Author's Note: I do not own Dora the Explorer or any of the Mario Kart games.

Warning: Violence.

CHARACTERS:

Mario

Luigi

Bowser

Rosalina

Metal Mario

Koopa Troopa

Toad

Donkey Kong

Wario

Yoshi

Dry Bowser

Waluigi

Dora

Boots (Dora's monkey friend)

Dora's backpack

Dora's map

—PART 1—

Dora walked out of her house and met up with Boots.

"Okay, so what are we exploring today?" Boots said.

"Well, let's pull out the map," Dora said.

"Uuuugggghhhh," Boots groaned. "Not the map! That annoying, repetitive, talking piece-of-paper-ass little bitch."

Dora pulled out the map. As a result, the map began running its mouth, "I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map! I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map, I'm the map! I'm the—"

"SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH IT!" Boots shouted.

The map told the directions. "First, we travel straight and then climb the mountain. Next, we go through the forest. Then, we take a left and go to the river. It's mountain, forest, and then river. Mountain, forest, and then the river. Mountain, forest, and then the river. Mountain, forest, and then the river. Mountain, forest, and then—"

"And then the fucking river! We get it, you broken record," Boots said.

"Okay, let's go!" Dora said in an annoyingly happy tone. Boots groaned.

Dora and Boots climbed the mountain, went through the forest, and took a right to get to the river.

After a while of walking, Boots became skeptical. "Dora, weren't we supposed to take a left to get to the river instead of a right?"

"This is left."

"What..."

Dora saw something mysterious. "Oh, look, a portal!" Dora said, running towards it and then jumping through it.

"Oh great," Boots said sardonically. "Now I have to find her," he said, going through the portal as well.

After going through the portal, they found themselves in the middle of a road of something that appeared to be a racetrack. The scenery was nice, and there were occasional floating, translucent blocks in the road that had question marks inside of them. There were also twelve racers behind a starting line about 25 feet away from Dora and Boots, all of the racers being in motorized vehicles.

Anxiety started filling Boots' mind. Oh shit, he thought. I know all of those racers. And they all hate Dora the Explorer so this is not good!

Boots then said, "I gotta fucking run, Dora, because this isn't good at all! I knew that traveling right was the wrong direction!" Then he ran.

—PART 2—

"We are all ready to race, Mario," Luigi said, enthusiastic.

"Alright. 3! 2—" Mario counted down, but was interrupted.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa...okay. Hold on a minute!" Toad said, both of his hands raised.

Everyone looked at Toad.

"Is that...Dora the Explorer over there!? I'm not even kidding," Toad said, pointing ahead.

Everyone looked and saw Dora.

"Hey, you're right," Metal Mario said.

"Wow. Okay, okay, now, we cannot have Dora in the fucking race," Wario said.

Waluigi heard Dora's backpack talk. "Wait, this bitch has a talking backpack, too? What the hell?"

"Dora needs to get the fuck out!" Bowser shouted.

Rosalina came up with an idea. "Here's what I'm going to do," she said, gripping the wheel and revving the engine. "Watch and learn." Then she floored the gas.

"Why are you still standing in the middle of the road?" Dora's backpack said. "Look, if you don't get out of the road—WHOA SHIT AAAAAH!"

Rosalina sped by Dora, almost hitting her.

"See, this is what I'm talking about..." Dora's backpack continued. "This ain't even funny, Dora..."

Rosalina slowed down and grabbed a question block.

"...There are racers on the road as you saw, and here you are, standing in the middle of the road..."

Rosalina held in her hand a Bob-omb from the question block and then turned around, stopped, and faced Dora.

"...And if you don't fucking get your ass off the road right now—..."

Rosalina floored the gas pedal; a high RPM was quickly reached and the tires screeched. The abrupt, loud noise caused Dora to turn around.

"OHHH FUUCKKKK!" Dora and her backpack shouted, as Rosalina was speeding right towards them.

