|: One Love To Give :|
A/N : This has none of the mainstream CID characters or stuff. A completely off-track and AU theme.
Dedicated to Girl with Passion on her birthday! Sorry for the delay, girl. Hope I am forgiven. :-)
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Dear Universe and its Creator,
You should avoid making a wide exhibition or publicize your feelings- sweet or bitter- in front of the world, for the fear of gathering unnecessary attention, they say. Honestly, I myself am against speaking out my feelings to anyone. Showoff, is what I name the exact term in my sense. Some people do love cribbing about the silliest of matters to a person least interested, and that is what makes them feel better. But, that's not important.
So, for me, I have never really made a big deal about what I feel about people around me. Not even my dad, whom I consider the closest to my heart- whether or not he is aware of it. Many a times, he makes an opinion about me being indifferent toward him, sometimes resulting in him thinking I have nothing but hatred for him. Not my fault. I have never been transparent about what goes within me, and he, in spite of being the ACP Pradyuman, pulls whatever hair he has on his head, while experimenting to scan through my mind, finally giving in with desperate unsuccessful attempts.
But, there is something I want the entire universe- in fact, all the galaxies gathered together- to know. I don't know why, and I don't care to know why. I never imagined my mind would play such a dirty- yes, dirty is what I call it- game on me, that I am actually putting down my feelings in writing.
Before I start with the actual 'showoff', I might admit I hate the word 'love'. Ironical, isn't it? No, it doesn't imply I don't love people. I do love them, a very few of them though, with Dad winning hands down. I love, yes, love my father. Love him as much as I possibly can. But, I hate to express the fact that I love. For some reasons, unknown to me, I have never wanted people to feel gratified by my love. That's me, as weird as I could be.
There's, however, that one person for whom I am simply unable to keep my feelings within me. That girl. The only girl I know to have a special prominence in my life.
Ohh, initially, I hated her, too. Don't mind, but I cannot simply like or befriend someone the moment I meet them. Whether or not I find them appealing, it takes me ages to accept them as a part of my life. That is something I seem to have inherited from my awesome father.
So, it happened like- wait, nothing happened as such- we have known each other since college. Too typical a story, you may feel, but not! Wait till I get ahead with it. She was all the good girl types, always being serious about studies, giving her full attendance in lectures, and the most annoying of all, emerging a topper in every goddamned subject she studied. Lord knows how people do it so consistently! And dad knows how he has dealt with my not-so-friendly relationship with my studies.
I, on the other hand, used to look for ways to be the bad boy of the college. Gladly pulling myself away from all the good things that came near me. Studies were a bane of my existence, and my attitude toward them was a bane of my dad's existence, and one of the causes of the half-baldness he has acquired. Still looks as handsome as ever, doesn't he?
Anyway, before I drift away from the topic, let me focus on her again. So, I hated her, all the seriousness she had for college and studies and God knows what. I remember giving her a deep scowl the first time I saw her in class in which I was forced to sit by my boring science professor. She returned me an equally piercing stare, which made me grin. God, she seemed sassy. It started on the day we were made project partners- much to my dismay- and officially had to introduce each other. 'Tejali', she had introduced herself in a tone as flat and disinterested as possible, without bothering to extend her hand. I had returned the favour.
I still chuckle at myself recollecting those initial days of deep mutual hatred we shared. She used to greet me with gritted teeth, muttering something unflattering I never cared to learn. I used to greet her with a dark scowl pasted on my face.
As I started spending time with her, I noticed we had one thing in common. We both were inclined toward hate more than love. One night, I had casually asked her- I have no idea what made me do that- about her cold attitude. She had replied she just doesn't seem to make friends, because of her trust issues. None of the few friends she had had appealed her in any way.
That's when something hit me that we could actually gel. As the days progressed, we discussed about her dead parents, her passion for studies, my dad- he was an ultimate hero for her. I should have guessed it right then she would not become anything less than a cop, the way she used to admire my dad.
She was well aware of the bad company I had, and the truth about drifting toward employing the unclean ways of life. She had literally pulled her hair out- it's very long and beautiful, by the way- in convincing me to leave them. I had ignored her. As I used to ignore my dad. But, eventually, I had started valuing our friendship.
But, she had seemed to fix herself in my life. Even after college. As we graduated, so did our friendship, from being random casual friends to being best friends. I continued with my wrongdoings, my dad having given up on me and she went ahead to join the police force. Duh! We remained friends.
