Before
She lays eyes on Lila Stangard, and there aren't any words worthy of describing her. Pretty could mean anything. Beautiful isn't strong enough. There are plenty of words that can give the impression of who Lila Stangard is – confident, cheerful, charming; the list goes on and on. But there is no one word.
So why would someone like Lila Stangard ever look twice at her?
Rebecca Sutter never gets the answer to the question she never asks.
But the day before, Lila acts unusually normal.
Day One
Rebecca grumbles curse words to herself in a way that makes no sense whatsoever and leaves the warmth of her bed to answer the door at 3:34 a.m.
"Hey, Bec," Lila greets, shoving her way into the apartment. She frowns disapprovingly at the mess Rebecca lives in and gingerly sits on the edge of Rebecca's bed. "You're not busy, are you?"
"Well, I was sleeping."
Lila rolls her eyes. "Hardly important. And that's not what I meant. I meant for the next two weeks."
"Excuse me?" Rebecca says sharply, and though she wasn't fully awake moments ago, she is now. She's also acutely aware of the fact that she's hardly wearing anything and that she definitely is not looking her best.
"You heard me. You busy or what?"
"Uh, kind of? I have a job, you know."
"You can take time off, can't you?"
"Two weeks?"
Lila smiles. "You can quit, can't you?" At Rebecca's disbelief, Lila's smile drops. "Never mind. That was a stupid question."
"What do you need me to take two weeks off of work for anyway?" Rebecca asks, running her hand through her hair.
"A road trip. Duh," Lila says as if Rebecca can read minds or something. "We leave first thing in the morning, so you might want to get packing." She stands and heads for the door, but Rebecca snags Lila's wrist, forcing her to stop.
"Whoa, hold up, Stangard. You expect me to drop my life for some sort of road trip I know absolutely nothing about?"
"Not true," Lila argues, breaking Rebecca's hold on her wrist. She rubs the area Rebecca had a grasp on and mutters, "Geez, Bec, I thought you knew how to treat a lady. And you do know some things. It's a road trip with me. We leave in the morning. And it's going to last two weeks. What else do you need to know?"
"Where are we going? What are we doing? Why are we going? Shall I continue?"
Lila waves her hand dismissively. "None of that's important. Tell you what: if you agree to go, I'll help you pack."
Rebecca comes up with two possible responses:
Response A: No, I'm not going on some impromptu road trip with you. I am going back to bed.
Response B: God, fine! I'll go, but don't expect me to pay for anything.
Lila stares up at Rebecca hopefully, lower lip trapped between her teeth. "And if I get you fired, I'll help you find a new job, too."
"God, fine! I'll go, but don't expect me to pay for anything," Rebecca bursts, throwing her hands into the air. "But I'm showering first, so while I do that, you can sort through my shit and start packing for me."
Lila squeals, ignoring Rebecca's pained expression, and throws her arms around Rebecca's neck. "I knew you'd agree! And don't worry, I'm paying for everything," Lila says, and Rebecca smiles thinly and gently pats Lila on the back a couple of times before prying the sorority girl's arms off of her.
Rebecca showers at 3:45 a.m. and throws her stuff together in the bathroom when she steps out of the shower. Lila must hear the water shut off, and she must assume that means Rebecca threw clothes she doesn't have with her on in the span of twenty seconds, because the bathroom door is flung open.
"Naked, Stangard! I am fucking naked!" Rebecca shouts, fumbling to grab a towel.
"Oh, loosen up," Lila says, watching amusedly as Rebecca struggles to get a towel wrapped around herself. "What exactly should I be packing your stuff in?"
"There's a suitcase in the closet. Now get out."
Rebecca's heart hammers in her throat, and she clutches the towel to her chest. When she emerges from the bathroom five minutes later, Lila's packing piles of clothing into the suitcase.
"Hold it," Rebecca says flatly, and she's still only wearing a towel – but Lila already saw everything five minutes ago, so it hardly matters. "I have to approve of everything."
Lila sighs and takes a step back. Rebecca leafs through the clothes Lila's chosen for her, and she grudgingly admits, "It's fine."
"Knew it," Lila smirks. "Now put some clothes on and pack the rest of your shit. I want to leave as soon as possible."
Rebecca grabs adequate clothing and disappears back into the bathroom. She takes the time to apply her usual dark makeup as well before scooping everything up and going to dump it into her suitcase. "There. I'm packed," Rebecca declares, zipping the suitcase shut. "Wait." She collects a few other items from around the apartment – including a beanie, something that Lila does not understand – and says, "Now I'm done packing. I should probably give my boss a heads up."
"Yeah. Probs."
"Never say that again."
Lila grins, and anyone in their right mind would say she's pretty. Rebecca apparently is not in her right mind, because she cannot bring herself to refer to Lila as just pretty. Rebecca still hasn't come up with the correct word. She checks her phone to make sure she has a dictionary app on there – she does, of course – just in case.
Rebecca slides into the jacket that's been slung over her desk chair for the past week and puts the beanie on. Lila raises an eyebrow, and Rebecca says, "What? I don't feel like doing my hair. I thought you wanted to leave?"
