Sorry this took about a million years to complete, I should be sleeping RIGHT NOW, but since I finished this a while back I decided to update today... Okay, just because I'm a little psycho sometimes, here's a flip-side of my other song-fic, The Reason, which was Hiei's POV to the tune of A Reason, by Hoobastank. And, because I can, this is Kurama's feelings, which I found to match Kiss From a Rose, by Seal, which I got by total accident. And damn if this song's not perfect... Kurama, ROSE? My muses found some major shit to throw at me today. Don't laugh. Oh wait, do, because humour is my SOUL.... no, wait, I lost my soul... okay, humour is my BLOOD. And they steal some of that too...
Disclaimer: The charas belong to whoever drew them first, the song belongs to Seal, because they rock, my computer and internet connection, which rarely works, belongs to my parents, the program I write this on belongs to Microsoft, belongs to... the peeps?
WARNING!!! Probably gonna be angsty. I hate angst. Yaoi. Well, no freakin' duh, right? I think the only non-yaoi fics I ever wrote are Yu-Gi-Oh, and that's because I don't particularly fan it, and FullMetal Alchemist, because... I dunno. Anyway!
Kiss From A Rose
There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.
Kurama used to be a bit of a loner. Used to be. Because something had happened, something that changed his life forever. Namely a run in with a certain adorable pyromaniac thief who dresses in black. Although he didn't know it, Hiei was the one who brought about a vital change in Kurama. Sure, he'd always been polite, sexy and smart, but after meeting, fighting, and beating the fire youkai, Kurama began to be something else as well. He gained his first actual friend, and became social. Now that makes for quite a nice combination, something he knew for a fact half his school were going gaga for, but Hiei had never seemed to notice. Of course, Hiei wasn't without quite a few attractive features himself, but he had never seemed to notice them either. In fact, despite his age and fighting stature, Hiei really did have the mind and innocence of a child, completely unaware that he was the cause of any wet dreams Kurama ever had. But what had at first been simple, Youko-induced lust, had changed with time as Kurama grew to knew the thief better, and see a side of Hiei few were privileged to witness.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
Before meeting Yusuke Urameshi, Kurama had gotten to know Hiei quite well, and already have feelings of something a little more than friendship for the demon. He had been such a closed character then, despite Kurama's frequent attempts to open his eyes. Therefore, Kurama was quite surprised when a rambunctious teen managed to accomplish what he never had; when Yusuke seemingly managed to change Hiei's whole attitude practically overnight. Oh, the full transformation took much longer, but Kurama had easily been able to tell when it began. Of course, with the nature of his talents, Kurama found it easier to compare his various team mates to plants, and it seemed to him that Hiei's flower had began to bloom. At the time, he hadn't quite understood why Hiei being compassionate and opening up had made him feel so warm inside, almost proud, happy, and tender, all at once. Later, of course, he had realised. A certain rambunctious teenager had opened his eyes, too.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Before a grinning Yusuke had mercilessly interrogated him, Kurama was forced to admit that his feelings had been less than clear. Merely being near Hiei had been enough to make his head spin, with a mixture of happiness, apprehension, fear, the feeling Yusuke assured him was love, and an acute awareness of every single move the thief made. That wasn't too bad though, compared to how he felt whenever Hiei made a rude comment about humans, or just gave him the look that meant he was either annoyed or disappointed. It felt like some strange alien had invaded his body and eaten a hole in his stomach. At first, he had been worried he was ill, and tried finding various remedies. Yusuke had laughed until he cried when he heard that. Kurama had been utterly confused by that, very sure that what he felt was NOT healthy, until Yusuke had FINALLY managed to get control of himself enough to explain that Kurama wasn't sick, he was just in love. It seemed Hiei wasn't the only one with an innocent and childlike mind.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey,
After realising the true depths of his feelings for Hiei, Kurama had spent a few weeks testing the waters, trying to come to a fuller understanding of what those feelings were, and how his love for Hiei was so different from his love for his mother. His mother had never made him feel both higher than Mount Everest, and lower than the lowest worm within 5 minutes. And no one else in the whole world EVER had managed to make Kurama totally lose control. And yet Hiei seemed totally capable of doing both without even seeming to realise it. Kurama was almost certain that Hiei was doing it deliberately, though Keiko and Botan both assured him that Hiei would never play with peoples' emotions like that, even if he DID know. The thought of Hiei knowing about his feelings both filled him with hope, and a strange kind of anxious despair. Of course, all his friends assured him time and again that Hiei would return his love, if Kurama would only talk to him. At times, the pressure got to be too much, and Kurama almost blurted what was becoming his most safe-guarded secret, but every time a small part of his mind screamed out and stopped him, so afraid that Hiei would see it as a betrayal of his trust.
