I watched him. He was so strong, so brave. I wanted to talk to him wanted to have a conversation with him, wanted him to see me. But I couldn't. Couldn't summon the courage, couldn't stop fidgeting, couldn't stop blushing, couldn't meet his eyes. There were a lot of things I couldn't do.

But he was there always. Strong and brave. Handsome and kind. Trusting and protecting. Understanding and sweet. Just perfect. Always. He was so much more then what the village saw him. So much better then any one else. Better then anything else. He was there and wonderful. Every where, any where.

And I was no one. Just a girl with no life. Who'd been rejected every where. Every time she tried to forget him. A useless coward. Alone and rightfully so. Not good enough for him. Not good enough for anyone. But I so wanted to be.

I wanted to deserve the right to talk to him, to stare at him, to smell him, to do anything with him. To be on his team, to be near him, to have him protect me. Just to have him to myself if for but a second.

Anything. I would do anything for him. For the chance to have him see me. Anything for the last person to talk to him. Anything to touch the ground he walked on. Anything for his heart.

But someone else had his heart. Some one more worthy more deserving. Some one prettier, braver, kinder. Some one graceful and smart, someone who was not afraid of herself. Some one who was better. I wanted him to have only the best. And I wasn't.

I would settle for what I had. The smile he grinned for the person behind me. The wink at the girl.

This was what I had. The life of a stalker. A stalker who wouldn't ever get close to her subject. The life of an empty shell living only to see him. He wouldn't live for this and I set myself after him. So I will not live.

I don't regret my decision. It was preferable to the life I had. The empty life with nothing because he wasn't there. I don't mind. And he is glad to be rid of me. Glad for my ending. I can see. Glad to see the strange little girl put to rest, the little woman who followed his life wanting, wishing, but not achieving.

And if I gave him relief then I am happy. As happy as a dead one can be. Because I made him feel something. Made him feel something from my release. He was feeling because of me and in life that was something I could never achieved. I don't mind my destruction because to me, I have finally lived.

Wow can you say depressing? This was inspired by a couple of Avril Lavigne's songs. Just thought you 'ought to know. ~Lark