Lila shrugs. "Then let's go." She waits until Rebecca grabs her suitcase and locks the door behind them before seizing her hand and dragging her down the stairs out to the parking lot. The car Lila leads her to is pretty damn close to brand new, so obviously the Stangards have money.
Rebecca wonders if there are any similarities between the two of them, and though she doesn't try very hard, she doesn't find any.
Lila tosses the suitcases into the back seat of the SUV. Rebecca hops in and immediately feels out of place in the leather seat. The car smells brand new and looks untouched, especially on the inside. Not one to be deterred, Rebecca puts her seat back, kicks her shoes off, and rests her feet on the dashboard.
"Try not to kill us," Rebecca advises. "I'm going back to sleep."
"You should. That way you'll be well rested when it's your turn to drive."
"Wait, we have to take turns?" Rebecca demands.
"Well, I can't drive all the time."
Rebecca groans and pulls the beanie down over her eyes. She knew there was a catch.
At least Lila has the decency to wait until nine a.m. to wake Rebecca. "Where are we even going?" Rebecca grumbles, swapping seats with Lila. "And how do you drive when you're sitting so damn close to the steering wheel?"
"My legs aren't as long as yours," Lila protests. "And I don't know where we're going. Just drive."
"This was a terrible idea," Rebecca mutters. "How did you talk me into this?"
"I didn't have to. The idea of spending two weeks alone with me was too good of an offer to pass up."
Well, she's not wrong, but Rebecca will deny it until the end of time. So she laughs too loudly and says, "Oh, hell no."
"No one can resist me," Lila says with a shrug. "Not even you."
Again, she's not wrong. Rebecca adjusts her hold on the steering wheel and accelerates slightly so she's driving almost ten above the speed limit. "We'll see about that," Rebecca says.
Day Two
They've stopped eight times total, all at gas stations or fast food restaurants. Most of the stops have been made because of Lila's need to pee ("I'm sorry, alright?") but they manage to turn each stop into something productive. Not that they have a destination in mind.
Day Three
Rebecca thinks they might never stop for longer than ten minutes. She hasn't showered in three days, and honestly, it's getting kind of gross. Lila hasn't showered either, but somehow she's faring better than Rebecca.
At dusk, Rebecca reaches over and violently shakes Lila awake. "I need to take a goddamn shower," she states. Lila yawns, stretches, and nods.
"Find a motel."
Day Four
By the time they find a somewhat suitable motel, it's well after midnight. Rebecca goes directly into the bathroom and doesn't come out for over an hour. Lila knocks three times to tell her to hurry the hell up, but Rebecca just ignores her.
"I used all the hot water," Rebecca informs on her way to her bed. There are holes burned into the comforter – likely from cigarettes (the whole room reeks of smoke) – and the mattress is lumpy and hard, but it doesn't hurt her neck, back, or ass the way sitting and sleeping in a car for three days straight has.
Rebecca's asleep before Lila's out of the bathroom. She falls asleep without knowing what city – or what state – they're in.
Lila wakes Rebecca at noon and leads her by the wrist back out to the SUV. "Is there any point to this trip whatsoever?" Rebecca asks, dropping into the passenger's seat.
"Yeah," Lila answers, and Rebecca raises her eyebrows, waiting for an explanation. "What?" Lila questions after nearly two minutes of nonstop staring on Rebecca's end.
"What's the point?"
Lila sighs, fiddling with the radio. She settles on a station that solely plays annoying pop music. "Self-discovery," Lila says, drumming her fingers against the steering wheel. "Escaping from the world of law school and stupid professors and stupid boyfriends. Spending time with a friend. Seeing the country."
"Driving for three days straight and sleeping in disgusting motels?" Rebecca offers, and Lila gives her this smile where only the right corner of her mouth pulls up.
"So we have another three days before we stop?"
"Probably," Rebecca mutters. "Start the damn car up. I don't want to sit in this parking lot forever. Someone will shoot us."
"Please," Lila scoffs, turning the key in the ignition.
"I'd shoot us just because of the goddamn car," Rebecca says.
"Technically, it's an SUV."
"Shut the fuck up, Stangard."
Day Five
Lila sings. Loudly and obnoxiously and to crappy pop music that makes Rebecca want to stab herself – or someone else. Lila refuses to stop until Rebecca almost runs them off the road out of anger.
"Alright! I'm done! I swear," Lila shouts. "Just stay on the goddamn road, please!"
"Thank you," Rebecca huffs. She glances over at a disgruntled Lila – disgruntled, not a word Rebecca initially associated with Lila Stangard. "Would it be too much for me to ask you to find some real music?"
"This is real music, Sutter. Don't push your luck."
Rebecca's luck does not extend far apparently. The pop music slowly drives her insane throughout the day. At one point, Lila calls one of the sorority girls and gossips for two hours – and she doesn't talk on the phone; she practically shouts the whole time. The second after she hangs up, she digs up ten bottles of nail polish and asks Rebecca which color's best.
