Disclaimer: I don't own Blazblue, Dustloop, or whatever other copyrights included in this work. I am just bored and enjoying the pleasures of writing a nonsensical crack fic. Enjoy (?)!
With the announcement of Continuum Shift, Tsubaki Yayoi was announced as a new play-able character. One of Noel's closest friends, she is tasked with the assassination of Jin Kisaragi and the aforementioned Noel. This is all in game plot though, since we all know Blazblue is just a game series based on real life or some crap like that. As Tsubaki leaves to do her recordings for the new game, sadness looms over the dorms in the NOL.
"Tsubaki! You're leaving for that weird studio too! Nyaa…" Makoto wiggled her tail in utter disappointment. It had been lonely enough without Noel, Carl…even that boring-ass Jin.
"I'm sorry Makoto…You know how that Hazama guy works. Or you do what he says or he molests you with his snakes for days and days until the mere thought of saying 'No' to anything he says causes you to puke." Tsubaki put on her…thing, which Makoto assumed was supposed to be a hat.
"Why are wearing those weird clothes? And how do you know about the Hazama thing, Nyaa?" Tsubaki grunts and heads towards the door.
"…'Wanna have a threesome?'. God damn asshole, I'm leaving." She slammed the door as she left, leaving a confused, worried, and sad Makoto behind.
Many months had passed since everyone left. Makoto had no choice but to endure school life…alone. She got some new roommates, yeah. But they sucked pretty badly. Makoto had to hold on to the hope of seeing her friends again…one day…no matter how long it took...those were the thoughts that allowed her to keep moving.
*knock knock*
"Nyaa? I am actually getting visitors? Oh well, yay!" Makoto leapt around the room and opened the door. She was greeted by a man in a brown jacket, with black glasses and a weird ass hat.
"Is this…Makoto Nanaya?"
"Nyaa, yes. Can I help you?"
"I am god damn Daisuke Ishiwatari. I have a proposal for you. You miss your friends, right?"
"H-How do you know about them? WHAT IS THIS DON'T EVEN"
"I can give you a chance to see them, in time…but this must all be kept a secret."
"I will completely ignore the fact tis could be a rape kidnapping. AWESOME LET'S GO!"
And so, with the promise of her friends…Makoto embarks in a confidential journey to Arc System Works. There, she is subjected to tedious Motion Capturing, wearing various concept designs, and recording her lines over, and over and over again…Until her soul had been ripped out from her throat, her stomach aching from the nuts and peanuts overdose.
"All right Makoto, we're ready to unveil you to the public. Soon, you'll be able to reunite with your friends in the casting town!"
Months of testing and wardrobe concepts, bad food, non-stop recordings and other suffering would finally be worth it for Makoto! To be reunited with her friends…
"All right, now. Let's see how they react to the DLC."
MEANWHILE, ON DUSTLOOP DOT COM
Member: Oh my god look at those whore clothes!
Passerby: Oh no, another god damn furry
Half of the forum: EWWW 5$ IS SO MUCH MAN
Arkrados: BITCH WHERE'S MY JUBEI
"W-What is this? ...They are…hating on me? After all the shit I've been through, just to please these god damn assholes! After I was forced to wear those, indeed, whore clothes! After I STOPPED EATING CHESTNUT PARFAITS TO KEEP MY SLIM FIGURE!
HiagoX: Omg she's my waifu :3
"…I guess he doesn't count. He shall be spared."
And so, with unstoppable rage, Makoto headed out to look for the only person that could help her beat the crap out of haters.
"Hazama! There you are!"
"Yes? What'cha want I need to go bother that shitty vampire."
"GIVE ME THE POWER, THE POWER TO DESTROY EVERYTHING!"
"lol no." And so, Hazama disappeared.
"FFFFFFFFFFFF". But just then…Mu appeared, walking by.
"Noel, What the hell happened to you? Why is your ass in plain view?"
Mu grumbled.
"THIS IS THE RESULT OF ALL THE HATERS, I AM ABOUT TO GO DESTROY THEM AND THEIR SHITTY WORLD." Makoto had an idea.
"Oh my god can I come? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEAS-"
"GOD MAKOTO FINE SHUT UP."
Makoto and Mu grew jetpacks out of their bags, and flew over to the Dustloop country.
"OH LOOK, IT'S THE WHORES THAT ARE NOT JUBEI." Proclaimed Arkrados, in his fanboy rage.
Before, they had complied. They had tried to please everyone, with all their heart…they wanted these people to be happy. But no more. Makoto loaded her Tail Bazooka 40289 with explosive titanium chestnuts.
"JUBEI SUCKS!" And so she fired, sending out millions of titanium shells into his sorry ass, creating an explosion the size of her rage. That is to say, big.
Meanwhile, Mu was waving her ass and shooting lasers everywhere, all that could be heard were screams pleading mercy and more ass.
"YOU HATED ON ME WHEN I WAS NOEL, AND TRIED TO BAN ME WHEN I WAS MU. SO DIE, ASSHOLES."
With a swift movement of her ass, thousands died instantly. The pillaging continued, searching for survivors to kill. Until Makoto found a man called HiagoX.
"Omg, it's that guy who said I was his waifu! Can I keep him PLEASE!"
"Yeah sure why not"
"YIPPE!" Makoto opened her jetpack and blew with Hiago into the sunset, Mu was having fun killing the leftovers anyways.
"Do I get any say in this?" Said Hiago while in Makoto's arms.
"Nope. Now let's go for some chestnut parfaits. Been dying for one."
"Oh okay." And all was well that ended well.
THE END (?)
THIS TROLL FIC HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU BY WRITING JET. Stop whining about DLC you cheap asses, really.