Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
Author's Notes: Although I've watched anime for years, I got on the Naruto bandwagon very late, and only under the influence of a good friend. I've only barely started Shippuden, so this story is non-specific as to details because, frankly, I have no idea what happens beyond Team Kakashi's first encounter with Sasuke, and I'm trying very hard to stay spoiler-free. Hope you still enjoy the piece!
BTW, I am a fan of Sakura and Sasuke, but if he never comes back, there's only one other person I could ever see her with...
If I Didn't Know Better
by Kristen Elizabeth
If I didn't know better...
"Maybe we should give up."
Her words, spoken so softly, with such regret, caught Naruto so off-guard that he almost choked on his ramen. Slurping down a massive mouthful of noodles, he looked at the girl sitting next to him.
Sakura had barely touched her own food. She was just staring into the bowl, like she might find the answers to all of her problems in the way the meat and vegetables rested on the surface of the soup.
"You don't mean that, Sakura-chan." He slapped on a trademark grin. "I'll never stop trying to see what's under Kaka-sensei's mask!"
Seated on the other side of Naruto, Kakashi merely shook his head and glanced back at the book in his hand.
The corners of her lips turned up, but there was no life in her smile. "And I really wish that's what I was talking about."
Naruto's cheerful expression faded. "What else would you be talking about?"
"You're going to make me say it?"
"Yeah." Sakura glanced at him only to find him staring right back at her. "You've never held back before."
There was a lump in her throat that wouldn't go away no matter how many times she swallowed. "He doesn't want to be saved, Naruto. He's made that clear more times than I can count." She had to stop for a second. "Why aren't we listening to him?"
Kakashi cleared his throat to break the silence that followed and addressed the ramen shop's owner. "Teuchi-san, could I bother you for another glass of..."
Naruto cut him off. "Because he doesn't know what he's saying," the blond ninja told his pink-haired teammate, his tone edging towards anger. "He's not thinking right. All he can see is revenge and hate and it's keeping him from seeing what he really wants."
"Or he knows exactly what he wants and we're not it." Sakura pushed away from the counter with enough force to make soup slosh out of her full bowl. "We never were." Reaching into her purse, she threw down a handful of coins. "See you tomorrow."
When she was gone, Naruto looked at Teuchi and Ayame. Both father and daughter were immersed in their work, studiously ignoring the scene that had just taken place. He swung his scowl towards Kakashi, but his sensei had already immersed himself in the naughty world of his favorite novel.
Naruto tried to continue eating, as if Sakura's words hadn't bothered him, but he'd lost his appetite. Throwing down his chopsticks, he stormed off, nearly ripping off the flaps that lined the entrance when they got in his way.
In his wake, Teuchi sighed. "Kids."
"No." Kakashi stood up, the weight of the world on his shoulders, and put down enough money to cover both his and Naruto's food. "They're not anymore."
Sakura had only made it around the block. She sensed Naruto coming before he even turned the corner, but when he called out her name, she didn't stop walking.
"Sakura!" he tried again. The lack of his usual honorific finally made her stop. His chakra was in flux; after so many years of training and fighting with him, she could tell when he was angry just by the surge in energy. "I thought you loved him!"
His words felt like heated kunai blades stabbing her in the chest.
"If you love him," Naruto scowled, "how can you give up?"
Sakura turned her head just enough to let him see her profile. "Because...I don't think love is supposed to feel like this."
A strong wind whipped down the street making her hair dance around her shoulders. She could hear him heave a sigh as his chakra faded back to normal.
"We're going to get him back, Sakura-chan. Someday, he's gonna wake up, snap out of it, get it beaten out of his head...whatever it takes...and he'll come home."
"I don't think so." She turned around to face him straight on. "I'm sorry, but I don't. Not anymore."
Naruto took a step forward. "I promised you..."
"You were thirteen!" Sakura shouted. "We all thought it would be as simple as knocking him out and dragging him back. Do you really think I'm going to hold you to that promise now, after all these years? Now that he's become...the way that he is? With the power he has?" She shook her head. "I'm not that selfish, Naruto."
"Sakura-chan..."
He stopped when she kept shaking her head. "No. I'm not going to lose you both. I can't."
"He won't kill me," Naruto declared. "If he wanted to kill me, he already would have."
"How many more times are you going to let him try, though?"
"I told you, I promised I would bring him home and..."
There was a post only a few feet away from Sakura. It was the only thing within reach, so it had the unfortunate fate of being on the receiving end of her fist. The wood cracked and split down the middle, and the entire pole sagged, held up only by the wires that connected it to the others lining the block.
"That's a child's promise, Naruto!" she shouted. "You have to grow up and realize..." Her chest rose and fell with each heavy, forced breath. "He's never coming back to us!"
"Oy, you two." Kakashi emerged from the shadows, his hands in his pockets, a bored look on his face. "Try not to wake up the entire neighborhood."
Her fist fell to her side, but her fingers remained clenched.
Kakashi glanced at Naruto. Although his furrowed brow gave evidence to his anger, it was the moisture in his blue eyes that gave away his true feelings. "Naruto." The young man's glare shifted to him. "You should head home. Early day tomorrow. You wouldn't want to be late."
Naruto sniffed. "Look who's talking."