"None of them," Rebecca says. "They're all shades of pink."
"Screw you. Pink is great," Lila says. She selects an ungodly shade of pink that Rebecca didn't even know existed until now and paints her fingernails, so the car smells like that shit. Ridiculous. It's totally ridiculous.
Ridiculous. Lila is ridiculous. Maybe if she had to sum Lila Stangard up in one word, it'd be ridiculous. Rebecca says it out loud. "You're ridiculous."
Lila rolls her eyes. "You're impossible," she retorts.
"How am I the impossible one?"
"You're never happy. You complain about everything. You can't function unless you know every detail of everything we do. Should I continue?"
"Please, continue enlightening me."
"You never clean anything. You hate almost everyone."
"Almost?" Rebecca interrupts. "Who's not included?"
Lila smiles. "Me, of course."
"Who said I don't hate you?"
"You did when you agreed to go on this trip with me."
"We haven't even done anything."
"Aha!" Lila says, pointing a finger at Rebecca. "Complaining. Again." She adjusts the way she's sitting so she's turned towards Rebecca. Rebecca doesn't take her eyes off the stretch of the freeway ahead of her. "Just enjoy the trip, will you? Enjoy my company."
Rebecca snorts. "How? You are probably the most unenjoyable person living on this planet."
"No. That's you."
"Fuck off."
"You started it."
"You did!"
"Um, if I remember correctly, Rebecca Sutter, you said to me you're ridiculous. You started it."
Rebecca rolls her eyes. "You're such a child. You're the one shoving ten different bottles of nail polish in my face while I'm driving because you can't choose a damn color."
"It's a difficult decision to make. What if I don't like the shade?"
"Take it off and try again. Duh."
Lila crosses her arms over her chest and stares out at the passing trees. "I liked listening to music better."
"That pop shit is not music."
"You never agree with anyone, either."
"Shut up, Stangard. And it's your turn to drive."
Day Six
They start the sixth day by almost dying. Lila can't keep herself awake and drifts into another lane, unaware of the car speeding towards them. That car blows its horn and swerves around them. Lila jerks awake and corrects her mistake, sending an apologetic glance Rebecca's way.
"Find a fucking motel!" Rebecca yells, clutching onto the armrest. "Before one of us goes through the windshield."
Lila apologizes then, and she apologizes again when they find a motel, and she apologizes a third time when Rebecca dumps her suitcase on the floor.
"Yeah, whatever," Rebecca grumbles. "Just sleep so you don't do it again tomorrow."
Lila smiles gratefully, taking a seat on the edge of one of the beds. She yawns, kicking her shoes aside. She falls asleep long before Rebecca even goes to bed. Lila isn't a restless sleeper. She falls asleep on her side facing the other bed, and she doesn't move all night. At least, Rebecca assumes Lila doesn't, because when she wakes up in the morning, Lila's still lying in the same position.
Actually, she's kinda cute when she's asleep.
Rebecca shakes that thought aside and takes a shower before Lila wakes up. Lila must've been tired, because Rebecca has to wake her up three times before Lila drags herself out of bed and into the shower. Rebecca lounges on her bed and messes with her phone. She sees the date and realizes their first week of the road trip is almost complete.
And they haven't done a damn thing except drive and buy a sinful amount of gas.
But Lila's kept her word. She's paid for everything so far, including the pack of cigarettes Rebecca wants halfway through the sixth day, even though Lila doesn't let Rebecca smoke in the car. Today's the day Rebecca realizes that everything Lila buys is paid for with the swipe of her plastic card, and Rebecca learns that Lila never uses cash.
Never.
She doesn't even carry cash on her.
"How do you not carry cash on you?" Rebecca demands, slamming her hand down on the steering wheel.
Lila shrugs. "I just don't. No reason to. Why carry cash when you have a credit card?"
"Who pays for McDonald's with a credit card?"
"I do."
"Even if it's only, like, five bucks?"
"Yeah."
"See? I told you, you're ridiculous." Rebecca pauses. "I don't have a credit card."
"I bet you carry all of your money on you, huh?"
Rebecca grins. "I do."
"God, Bec, what if something happens to it?"
"Then I'm screwed. I thought that was obvious. Besides, why do you think you're paying for everything? I can't afford it."
"Please. The money belongs to my father. He has so much that he doesn't know what to do with it."
"You don't have to brag."
"Sorry." Lila's quiet for ten minutes, giving Rebecca the impression that she's not going to speak again for a while. She startles Rebecca when she abruptly begins talking. "They don't even know I did this."
"Who doesn't know what?"
"My parents don't know I took this trip. They don't care. I do whatever I want."
"Yeah, well, so do I," Rebecca mutters. "Join the club."
Lila smiles sadly. "I think I have."
Day Seven
Rebecca walks into the bathroom door at a gas station. "How was I supposed to know that I had to pull the door and not push it?" Rebecca whines, letting Lila hold an ice pack – courtesy of the gas station – to her forehead.
"Um, there was a door handle and a sign that said pull, Becca," Lila says. "Pay attention."
