Disclaimer: Zechs Merquise and Gundam Wing does not belong to me.
However, the Malloy family and their friends (aside from Howard) do belong
to me. I have no trouble with people borrowing them, so long as they give
credit where credit is due, and return the characters intact.
Blood-Stained Memories
The sounds of gunfire and bombs exploding surrounded them. The young boy grabbed his older sister's hand and ran as fast as he could. Until fire exploded in front of him, knocking both siblings back several yards. The boy lay on his side, barely conscious. He knew, somewhere deep within his mind, that he had to move. That he would die if he didn't move. But he was tired. So tired.
Then he heard a moan. It didn't even qualify as a moan, it sounded more like a wounded animal. What was that? He didn't remember seeing any animals when they went into town. The boy forced his eyes open, barely able to see for the blood streaming into his eyes. . .and then it was he who screamed like a wounded animal. Lying only yards away was his sister. She was alive. Just barely.
The boy forced himself to his knees and crawled to her side. He almost vomited. She was alive, but wouldn't be for much longer. Her insides were torn from her body as a result of the explosion. She whimpered, her eyes pleading with him. Begging him. To do something. To make the pain stop. He ignored the pleading and pulled her into his arms, trying. . .not even sure what he was doing. He was only twelve years old, how could he save her?
She was whispering something. What was she saying? The boy leaned closer, and his eyes widened with shock. "End it. Please. End it." He stared down at her, horrified. Her lips moved again, "Please?" He shook his head wildly. No, no, no! He couldn't do that, he couldn't! But somehow, the gun was in his hands. She mouthed, "I love you, little brother." The muzzle of the gun was pressing against her forehead, her eyes closed. The boy closed his eyes, and pulled the trigger, screaming as he did so. . .
"N. . .OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shawn Malloy screamed, bolting upright. He drew several ragged breaths, looking around wildly. His heart thundered in his chest, tears filling his eyes. He was in his bedroom. In the house on L2. Shawn gave a sound which suspiciously resembled a whimper, then collapsed back against the pillows. He should have realized the nightmare would come back.
He lay in bed, trembling for several moments, then forced himself to get up. The clock told him that it was four thirty. The others would probably be asleep, but he needed to check on them anyhow. Ciara and Talia, Zechs, too. Zechs. Without meaning to, the boy tore open old wounds. Shawn wouldn't dream of telling him that. The kid was carrying enough guilt.
He hadn't dreamed of his sister in five years. It was twenty-three years since her death, twenty-three years since the night that began his transformation from a child to a cold assassin. Twenty-three years since he almost lost his soul. Shawn walked first to his wife's room. His wife. For some reason, though she carried the title, Shawn could never bring himself to make Talia his wife in all the ways that mattered.
He cared for her, that was never in doubt. In the beginning, he couldn't take her to his bed, because of Elene. He loved her so much, more than his own life. More than his own soul. And truth be told, Shawn would have never made Talia his wife, if Father Maxwell hadn't interfered. Not for the first time, Shawn wished the old man kept his big trap shut. What was worse. . .people thinking that Talia was his mistress, or trapping them both in a marriage which would never go anywhere?
Shawn couldn't take Talia to bed. Not because he couldn't. . .perform. He could. That was the problem. Elene told him years earlier that Talia was victimized. Someone hurt her, badly. He saw it himself. In the way she held herself back from touch. She shied away. Even from women touching her, though she tolerated Elene touching her, and the other women on L2.
Talia never told them what happened, why she ran away from home . She wasn't even seventeen when they found her. But both Shawn and Elene could tell. She was victimized. . . violated. And it was so long now, since Shawn was with a woman. He was afraid. . .afraid of losing control. Afraid of becoming another man who violated Talia's trust. No. It was better this way. No matter what the consequences.
He peeked into her room. She was sleeping on her side, her arms curled around a pillow. Shawn felt a smile cross his face. It was one of the few times when she seemed peaceful. When she slept. And when she was with Ciara. Or Zechs. Despite the memories which Shawn knew were returning. Talia admitted that she had another name once. That she was in the Sank Kingdom when it fell. And that the fall resulted in her brother's death.
Blood-stained memories. They bound the three adults. Shawn, with his memories of his sister. Talia, with her memories of what happened that day, the violation of her body and soul, the murder of her brother. Zechs. . .Zechs. Shawn shook his head as he left his wife's room and continued to the boy's room. He wasn't sleeping nearly as peacefully as Talia.
