Why Anime Characters Should Remain in Japan
Ranting with a Disclaimer:
Himizu: (Muttering angrily) This used to be a super-short fic where they go to DC in a twisted parody of our own trip to DC a few years ago… but no! Ryouko shows up from Israel and next thing I know we have to write a long fic where they go all over the country!!!
Ryouko: Hey, don't blame all of this on me!!! You're the one that asked for a title, and that was the only thing that came to my mind (not to mention a twisted field trip around the U.S.A., but that's beside the point).
Himizu: We still could've kept it short… this title doesn't mean they NEED to go places…
Ryouko: Uh…yes it does…Don't deny it…
Himizu: All I'm saying is, we have five fics we want to work on, the last thing we need is to make this one, which was going to be the shortest, one of the longest!!!
Ryouko: Want me to write it on my own? (Himizu: -.-) Didn't think so…Just shut up and enjoy the ride, even though it's twice as long, and technically we're not in the fic…
Himizu: Which in and of itself is amazing… (-.-()) Anyways, we don't own any anime characters or large US cities/landmarks/memorials etc. Thank you and have a nice day.
Ryouko: And come tour Israel!!! As you'll find out, America is dangerous nowadays, and besides the occasional war and non-stop missiles in the south, Israel is quite lovely this time of year.
Himziu: Ok, one, that's not very safe sounding…. Two… I bet money it's at least 90 degrees over there right now!!! That's not my idea of a good time!
Ryouko: Not if you're on the beach…
Himizu: How about this, I'll come in the fall.
Ryouko:. :) Works for me…There's still a chance you'll melt away, but I'm willing to risk it.
Himizu: (twitch) You'll see me in December then…
Ryouko: My b-day. Yay! Anyways, we do actually want you to read the fic, not just our lovely ranting, but since we only make cameo appearances, we have to share some of our insanity with you.
Himizu: But we'll stop for now. So go read!
Ryouko: And review…Inspire us to keep this thing going…Otherwise we might just have it laying around for the next two years, see it again, and double it's size…again. So please, spare us, and review. (puppy eyes)
Introducing the Winners
"Congratulations YUSUKE URAMESHI! Thanks to your 1st place win in the annual Japanese junior high boxing competition, your class at SARAYASHIKI JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL has won a trip to America. Your flight will leave the TOKYO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT at 2:30 PM on JUNE 1ST. Congratulations on winning the competition, YUSUKE URAMESHI, and we hope your class enjoys the trip. Sincerely, Blah Firm."
"WHAT???" screamed Kuwabara as Yusuke finished reading his form letter. "That's all??? Just a trip to America for our school??? That's not fair!!! We're the ones that did all the work!!!"
"Enclosed is a check for $2,000 to make your stay in America more enjoyable."
"WHAT???" screamed Kuwabara even louder than the first time. "WHAT ABOUT ME???"
"Doesn't mention you, Kuwabara," Yusuke said, grinning as he held up the check.
"That's not fair!!!" Kuwabara shouted. "I did just as much work as you did!!!"
"Oh yeah?" Yusuke challenged.
"Yeah! I lifted weights and stuff with you…"
"Which you did because you were training too, just like everyone else that didn't win."
"I fought almost as many fights as you…"
"You fought one fight and you got your ass whooped in three minutes."
"And I coached you after I lost my fights."
"One fight, baka, and a fat lot of good your coaching did me!!! You wanted me to imitate Mike Tyson and bite my opponent's ear off!!!"
"It would have worked!"
"I would have been disqualified if I'd done that, you moron! I won on my own without your advice and there is no way I'm sharing my cash with you!" Yusuke told him firmly. Then a large smirk appeared on his face. "Hey, I wonder what Kurama will think of this! The iteneray says we're going to a bunch of historic places, I bet Kurama will be so jealous that we get to go before he does!"
Kuwabara's face lit up at the thought, momentarily forgetting his jealousy. "Yeah, let's go!" he said, and the two boys took off for Kurama's house.
When they got there and were let inside by his mother (The Holy Duck only knows why she would allow these punks into her home to visit her son, but she does), they went instantly to Kurama's room.
"Hey, Kurama, check this out! Look what we won! A trip to America! And $2,000! Well, I won $2,000 but this idiot only won the trip!" Yusuke added as an afterthought. They waited for Kurama's jealousy to appear, but they were disappointed.
"Oh, you mean the contest sponsered by Blah Firm? I won the trivia contest from that, and my class also won a trip to America. I also won $2,000."
"WHAT???" Kuwabara screamed. "Bastards!!! How come both of you won money and not me??? That is so not fair!!!"
"Take a look," the redhead replied, holding out his own form letter.
