Author's NB: The Lord God only knows what I was thinking when I wrote this… but essentially, as a Catholic I'm rather disgusted at the overt commercialism of Christmas and how a day based on family, friends and the importance of sharing and generosity has become so warped by secularism and commercialism. Not to mention that it's meant to express God's love for us and what He handed our way… (insert the fact I'm well aware of how we Christians mooched the date off our Pagan neighbours). Anyway, so here's my little attempt to think out loud and type down on Word what Prime might have thought about the whole Debacle – given Prime's the AB leader and probably doesn't have a lot of sources he can safely use for information gathering.
Concurrently – I've been having the worst time with my dyslexic lately given all my intelligence and spelling ability has been used to write up neuro notes at work, so hopefully the stupid Word Spellchecker will get the worst of my errs out.
Also – Me no owny Transformers.
Santa
Human society was a complex melting pot of differing world views and beliefs, of religious adherence and stark secularism. The leader of the Autobots respected all forms of life and the cultures they created for themselves, the civilisations they raised, but every now and then he'd come across something that just out and out surprised him.
Christmas was one of them.
Carly, the mate of one of the first humans they'd met, their friend, Spike, was a firm believer in science. Well, at least human science. She didn't adhere to a human religion or spiritual grouping; she didn't even accept the concept of a deity or higher form of life. She once explained to Skids, when he asked about her religious views, that she'd once been agnostic, a human word used to describe the belief that maybe there was or maybe there wasn't a higher power and that said higher power, if did exist, wasn't interested in humans. But since the arrival of the Autobots she voided that view and now referred to herself as an "Atheist" another human word for an individual who didn't believe in a higher power or "god". She was highly intelligent for a human, being able to converse with the likes of Perceptor and Wheeljack. And here she was now, this wonderfully strong, brave woman, a woman who when not even fully grown managed to sneak her way into Decepticon HQ, a base which was under water – and Prime knew explicitly that humans and great bodies of water didn't mix well! Prime continued his thought, slightly sidetracked by his memories of her antics… and here she was telling her son of a large human male who wore bright red, flew around the world on a sleigh pulled by rein deer – flying reindeer, delivering presents to good boys and girls… by way of climbing down their chimneys. And this larger sized man did all this in one night! There were several things about this story that fritzed Prime's logic circles, and if he was having a few sparks then he hated to think how Prowl was managing!
Firstly – from Prime's understanding larger humans, especially ones as large as some of the depictions of this "Santa Claus" he had seen, had difficulty with mobility and were unable to maintain a certain level of heightened activity over a prolonged period of time. That this "Santa" would probably have a range of ill effects caused by his "obesity" as the humans called it.
Sparkplug, a larger built human, who's size had increased with age – something to do with the slow down of human fuel processors, even he wasn't as big as "Santa" , but he was already suffering from different system failures in his biological structure. He'd already had three pump failures requiring repair bay stays… Prime tried to recall the name… "Myocardial infarctions" was what Perceptor had stated. Sparkplug also had something called "diabetes". This was a malfunction of some process in his organic body that Prime didn't understand. And the mention of necrotic ulcers, limb amputations and the human equivalent of statis lock was enough to make Prime decide he didn't want further education.
So – how did a human who'd expanded their mass beyond their structure capabilities manage such exertion in such a small period of time?
Secondly – Prime had been on many worlds and seen many native life forms, but he'd never seen a flying reindeer, and was sure none existed on this world. Furthermore, if they did exist, why hadn't they been captured by well meaning humans and placed into captivity with intent to breed them? And Prime understood just enough about biological reproduction that one of each gender was needed to creature "offspring"… how did male reindeer reproduce? Hadn't this "Santa" been around for a few of the human's centuries and the reindeer with them?
Thirdly – Further on from that concept of "Santa's" age, Prime was aware that humans very rarely lived longer then a vorn. There were various myths about humans living longer, but after scans it was known to the Autobots that those myths were incorrect in regards to human longevity.
Fourthly – how did "Santa" know who was good or bad? Was he like some form of all knowing deity? And there were good children who didn't believe in "Santa" what of them? Prime understood those humans who called themselves "Jewish" didn't celebrate Christmas, did their children receive gifts?
Fifthly – The ability of this "Santa" to give presents to all these children in one night over the entire globe. Even if one factored into the equation the naughty children and the non-believing children and the earth's rotational speed, how did "Santa" get to every house? Humans did not possess light speed or transwarp technology, and if this "Santa" did, why not share it with the rest of humanity? Surely it'd be more benefit to their race then getting a few toys while a child on one day of the year?
So, Carly, academically gifted, intelligently heightened, an atheists, was now teaching her son of an over fuelled human in a red suit who was capable of disregarding the laws of physics.
"Optimus! Are you going to hang a stocking too!"
The small boy rushed up to the large mech and waved the loudly decorated piece of red fabric with white fluff sewn around the top. It was shaped like a human foot and there were images of the large defyer of science and a snow man.
Prime knelt down to the child and his optics expressed a grin.
"Well, if I hung a stocking it'd be so big Santa wouldn't have any presents left for you".
He suddenly said, inwardly amazed he didn't express to the boy his CPU's musings. Carly shot him a look of relief, obviously aware no one had sat down with Prime and told him not to let Danny in on the scientifically cold truth. Now they just had to keep the small creature from Perceptor!