"That's bullshit! You push bathroom doors, not pull them."
"Well, obviously not all bathroom doors, considering you just walked into one," Lila says. Rebecca fixes her with a death glare, and Lila just shrugs. "I'm not the moron that walked face first into a door, even though that does kinda sound like me. But hey, we've made it one week. One more to go."
"Great. Can we start heading back to Philadelphia yet?"
"What do you think we're doing? Geez, you really don't pay attention, do you?" Lila shakes her head and removes the ice pack from Rebecca's forehead. "There'll be a bruise there soon," she announces. "To go with the bump that's already there." She prods the bump with her fingertip – gently, but Rebecca still swats Lila's hand away and complains.
"Don't touch it! Are you fucking stupid?"
A mother with a little kid sends Rebecca a dirty look that Rebecca promptly ignores. Lila sighs exasperatedly. "Can you at least try to be considerate, please?"
"What are you talking about? I am considerate."
"You just swore in front of that kid."
"So? He'll learn to swear soon enough," Rebecca argues weakly. Lila's right. Rebecca's not considerate. Lila is, though, and maybe that's why she's making such a fuss over…well, everything.
"Hey," Lila says, grabbing onto Rebecca's wrist tightly. "You know what we should do?" She answers her own question before Rebecca has the chance to ask what? "We should totally go out to lunch. Somewhere nice. I can't take anymore fast food."
"We haven't been eating all fast food," Rebecca points out. "We have cereal sometimes."
Lila laughs and pulls Rebecca back to the SUV. "Hold that ice to your head," Lila orders, shoving Rebecca towards the passenger's seat. "I'll find us a good restaurant."
Lila doesn't find them a good restaurant for lunch. They end up stopping for fast food while Lila promises they'll eat somewhere better for dinner. She keeps her promise. They find a nice hotel and a nice restaurant nearby.
"I don't want to go," Rebecca declares, staring at her face in the bathroom mirror.
"Oh, c'mon. No one will even notice," Lila says. "Please?"
"No."
"We can drop by the bar downstairs afterwards," Lila continues, leaning against the bathroom doorframe. "Drink as much as you want. I'll drive tomorrow."
Rebecca glares at herself in the mirror, but it hurts her forehead. "Fine. But I'm not dressing up."
Lila squeals, and Rebecca winces. She should probably take an aspirin before they leave. "Thanks, Becca," Lila says, surging forward and kissing Rebecca on the cheek.
"Dude, gross," Rebecca grimaces. "You just, like, slobbered on me."
"Did not!"
"You totally fucking did."
"Shut up and get out of the bathroom. I have to get ready."
"Which means I should go sit down for an hour, right?"
"Shut up and please put a nicer shirt on."
Rebecca waits until Lila seals herself in the bathroom before changing her shirt. Hopefully Lila won't notice that Rebecca's made an effort to please her. Why does she make that effort, though? Why does she care what Lila thinks of her shirt?
Because when Lila leaves the bathroom and sees Rebecca, her face lights up. "You look great," Lila gushes, and it's a lie. Rebecca does not look great. Lila looks great. But Lila does not just look great. She looks…amazing. Stunning. But the first word that runs through Rebecca's mind is pretty. She looks pretty. She is pretty. Very pretty. Rebecca's brain is too jumbled to give her any word other than pretty. And pretty is such a stupid fucking word.
"No," Rebecca finally manages to say. "No, you look…" Why is the only word she can come up with fucking pretty? "Pretty," Rebecca says lamely. "You look pretty."
Even though it's such a stupid word – God, Rebecca fucking hates that word – Lila grins and squeals again. Lila blushes, just a bit, and Rebecca almost doesn't see it. "Thanks, Bec," Lila says quietly. She holds her hand out. "Let's go."
Rebecca grasps Lila's hand and lets Lila lead her down to the SUV. Rebecca assumes the hand holding ends there. But once Rebecca's buckled in, her arm on the armrest, Lila reaches over and grabs onto Rebecca's hand again, pulling her arm towards her so their hands rest on the center console, fingers intertwined.
Rebecca's mind races. What's Lila playing at? Holding hands is one thing. That's fine. Friends hold hands sometimes. But intertwining fingers? Isn't that, like, a couple thing? Rebecca thinks that's a couple thing. Isn't it?
The more she thinks about it, the sweatier her hands get. Including the hand locked in Lila's. Rebecca gets a break when they get out of the SUV, quickly wiping her hand on her jeans while Lila can't see her. Luckily (unluckily?) Lila doesn't try to hold her hand again.
They're seated in the back of the restaurant. The lights are dim, and there really aren't too many other people around them. There are four other taken tables, and they all appear to be couples.
What if they think Lila and I are a couple? Does it matter? Is it weird that I'm worried about this? Has Lila thought about this?
"What's going on?" Lila asks, interrupting Rebecca's train of thought.
"What?"
"In your head. You've got that look on your face. You know, the I'm paranoid look."
"No I don't," Rebecca lies. Wait, there's a look? She didn't know there was a look.