Still tormented by nightmares. Treize Khushrenada, his father, his sister. Too many memories tormented this boy of twenty. Shawn shook his head. He didn't have the fond memories of Relena Peacecraft which Talia evidently did, and just saw the girl as a little fool. Zechs told him that Relena tried to convince him not to target the colonies, by telling him God would never forgive him.
Zechs laughed then, a low, bitter laugh, and lapsed into silence. He needed to say no more. Shawn understood. Zechs already gave up his soul, he believed, to make sure no more wars would occur. His younger sister telling him that God wouldn't forgive him was meaningless, as Zechs believed his soul was already damned. But it wasn't. His soul wasn't damned. And the God which Shawn always prayed to and believed in, forgave anything. Zechs was atoning for what he did, trying to make right what he did wrong. God, Shawn believed, already forgave the boy. He was just waiting on Zechs to forgive himself.
Talia didn't believe in God. She never specified when she stopped believing, if she ever believed in the first place. Shawn didn't know. They never really talked about it. Aside from one time, and the memory of that conversation still burned in his memory. Even after ten years. He had, to borrow a phrase from Elene, put his foot in his mouth down to his throat.
Howard agreed, when Shawn told him of the conversation. Howard. Shawn smiled fondly and shook his head as he left Zechs' room. The skinny, Hawaiian shirt-clad older man was one of the few males whom Talia permitted to touch her. Maybe it was the way he always asked if he could assist her. Taking her hand when the ground wasn't stable. He always asked. Maybe that was the key. Control was taken from her once, and Howard understood that. Shawn didn't know how. He was just grateful to the older man.
After the second fall of the Sank Kingdom, Shawn and Howard often emailed each other. Howard, while he wouldn't say so, was worried about his young friend Zechs Merquise. In a way, he regarded the young ace as a son. Understandable, as he saved the boy's life after the colonel's defection from Oz. In a way, Howard brought about a rebirth for the youngster.
Shawn shook his head as he pushed open his daughter's door. He constantly thought of Zechs as a child, as a boy. He was only twenty years old, but he lived three or four lifetimes in those twenty years. A colonel in the Oz Specials by the time he was nineteen years old, the leader of White Fang at twenty. He saw death and destruction, war and bloodshed for every day since he was six years old. He was no kid.
And yet. . .he was. The way he reacted to Talia, his awkwardness in reacting to Ciara. //Put him in a Mobile Suit, and he's as deadly as someone my age,// Shawn thought as he watched his daughter sleep. //But when he's dealing with other people, with civilians, especially young girls. . .he's a shy teenager.// Shawn wondered what would have happened, during the reunion with Relena, if the young queen wasn't so judgmental.
Zechs would never accuse his sister of being judgmental. Or of having poor judgment. Shawn wasn't constrained by memories, or by family ties. He could fill in the spaces. He could see the pain in Zechs' bright blue eyes when the younger man spoke of Relena's words to him when he embraced her on the Libra. Shawn never struck a woman in his life, but he wanted to after Zechs explained his reunion with his younger sister.
Just as Ciara had, he remembered, when Zechs mentioned his battle with Heero Yuy in the Arctic. How Relena ordered the young gundam pilot to kill Zechs. . .before Lt. Noin icily informed the princess that Zechs Merquise was her brother. Ciara, Shawn remembered, flew into a rage. Vowed she would personally scratch out Relena's eyes for saying such a terrible thing. Had called the 'Queen of the World' a number of unflattering names.
Protective, protective Ciara. She was a great deal like her namesake, her aunt in that respect. Her aunt Grania. Tears once more filled Shawn's eyes. He accepted a long time ago that there was nothing he could have done about the explosion that killed his sister. The bomb exploded on impact, sending shrapnel into his older sister's abdomen.
But he never made peace with the other part of it. Holding a gun to his sister's head and pulling the trigger. She was dying. . .but Shawn couldn't accept that he might have gotten help for his sister that day. Maybe she didn't have to die. Maybe he could have saved her. He would never find out, because he couldn't bear the pain in her eyes. Had he been wrong?
Shawn didn't know. He only knew that he couldn't live through that again. Regardless of his marriage to Talia, or lack thereof, she still meant a lot to him. Too much for him to stand by and watch anyone hurt her again. He would kill to protect his little girl, his sweet Ciara. And he was quickly growing fond of Zechs as well. It was hard not to. The hardness, the anger that Shawn saw in the White Fang leader, only a few months ago, was gone.