"Oh! Don't worry Prime! I'm sure Santa's elves will have made you lots and lots and lots of presents, cos you're really good! You're the goodest!"
The boy giggled and the Autobot didn't correct the small child's ill grammar.
"Come on sweetie; let's get inside before you catch a cold. You don't' want to spend Christmas day in your bed!"
Carly smiled and her son skipped back to his mother waving his stocking about his head. The blond scooped him up and planted the human greeting of affection of a kiss on his forehead; he cuddled into her bosom and began sucking his thumb.
"Thanks Prime, I'll talk to you later, just gotta go get this little man into bed".
She winked at him and the Autobot leader nodded in amused acknowledgement.
Trees
It was their first Christmas away from Earth. The first one on Cybertron, and the first one where the child was old enough to appreciate it and verbalise fully his intentions of gifts and appreciation of Santa.
There was a small group of humans, the young Witwicky family, Chip and his pregnant wife, two other human diplomats and their life partners and three human scientists who had been on Cybertron for 8 months, so there was more then enough of them to warrant bothering about the smaller details of Christmas.
The most important detail of this holiday, as had been explained by Spike to Prime was the Tree.
Prime had a hard time understanding the purpose of a tree. A piece of flora killed by chopping it down and tearing it up out of the cool soil from where it gained nutrition and then dropping its trunk into a pot in the corner of room in a human dwelling then adding to it with coloured bits of foil, poorly moulded plastic shapes and expanded by heat maize cornels on a string. Usually as the tradition of the particular strand of human world view dictated, a star or angel upon a tree. Prime didn't know much of the human mythology around angels, but wasn't quite sure why something resembling a burning ball of gas would be placed upon a tree, perhaps it had something to do with the ancient human obsession with the skies and those celestial bodies that inhabited. The bearer of the matrix was sure if he asked Skids he'd be informed, of course, the problem with asking Skids was one ended up with too much information!
What further confused the Autobot was the practice of placing "gifts" under the tree. Newly purchased items wrapped in bright paper, most of it having depictions of Christmas icons. From his understanding was that on Christmas day the humans would sit around this tree and open the gifts. It was a rather peculiar if not slightly pleasant procedure. Prime wondered if humans got bored of it, doing it year after year, he wondered about the financial ramifications of buying so many people gifts for one day of the year. What happened if the human receiving the gift didn't like what they unwrapped? What was the purpose of this dying plant?
The Autobot recalled the previous Christmas celebrations he'd experienced, albeit distantly, over the years. This was the first Christmas Spike and his young family had really shared with them, being on Cybertron made it hard not to. Prime had been under the impression that this celebration was somewhat private and to be shared between the human family units. But what he had known was from a few public gatherings the humans had held. Huge trees, or plastic models of such, had been raised high in town centres and gleefully decorated, attracting large groups of people like moths to flame. It certainly was a strange Human communal practice.
Prime didn't really have time to focus on the idiocentricities of human society and their diverse opinions, world views and religious. There were other bots in his force who investigated those tenants with more vigour and enthusiasm. Prime knew enough about the human politics, especially the Americans, if only out of need rather then want. Prime had noticed an increasing push by strangely a minority of humans within America in particular, where displays that could be affiliated with a religious world view, were banned in public areas. This was strange to Prime, he wasn't aware of any religious connotation to Christmas, but the idea of a giant tree covered in coloured orbs of plastic being gazed upon by thousands, wasn't that a religious display? An icon? Or just some deep seated human instinct to look at shiny things? Seemed rather primitive, actually. Prime thought better of asking Spike in case he offended him.
Fuel
Prime couldn't quite understand the human need for such a various diet. He understood that like Transformers, humans needed differing fuels, or "food", to ensure efficient operation. He also understood that humans over this season would over indulge, which he felt was strange and oftentimes wasteful, not to mention an inefficient use of resources. So many humans had very little fuel reserves and often died from lack. Yet, there were humans who had so much they would increase their intake to the point of their bodies refusing the excess and orally expressing it. From further indications regarding this "festive" season, humans oftentimes preached sharing and generosity – part of the reason for the gift giving, yet, with all these humans on their planet going without, why would so humans wish to over indulge on fuel when others had nothing?
Social problems existed in various forms on all the worlds Prime had visited during his life cycle. Earth had its, and he would no doubt end up on worlds suffering other problems of a similar nature. But as of yet he'd come across no civilisation that had a "holiday" like Christmas which talked about generosity of spirit and giving and yet this didn't seem to be the practice!
Prime recalled a time when he was younger and held a different name, where a few friends conned him into trying a form of energon that was banned. And he learnt it was banned with good reason. The mess it caused his circuits put him in the local repair facility for six rotations! It was an event that taught him an important lesson in wisely choosing the energon and fuels that he would intake. The humans had fuels that were far from efficient. Perceptor had once given Spike the low down on what was really in that "Big Mac", which for a great deal of time Prime thought was a Truck, and wondered why, or how, Spike could ingest one! While the description was lengthy it certainly didn't upset Prime's sensitivities, but Spike seemed a little uneasy about it and since then the Autobot leader had not witnessed or heard of Spike having one. Perceptor, he was sure, would also have a raft of knowledge on the nutritional chemical structures of the fuels provided for this day of the human calendar – but apparently Carly had had a rather serious discussion with the Autobot scientist and told him up front to not inform any human in his visual range of the make up of these foodstuffs.