"If you don't want to tell me, you can just say so, you know. You don't have to lie."
Rebecca sighs. "I don't know. It's just – it's kinda weird. There are only like four other tables filled, and they're filled by like…"
"Couples?" Lila finishes. At Rebecca's almost guilty look, Lila laughs. "Relax, Bec. Who cares what they think? It's not like we live anywhere near here anyway."
Right. She's right. Lila's always right. Except when she's not, but that's beside the point.
They're given menus, and Rebecca nearly passes out at the prices. She'd bankrupt herself just by ordering the least expensive thing on the menu and a drink. "Are you fucking insane?" Rebecca hisses. "These prices are ridiculous. Just like you."
"But the food's really good," Lila says. "Order whatever you want. I've got it covered."
Rebecca orders the least expensive thing she can, even though Lila certainly does not. Lila also forces Rebecca to try some of it. "Hey! Just because you want me to try yours does not mean I want your fork in my food," Rebecca argues.
Lila gives her an oh really sort of look and deliberately stabs her fork into Rebecca's salad. Rebecca rolls her eyes, but she's not paying the insanely expensive tab that she doesn't even want to look at, so she doesn't complain.
Lila hands her credit card to the waiter – a twenty something year old guy with dark hair, dark eyes, and a warm smile (and he has his eye on Lila; Rebecca spotted him watching her from a distance more than once) – with a wide smile. "He's pretty cute," Lila comments after he walks off.
Yeah, he's pretty something alright. More like pretty obnoxious. When he hands Lila her card back, he slips her his name and phone number as well. On their way out the door, Lila giggles and waves her fingers at him – Jason. His name's Jason.
"Maybe I'll give him a call tonight," Lila says once the door shuts behind them. She links her arm through Rebecca's and pulls Rebecca towards her, inspecting the receipt Jason wrote his number on. "Might be fun."
"Yeah, well, whatever fun you think you'll be having, it will not be in our hotel room."
Lila makes a face. "Ew. Gross. Never mind, then. Screw him." She crams the receipt into her purse and doesn't mention Jason again. Rebecca almost feels bad for the guy. She understands what it's like to be disappointed by Lila Stangard.
Day Eight
Technically, it's the eighth day by the time they're kicked out of the hotel bar. According to Lila's phone, it's 1:18 a.m. Rebecca swears it's still only nine p.m. though. She hasn't even had that much to drink. She's had, like, two beers. Lila's the one doing shots with everyone that sits beside her.
Rebecca almost resorts to carrying Lila up the stairs. Damn elevator's out of order and Lila keeps falling into Rebecca. Rebecca takes her time helping Lila up the stairs to their room. Of course Lila has the key, and of course Rebecca has to dig through Lila's ridiculous purse to find it.
The door doesn't unlock on the first try. Or the second. Rebecca angrily jams the keycard into the slot and yanks it out seven times before the door finally unlocks and lets them in. Lila drops onto the first bed and groans.
"Oh shit. I said I'd drive tomorrow, didn't I?" Lila says.
"Don't worry about it. Sleep. I hope you can hold your liquor."
She can't. Rebecca's awoken at 4:12 a.m. – yes, she looks at the alarm clock when her eyes pop open – by the sounds of Lila's vomiting from the bathroom. Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful. Rebecca waits for it to stop, getting out of bed only after the toilet flushes.
"You better hope this ends before we leave," Rebecca grumbles, squinting against the light of the bathroom. She crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the doorframe, eyes set on Lila, hunched over the toilet. "I'm not going to be trapped in a vehicle with you if this is going to happen. It's fucking disgusting."
"Tell me something I don't know." Lila pauses. "Help me. Please."
Rebecca sighs. She gets Lila a glass of water and an aspirin and helps her back to bed. She drops the trashcan next to the bed for Lila, too. Just in case. She also hands Lila the remote. "Here. Watch TV. Or don't. I'm going back to bed."
Lila watches TV. Some stupid soap opera rerun. Rebecca tries to get back to sleep. She can see Lila in the light from the TV, though, and she gets distracted. Lila lies on her back with her arm slung over her forehead. Her red hair's splayed out across the white pillowcase. Her shirt's bunched up, exposing the pale skin of her stomach, and the band of her sweatpants rests pretty low on her hips. Too low. Her chest rises and falls a bit too quickly.
Lila's sweating, and frankly, it's gross. She kicks the covers down towards the bottom of the bed, carefully sits up, and ditches her shirt. She figures, what the hell? and ditches her sweatpants, too. They land in a heap on the ugly green carpeted area between the two beds. She's trying to kill Rebecca, isn't she? She probably knows Rebecca's been staring at her for the past ten minutes.
A split second before Lila glances at Rebecca, Rebecca shuts her eyes and breathes as evenly as she can. Once she's sure Lila's eyes are elsewhere, she opens her eyes.
Lila's your friend Rebecca reminds herself. Lila's your friend, so you're not going to stare at her chest. Or her legs. Or anything. Roll over. Roll over now.