"Congratulations SHUUICHI MINAMINO! Thanks to your 1st place win in the annual Japanese junior high trivia competition, your class at MEIOU JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL has won a trip to America. Your flight will leave the TOKYO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT at 2:30 PM on JUNE 1ST. Congratulations on winning the competition, SHUUICHI MINAMINO, and we hope your class enjoys the trip. Sincerely, Blah Firm."
"Hey, our flights leave on the same day…" Yusuke said as he finished reading the letter. He paused, rereading the letter. "Now that I think about it… our flights are the same!"
"Yes, Yusuke, I would expect that since we won competitions sponsered by the same firm," Kurama pointed out. "And our flight leaves in five days, so I really need to pack. And you should too."
"You're right!" Kuwabara exclaimed. "I need to make sure I pack my rubber frog, my three extra pillows, my special blue dinner set, all my 5,723 Matchbox cars, my five fedoras…" He was abruptly cut off when Yusuke whacked him on the head with a baseball bat, conviently hanging around in Kurama's bedroom despite the fact that Kurama did not play baseball.
"We'll be leaving now…" said Yusuke, glaring at his swirly-eyed friend.
"Right… see you in five days," Kurama said. Yusuke nodded and dragged Kuwabara's unconcious body out the door, muttering in anger to himself that Kurama had not been the least bit jealous.
Five days later, the two winning classes met at the check-in counter of Tokyo International Airport. Students checked their bags smoothly, until they reached a certain orange-haired baka named Kazuma Kuwabara. The lady at the check-in counter looked up from her computer.
"Excuse me sir," she said, "but the regulation weight is 50 pounds and your bag weighs 80 pounds. I'll have to ask you to remove some of your luggage."
"Nuts!" Kuwabara exclaimed. He wrenched his bag open and Yusuke stared in horror at the mess that lay before him.
"Kuwabara, you idiot! I told you not to pack that junk!" Yusuke yelled.
"I didn't pack the junk you told me not to pack!" Kuwabara yelled back. "Instead of my rubber frog, I brought my rubber duck!"
All of a sudden, a small cloud of smoke appeared next to the duck. Chibi Ryouko and Chibi Himizu appeared and bowed repeatedly to the duck. They chanted something in a strange language known is gibberish and drank Mountain Dew, still bowing to the duck. As suddenly as they had appeared, they vanished, leaving behind a clueless Yusuke and Kuwabara.
"What the hell?" Yusuke said. "Anyways… back to your junk…"
"Right… and instead of my three extra pillows, I brought five little pillows! And instead of my special blue dinner set, I brought my special red dinner set! And instead of my 5,723 Matchbox cars, I brought only 4,723 Matchbox cars, to prove I'm not an idiot."
"Well you failed," Yusuke told him. "Anything else?"
"Yes, instead of my five fedoras, I brought my five top hats!"
Yusuke whacked Kuwabara upside the head (anyone sense déjà vu here?). Kurama appeared and tossed all these useless items into a box, labeled said box with Kuwabara's address, and sent it on its way. Then he walked away leaving Yusuke to finish checking all their bags.
Elsewhere in the airport, Keiko, Botan, and Yukina (conveniently disguised as Yusuke's classmates) were standing in the middle of Duty Free looking at the various merchandise offered. As Botan and Yukina exclaimed in delight over a particularly nice-smelling perfume, Keiko glanced out the window of the store, and saw a sight that made her see red. She stalked out of the store and slapped Yusuke in the face as hard as she could.
"What the heck are you doing, you moron!!!" she yelled at him. "Why is Kuwabara unconscious? What have you been doing???"
"Geeze Keiko!" Yusuke yelled, holding his injured face. "The guy was being an idiot, so I hit him."
"THAT'S NOT A GOOD REASON!!!" she yelled, slapping him again. (Ironic, ne?) Yusuke fell over, but was not unconscious, being stronger than Kuwabara. Keiko walked back into Duty Free and Yusuke pulled himself to his feet, sighed, and decided to look at the store, leaving Kuwabara in the middle of the floor.
Several moments later, after Yusuke had found the area where alcoholic beverages could be purchased, he was stuffing his suitcase with the illegal substances when he noticed Kuwabara. The boy was half-sleepwalking into the store, muttering something about chocolate. He staggered to the shelf and grabbed a giant bar which he was about to stuff into his mouth when he saw a familiar face out of the corner of his eye.
"YUKINA BABY!!!" he yelled, dropping the bar like a hot potato. It fell to the floor, and the store owner quickly grabbed tongs and a hazardous waste bag to remove the contaminated chocolate. "What are you doing here? Why are you wearing our school uniform? You're not in our class!!!"
Botan whacked him with her oar, making it vanish the second after it hit his head. "You idiot! Do you want us kicked out? The teachers aren't supposed to know we're not students!!!" she hissed.