Essentially, the foods placed upon the serving platform for humans was less then healthy. The smoked and cured flesh of a rather filthy mud dwelling animal was apparently adverse for the human pump. Large servings of root plants, boiled till any nutritional value was leeched out, mashed, and with highly salted and processed lactose products added was also damaging to the human's structural stability, altering their mass. Excessive glucose, starch, proteins, fats and unstable chemical compounds mixed into their "deserts", a section of their fuelling rituals served at the end of their primary ingestion. This concept befuddled the Autobot, why would a being wish to ingest further nutritional fuels after already effecting fuelling?
The "Western" human society seemed pre-occupied with their appearances and their health professionals were encouraging more efficient and health conscious ingestion. So, this day of excess seemed to contradict those teachings. Perhaps it had something to do with emulating this "Santa", his large girth being respected and desired at least one earthen rotation in its journey around the star. Prime was certainly confused alright.
Prime didn't even want to give his CPU a hyper nano-click to contemplating the reasons behind "confectionaries". Overly processed, glucose ridden "sweets" formed in moulds to resemble this "Santa" and other objects of Christmas affection. Some of these creations were structured from the dried, dissolved and re-constituted internal material of the support structures of animals! More of the human need to emulate by perhaps ingesting these images? Prime had once been informed by Skids of an ancient human civilisation's rather barbaric practice where they warriors would ingest the pumps of other humans they had terminated with a belief doing so would increase their own power by somehow absorbing the power of their kill. This was strange to him. The terminated human was obviously not in possession of power if they had been felled so easily.
Family
Prime found himself back in his Cybertron office. A rather small room by comparison to some of the others available. He sat behind the desk and looked at the mound of digi-pads that were placed neatly in a pile. Obviously the work of his pedantic tactician. Another pile was on the shelf behind his desk and a huge stash of foils (the Transformer equivalent of paper) were laid under a "foil weight" – which was essentially a spent fuel round for an energon rifle. He reclined in the chair, hands behind his head and stared up at the rather bland wall. Humans gave themselves this "Christmas" day off. A "holiday". He wondered where the term had come from. It sounded like "holy", but that couldn't be right given the secular Western human society's preoccupation with attempts to stifle religious expression in the public domain. Surely a secular government wouldn't give its people a day off in reverence to a religious adherence of a few.
It was the day known as "Christmas Eve". Daniel was excited more then usual. Perhaps his tiny form had over ingested too many of these "sweets". He was bounding all over the place, running around waving a stream of "tinsel" in one of his tiny hands, his other grasped firmly about his Teddy who was festively donned in a "Santa" outfit, complete with hat, that when it fell from its head would cause the small boy to start crying… a human behaviour which indicated a raft of emotions from distress, to pain, to a desire for attention to even happiness! Such a strange system these humans possessed. The doors opened and this small boy rushed in squeaking in delight about something or someone known as "Rudolf" and if Prime was going to leave out some carrots for them when he went to "sleep" – a human term for their re-charge cycle. Prime could only smile under his face plat and stood from his chair, careful in his steps towards the child.
"Well, hello Daniel. How many carrots do you suggest I leave?"
Prime wasn't sure what carrots were, perhaps another form of fuel for organics.
"Lots and lots!"
The boy giggled and started wrapping some of the "tinsel" around Prime's thumb as he rested his hand on the ground to balance himself. The large Autobot chuckled kindly and watched in pleasant amusement as the boy wove himself between the large metallic phalanges. The doors opened again and Spike came in.
"Danny! There you are! You can't go running off like that, what would Santa say? Its not to late to end up on the naughty list. Now come on, go find your mother and get back to bed".
Spike wasn't angry, he was using his voice in the tone Prime understood to be a tone used by human parents to trick their offspring into obedience, the hint of amusement and glee not picked up by inexperienced young. Daniel seemed to "fall for it", as was the human expression, and gave Prime a farewell before skipping off out the door, waving his bear about, and leaving the Autobot with a hand full of "tinsel" poorly wrapped around his hand's extensions.
"Hahah! Sorry bout that Prime!"
Spike laughed.
"But kids and Christmas, you know!"
Prime raised an optic ridge and then held his hand up to his face at optic level examining the brightly coloured silver and gold "tinsel".
"Actually, Spike, I don't".
"Don't want, Prime? Know about kids and Christmas?"
"Ah… affirmative".
Prime was inwardly hoping his over all demeanour and use of rather sterile words would prevent Spike clicking on to the fact that perhaps the Autobot leader wasn't' so well versed in the nuances of this "holiday".
"Haha, really? Oh man, Prime, how long you been surrounded by humans and no one's bothered to explain Chrissie to you?"
"Since the human chronological designation of 1984".
"Oh come on Prime, cut the baloney! You don't need to be proper with me, we're friends, right? If you can't ask your biological friend about one of our holidays then who can you? And don't' say Skids because the stuff that mech comes out with, heck, I've never even heard of!"
"I hadn't further inquired with Skids or any of my charge".
Typical Prime, Spike thought, falling back on that overt serious commander demeanour. Spike expressed his internal monologue via his body language which Prime picked up on and was attempting to ignore when the human stopped him dead in his tracks.
"Prime, for goodness' sake, just tell me what you want to know and I'll try and clear it up for you".