Even as Rebecca flips herself onto her back then rolls so she's facing the wall, she thinks Lila's pretty. But Lila's not just pretty. She's so much more than pretty, and it's driving Rebecca crazy. Rebecca's still awake by the time Lila shuts the TV off and begins to snore.
Rebecca falls asleep around six a.m. Naturally, she forgot to set an alarm, so she doesn't wake up until almost noon. Lila's still passed out on the other bed. Rebecca gets up, showers, and gets Lila up.
"I'll get up when you get out of the shower," Lila says. "Fuck it. I'll shower tomorrow."
Has Lila ever said the word fuck around Rebecca – or anyone, for that matter? Rebecca raises her eyebrows but doesn't bother to ask the question. She takes her shower and is pleasantly surprised to find Lila up and dressed by the time she walks out of the bathroom.
"Can I borrow your hat?" Lila asks, rubbing her temples. Rebecca hands her the beanie, and Lila pulls it down until it's just above her eyes, and once she's settled in the passenger's seat, she pulls the beanie over her eyes and sleeps. All day.
Rebecca glances over at Lila more than she's willing to admit.
Day Nine
Day nine's motel is the worst they've stayed at so far. They don't ask how large the rooms are and end up with a room the size of a closet – okay, so it's a bit larger; it's probably the size of Lila's closet back at her parents' house. There's one queen sized bed, a table with an alarm clock, a chair shoved in the corner, and a bathroom.
Lila smiles sheepishly. "Guess we're sharing tonight, huh? Unless you want to sleep in the chair."
Rebecca snorts. "Oh, hell no. This side of the bed's mine. Called it."
Since there's no TV, they go to bed almost immediately. They start a respectable distance away, but when Rebecca wakes up halfway through the night, Lila's back is pressed against hers. Her ass is against Rebecca's, too, but Rebecca tries not to think about that. Rebecca doesn't even question Lila's need for closeness. She just accepts it and goes back to sleep.
Day Ten
"You never talk about your family," Lila says while they're stuck in traffic on the freeway. She's reclining in the passenger's seat. Her feet are up on the dashboard, and her phone is in her hand. Occasionally, she sends a text. Probably to Darcy. Possibly to Griffin. Maybe to another sorority girl.
"You barely talk about yours," Rebecca retorts. Her face is set in a scowl; she fucking hates traffic. And the idiots ahead of her keep changing lanes, as if that's going to help anything.
Lila shrugs. "My family sucks."
"So does mine."
"Yeah, but you at least know something about my family. I know nothing about yours."
"You're right. I mean, we've slept in the same bed together but you don't know anything about my family history."
Lila rolls her eyes. "If you don't want to tell me, then fine, don't tell me."
Rebecca sighs. Lila can't tell if Rebecca's irritated with traffic or with her. Probably both. "My mother's an alcoholic," Rebecca blurts. "My father's in prison. My older brother killed himself, like, three years ago. My younger brother's been in and out of rehab since the day after my older brother killed himself. That's about it."
Lila's silent for a while. "Oh," she finally says.
"Yeah, oh," Rebecca replies. "So go ahead. Spill all your secrets, Stangard."
"It's nothing…like that," Lila says, shifting uncomfortably in the leather seat. "Obviously my parents have money, otherwise I couldn't have funded this spur of the moment trip. But they're obsessed with making money and always have been, so I've never been really important to them." She shrugs halfheartedly. "I don't know. It just sucks to have parents that don't care, you know?"
"Yeah. I do."
Lila unexpectedly reaches over and grasps onto Rebecca's hand. She doesn't say anything, doesn't look in Rebecca's direction – she doesn't do anything besides grab Rebecca's hand and hold onto it tightly.
Traffic starts moving again, and Rebecca relaxes a bit. Lila finds a radio station – surprisingly, it's not one that plays annoying pop shit – and neither speaks again for most of the day. They listen to music and hold hands. Once Lila gets bored, she toys with Rebecca's fingers until Rebecca's hand wraps around Lila's fingers and stops her from doing so. Lila pouts but doesn't argue.
Not until Darcy texts her. It's another dick pic. Probably the tenth he's sent her. Lila shows Rebecca, and Rebecca laughs so hard she nearly runs them off the road. Again.
"I'm kinda tired of him," Lila admits, clicking her phone off and tossing it into her purse. "He's clingy and desperate and married."
"Dump him," Rebecca suggests. "Just dump his ass."
Lila laughs. "I think I will. He can find someone else to fuck on the side."
"Good for you."
"In fact, I'm gonna call him now," Lila declares, picking her phone back up. She dials Darcy's number and breaks up with him in less than two minutes.
"I'm proud of you," Rebecca says when Lila hangs up.
Lila's eyes narrow. "Were you being sarcastic?"
"Not at all."
"Was that sarcasm?"
Rebecca laughs. "Shut up, loser."
Day Eleven
Day eleven does not start out well. Lila manages to hit Rebecca in the face and split her lip. After letting out a string of curse words, Rebecca pulls off the freeway and finds a gas station. She stands in the women's restroom and cusses out Lila while she inspects the split in her lower lip.