As a result of getting rammed hard, Dora's legs broke and her backpack went off her shoulders and landed on the ground, while Dora herself flew up and crashed into the starting line's metal sign with high energy. Her head protruded through it.

"I hate you Dora, you stupid-ass bitch!" were the backpack's last words before being instantly killed by Rosalina's Bob-omb. Material of the backpack flew everywhere, and a crater was made in the road.

Every racer laughed their ass off.

"Nice one, Rosalina!" Luigi shouted.

"Thanks, Luigi. And this is just the beginning," Rosalina said while Dora was moving frantically to try to get unstuck from the metal sign. However, Dora's wide-ass football head couldn't fit through.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Rosalina asked.

"Oh yeah!" everyone shouted, entirely excited.

Every racer drove to the nearest group of question blocks to start their wave of total destruction on Dora. Yoshi got a blue shell and threw it at Dora, and at the same time, Dry Bowser threw a Bob-omb. While Dora flying 100 feet into the air was one result, the fiery explosion of the Bob-omb, combined with the blue shell explosion, also blew up the metal posts and the sign of the starting line. One of the posts stabbed Dora in the stomach in midair.

Next came Toad and Donkey Kong after Dora fell back to the ground. While Toad had the Invincibility Star and rammed Dora over and over again, Donkey Kong perpetually threw hard one-two punches at Dora's face. Her nose broke severely and blood was rushing out of it profusely. Koopa Troopa was releasing huge mother-of-all shit-storms of red and green shells, completely fucking Dora up.

Bowser, strangely enough, got a large container of gasoline from the question block. "Well, that's weird. What the hell am I supposed to do with this?"

Bowser had an idea pop in his head. "Oh, this is going to be good!"

He chugged down the full container of gasoline while having a disgusted face. "This shit tastes awful," Bowser said.

He went over to the vicinity of Dora, who was currently screaming her ass off. Bowser shouted, "Everybody, STAND THE FUCK BACK!" he said, feeling something dangerous happening to his body.

Everyone listened and fearfully reversed away from Dora by thirty feet. Then Bowser unleashed a total thermal energy explosion of utter hell from his mouth, huge flames hitting Dora so hard and barbecuing the fuck out of her. The whole area was a shade of red.

Immediately after the huge flame blast, Metal Mario and Luigi activated the Lightning they got from their question blocks and brutally super-electrocuted the fuck out of Dora. She turned small as she was hit by tens of thousands of volts and amperes. Everyone was able to see Dora's skeleton as a result of the tremendous amounts of electric current running through her. Dora lost all muscular control and was flipping and spazzing out more frantically than a manic epileptic hyperactive out-of-the-water fish on twenty-five pounds of crack.

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEONE'S GETTING BLASTED!" Donkey Kong shouted, pounding his chest.

Wario, Waluigi, Toad, and Mario turned into Bullet Bills and each of them smashed full-speed into Dora's already broken face, adding to the barrage of pain she was getting from all directions.

Dora was on fire and covered in soot, had two black eyes, fucked up hair, severe wounds and broken bones, and blood everywhere on her. She could barely move and was barely conscious to hear the engine revs surrounding her and feel the chaos happening to her. Dora was close to the point of death. Everyone was enjoying this while Dora screamed non-stop.

To finish Dora off, all of the racers got Golden Mushroom items and then formed a circle around Dora. After a few seconds, they all floored their gas pedals while using their Golden Mushrooms to their fullest extent. Large flames escaped out of every kart's exhaust pipes. Dora experienced the combined incredible force of twelve racers brutally ramming her ass. The last thing she saw before dying was everyone's facial expression: both a heavy frown and a huge smile.

After a long silence, Mario said, "So, we destroyed Dora the Explorer."

Everyone just sat in their karts, fathoming their accomplishment. Then everyone erupted into shouts of joy.

"We did it! Dora is finally gone!" Luigi shouted.

—END—