The Autobot leader considered the human's words and Spike just sighed impatiently.
"Very well Spike, I will accept your proposal".
"Holy shit, Prime, I'm not proposing, this isn't something to be ashamed about, so you don't know about one of our holidays, its not a big deal! So, what's bothering you the most about this time of year?"
"Santa Claus".
He stated bluntly, crossing his arms over his chest, looking down at the man not sure if he could deliver a suitably logical answer.
"Do you want a short, sharp and sweet explanation or a more historically accurate depiction?"
"Is there a… middle ground?"
"Okay, long story short – there was a man who lived in the 3rd century… I think it was then, you're asking me to recall the Sunday school classes my mum took me too when I was little! Anyway this man, Nicholas was born into wealth and his parents died in a disease outbreak. He then followed the teachings of Jesus, the guy the Christians worship, and Nick sold everything he owned and gave it to the poor. Late he became a Bishop of a town and he eventually died. After his death came the stories about him giving toys to children on the day of the year that was said to the be the birthday of Jesus. He was also made a saint. Now, as far as I know, overtime his Bishops garb and hat were warped into the red suit and hat that Santa Claus wears today. As for the name "Santa Claus" from what I understand it eventually evolved from European languages and multiple translations until it eventually became Americanised to "Santa Claus".
"How did a such a man became so evolved as to fly around the world on a sleigh and deliver presents from a sleigh pulled by reindeer?"
"Oh… well… Hahah, its essentially the human ability to make someone pretty normal into someone really spectacular and science defying years after they actually lived. But all you need to know is you never tell children that he doesn't exist because essentially Christmas is all about children".
"Children?"
"That's right. It's a day for family and friends, and giving gifts is nice and everything, and getting things, well that's great too. But there's something about a child tearing into his gifts on Christmas morning that makes you feel good. It's a joyous occasion for children and families".
"Why the word Christmas? What is its origin?"
"Christmas has its origin from the Christian faith. Adherents worship a man named Jesus, also called Christ. So, Christmas is the day set aside where they celebrate his birth. It was chosen as the 25th of December to coincide with a pagan feast day so it would help ease their transition to converting from their pagan beliefs to Christianity. Now because our current society was founded by a Christian society we still celebrate it, though now with the separation of church and state, secularism and an increasing politically correct ideal which acknowledge other faiths and so people are less likely to officially sanction the religious meaning of the holiday so as not to offend those of a non-Christian belief system".
Prime was silent momentarily as he contemplated the complex nature of such a day.
"And this Christ, do Christians still celebrate the anniversary of his birth or are they bound by the secularist in your community?"
"Absolutely. We have freedom of religion in this country Prime, and in many others. A Christian can still celebrate it, and they do. Oftentimes they go to church services and have more religiously themed decorations and lights and cribs and such. They're just not allowed to have any religiously themed decorations on public land, they're welcome to have it on private property that can be viewed by others in the community, but we just won't allow any public organisation or government body making such a display".
"Doesn't such behaviour non and void the point of this holi-day? Disallowing public displays?"
"Well, yes and no, I suppose. We can't force Christian belief down the throats of non-Christians, and with that said, the holiday has really lost a lot of its origin meaning because of our evolving society. But people are still free to worship and celebrate this time as the wish, or not celebrate it at all".
"I see…"
Prime was further confused, but he felt that at least now he knew at least a cursory origin of this day.
"What of the giving of gifts? What is the point of this?"
"Well, from what I understand it branches from two lines of origin – firstly, back to Christianity, where the giving of gifts represents the gift God gave to the world – namely his son, Jesus. Secondly, it's back to the Santa thing, where Santa gave gifts to children. But now days it's basically just something people do and it's accepted that its is done and people just don't over think it. See, I think that's your current dilemma, Prime, you over think everything. And Christmas is something that can be over thought. With the way our society is in regards to religion, people try to distance themselves from it, so over thinking the origins of the whats and whys at this time of year will lead one back to some form of religious belief".
"So why continue with such a behaviour if the current human society has moved from religious acknowledgements?"
"Well, honestly, Prime, who doesn't want to get new stuff? We all like to have a day off, have some good food, spend the time with friends and family and just relax?"
"And this doesn't strike you as peculiar?"
"No, not really. Prime, if there's only one thing about humans you ever learn, its that we like to take something and improve on it or change it to meet our own needs at the time. Christmas is a prime example. We've taken it, moulded it to what we want, and then celebrate it as we feel. Even atheists, those who have no belief in God or religion celebrate it – well, all the ones I know at least".
"So while it evolved from a religious celebration it is now generally a day off with gift giving and over indulgence?"
"Pretty much, yeah. That's probably not what you wanted to hear and probably a tad cynical, but that's the gist of it".
"And how do you feel about that?"
"Well… honestly, Prime, it does bother me a bit. Carly isn't religious and in a way I'm not really. My mother was big on Christmas, she was a staunch Christian and while my father is Jewish, he's slightly lax in his faith and allowed mum to do what she wanted on Christmas. So to me, the religious meaning of Christmas reminds me of my mother. To Carly it's just some day we take off and spend with family".
"So why does Carly insist on informing Daniel of this "Santa Claus", who clearly cannot exist if she does not acknowledge the existence of a deity of some form?"