"Goddamn it, Lila!" She spits blood into the sink. "And you think I'm the one that doesn't pay attention."
"I said I'm sorry six times now," Lila exclaims. "What more do you want?"
"How about you get the blood off my face?"
Lila rolls her eyes and grabs a sheet of paper towel. She bunches it up in her hand and spins Rebecca so she's facing her. "Hold still," Lila orders, wiping the blood off of Rebecca's chin. Obviously the blood smears, so she gets a new piece of paper towel wet and cleans Rebecca's face up.
"Ouch. Be careful," Rebecca whines.
"Stop being such a baby. You're acting like I cut your arm off or something."
"You don't have to be so mean."
Lila smiles. "You're okay, you big baby. Let it seal up and try not to split it again."
Rebecca grabs Lila's wrist and turns her hand so her palm's up. She presses the keys into Lila's palm and curls her fingers over them. "You're driving, you asshole."
Lila pecks Rebecca on the cheek. "Love you too."
Day Twelve
They don't stop at a motel until two a.m. There's only one bed again, and Lila doesn't even bother pretending like she's going to sleep on her side. Rebecca's on her side of the bed, reading a book she picked up earlier, because yes, Rebecca reads. Sometimes. Lila flips through TV channels and acts like she isn't sliding a little bit closer to Rebecca every few minutes.
"If you're going to invade my side of the bed, just do it already," Rebecca grumbles, flipping a page in the book. Lila slides over completely, lying on her side facing Rebecca. "But stop staring at me like that," Rebecca adds. "I can't concentrate."
"Why? I'm distracting?"
"And annoying."
Lila laughs and rests her head against Rebecca's shoulder. Rebecca stares at the same page in the book, not reading any farther, mostly because she can't absorb any information while Lila's this close to her. Rebecca sets the book aside, shuts the light off, and tries to sleep instead.
She wakes up in the morning convinced she's dying, but it's just Lila sleeping almost completely on top of her. Rebecca doesn't hesitate when she rolls Lila off of her.
"What the fuck, dude? I was sleeping," Lila complains.
"On me," Rebecca points out. "I thought I was dying."
"Stop being so overdramatic. Then again, you bitched about your split lip for about two hours." Lila pauses. "We've only got two more days on this trip, though."
"Yeah, how'd you plan that one out?" Rebecca asks. "Timing it so we spend exactly two weeks on the road."
"I didn't. We got lucky."
Rebecca rolls her eyes. "You're such a fucking loser."
"Look who's talking."
Day Thirteen
While day twelve was rather unproductive, day thirteen is not. Lila drives them to a beach, ignoring Rebecca's protests, and pulls Rebecca's bathing suit from her suitcase. "I packed it while you were in the shower," Lila informs, shoving the bathing suit into Rebecca's chest. "Put it on."
"God, you're so pushy."
Lila smirks, and the word pretty does not apply here. Rebecca doesn't know what word does apply, but it's not fucking pretty. Maybe it's fascinating. Or intriguing. Alluring. Mesmeric. It's that fucking smirk's fault for making Rebecca falter. Lila's smirk morphs into a grin. "You're damn right," she says with a wink. "Put it on."
Rebecca does as she's told. When she meets back up with Lila, she's glad she's not wearing what Lila is. Lila's bikini barely covers anything.
"What?" Lila questions when Rebecca returns. "What's with your face?"
"What?"
"The look. What's that for?"
"You're wearing, like, next to nothing."
Lila looks down and shrugs. "It covers what needs to be covered. Ooh, before I forget, come over here."
"Why?" Rebecca asks, eyeing Lila suspiciously.
"Just come here. It won't hurt. I promise." As soon as Rebecca gets close enough, Lila slings her arm around Rebecca's neck, holding her phone out with her other hand. Before Rebecca can comprehend what Lila's doing, Lila's lips are on Rebecca's cheek, and Lila snaps the picture. She examines the photo and hums in approval. "Awesome," Lila says cheerfully, putting her phone in her purse. "I've got a new Facebook profile picture."
Rebecca rolls her eyes, grabs a towel, and lays out in the sun. Only for about ten minutes. Lila seizes Rebecca's arm and pulls her to her feet.
"C'mon. We're going in the water," Lila declares. "It's our second to last day on vacation. Might as well have some fun."
"I was doing fine before."
"No arguing."
So Rebecca's dragged into less than warm water by an overenthusiastic Lila Stangard. And she doesn't think Lila's ever going to let her live down the unintentional squeak of surprise Rebecca lets out when she's hit with cold water. Mostly because Lila tells her, "You're never gonna live that one down, Sutter," and laughs for a good two minutes, clutching onto Rebecca's shoulder to stay upright.
Rebecca mercilessly dumps Lila into the water. Why should Lila be the only one laughing? That's pretty much how the rest of the day goes. They pack up at sunset and continue driving back towards Philadelphia. Lila doesn't bother to put pants on over her bathing suit. She just wears a baggy shirt and sunglasses that are way too large. ("It's the style, Bec. Geez.")