"Oops…" Kuwabara said. "Sorry 'bout that." He turned back to Yukina. "You know I'd never do anything to get you kicked off this trip! We can finally go somewhere together! Hey, do you want to sit next to me on the bus?" he asked.
"She can't sit next to you on the bus!" Botan exclaimed. "She's sitting next to me! After all, I'm the one that dragged her here."
"WHAT??? That's not fair!" Kuwabara yelled.
Shizuru walked up. "Hey, that's okay, you can sit next to me instead, little bro!" She started giving her brother noogies.
"Hey! Sis! Cut it out!!!" Kuwabara yelled. "Why did you have to volunteer to be a chaperone on this trip anyways???"
"Because it's more fun than sitting at home all day by myself. Come on, they're boarding!" she said happily. They all started walking, except for Yusuke and Keiko.
"Well… they seem to have arranged things nicely…" Yusuke muttered. Keiko nodded. There was an awkward silence. Yusuke cleared his throat nervously. "So… um… do you want to… uh… you know… sit next to me on the bus?" he finally managed to spit out.
"Sure," Keiko said with a shy happy smile on her face. Yusuke managed a grin and they started walking. Suddenly Keiko saw something poking out of Yusuke's bag. She leaned over to adjust the bag when she realized just what that something was…
"YUSUKE URAMESHI!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH ALCOHOL IN YOUR BAG???" she screamed.
"Shit…" Yusuke muttered. He took off running as fast as he could towards the gate, wondering how the hell he would avoid her in the confined space that was the airplane. As he ran, he spotted Kurama getting ready to board. "KURAMA!" he exclaimed. "You've gotta help me!"
"What'd you do this time?" (-.-) Kurama asked tiredly.
"Kieko's gonna kill me!" Yusuke exclaimed.
"Why? What did you do?" Kurama asked.
"Nothing serious… just brought some stuff to party with…" Yusuke muttered.
"Party?" Kurama said, lifting one eyebrow.
"…" said Yusuke. "Yeah… party!"
"You brought alcohol, didn't you?" said Kurama.
"Maybe…"
"Keiko, he's over here!" Kurama called.
"Thanks a lot!" Yusuke yelled, pushing Kurama aside and racing onto the plane. But once he on, he realized he had even fewer places to hide. How would he get out of this…?
A mangled Yusuke sat twitching in his seat next to Shizuru. "Damn, I thought for sure the teachers would protect me…" he muttered. "It's their freaking job after all!" he added.
"But it's you… and Keiko…" Shizuru pointed out. Yusuke grumbled, but he knew she was right.
At that moment, the students started to switch seats. Being normal teenagers, they preferred sitting next to close friends (not to mention wreak havoc for other passengers). A tiny flight attendant surely less than five feet tall grabbed the mike.
"SIT DOWN IN YOUR ASSIGNED SEATS!!!" she boomed with a voice that would make a football coach proud. Everyone froze, stared at her for several moments, then continued what they'd been doing before as though she had never existed. And thus the flight to America was loud and chaotic. The flight attendant walked back to the cockpit, plotting her revenge.
Angry Japanese teenagers hobbled out of the plane, grumbling as they held their bruised shins, which had been soundly kicked by a certain petite flight attendant. Only a handful of students successfully escaped her wrath. Two charter buses waited for them. Yusuke's school boarded one bus and Kurama's school boarded the second bus. Yusuke tentatively sat down next to Keiko, but to his relief, she did not slap him. A grumbling Kuwabara sat next to his sister, and Botan and Yukina gossiped happily several rows away. Kuwabara would have objected, but the drive to New York was not a long one and they would soon be at a hotel. Tomorrow, things would be different…
Hiei stood in Koenma's office, cursing under his breath. (Bwa ha ha, you thought we'd finally have a story without Hiei… never!) "Why me?" he grumbled furiously.
"BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT'S NOT ON A FREAKING FIELD TRIP RIGHT NOW!!!" Koenma screamed at him. Hiei glared, making Koenma shut up quickly.
"So what do I need to do?" he snapped.
"You need to tell Yusuke about this mission."
"WHAT??? I'm not a messenger! That's Botan's job!"
"Botan is on the field trip with Yusuke, Kuwabara, and Kurama."
"What? This is stupid. I don't care. I'm not doing this," Hiei said angrily, walking towards the doors.
"Yukina's on the trip too," Koenma said. Hiei froze. "It's a two-month field trip." Hiei twitched. "They're staying in hotels with very little supervision." Hiei turned around slowly. "It would be very easy for Kuwabara and Yukina to get some time alone…" Hiei darted over, snatched the envelope out of Koenma's hand, and was gone before Koenma could blink. "Well, that went well…" he said. Then he realized he'd forgotten to tell Hiei that he wasn't allowed to kill anyone. (Sigh) More paperwork ahead.