Of course, I don't own any of the characters from ATWT, I'm simply borrowing them to get over the crap ending they got on the show.
I'm no native speaker of English so I apologize in advance for any language mistakes and phrases that sound somewhat stupid. I'd appreciate your reviews!
The shock of the news crushed him as if though it was him who had been hit by a train. One moment he had been joking and laughing with Casey and everybody had been going on about how Reid would definitely pull it off and return from Bay City with the new heart for Chris in no time and the next moment was being wheeled in on a stretcher, his body all broken and bloody and Bob Hughes babbling about how he was not going to make it…
Half sitting half lying on one of the cushioned visitors' chairs Luke was reliving the horror of the past two hours over and over again, like a film that he just wasn't able to stop running, however much he wished he could. Reid urging him to look for his wallet, Reid making him promise to make sure that Chris would get his heart, the agony in Reid's eyes, the last glance from Reid's beautiful blue eyes, their last kiss, him signing the papers giving away Reid's heart, his last moment with the now deserted body of the man he only just had realized he had loved.
Luke groaned in agony, silent tears streaming down his face. It wasn't possible, this just couldn't have happened, not to Reid, not to him … not to THEM. – 'TO THEM': thinking these words triggered so much grief, it even gave him physical pain. They had only just begun to be some sort of 'them' and now it was over before it had really started?
There were so many things he didn't even know about Reid, so many things we wanted to do with him, so many things to tell him, so many questions to ask, so… Too late! The thought made him cry even harder, sobbing against the back of the chair.
All the missed opportunities of the past few weeks passed before his mind's eye: "I need time." "I'm not ready yet." Bitter regret swelled up in him. Why did he have to behave like some sexually inhibited teenager when actually he knew he wanted Reid from the moment they shared their first kiss back in Dallas? How could he have believed they actually had all the time in the world?
"Life is short." He himself had said those words to Reid only a few days ago, why the hell hadn't he just acted on them? Gone to Katie's apartment and made love right there and then. Now he would never know what it would have been like to feel Reid's hot body against his. To see this aloof and rational person give in to feelings and passion, see him lose control. They had been so close sometimes…
"To be continued..." – the memory clutched at his heart. Their last really intimate moment in the apartment. If he had known that they would never have the chance to continue what they had started, he would have done anything to show Reid how he was feeling about him, that he wanted the older man as much as Reid wanted him, that Noah was nothing but a distant memory…
What the hell had Reid been doing on these tracks anyway? Had he really thought that he was so smart he was invincible? Why did Reid of all people have to go to Bay City in the first place? Chris had such a big family, why couldn't anyone of them have gone? Why Reid? Why the man who only a few months ago didn't give a damn about other people. If it hadn't been for him - Luke, Reid would still be the ignorant and cynical person he had blackmailed into coming to Oakdale but at least would be alive!
Too late! He would never feel Reid's body going through the ecstasy of pleasure, never see Reid's face distorted with desire, never exhaustedly fall asleep in Reid's arms, never wake up to look into Reid's smiling eyes… A whole new life was lost forever, because of one moment of recklessness.
The longing for the things he was never going to have was tearing him apart. How was he supposed to go on with his life? How would he ever be able to live without him? If only he could do something, anything to bring Reid back…What…
Luke woke with a start due to some snapping noise right in front of his face, sitting up in the uncomfortable hospital chair. Still half caught in his all too realistic dream, he stared unbelievingly into the blue eyes of the man whom he had thought to have lost forever. Reid, who had woken him just as gently and affectionately as after Noah's surgery, was looking down at him with mock reproach, but at the same time seemed utterly pleased with himself.
"So here I am, saving lives and you have nothing better to do than fall asleep in the middle of drama and chaos," Reid teased him. "How can anyone be so self-centered and cold-hearted? I'm afraid I will have to find myself somebody more sensitive."
Luke saw the man and heard the words but still wasn't able to quite take in what was going on. Was this real and Reid's death had just been a horrible nightmare, or was he dreaming now?
"Luke are you okay?", Reid who had probably expected some similarly teasing reaction from Luke was now looking down on him anxiously. "Here I am in a mood for celebration and you look as if though somebody had died when just the contrary is the case."
The contrary? Suddenly Luke was wide awake! "So you mean you made it to Bay City? And you brought back the heart for Chris?", he stammered excitedly. "Yep. They are only just preparing him for the surgery." Reid was not even trying to conceal how proud he was of himself.
" So am I not getting some kind of reward?", Reid complained teasingly. "After everything I have put myself through to make sure…" And then Reid wasn't able to say another word because Luke had jumped to his feet, wrapped his arms around him and crashed his lips down on Reid's mouth with a passion that took the older man's breath away. Luke slid his tongue into Reid's mouth in a deep and hungry kiss, pressing his body against Reid's. He definitely wasn't ready to let go of Reid any time soon.
When finally the need for air forced them to break the kiss, Luke still clung to Reid's body like a person drowning to a lifebelt. "Are you sure you are okay?" Reid asked him. "I mean, not that I am complaining, but I am not the one who almost died here, Chris is." Luke responded with a weak smile. 'If you knew…', he thought, but he didn't say anything. Reid seemed to be in such high spirits that Luke did not want to ruin the moment for him, especially not because of some stupid nightmare.
"I meant it, you know", Reid said, suddenly all serious. "What I said earlier…" "And I love you Reid!", Luke replied in a trembling voice. "You have no idea how much!" And he brought their lips back together again, wishing that this moment could last forever.