They stay in another nice hotel that night. They sleep in separate beds this time. Well, Rebecca tries to sleep. Lila talks. A lot.
"Isn't it sad? It's our last night of vacation," Lila says.
"This was hardly a vacation," Rebecca replies. "We didn't really do anything."
"But we had fun anyway."
Rebecca sighs. "Whatever. Go to sleep."
"I can't."
"Then at least shut up so I can go to sleep."
Lila shuts up. For about two minutes. She starts talking again moments before Rebecca falls asleep. "But this wasn't so bad, was it?"
Rebecca groans. "I'm exhausted. Let me sleep."
"That's not an answer."
"It would've been better if you weren't so fucking annoying. How's that for you? Goodnight."
Day Fourteen
Lila cries. She actually cries that morning. Because it's their last day on the road trip. Yep, Rebecca's right – Lila's ridiculous. Lila wraps her arms around Rebecca's waist and plants her face against Rebecca's neck and cries. Rebecca awkwardly pats Lila on the back a couple times, and if there was anyone else around, she'd be mouthing help me, oh God, help me.
"I can't believe it's already over," Lila says, her voice muffled by Rebecca's neck.
"Yeah, well, things end. We'll still be friends. Probably."
"Just shut up."
Rebecca presses her lips together. "Sounds about right."
Lila rolls her eyes and lifts her head. Even with red, puffy eyes and tearstained cheeks, she's still pretty. No, she's not pretty. She's beautiful. Gorgeous. Okay, so that last word stops Rebecca in her tracks. But it's true. Lila's pretty damn gorgeous.
So Rebecca really doesn't have an excuse when it comes to why she kisses Lila Stangard in that moment. So what? Sue her. She's tired of ignoring her feelings, so she kisses the best friend she's ever had. She decides to completely ruin her life in that moment, because why the hell not?
Except Lila doesn't exactly shove Rebecca away. Well, not immediately. She kisses back for a few glorious moments and then she shoves Rebecca away. She tucks her hair behind her ear and shakes her head, unable to look Rebecca in the eye.
"I can't – I can't do this, Bec."
Rebecca kind of wants to slam her head against a brick wall. Or cuss herself out. Or cry. Instead she nods. "I know," Rebecca whispers. "I don't know why I did that."
Lila looks up at Rebecca. "Because you wanted to," Lila says simply. "Hell, maybe I wanted you to. But I just – I don't – I can't."
"That's it? You can't? No other explanation?"
"I don't have another explanation."
"If you don't feel the same way, then fine, say that. Don't just say I can't. I can't could mean anything."
Lila shakes her head and tries to say something else, but she can't do that, either. The tears start up again, and there's nowhere for her to go except back to Rebecca. So Lila wraps her arms around Rebecca's neck and sobs into her shoulder, and Rebecca just has to deal with it.
Once Lila pulls herself together, Rebecca detaches herself and grabs both suitcases. She hauls them down to the SUV and throws them in the back before driving the rest of the way back to Philadelphia while Lila sleeps in the passenger's seat.
Goddamn it. Lila is just so pretty. Pretty beautiful. Pretty obnoxious. Pretty frustrating.
Pretty straight and pretty unwilling to admit it to Rebecca's face. But it's always been pretty fucking obvious, and Rebecca's always been pretty fucking stupid when it comes to Lila Stangard.
After
She isn't allowed at the funeral. For obvious reasons. The Stangard family believes Rebecca killed Lila, so why would they let her set foot anywhere near their baby's funeral? Yes, Lila's their baby now – only because they're in the spotlight. Lila Stangard's death makes national news. She is the child of two ridiculously rich business owners.
Rebecca Sutter did not kill Lila Stangard. She would never have killed Lila Stangard. No matter what. Griffin O'Reilly didn't kill Lila Stangard either. It was Mr. Darcy. Rebecca knows it has to be Mr. Darcy. She has no idea who Mr. Darcy really is, but she knows he killed Lila Stangard.
He killed the one person Rebecca let herself love. And she can't even go to the goddamn funeral because everyone in the country thinks she killed her best friend after fucking her best friend's boyfriend.
She's done nothing to deserve to go to prison, but for some reason, she feels like she deserves it. She couldn't save Lila Stangard. Lila Stangard ended up dead, and Rebecca couldn't save Lila Stangard, let alone save their friendship. She fucked that up, too.
It is surprisingly hard to sit pokerfaced in court. Rebecca's never had problems with appearing emotionless before. Well, that was before she had the entire country flinging accusations at her.
She can't take it anymore.
"She was my friend, okay?" Rebecca spits at the puppy that's been trying so fucking hard to help her. When's he going to see that she doesn't want his help? "I don't care what that woman says. She was my friend and…whatever."
And whatever. What a perfect way to sum up how their friendship ended. Quite honestly, the end was pretty nasty for both of them.
Author's Note: So apparently I'm pretty regularly writing Rebecca x Lila. And I'm not overly pleased with whatever this turned out to be, but thanks for reading it.