"Ah," Kakashi agreed.
With a shake of his head, Naruto turned, shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away. When Kakashi could no longer sense his chakra, he looked back at Sakura.
"Come on." He gestured to her. "I'll walk you home."
"I think I can make it on my own," she snapped with more bite than she'd intended.
"Indulge an old man, Sakura."
"Kaka-sensei, you're not old." As she reminded him of this, it dawned on her that he hadn't said '-chan.'
He might have been smiling under his mask, but his exposed eye just looked sad. "If you say so."
With a reluctant sigh, she started off in the direction of her apartment, unwilling to admit that she didn't absolutely hate it when he followed her.
...I'd follow you up the stairs...
She rented rooms over a shop that sold, amongst other things, an amazing array of windchimes. One of the reasons why she had never bothered to look for a new place was that on windy nights, she could stand on her balcony and hear the windchimes that the shop owner had on permanent display.
As she came to a stop in front of the door that led up to her apartment, the gentle tinkle of wooden reeds dancing against each other almost drowned out the wind that animated them. Sakura turned around to face Kakashi.
"Do you think I'm wrong?" He tilted his head a bit to the side, prompting her to clarify, "About...the thing. The thing Naruto and I were fighting about."
Kakashi looked up at the stars. "That isn't something I can answer," he eventually replied.
She folded her ams over her chest like a shield. "Do you think he'll ever come back?"
"He's nothing if not unpredictable."
Sakura frowned. "So...that's a no...but it could be a yes?"
Kakashi's good eye crinkled as he smiled. "Maybe."
She let out a little laugh of both amusement and frustration. It faded a second later. "I'm tired of him hurting Naruto. I'm tired of Naruto letting himself get hurt. He gets his hopes up for nothing. It's getting worse every time."
"Giving up isn't in his nature." A moment passed. "It's not in yours, either."
"I think...I gave up on him a long time ago, Kaka-sensei." Sakura looked down, ashamed of this admission. "I only keep going for Naruto's sake."
Kakashi took a step towards her. In the moonlight, he could see twin tracks of tears coursing down her pale cheeks.
"I'm sorry." Her eyes were on the ground. "I haven't done this in years."
"There's nothing wrong with crying," Kakashi said. "Sometimes I wish I still could."
It was as though his confession gave her the permission she'd needed. Burying her face in her hands, Sakura's slender shoulders hunched over under the weight of her sobs.
She didn't know how much time passed, maybe seconds, maybe minutes, but the next thing she knew, there was an arm around her shoulder and she found herself being drawn against Kakashi's chest.
He was solid muscle, but not at all uncomfortable. After a moment, Sakura relaxed enough to lay her cheek against the pocket of his green vest. The heavy fabric smelled like grass and tobacco with just a touch of something else. Something clean, but definitely male.
Her hands shook as she laid her palms on the back of his uniform. His masked chin rested on the top of her head like he had no intention of letting go anytime soon.
"It's all right to move on," Kakashi said, his throat vibrating with each deep word. She closed her eyes at the feeling; her fingers gripped his vest. "You deserve to have a life."
"Thank you, Kaka-sensei," she whispered. Leaning her head back just a bit, she was able to look up at the contours of his face.
Amongst the girls of the village, there had always been much speculation about what lay beneath his mask. Pessimists thought he was hiding scars even more debilitating than the one that ran through his eye. But optimists, like Sakura, believed he might be hiding features that were just as good-looking as the ones he let the world see.
She might never have actually seen his lips, but being as close as she was right then, she could make out their shape beneath the dark blue mask. Without stopping to think, Sakura lifted her chin and sought them out with her own.
The cloth over his mouth was warm from his breath. Slowly, softly, she kissed what she couldn't see and waited for him to respond in kind.
He never did.
Drawing back, Sakura saw that his eye was closed, not in pain, but in concentration. "Kaka-sen..." She stopped herself. "Kakashi." A second ticked by. "Are you mad at me?"
Kakashi opened his eye. "No. Not you."
Relief, not to mention a desire to kiss him again that came out of nowhere, compelled her to lean in closer, but at the last second, he turned his face away from her.
"We're not doing this," he said. "You don't want this."
You, he'd said. Not him. There was a difference, Sakura decided. A big difference.
"I'm eighteen," she informed him. "I get to decide what I want."
Kakashi looked back at her. For a brief second, she thought she might have changed his mind. With the back of his knuckles, he stroked her damp cheek; she smiled at the gentle contact, wanting more. But when he spoke, it was like a punch to her stomach.
"If you think you were hurt by Sasuke..." His hand dropped away. "You have no idea what loving me would do to you."
Although her heart was beating rapidly and the usual flood of mixed emotions...regret, sorrow, longing, anger, attraction...that always followed when she heard Sasuke's name were threatening to spill out in the form of fresh tears, Sakura held her composure steady.
"I'm willing to risk it."
Kakashi bent his head and put his lips at her ear. "I'm not."
She blinked and he was gone, leaving her alone in the middle of the street, with only the sound of the windchimes.
...if I didn't know better...but damnit...
...I do.
- The Civil Wars
Fin
(Maybe. I'm open to the idea of sequel. After NaNoWriMo. Let me know if anyone would want one! And thank you for reading!)