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the grey.
Of course, there were good things along with the bad. Despite his prior confusion, there were plenty of moments when he felt completely happy, blissfully peaceful in the presence of the small thief. This was, admittedly, mostly when they were fighting together, and generally surrounded by death and destruction, most (if not all) caused by them, and maybe Yusuke and Kuwabara. This was possibly because Hiei was far more cheerful and actually paid compliments during total destruction. And by that he meant REAL compliments, not the 'you're not a COMPLETE waste of space' comments that had to do otherwise. And then… there were the days when Hiei smiled for real, even if it was usually because Kuwabara was in trouble again. There were the days when the thief actually joined whatever ridiculous game Yusuke had chosen to play that day. Water fights, laser tag, paintball, and one particularly memorable experience with fireworks were among Kurama's most treasured memories. And yes, Yusuke almost definitely deliberately made sure Kurama and Hiei were on the same team, and though he sometimes wanted to slap the human for it (yes, slap), he couldn't help the euphoria that came from working with his beloved Hiei… and the fact that they usually won…
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Yes, their teamwork was definitely incredible. Even from their first meeting, Kurama had felt they were totally in sync. Everyone had commented on it at some point, and even if that usually left Kurama blushing and a little annoyed, he was also glad to realise that this meant it wasn't all his imagination, that someone else had actually noticed it. Youko, who muttered perverted comments into his ears 24/7, didn't count. He hadn't originally believed Yusuke when the boy angrily muttered that Kurama was the only one who ever got a legitimate compliment, but of course, that had only been accidental encouragement for Yusuke, Keiko and Botan to set up a diabolical plan involving Hiei, Kurama, Yusuke and Kuwabara disguised as a jello monster. Yes, only Kurama got anything even vaguely approaching praise for that one. Of course, that made the next time Hiei said a disparaging thing about humans hurt all the worse. If it wasn't for Yusuke keeping a 'helpful' eye on him, things might have gotten serious. Kurama had heard the stages of knowing you were going to die, but no one told him about the stages of crush. First, indeed, came denial, but in this case it was followed by terror, acceptance, and a desperate desire for compliments and acceptance. It wasn't hard for even Hiei to notice he was practically fawning, and he almost made a complete fool of himself. Again.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
He managed to quickly bump through the 'hate myself/hate everyone' stage as soon as he noticed he was in it, but a moment spent with the fire demon still spent both ages longer than a moment with anyone else, and far too short. It was oddly terrifying, but Hiei seemed perfectly happy to act as though everything was normal the moment Kurama STOPPED acting like a slightly demented puppy. In a way, that was bad, and Kurama occasionally wished the little demon would press him, ask what the hell was going on… but no. It just seemed as if he didn't care. But… sometimes he saw something in Hiei's eye, something that almost made him believe Yusuke knew what he was talking about… it was like dancing on quicksand, like falling in love with a beaker of acid… like kissing a rose. Beautiful, dangerous, amazing, insane, wanting to do it just so you could say you did… and never wanting to say good bye. Today, he was taking a bet with Yusuke. Again. For a smart guy, he didn't learn. And, when he lost, he owed Yusuke a round of ice cream. And since Yusuke wasn't paying, he HAD to invite Kuwabara as well. It was a nice enough day, and Yusuke had insisted on spending twenty minutes searching for Hiei. The moment he said that, of course, Kurama couldn't help but point out that he knew the best places to look, which he hated himself for a moment later, and continued to hate himself for the next twenty minutes when his teammates wouldn't shut up.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey
They had finally gotten around to finding an actual ice cream stand, and NOT just teasing Kurama, if with slight disgust in Kuwabara's case, when Hiei showed up. Kuwabara, of course, reacted without thinking, glaring contemptuously down at him.
