AN: Ok. So I fixed this first chapter and kicked Zero out. Why? Because it was just too random and weird and I didn't like it. Hopefully it will be. um. less bad now.

Soooo. What comes next? Oh! A disclaimer!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Loveless. Oh, pooh.

And a warning!

WARNING: There's shounen-ai and maybe yaoi in later chapters, so consider yourself warned. Besides, it's a LOVELESS fanfic, what else would it have? Heterosexual fluffies? Give me a break.

--

"HEARTLESS: we who share this name have no heart! We show no mercy, brook no pain!" Aya-kun and I clasped right hands and pressed the name inscribed into the inside of our arms together as the battle system initiated. The other couple looked at us with passing interest. They were both female, high-school students. Both with ears. Again I felt that woozy lightheaded sensation when I realized that I no longer had mine. That was why we were here, after all. Aya wanted to see if the loss of our ears meanta stronger bond. He literally pounced on another fighting couple just to try me out. I kind of felt like a new car. Or at least an upgraded browser.

"We are BEREFT!" said the other Fighter. Her bleached hair whipped around her. "Our attack will leave you with nothing but grief and emptiness!" I really didn't know where these names came from. It was like someone put a bunch of really depressing adjectives and a few cute and cuddly ones and one or two sexy ones in a large fedora and at random drew them out. I didn't even WANT to know how they ended up on the skin of Sentoki and Sacrifice alike.

I ran a hand through my light lavender hair, and felt a bit empty when my fingers went right through where my ears used to be. I turned to smile at Aya. He nodded. I faced the opponent again. "Bring it on, little girl."

She glared at me, as was expected. "Worthless adults!" she yelled. "Magma! Erupt from the ground and cover them in liquid fire!" The ground beneath us shook and split as a spray of lava exploded outwards.

"COUNTERATTACK!" ordered Aya. Heartless didn't deal with defense. Defense was useless.

"A tidal wave," I whispered, closing my eyes. "The cool water stops the flow of lava and the pressure builds beneath the ground until it explodes, destroying the source..." I opened my hand and torrents of water caught the droplets of lava flying through the air, forcing it back. "The formation of obsidian shards, beautifully sharp and black, rain upon the enemy!"

"Defense!" said the other girl. "Deflect!" Most of the volcanic glass glanced off and fell to the ground.

"Sorry, little girl," I smiled. "Too many." A few shards made it past the barrier and sliced open the skin of her Sacrifice. The turquoise-haired girl cried out and held her bleeding arm. "Restraint!" A glowing chain manacled the Sacrifice. "And it would be a bad idea to forget the explosion brewing beneath you. Maybe you should use some defense."

The other Fighter scowled. "Vents in the earth! Let loose the pressure building beneath! GEYSER!" Clouds of hot steam shot out of the ground. I swore as Aya took damage. I opened my left palm again, closing my eyes to visualize my words.

"When a hot front is confronted by cold air, it forms a TROPICAL STORM. Winds of 120 kilometers per hour, sheets of stinging rain, lightning at 10,000 volts!" My eyes snapped open and I released the storm upon them.

"DEFENSE!" yelled the other Sentouki. "DEFENSE, DEFENSE! We are in the eye of the storm! ZERO DAMAGE!" I gritted my teeth and chanced a look back at Aya. He scowled darkly at me and I winced. I should know better than to use an attack that has loopholes. That's what Heartless exploits, after all. We shouldn't take on our enemies' weaknesses.

"You WILL win, Heartless," said Aya.

"Needles of ice!" The attack came too soon and I was caught off guard. Aya had suffered two hits before I came up with a defense.

"NO! The air is too warm! The ice melts, it is only light rain!"

"You wish! There is sulfur in the atmosphere and it forms ACID RAIN!" Aya made a small, nearly inaudible noise as he was pelted with burning droplets. I faltered. My Sacrifice was getting hurt. I should be protecting him. He shouldn't be getting hurt.

"A strong wind to blow the rain clouds away!" I said desperately, only a weak wisp of a breeze coming to my aid. My eyes were wide open, I couldn't concentrate. Aya was getting hurt.

"STOP USING DEFENSE, DAMMIT!" Aya spat. He roughly spun me around, the glowing chains clinking between us. He was an inch shorter than I, but when angry, he seemed to tower over me. He glared into my eyes. "We are HEARTLESS," he said in a hoarse whisper. "No mercy, no pain. We do not do defense in this team. We turn attacks. Do you understand?"