She was overwhelmed when I had got her home, only because she had persistently nagged me about meeting the ACP Pradyuman. Dad was quite impressed by her, resulting in me having to bear an evening full of advices on 'Learn something from her!'. Dad, you really get on my head sometimes, you know! But, that's the ACP Pradyuman I know. That's my dad I love.
If you think meeting my dad was her ultimate dream, you might reconsider your thought. She finished her police training, and shortly received the news of recruitment into the CID. And that was it! The moment she had received the letter, she had danced and shouted so violently, that I had considered visiting a doctor to get my ears checked. Days and days were spent in us celebrating her new venture.
But, I was happy. Because she was happy. That was probably the first time in all those years I had genuinely felt happy for someone.
When she joined the CID Special Bureau, our friendship flourished even more than before. Yes, I used to find her dedication toward duty, that typical seriousness slightly irritating. But, she felt content doing what she did. And somewhere deep down, I felt I have everything in life. To see the satisfied look on her face.
In her team, too, she never really made any thick friends, except for Ajatshatru and that champ Akshay. But, none of them were as close to her as I was. Maybe.
She had never spoken about our friendship to anyone in her team, though they were aware of it. They didn't mind really, for they weren't bothered.
You must be thinking what exactly happened that made me fall in love with her. Well, it was never love, as such. I was never head over heels for her. For me, her happiness and her friendship was all I needed. God, if she reads this, she'll definitely kill me! Rather, I should probably kill myself for being too clichéd.
Anyway, whatever you think, the truth is, as time flew, I started admiring her more and more. Admiration, it was, more than love or whatever the hell you call it. There were things for which I used to be in awe of her, and still am. For one, she never liked picking up a fight with anyone over some trifle matters. Though, I still remember those killing cold stares and the sass. She made it a point to listen patiently and understand whatever she was being told. Even at times, when things didn't used to be in her favour. Patience, the unfailing patience in her, was something which, for heaven's sake, had never come to me. I had never understood the secret behind it- in spite of nagging her about it countless times- still adored it.
However, another thing- thing?! A high density bomb, it was, if you ask me! Would you believe she actually nearly sacrificed herself to save some civilians! Yeah, not kidding, she did that. Yeah, yeah, for a CID officer that is nothing, blah blah blah... – Dad, your teachings are all sunk into my head! But gosh! Thank goodness her fellow colleagues were sensible enough to stop her from doing that stupidity. I have lost count of the days I have spent in giving her a piece of my mind after that. She ignored me.
God, she is awesome! No, before you run your imaginations wild, stop right there! And I am certainly not the kind who is interested in girls, let alone their external beauty. Do hell with it! Except her smile. It has the power to generate a violent turbulence in anyone's heart. But, more than that, I have admired her for everything she has done, no matter how much it annoyed me personally. But, that was her. In her own way. More so, for our friendship she has maintained. Which is why I have never had any qualms about her proximity with Akshay or that Abhimanyu. Ohh hell, what am I talking about? She doesn't even know I lo- uhh, forget it!
She has always been my best friend, and will always be.
If you want to call it love- you might be able to, since it was never possible for me- it is love. I may be involved in evildoings, and I don't regret it. But, deep down, I have a heart who has loved. Be it Dad or Tejali. You know it, God, don't you? And this is a secret. Sshh! Sorry for all the blabbering. Meet you in the next letter.
Hey, before I finish, please let Dad know I have always been proud of him. Always. No matter how much he hates me. There wasn't and there won't be another ACP Pradyuman.
As bad as ever,
Nakul
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Dear Universe and its Creator,
You know what an introvert I am when it comes to expressing anything. I just can't seem to do it. Ask me to have conversations all by myself, and I can spend hours and hours talking. But, make someone stand in front of my eyes, and my lips refuse to budge. Sadly, I lack the ability to make friends because of my attitude.
But, there's something I am just not able to keep to myself. Neither can I say it out to anyone, for they will think I have gone insane. So, please bear with me through this piece of paper and don't mind my nonsense.
Being a CID officer, I am expected to be overtly tough and outspoken. I am, when it comes to people around me. Mess with them, and you see the devil in me. But, otherwise, I am just used to be all by myself. Weird I am, I know.
This time, however- the first time ever, I think- I am having this urge to write down everything I feel about a certain someone. Yeah, yeah, don't be so impatient, I am coming to that. And this is not something mushy or fluffy, as they write love letters, let me warn you. This is me, Tejali's life, and it's got nothing to do with the typical stuff.