"Well, its part of the magic of Christmas, Prime. It gives Children hope and something to look forward to, to be excited about. The Bishop St. Nick cared deeply about children and their happiness, and in giving poor children gifts at least one day a year those children had hope for the future and a knowledge that at least someone cared about them".
"Then why not emulate the origin St. Nick, and instead of giving gifts to your children, give to those who aren't as fortunate at his?"
"Well… some of us do, Prime, I give to charities that benefit poor children and orphans, but I guess the general answer to that is that we're a really commercial and materialistic society, children are brought up and conditioned to expect gifts under the tree on Christmas morning. It's a sad state of affairs really that we raise our children with this sense of entitlement, but I'm hoping we're doing the right thing by Daniel, one day a year of hope and joy for the small boy won't scar him to badly I would think".
"And the point of the tree? The differing amounts of fuel and the large excesses of it?"
"Well the tree is another one of human traditions that can't be effectively traced – there's various beliefs, one is that a saint interrupted a child sacrificed and flattened the tree the child was tied too and then a Christmas tree sprung up in its place and represented Christ, others are linked to pre-Christian belief, where a tree was used as a symbol of pagan celebration and the Christians just took that tradition and tweaked it for their own purpose – missionary work. As for food – well, humans like to eat, its something we all do and all have to do, preparing food for our friends and family shows them how much we love and care for them. Sharing a meal is part of human society and all the way back to our origins are humans sharing a meal. The sorts of things that are served are based I think on the local produce and food available. I know in countries like Australia and New Zealand they eat a lot of smoked ham and have barbeques because Christmas falls in the middle of Summer and you probably wouldn't want to be eating a hot roast in that kind of climate".
"Mmm".
The Autobot leader contemplated these words and found he couldn't really understand any of the human reason behind most of it. Seemed based more on the human need to have something to do, on their need to be around their genetic groupings and networks, to have something new to possess and this strange need to over ingest fuels. But whether or not Prime understood these points at least he now knew enough that he could feign knowledge if another asked.
"Answer all your questions, Prime?"
Spike asked with an amused grin.
Prime looked at the human and was about to give a somewhat affirmative answer when Spike interrupted his thought processes.
"Well, look at it like this, Prime, until you actually experience a Christmas, I don't think all the history books and Perceptor or Skid's ramblings in the universe could properly answer your queries".
Prime seemed to accept that explanation and nodded.
"I'm sure Carly and the other people here won't mind if you joined us tomorrow morning, or even if you just popped by".
Prime was flattered by the invitation and decided he best not turn it down, even spending a few of the human minutes with them tomorrow might give him experience to go with information.
"Very well, Spike, I will attend if only for a few moments to witness the practice of Christmas".
Spike laughed somewhat.
"Alright, Optimus, see you then! Ooh, I better get back, make sure Daniel isn't trying to trick Santa into thinking he's asleep!"
The human left Prime and the Autobot found himself even more confused. How could Spike, who had just explained that Santa didn't' really exist, and was simply centuries worth of human exaggeration heaped on an individual who lived generations before still talk about him as if he did exist in current, jolly and red clad form?
It was a strange human condition indeed; hopefully tomorrow's exercises would shed a little more light on the situation.
The Big Day
The Autobot leader felt horribly awkward sitting there quietly in the corner watching with soft blue optics as the humans celebrated what apparently was something very important and biologically personal to them. Daniel was tearing into his presents as his parents sat on the floor watching with gentle smiles. The other humans were laughing and sharing gifts and most already tearing into their "chocolates" and other "sweets". Prime felt as if he was actually ignored, which suited him fine given his roll here was simply to witness their antics, not take part in them. But still, he failed to see how a 3 year old ripping open paper and delighting at new play things was some day that had evolved from a religious connotation. Spike and Carly had shared gifts of their own, smaller boxes containing a primitive chronological measurement device that wrapped around the wrist for Spike and two small gems hanging from hooked pieces of metal, whatever their purpose, Carly was absolutely ecstatic. The other humans also shared gifts of a small nature. Daniel was definitely the one to benefit most from this day, amassing a huge haul of toys, so many in fact the small child was unable to carry them all and spent a good amount of time stacking his gifts and opening the packets of others, making a rather large mess. It seemed to be a large exercise in consumer waste. This was something Prime couldn't grasp, humans had so much, and yet they insisted on wasting so much! The Cybertronian wars had whittled down their resources and now the bare minimal of resources, fuels and building materials were available. Was this holiday teaching Daniel a good lesson? He didn't seem thankful at all. He smiled at his parents, thanked them but then asked if there was any more, when told no, he pouted before Carly opened him a "candy cane". It seemed to calm the child who then returned to opening a large packet containing blocks and a small truck and bulldozer. Despite having all this, he still appeared an ill grate. Perhaps it was immaturity.
There was singing, eating, joking, laughing and occasionally another gift examined or unwrapped. Prime still remained essentially unnoticed for the most part, Spike occasionally acknowledging him or asking if he was okay. The Autobot leader had replied he was, but didn't ask if he could leave, feeling it could be taken as rude of him, of course, it was doubtful they would notice. Even Daniel was so often taken with the large Autobot seemed to ignore him. Prime didn't take it personally, as Sparkplug had once explained to him that human children, especially at that age, could be very fickle. He had explained to Spike he had a meeting at a particular chronological designation which thankfully was nearing. Spike had told Prime to just leave when he needed to and that he hoped he would enjoy his time learning about a joyous day in human culture, or at least in Western societies.