I swallowed, my throat dry. He continued, his eyes never leaving mine. "I thought that after I took away your ears you would understand, grow up a little," he scoffed. "Don't you get it? We are here to win. We can't walk away with a victory with you trying to protect me all the time!"

My brows furrowed, I touched his arm. He stiffened but said nothing. "But if I don't protect you," I whispered, "you will get hurt. What if you..."

"I wouldn't get hurt as much if you would just hurry up and finish them off!" Aya snapped, eyes blazing. I winced. Aya took a deep breath and spoke again, his voice softer. "Kirin, Kirin," he ran his hands through my hair where the ears had once been. "You're losing concentration. You need to think with your mind, not your heart. It's okay if I get hurt, if it means we win faster. Heartless, remember? I'm strong. I'm not afraid of bleeding a little. Okay?" I breathed shakily, nodding yes. "Be strong." His grip around me suddenly tightened and he drew me closer towards him. My lips met his in a kiss. It was kind of like recharging a battery, come to think of it. Only, you know, hotter and smexier and more fan-service-y. Not that I have fans. Yet. His tongue slipped into my mouth. Mmmm...

"Hello?" the voice of the Zero Sacrifice broke through our mid-battle recharge. "Are you guys planning to make out for the rest of this fight? Miko, finish them off. They're starting to bother me, and I'm hungry."

Aya pulled away from me and smiled grimly. "Eliminate them, Kirin," he said as I turned back to the enemy and closed my eyes. I went back into pattern breathing and opened my left hand.

"Miko, is it?" I said, smiling without opening my eyes. "And your sacrifice is Rika. Have you heard of a certain type of plant that only grows in the tropical rain forest? It feeds off the acidity in the ground, becuase there isn't much else, you see, with all the rain. It has a most peculiar special ability that allows it to drain the blood and energy out of its prey by attaching rootlets into the bloodstream..." I sniffed the air delicately. "Ahh, how nice it was of you to provide the perfect needs for the LEECH VINE. Feed my Sacrifice with the enemy's energy!"

Have I ever mentioned that I really like to explain every attack that I use and its natural factors before I use it? I think that it's a good way to spread the information around, you know? But Aya-kun thinks that it's a waste of time, and it bugs the enemy, usually. Well, the latter is probably a good thing. Anyway: the vine.

The vines were quick to coil around the girl's ankles and snaked up her legs. The girl did not even try to restrain her scream. Pain can put any one out of their mind, but then again, so can things like lust, revulsion, and fear. There is no pain associated with the feeding of the leech vine, but I believe that it is hard to be fearless when one witnesses thick glossy vines sapping blood right out of your veins.

The Fighter was frightened as well, and panicked. "No! Rika! FIRE! An inferno! A holocaust of flame to burn and sever the vines!"

"Useless," I whispered with a smile. "The vines are flame retardant. They will not catch fire. You're only burning your Sacrifice, Miko."

"RIKA!" the Fighter looked close to panicking. I heard the ground breaking behind me and knew that the vines were healing Aya. "Heavy rains! Quench the fire!"

"Lightning," I pressed on relentlessly. "Ten thousand--"

"STOP!" screamed the other Fighter, cradling the blonde in her arms. "Please, stop!"

"Keep going," ordered Aya from behind me. I turned to smile brightly at him, which caught him off guard, I think.

"I think I'm done with attacking," I said suddenly. The two girls looked at me in confusion. I felt Aya bristle behind me, then his hand clamped down on my shoulder.

"Are you defying an order from your Sacrifice?" he demanded.

"I'm sorry, Master," I said, looking at him with sad green eyes. "But... I'm not in the mood."

"Not in the... WHAT?" he yelled. "Kirin, are you out of your mind?"

"Ne, Aya-kun," I said, tilting my head to the side. "You shouldn't move so much, the vines are having trouble healing you." Aya opened his mouth, then closed it and looked helplessly at me. I smiled and dropped a quick kiss on his lips, then spun around in mock surprise. "Oh, look!" I said. "It's the other side of the hurricane I formed! It looks like the eye was only so big, ne, Miko-san?" The fierce winds combined with the heavy torrential rain finished them. The chains that restrained Aya and myself shattered and I hugged my Sacrifice. "That was pretty cool, eh?"

We watched the pair stagger away in the dying light. Aya put a hand on my shoulder. I turned partway to look at him. His moderate injuries had been mostly healed from what I had sapped from the other Sacrifice. "That was Heartless," he said with satisfaction. "You have done well, my Fighter." I smiled shyly and blushed at his praise. Such a compliment was rare. "A quick victory, finally. And against the notorious BEREFT." He reached up to stroke my hair again. "Perhaps losing your ears has made you stronger." My smile faded and I watched him worriedly.

