Chapter 1 (Lost, Broken and Underestimated)

Life seems great at one point, it seems like nothing can touch you when you have the love of you life next to you. Me I had the love of my life my soulmate, only I had ripped away from me, is it something I did... did I not deserve him... No, he didnt deserve me.

I had to wonder why he left me, especially for her,it hadnt all really hit me yet but it does feel like i have had my heart ripped out and stomped on,I think the part that hurt the most was he left me for her, that hurt more than the no goodbye and even more than him just leaving me a note. My world came crashing down, how do i pick myself up from something like that?

It had been three days since he left me, I have not been out of my room since, Liss is worried, in fact they all are... nobody really knows why I locked my self away for all this time. I had to face them, tell them the truth, But i couldnt even bring myself to tell the truth, because I couldn't accept the truth.

*Flash Back*

As I walk to the gym to meet Dimitri , I have a strange feeling... its like somethings wrong, But i just dont know what is wrong.

I open the door the darkness, where was he? was this a test... no I looked around and waited a while maybe he forgot... I decided i would go and ask Alberta what was going on.

I knocked on the office door and took a deep breath.

"Come in" she said in a calm voice. "Ohh hello Rose its awfully early to see you... I didnt think you were a morning person."

"Im not really, look i was just wondering what was going on, I went to do my morning training with Dimitri But he's no where to be found."

"Ohhh Rose I think you sit down." He guardian mask fell, All i could see was pain and anger in her eyes.

"Dimitri's gone, he left about three hours ago, He left this for you" she handed me an envolope. "Im so sorry Rose I know you two were in a relationship, I just cant understand why he would leave you like this." Tears were welling in my eyes with every word she was saying.

"Thh-ank you, do u mind if i take the rest of the day off?" i ask

"im sure that will be fine, i'll clear it with your teachers."

I practically ran back to my dorm room, lissa tried to stop me but i just told her i needed a bit of time to process things before I tell her whats going on.

I lay there on the bed with the note on the other side, debating wether or not to read it. I slowly and gently open the letter.

My dearest Roza,

Im dorry I have to go, im doing this for both of us, if i had of stayed I would have wrecked your career before it began. I dont regret what happened in the cabin, in fact I still stand by what I said, I would do it again in a heart beat but it took me this long to realize that its forbidden, if people were to find out we would be in serious trouble. please know that i will always love you no matter what, and nothing will ever change the way I feel about you but i had to accept Tasha's offer. she can give me things that I didnt think we possible, I have a chance at starting a family, and being a guardian at the same time. O Бог, Вашей небесной щедрости лишают меня нет. O Бог, освободите меня от вечных мучений. O Бог, простите мне, если я грешил в своем уме или своей мысли, ли в слове или деле. O Бог, освободите меня от всего невежества и забвения, от отчаяния и каменной нечувствительности. O Бог, освободите меня от каждого искушения. O Бог, просветите мое сердце, которое затемнили злые желания. O Бог, как человек имеют, я грешил: имейте Вас милосердие ко мне, как Бог, полный сострадания, видя слабость моей души. O Бог, пошлите вниз Ваше изящество помочь мне, что я могу прославить Ваше Святое Название. O Лорд Иисус Христос, запишите меня в книге жизни и гранта ко мне хороший конец. O Бог мой Бог, даже если я не сделал ничего хорошего перед Вами, делает Вы помогаете мне, в Вашем изяществе, сделать хорошее начало. O Бог, опрыскивание в мое сердце роса вашего изящества. O Бог небес и земли, помните меня, Вашего греховного слугу, полного позора и примеси, в Вашем Королевстве. Аминь.

I will always love you my Roza... I will always miss you Forever and always.

Love Dimitri.

I found out later that what he had written in Russian was actually a pray of forgiveness... it went something like this; O Lord, of Thy heavenly bounties deprive me not. O Lord, deliver me from the eternal torments. O Lord, forgive me if I have sinned in my mind or my thought, whether in word or deed. O Lord, free me from all ignorance and forgetfulness, from despondency and stony insensibility.O Lord, deliver me from every temptation. O Lord, enlighten my heart which evil desires have darkened. O Lord, as a man have I sinned: have Thou mercy on me, as the God full of compassion, seeing the feebleness of my soul. O Lord, send down Thy grace to help me, that I may glorify Thy Holy Name. O Lord Jesus Christ, write me down in the book of life and grant unto me a good end. O Lord my God, even if I had not done anything good before Thee, do Thou help me, in Thy grace, to make a good beginning. O Lord, sprinkle into my heart the dew of thy grace. O Lord of heaven and earth, remember me, Thy sinful servant, full of shame and impurity, in Thy Kingdom. Amen.

I cried until I thought i could cry anymore, if only that wouold work but it didnt, I thought it had stopped but no, it started again the heart ache was horrible.

*End of Flash Back*

Three days, I havent eaten, moved or slept at all. When i eventually did close my eyes I knew my dreams would be intruded by Adrian.

"what do you want Adrian, Im really not in the mood for this."

"Are you okay little Dhampir? you look like you have been crying, whats wrong." I sank to my knees and started crying. "shh it okay its going to be okay." he said as he held me close and rubbed soothing circles on the skin of my back.

"He Left me... Ohh Adrian how do go on, i feel like i have lost my soul, my heart feels like it has shattered into a million pieces."

"Its okay, you will move on and put this all behind you."

"Adrian I know you want to help but i need some time to myself." i say.

"Lissa's worried about you, you havent come out of your room in three days we're really worried." I could see the concern on his face.

"Tell her im okay, do not tell her about Dimitri and why im upset, tell her i just need some time to myself and when im ready i will come to face the world again but for now im not ready."

"okay little Dhampir i'll let you get some sleep, goodnight." he kissed my forhead and left while i fell into a deep sleep.

Okay so this is my second fanfic, tell me what you think... coz i wont continue if nobody thinks its any good. just as a preview the next few chapters will involve; A suicide attempt, a very angry Lissa and a few new revelastions that nobody saw coming... so tell me what you think and give me some ideas.

Thanks sienna xxx