Watching the humans fuelling was when he decided to part company. Carly was attempting to get Daniel to eat his "greens" and have some "meat", but it was obviously the small boy had filled his fuel tank with sweets and other inappropriate fuelling items. The other humans were drinking a beverage designed to alter their mental functioning, something called "wine" and Spike was carving a large, over cooked bird, with multiple decorations which Prime was sure did not come standard with these Turkey things. The man gave him polite thanks for showing up and an even politer farewell. This Prime thought was odd given that he hadn't done anything worthy of thanks.
Prime walked down the corridor towards his office. He passed the occasional Autobot who wished him "season's greetings" and other Autobots who simply just acknowledged him. His CPU was whirling with thought of this human celebration he was trying to process. Spike had said Christmas was a day for friends and family, for celebrating a day borrowed from ancient humans and tweaked by one of the major religions for their own use, it was a day for generosity and care for their fellows. Well, Prime had witnessed it was a day for family and friends, he understood that Spike and Carly couldn't spend it with their expanded genetic unit, and those with them on Cybertron were far from friends – as far as Prime knew they didn't spend any time outside of work with those people. IT seemed their grouping had today sprung from necessity not any genuine wish to spend it with them. It was supposed to be day built from religious connotations; there was no evidence of that. Prime had been well versed in human religious practices, well, the major ones at that. Human society was riddled with contentious issues arising from the conflicts between those of differing views. And ever since 9/11 Prime realised he was going to have to pay heed. There were even groups in America of staunch religious affiliations that were opposed to Autobots being on their world – something about the mark of some beast? Prime didn't understand their ramblings, but realised they were somewhat of a threat, if only to their fragile human colleagues. Prime had once been told by Sparkplug about the "7 Deadly Sins", a collection of transgressions against others and against oneself that were classed as acts that would lead the spark of a human to hell. One such sin was "gluttony", surely this religious holiday can't have began with such a practice being the corner stone. Generosity? Well, they all shared gifts, and obviously Daniel was too young to give any gift, but what of a picture for his parents, something those young humans could do and their co-creators would cherish? Once again his memory circuits bought up a conversation with Sparkplug where he recalled that at the age of two Spike gave his dad a rock with a felt pen drawn face on it and a piece of paper with some wool taped on it to his mother. Surely Spike would have instructed his young son on the importance of creating something for his parents. And why be generous with those who did not need it? Daniel had huge amounts of toys. He was always being given something by someone; surely he didn't need any more. Prime was well aware of human young who didn't even have, as the human saying went, "two pennies to rub together", human young who didn't even have enough to fuel once a day. It certainly was something he hadn't ever witnessed, a celebration created ancient pagan humans, stolen by ancient human Christians and now taken by modern human society and any original elements that could cause offence removed and the emphasis placed on materialism and "buying up large", another human saying.
Prime entered the corridor leading to his office and found Ultra Magnus walking towards him.
"Commander, there's an issue on Earth, the Decepticons have attacked a nuclear power generation facility, the human authorities are concerned about a possible leak of toxic gasses. They also have concerns of a Decepticon attacking elsewhere why they focus on the facility's leak".
"Has any Autobots on Earth attended the site of the recent attack?"
"Yes, Prime. Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Jazz, Blaster and Trailerbreaker are there at present, the Aerialbots are patrolling the skies around the facility and Ratchet and First Aide are liaising with the human authorities as to setting up a hazardous radius zone around the facility".
"Excellent. I will leave now, Magnus, you remain here and take charge of Cybertron".
"Yes sir".
Not so Joyous a day
Thankfully the attack on the plant wasn't as dire as perhaps Magnus had indicated, the leak had been relatively minor and the chemicals and gasses released were not enough to cause lasting harm to the environment or more importantly any human. The Decepticons made no further attacks but Prime decided to remain on Earth to be sure over the coming few weeks, where humans were off on their "holidays" and the services that would ordinarily deal with the ramifications of Decepticon attack were somewhat diminished. Prime drove through the city that was near to the plant, it was the day after the human Christmas day. The white fluffy frozen droplets of rain lay about the streets, a snow plough parked outside a "fast food" human fuelling station that appeared closed. The operator of the plough stood outside having a "smoke". The Autobot leader continued down the main street. Ordinarily he wouldn't drive down the main street as such activities usually annoyed the humans, but there were so few around that he didn't think they'd mind.
He rounded the corner of their main street and drove for about 5 minutes until he was in their industrial area. At the end of the road, "Factory Drive", he found himself nearing a large "church" structure. Outside a neighbouring building was a long cue of humans. It was strange to see humans outside in this weather who didn't appear to have an official purpose. They were clothed in rather raggy looking outfits, and as Prime got closer his olfactory sensors perked up informing him of their odour. They were huddling against the walls as they waited for entrance into the building. There was a sign "Little Sisters of Mercy Kitchen and Shelter" adorning the top of the run down building. The sign was faded and somewhat broken; it was simply painted, and appeared to have been done so by hand. Humans often took great pride in their shops and sales outlets, attempting to outdo their neighbours and competitors in an attempt to grab the attention of customers.