"Aya-kun," I said quietly. "About last night..."

He frowned thoughtfully. "Yes? Do you think that repeating the process would make you stronger still?"

I winced at his clinical, off-handed wording of the intimacies that had led to the loss of my ears and tail. "N-no, that's not what I meant," I said timidly. "Last night... it..." I swallowed. Aya's gaze on me intensified, as if trying to fathom what I would say next. I closed my eyes. "It hurt. You should really find some better lubrication." I risked a look at my partner. Would he be angry with me, as he often was? Would he call me weak again, or stupid, or childish? I blinked.

Aya was smiling at me. His topaz eyes were soft as his touch as his fingers caressed the side of my face. "I'm sorry," he said gently, "that I hurt you." I was stunned by his words. Aya was never sorry for what he did, even if it hurt me. Especially if it hurt me. He was one who believed in strict discipline and punishment. I kind of wished that he would lighten up once in a while. I mean, whips are sexy, but hey, I don't like the scars they leave. I looked at him in confusion. "All that I do, I do for Heartless," he reminded me, pulling me closer to his body, his warmth.

"All that I do, I do for Aya-kun," I replied, letting him kiss me. There in the fields, under the quiet sentinel of the tall metal towers, I submitted to him once again. (Ummm. that's a eupemism for "we went at it like cuddly bunny rabbits in lurve. really, really hot bishounen love. in the fields. surrounded by pretty grasses and flowers.) This time he was far gentler, his touches more human, his voice less cold. He also had some really nice honey lotion on hand. We finally lay side by side, exhausted, looking up at the stars that glittered faintly. I watched him, my redheaded partner, so calm in the night wind beside me. I bit my lip and rolled over a little towards him. My hand trembled as I reached an arm across his chest to hold him. He usually didn't let me initiate touch, so I was fully expecting to be reprimanded. Instead, he just turned and looked at me curiously. Feeling a bit braver, I moved my hand to his face and ran a thumb over the smooth skin there.

"I... I love you, Aya-kun," I whispered. I had told Aya this the first day I found him, the only other Heartless in the entire world.

A shadow crossed his face and I knew that I had gone too far. "Don't be stupid," he murmured, eyes downcast. "The Heartless do not love." He turned his face away from me, although he did not get up and simply walk away, as he often did whenever I displeased him with my emotions. I opened my mouth to protest, to say that I DID love him, and that Heartless was only a name, and wasn't I more than a name? But then I thought better of it. Aya-kun is very old hat like that.

I fell asleep on the car ride home. I was groggily half-aware that the car had stopped and that Aya had opened the door on my side. I feigned sleep as he unbuckled my belt and carried me out of the car, into the building, up to our apartment, into the bedroom, and finally depositing me on the bed. He ran his fingers over my right arm, tracing the letters that spelled the name that had been inscribed there, that had been decided for me. For the both of us.

"Heartless. Hn." My eyes were closed, but I could feel his eyes searching my face. "Do we love? Can we love, without hearts?" I heard him kneeling down beside me, then felt him press his lips against mine in a soft kiss. "Kirin... I would love you if I only knew how... and I am sorry I hurt you." He stood and left the room. As I drifted off to sleep, I allowed myself a small smile. Someday, I would teach my Sacrifice how to love. If not tomorrow, then the day after tomorrow. We had time. We had each other. And Aya cared for me. He did... I had not been so happy in a long time and dreamed of mad bunny sex the whole night.

As it turned out, I was wrong. About having time. About having each other. Aya was killed the very next morning. Maybe he did care for me. Maybe he even wanted to love me. He just didn't know how...

... and now, he never would.

The realization was a cause for angst. A lot of angst. Horrible amounts of it. Hang on. I'll stop cracking jokes for a moment and tell how it was...
Aya was my Sacrifice. My Master. Without him, I was lost. Truly, deeply lost.

The days after Aya's murder passed like a haze. I was immobilized by shock. Grief. Weeks and months and years crawled by, every sunrise felt like an extra day, like extra scoops of cheap ice cream long after your tongue has gone dead and numb and the inside of your belly hurts and feels like it's rotting from the inside out. I didn't know who killed Aya, or who could possibly tell me anything about it. All I was able to do was to stand outside the funeral, watching his family and friends mourn over his passing. Wreaths of white flowers pale as death against the black railings they hung upon. I knew that I would be unwelcome, knew that they all blamed Aya's death on me. Even I blamed myself for what happened to my once-partner, once-lover, once-Heartless-other.

