine was ok again.
It was that person who held me when I cried.
It was Alex who did everything right. Who would come running back to me no matter what.
But how do I tell him I love him?
Isabel