Anyway, I am suddenly feeling my heart overflowing with weird thoughts, pressurizing me to spill everything out. You know how that feels, don't you? I am assuming I am not a loner, at least in this case.
So, getting to the point, here I go. There is this idiot best friend of mine, about whom I can't stop thinking. His thoughts, his nerdy attitude, his bigger-than-life ego, his ragging and that evil grin. Everything, every damn thing seems to have stuck in my head, nibbling on it like a termite. No, I haven't gone crazy. Not yet!
You might think I fell for the wrong guy from what I will be telling you. For the world, he might be wrong in everything he does. He is wrong, I don't deny. I have never approved of anything he has involved himself in. I still recall the arguments we used to have about his 'profession'. More so, I feel bad for his father. For the man whom I consider my greatest inspiration, it kind of hurts to learn he doesn't exactly feel proud of his own son. But, this jerk never listened to me.
The world hates him, wants him dead. Naturally, for he has hurt many innocent lives. But for me, he is the best friend I know, who has always known to bring a smile on my face, in the darkest of times. Still does, that git.
His notoriousness was infamous right since our college days. I remember that dead stare he used to give me and that wicked smirk he used to flash whenever he used to be successful in ragging me.
He was bad in studies, equally bad as the company he had or his attitude. I hated him. But, I was quite amused when I learned he garnered the same feeling for me. Ohh, of all the good-looking men on earth, I had to fall for him!
Couldn't help it, though. He had won his place in my life, and he deserved it. He must be the only person with whom I had shared more than I anticipated. And surprisingly, he understood! And sympathized with me, something I had never expected from him. He can be a real sweetheart, sometimes, you never know.
When we had graduated from college, I had thought he would mend his ways. But alas! Dog's tail, they say. And he is a dog! Don't laugh, I use that term for him quite often.
He had literally eaten up my head, bragging about how I met ACP Pradyuman because of him. Yes, I was ecstatic about meeting my idol, but there's a freaking limit! I had to spend a good amount of bucks on him to shut his mouth about it.
But, there was inexplicable warmth I used to feel whenever he used to smile, whenever he used to make me smile. It felt good. As though I was complete with him around.
He was very happy when I had joined the CID Special Bureau. Even though I wasn't. I wasn't happy for him. I had always wanted us both to start our careers together. When I received the joining letter, I had felt disheartened wondering whether he will ever be able to take the clean route. He doesn't know about this, of course.
He showed no emotion whatsoever, for anyone. Everyone in our team thinks he hates his dad, and is the only obstacle in his life. But, I know how much he loves his father. Deep down, he has vowed never to let his father know about it. He knows he can never make his father proud. He doesn't want to hurt him by being weak. We both know how ACP Pradyuman is sensitive in matters related to his son.
So, whenever he used to face any hurdle, even though the numerous bullets he has taken in various encounters, he has always put a brave face. He is afraid of nothing. Not even death. Except maybe the fear of his dad getting more helpless because of him haunts him day and night.
When I was making that sacrifice, it was his face I remembered. His gutsy face, gesturing me to fear nothing and go for what needs you. It had helped me face the terrorists with much more courage than I had imagined. He has helped me in many indirect ways, too.
In my tenure with the CID, I made a few friends. None of them, however, were able to create a mark on my heart the way he did. Yeah, I agree you feel this is wrong. How can someone from the CID fall for a wanted gangster? But, if you have that gangster for your best friend, that gangster whom you have known much before he became a gangster, that gangster who always has a way to put a smile on your face, I don't think you can help.
Please don't let anyone know about this, for they'll prepare to kill. Not me, but him. And I wouldn't want that to happen.
To this day, I confess right in front of you, dear God, that I love him. As much as he loves his father. I don't know whether he knows about my feelings, but that's not something I would like to know. God, please take care of this git, please show him the right way of life, and if possible, make his father realize how much he loves him.
Bye, meet you in the next session.
As weird as ever,
Tejali
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~~ The End ~~
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A/N : This is the first time I have written on a character I absolutely don't know about. GWP, thanks for the help and I hope you like it. Also, I hope I have kept Nakul and Tejali well in character. If something's amiss, please let me know. And belated happy birthday once again! :-)
Clarifications : Nakul is alive and fit as a fiddle here. He and Tejali just randomly write about their feelings (I have purposely focused on his feelings for his father, too), and keep their letters safely out of reach from anyone. You know why, don't you?
Those who didn't like, please don't bother reviewing. Thank you! _/\_