My absense of a heart ached.

Slowly, however, I managed to forget. Everything. The scars Aya had given me during discipline never fully disappeared but even they faded until they were nothing but shadows of memories. The brand that was my name was always covered up by my clothing. I avoided wearing anything that would expose my arm and finally hid my name with cloth bandages. What upset me the most was that I had no document, no mark, no proof of the parts of Aya that had comforted me the most. His kind voice when he was pleased with my progress. His soft touch when he had apologised for hurting me. The long, deep kisses which left my pulse rushing through my body, reminding me that though Heartless, I was indeed alive.

All I had were remnants of scars. And strangled wispy nightmares. It was like a half of me had suddenly gone missing, and what was left of me wanted to rejoin it, but couldn't find a way to. I could not forgive myself for being alive when my Sacrifice was dead. It took enormous effort to survive every day that I outlived Aya by.

I did not take my life. Suicide is the worst way to die. Aya said so. He told me that suicide is detestable because it is only for those who can no longer face life. He said it was like throwing away the single most valuable thing that you had been given for free. For the first year, I seriously considered disposing of this unwanted gift. But when I began to forget, began to lock away the parts of me that grieved and felt, this belief of Aya's was the only thing that refused to leave me. It was the only part of Aya that stayed wholly with me, along with the sternness of his voice when he explained it, and his strong grip on my shoulders along with the look in his eyes. It was the only thing that kept me going.

To pass the time, two years after Aya died, I started to battle again. It was true that I had no Sacrifice to take the damage for me, and that the absense of such a partner halved my powers, but I saw no reason for another to hurt for my mistakes. I seldom lost, using the ruthless technique that Aya had drilled into me. Sometimes I would willingly let my guard down so that they could inflict damage upon me, so that I could suffer what Aya had suffered when my counterattacks were not thorough enough, my spells too weak. After a while, I stopped losing altogether, although I did prefer to drag some battles longer than they needed to be, just to feel the pain, just to see the fear, just to lose myself in the rush of adrenaline and, most importantly, to stop thinking. To stop trying to recover the memories that I locked away. To just stop feeling any sort of emotion.

I had become truly Heartless.

And oh, did that suck. I tried flirting again. Apparently the lone Fighter status makes you very popular with the others in the fighting circle. Makes you sort of an antihero. So I had a few boyfriends... cute guys I went out to dinner with, took home, and had a good old snuggling time with... But it just never... happened. I could never bear to go all the way with any of them. Somewhere, in some part of my mind that I had locked away, I was still Aya's. I would always be Aya's. I think the guys I went out with understood that, too. They never pressed me. It frustrated me. Why I was still alive. I should have been... searching for Aya's killer or... or something...

But I didn't. Instead I continued to casually make passes at anyone who looked interesting to me, anyone who could take my mind off of things between battles, betwen classes and responsibilities. I ended up leaving them all eventually. For a while they called me Heartbreaker, instead of Heartless. It was sort of romantic, in some weird twisted way, but I preferred my real name. I wonder what any of the boys I'd dated felt towards me. I mostly chose those younger than I. Did they see me as an idol? Did they worship me? Or did they fear me? And sometimes, at night, with my arms around some sleeping boy who still has his ears and his clothes on, I wonder:

Does he love me? Because I don't want to break another heart. It was messy and things felt bad afterwards. It wasn't that I wanted to use any of the boys I went out with. It was just that... For me, it was only passive flirting. I couldn't... I couldn't love any of them. Aya's words always haunted me.

The Heartless do not love, cannot love.

Well, then I met Rinke. And as they say, Everything changed.

Ok. Not everything. But something did.

--

AN: Ok, so I only rewrote like MORE THAN HALF OF IT. I think I'll repost this story under humor, seeing as how that's a better genre for me to work in. I hope changing the opponent team to a group that has nothing to do with Zero is vastly better, ne? It sounded like bishounen mary-sue when I was reading it over and I thought I was going to kill myself.

I really enjoyed writing this (ahhhh, the rush of fanfiction!), but I don't know if you guys like it as much as I do! So please leave a comment (or two, or three!) by clicking that blue shiny button down there! Critiques are welcome, but so are just general "wheeeeee! fanfic!" reviews. I love reviews! C'mon, make me a happy fox!