"Hey look, it's the Shorty!" Kurama was ready and fully willing to give him a slap, when something happened that actually surprised him. Hiei started acting civil.
"Good afternoon, Kuwabara." Sure, it sounded a little stiff, and he wasn't exactly smiling, but the next comment was tinged with amusement, and there was a faint smile there as he turned to Yusuke. It wasn't hard to see why, the boy was practically barfing slugs. "Hello Yusuke." Kuwabara managed to find his voice before Kurama himself though, who was still momentarily thrown off by the smile.
"Wow, Hiei smiled! I'd pat you on the head, short stuff, but I can't reach that low!" Kurama shot a glare at him at the same time as Hiei himself, making Yusuke snicker. Kurama shot him a quick frown too, but by then, Hiei had turned to Kurama himself, offering him a tentative, but realistic smile. "Hi, Kurama." Even without Youko sitting on his shoulder and grinning, Kurama couldn't help but notice the fact that the greetings had been increasingly more friendly, and YAY, his was the most friendly. He smiled back.
"Hello to you too, Hiei." It was… odd, and adorable, but Hiei actually started to blush.
"I just wanted to tell you all… I'm sorry for trying to kill you and stuff…and being such a dick all the time." Kurama was fairly sure that Yusuke and Kuwabara looked as surprised as he did now, and the small cataloguing part of his brain felt Hiei was justified in his next smile. And then, he turned to Kurama himself… and when he didn't talk, Kurama swallowed a lump, took a chance, smiled, and asked.
"What is it, Hiei?" Hiei glanced down, blushing again, and Kurama felt his heart stop.
"Uh… I needed to tell you… whenever I'm around you… I don't feel so, I guess, depressed and violent. You make me feel… more complete inside, like most of my past never happened, and I'm really sorry I couldn't be a better friend. I tried changing, these past few months, but I've realised it's hopeless. I'm not like you, Kurama… and I don't think I ever can be. So I have one last thing to say before I say goodbye, and you may or may not like it. I love you, Kurama, and I think I always will. I'm sorry." Kurama's heart had been rising and filling from the moment the first word left Hiei's mouth, until he felt he would burst with uncontrollable delight. He KNEW exactly the face Yusuke would be making, knew what Kuwabara would be doing, knew there were dozens of people around, but for now, in this perfect moment… he didn't care. He reached out almost hesitantly to touch the thief, as though Hiei would shatter, disappear, or say it was all a joke. He struggled inside himself for the words to say, for a way to express his feelings.
"Hiei… I'm actually glad you're not like me. That would be much less interesting." Okay, not the best start, but it was that or something which would probably make him cry. Beside him, he heard Yusuke snickering, as though from a distance, snapping him back to reality.
"Yeah, it would suck ass if Hiei didn't tell us all to go die at least once a week!" Once again, Hiei produced that cute little blush, and Kurama spun him gently, partly to see his face, partly so his words could be heard. He had finally found them.
"And as for the part about you loving me… you have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that."Hiei stared up at Kurama, the most adorable look of shock on his face.
"Wha-" Kurama grinned at the black-haired demon, heart pumping in his ears, feeling like his soul was singing and Yusuke snickered in the background.
"Just kiss him already Kurama!" Kurama complied, pulling Hiei close to him and flipping Yusuke off at the same time. And for once, just once, Youko shut up. Plus one perfect moment.
Um… so… late beyond belief with finishing this one, but HEY! I made an effort, and now it's actually done, which puts it quite a bit ahead of several other fics I've been writing… SO! R&R, pretty please? Yeah, this one was more introspective, but hey!