Prime parked over the road and decided to just watch. A woman came out; she was dressed in the garb of a "nun" as the humans called them. Females of their species would affiliate themselves with a particular religion and would devote their lives to the service of such, forsaking all other general human life goals. The woman stood there and started talking to several of the people in the line. The Autobot wasn't sure what was being said but the line started to move again and a large group of them entered. Prime used his infrared sensors to view inside the building. Other women of this religion were serving various types of fuels to the others. The fuels were a thin mix of water and chicken meat, there was the starch root vegetable mashed but with a good amount of lumps, some sliced bovine meat and what the humans called "gravy". The "dessert" was simply frozen, processed dairy product with coco flavouring and the dried and reprocessed bone marrow of animals with fruit flavouring. Far from elaborate. Their fluid was water mixed with another fruit flavoured powder. The plates it was served on were made of paper and the cups a flimsy plastic. The Christmas tree in the corner was a rather feeble looking plant with browning leaves and dried branches; it was decorated with sad looking paper chains and a cardboard star on the top. The humans sat inside at long tables some talking to each other, but most, devouring what little portion of fuel they had been served.
It took a moment to realise that these humans had no homes to return too, no families to share this day with, there would be no presents under glamorously decorated trees, no large spread of differing fuels, no over eating of "sweets". It was actually very sad a sight. Here was one day a year where these humans could feel somewhat normal, have something that was something most normal humans celebrated, a day where they could sit in a room tempered to their biological preference, with a fuel they hadn't dug out of rubbish reciprocal. A day where they could be on the receiving end of generosity and not cruelty or scorn. It was obvious the kitchen was unable to financially support these people or provide meals daily or weekly or perhaps even monthly, just enough of the human currency to provide one, feeble and rather inefficient fuel types.
Two men walked out of the side door and started across the road towards the Autobot parked there. A cold blast of wind ripped up the street and the line of humans waiting for their turn pushed up against the wall for some shelter, while the two coming towards the Autobot took a few extra steps and pressed against his front grill plate.
"That was a bit better then last year's".
The first stated.
Prime felt somewhat saddened to think the poor spread was actually an improvement from the year previous.
"You see Fred at all?"
"Nah… haven't seen him since the 4th".
"Oh… you think he came in yesterday?"
"Nah, he always waited till boxing day, said there was less people".
"Well, its almost 5 and they shut up shop at 6".
"Did you hear about Joe?"
"Yeah… fuck that, TB is a nasty way to go".
"Yeah, man, awful. You hear about Steve?"
"Steve from the bridge or Steve from Factory?"
"Factory Steve, the guy who carried round his meths in a sock".
"Oh, Methy Steve! I heard that bridge Steve got hit by the 3-15 and ended up splattered all over the street, but I haven't heard about Methy since… well… Thanksgiving".
"Lets just say Methy had too much meths and not enough bread".
"Damn".
"Poor bastard".
"Yeah".
"Man, that wind's cold! Is it me or is it getting colder round these parts?"
"Nah, its just we're getting older, not as much flab to keep us warm".
"It was a good spread, though. I like raspberry jelly. Last year it was lime, not a big fan of lime".
"Remember two years back it was that lemon pie?"
"OH yeah, that was tasty. Still have dreams about that lemon pie. But wasn't that gravy fantastic?"
"Oh yeah, I've never licked my plate so hard!"
"That Sister Martha knows how to put on a Christmas feed!"
"Yeah, talk is next year she's going to extend it to Christmas Eve as well".
"She's a good sort, Sister Martha. God bless her!"
"She's got a few newbies this year, ya notice?"
"The girl on the icecream station?"
"Yeah, I got talkin' too her, name's Sister Jane".
"Sister Jane?"
"Yeah, seems they're keeping their normal names now. She's a sweet girl, has a lot of good ideas – she wants to see if we can have Yorkshire pud next year".
"That's a bit pricey".
"Well, lets just wait and see, but what ever it is, man, I tell you, I'll be looking forward to it! Mmmm, that lemon pie!"
"Wow, there's certainly a chill out!"
"Oh yeah, but never as bad as the winter of 05, shit that was a doozey, that's when Mack lost his toes".
"Real? I heard he lost them in a train door he was trying to jump".
"Hahah! Well, that sounds more like Mack then getting done over by ole Mr. J. Frost!"
"Don't I know it! Did I tell you the sneaky bastard nicked my bindle stick last month, I remember it cos it was a few days before Thanks Givin'".
"Yeah, I think I might! You mentioned it at the dinner, right?"
"I love this time of year, plenty of good feeds but as pretty as the snow is, ain't no good to try and sleep in it".
"Oh yeah, I hear ya buddy. You gotta smoke?"
"I think I just might. Only got one – was saving it for a special occasion, but guess now's is a good as time as any to break her out".
The man reached into the rags that passed as his coat and removed half a cigarette that looked half smoked anyway. It was slightly damp and the Autobot noticed a growth on the shaft – humans called it mould.
"Merry Christmas, buddy".
He lit the smoke from a small book of matches which only had one left. After, he kept the book, slipping it back into his pocket.
"Ooh, brand name! Hahah, did I tell you how Doug was talking up this cigar he had pinched out of a merc?"
"No, I don't think you told me that one? What happened?"
