I knew that this day was coming. I had seen it in his eyes, the way he poured over every one of the jewelry circulars that came through the mail. I was the one who he excitedly ran up to, showing me a sparkling photograph and declaring that it was the one. I ignored the stabbing pain in my heart when he showed me that photo and I just smiled. I needed to be happy for him because there was no reason why I shouldn't have been. He needed me to be happy for him, our lives were interwoven. We were best friends, since the moment he was born, and I was the one who was always going to be there for him. I kept repeating that it wasn't about me as I grabbed my camera and walked out to my car, headed toward the beautiful waterfront restaurant. I didn't want to go to this dinner, but he asked me to, and I couldn't deny him his request. I could never deny him anything.
The night moved in slow motion as I watched him from across the table, nervously fidgeting in his chair and continually tugging at the necktie which seemed to grow tighter with each passing second. Sweat was beading on his hairline and he began to turn pale. I wanted to run to him and tell him not to do it, but that would've been selfish. If I did that, it wouldn't have been for him and his interests, it would've been for me and mine. The pain in my heart would've ended, but the end result would've been permanently scarring our relationship. He was in love with this girl, it was obvious to everyone. I couldn't deny it. She was an amazing person, his complete opposite, yet his perfect balance. I knew I should've been happy for them. And I was. For the most part.
So I watched. I watched him tap his wine glass and call for everyone's attention as he began his speech. I watched him fumble as he tried to get the ring out of his pocket and I watched his eyes light up at the shocked and ecstatic look on her face. I saw her eyes well up with tears and her smile grow brighter. I heard him ask those four little words "Will you marry me?" and I held my breath. She jumped on him and squealed and they kissed. In that moment, the pain in my heart exploded and it felt as if I was going to suffocate. It didn't seem fair. Why wasn't it me? The tears stung at my eyes and I gave in and let them fall silently. Everyone thought they were tears of happiness. I was the only one who knew they were tears of despair and anguish.
He walked up to me with a giant grin on his face and pulled me in for a bear hug. I'll never forget what he said. He told me that he loved me and thanked me for everything that I had done for him in his life. I began to cry harder. It was the biggest moment of his young life and I couldn't be happy for him. What kind of monster was I? He just got engaged and I couldn't share the moment the way I should've. I could just focus on one thing. He was getting married and I wasn't. He was in a loving relationship and I had absolutely no one. He was my baby brother and he had everything that I didn't. I realized then that I was so jealous of him that I wanted to scream.
I wanted to cry out and yell that it wasn't fair. I was the oldest. I should've been the one on the verge of being married. It should've been me having this amazing romantic moment. But it wasn't. I had a moment of clarity where I realized that I couldn't let the jealousy consume me, so I hugged him back and told him that I would be there for him always. I had to let it go. He was the only family I had. I lifted my glass, plastered a fake smile on my face, and made a toast. "To Jasper Swan and Alice Brandon, I wish you nothing but a lifetime of love and happiness together." Then I chugged two glasses of champagne in an attempt to drink the green eyed monster away.