"Well, Doug was talking up large about how he saw this merc and that he reached in and stole a box of cigars out of it, and then some suits started chasing him down the street but he managed to get away and then he was telling us how he smoked them all to get rid of the evidence… anyway, he only had one left and he pulled it out… and all it was? A bunch of recycled ciggie butts he'd unwrapped then re-wrapped the tabaccy in some toilet paper! Holy fuck it didn't even catch right and it tasted like shit!"
"HAHAHAH! That sounds like Doug to a T!"
"Wonder where he's at, didn't see him today and he's usually a boxing day guy".
"Yeah, I heard he took over to New York to try and find an old friend from his street days over there, apparently this chum has come into some money".
"Well, Doug was always a bit of a mooch".
"Don't I know it, don't I know it. Man, that hits the spot! Good smoke, right?"
"Right!"
"Well, we better get heading back before the cops show up to start dispersing us… not to mention Sister Hettly might try and get us to do some washing up!"
"Hahah, well, it'd be the least we could do".
"The least we could do is nothing!"
"Hahahahah, very true my friend! But I reckon it'd be a nice thing to do for the sisters, lets head back and see if we can help out… if anything, we might be able to hustle up any left overs of that nice jelly!"
"Oh yeah, wasn't it great…"
"Lemon Pie!"
They said simultaneously and then headed back towards the kitchen still sharing the cigarette.
The Autobot leader watched them enter the building from the side door, the line out front was now gone, the final hungry homeless had entered and were obviously enjoying the last of this place's Christmas generosity. He started his engine and drove off down the road, contemplating on what he had witnessed.
Over for another year
Prime lay on his recharge berth staring up at the ceiling above, its cold sterile grey colouring was less then enthusing, but was the colour most transformer buildings were donned in. For some reason he just couldn't bring himself to activate his power down sequence. His CPU kept drifting backwards to the conversation between the two homeless humans he had heard. These men had nothing. Absolutely nothing. And here they were so grateful for what they had been given. Daniel had whinged when there were no more presents for him, though he'd received so much, and many of his gifts were worth a large amount of human currency. One electronic remote control truck complete with flashing lights and sirens was know to Prime to cost 250 of the human dollars, an expensive amount to spend on any child. Sparkplug had always expressed concern that Spike and Carly were spoiling Daniel and Sparkplug knew that it would only get worse as Carly was hell bent on having no more children. Sparkplug had died earlier that year, a ruptured aortic aneurysm that had been misdiagnosed as his usual bout of angina. These two men took joy in half a cigarette that was growing mould! Daniel had thrown a tantrum that his mother wouldn't let him eat chocolates and candies for dinner and these men had to make do with the dried, stale and small portions of whatever a religious' order generosity could muster at this time of year. And given the current human climate of social governance and their secularism it probably wasn't easy for a religious organisation to gain a good amount of money to help care for the homeless.
These men remembered a kind of sweet fuel from two years ago, what would Daniel remember of his Christmases when he would look back on them years from now? His tantrums due to not getting enough? Not eating enough chocolate? Would that be his greatest regret? Not eating enough sweet fuel? How long would that toy truck keep his attention? How long before he'd be given something else? How could Daniel's example of childhood greed and complete ungratefulness be the point Spike was trying to make about family and generosity? Wasn't it human custom to be thankful for the generosity of others?
Prime wondered about those two men. What would they be doing now, laying in some box created about flattened, processed tree flesh, maybe smoking that smoke, covered with old rags and sacks, talking about that lemon pie. Probably no Christmas tree, no tinsel or lights, no decorations depicting "Santa", probably no visit from this man. Of course, Prime had no way of knowing how those two men had come to be on the streets, perhaps they were unpleasant humans and this was their punishment. Maybe they were ex criminals and unable to find jobs or homes? Or maybe they were just unfortunate victims of this human society's inability to care for it's vulnerable. Sparkplug had once told him years ago of a friend of his that had used all his financial savings, his "insurance", sold his house, his cars and business to pay for medical treatment for his wife, who still ended up dying. After this event the man found himself homeless, Sparkplug took him in and helped him get back on his feet. Sparkplug was truly a generous human.
Those two humans in the street, they were so grateful for so little. Perhaps the meaning of Christmas went beyond financial materialism wrapped in pretty paper and huge amounts of differing types of fuels. Perhaps these two men, who had been shunned, scorned, impoverish and forced to scavenge for their needs, perhaps they were examples of the meaning of Christmas. They were happy to be in each other's company; they talked of friends, and missed those who weren't there. They had so little, no huge gifts, no excessive amounts of sweets, no decorations and yet they were so happy to be there. Happy to share a mouldy cigarette, happy to eat food that Daniel would no doubt turn his nose up at, to sit in a cold kitchen for the impoverished eating food they didn't buy, in a room with a sad looking Christmas tree with very few decorations.
That's when Prime realised that the meaning of Christmas had been taught to him not by his good friend and his genetic unit indulging in over fuelling but by two men he'd never met, and would probably never meet again, two men with no homes, no clean clothes, no expensive presents and had to rely on the generosity of others to obtain one good meal one day a year when humans celebrated family, friends and generosity of spirit.
Prime wasn't sure if he had correctly realised this meaning, if he had figured it out. But it seemed as good enough as any. There was no point to try and contemplate the religious connotations as so few celebrated Christmas with that mindset. Perhaps Prime would one day meet a human who could explain it in a little more detail; perhaps a human would show him the true religious meaning.
Or perhaps he could just "bite the bullet", as the humans say, and ask Skids.