Shawn didn't know what happened. Didn't really care. But Zechs was trying to deserve his second chance. He still didn't believe that he even deserved the right to work for it. But he was working nonetheless, if only to repay the Malloy family. Shawn sighed. He found he couldn't even be angry with Zechs any more about the kiss. Not that he ever blamed the kid. Ciara kissed Zechs. . .and the poor kid was too surprised by the liplock to react.
Of course, Shawn would have killed Zechs if he did anything about the kiss. Like, returned it. But Zechs wasn't like that. Shawn knew that Zechs saw his younger sister when he looked at Ciara. Something that his little girl didn't understand yet. Zechs was always careful about the way he treated her, ever since their arrival on L2 the previous week. But Ciara didn't seem to accept that she could only be his little sister.
Shawn sighed again and pushed his damp dark hair back from his eyes. The fear, the nerves which tormented him after the nightmare, dissipated. In another few minutes, Shawn would go back to his room and try to get some sleep. But for now, just for now, he would watch his daughter sleep. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. In another few minutes, his legs would stop shaking long enough for him to walk out.
. . .
Shawn hadn't slept well the night before. Talia could tell as soon as he entered the kitchen the following morning. Even before she turned around to place bowls in front of Zechs and Ciara, she could hear it in Shawn's steps. It briefly amused her, that she could know him that well. . .and yet, not know him at all. The amusement passed.
"Daddy, are you okay?" Ciara asked anxiously as Shawn sat down heavily in a chair. Talia turned back to put the bowl of fruit in front of her husband, and bit down hard on her lower lip. Shawn looked awful. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his mouth was drawn into a tight line. The skin seemed to be drawn tighter across his high cheekbones. He looked, not to put too fine a point on it, like hell. Or death warmed over. Take your pick.
"I'm fine, acushla. Just didn't sleep well last night. Neither did you, Zechs," Shawn said bluntly. That wasn't as obvious as it was with Shawn, but Talia saw how poorly Zechs slept. Nightmares again. No doubt about King Raoul and Treize Khushrenada. Her heart hurt for him, but she knew he had to face this on his terms. . .otherwise, he would never heal.
That didn't stop her from hating her helplessness. Zechs answered softly, "I'm fine, Shawn." Yeah. Right. Tell me another one, as Elene used to say, Talia thought. The thought of her late friend caught in her throat. She remembered how guilty she felt when Elene died. Like she was some sort of jinx. Katarina was one of her dearest friends, and she died as well.
But at a guess, Talia would say Shawn wasn't dreaming about Elene. For one thing, she was at his side during past illnesses, when he dreamed of Elene. And while she knew he missed his late wife, his memories were of the happier variety. He was delirious in fever, thinking that Elene was still with him. Yes. The memories there were happy ones, made bittersweet by her passing. No. . .no, at a guess, she would say that Shawn dreamed of that time before Elene. He told her a little of it, feeling at first that he should protect her from his past. What complete and utter rot. Still, he was male, and he was an Irish male at that. Elene always said that. . .adding that Irish males were rather protective of their women.
Talia knew that Shawn was twelve years old when his older sister was killed. When his world changed for all eternity. That sounded so melodramatic. For all eternity. It was actually rather silly, when she thought about it. Nothing stayed the same. But some changes were so dramatic, so. . .blinding with the very swiftness of the event. . .that historians and poets often used the term. Especially poets. Dramatic types. Talia never considered herself a dramatic person. She was actually quite nondescript.
Talia returned her attention to the two exhausted, silent men at her table. While Zechs was fifteen years younger than Shawn, it was difficult to tell that at the moment. His shoulders were hunched, as if he was expecting a blow. Or he was trying to curl in on himself. She had learned from certain Oz files that Zechs suffered a heart attack the first time he flew Tallgeese. Nineteen years old, and he had a heart attack. Mobile Suits always frightened Talia. . .now she knew why. But sometimes, it was necessary to conquer one's fears.
She ran her hand lightly over Zechs' pale hair, smoothing it over his shoulders and back, then looked at Shawn. Ciara was looking from her father to Zechs and back again. She looked worried. Talia didn't blame her. However, she asked lightly, "Any ideas about breakfast, Shawn? We pick up the Pax today." She noticed Zechs' weak smile at the name they had given their new vessel.
As Talia hoped when they first found the remnants of Epyon floating in space, their salvaging days were over. The money which they earned from the ruined Gundam, coupled with the money they made from selling off the Purgamentum, piece at a time, allowed them to buy a new vessel. They hadn't figured out yet what they would do with their new ship, and the small shuttles that they bought with Zechs' help. . .but both Talia and Shawn agreed that they were finished as salvagers.
Shawn flashed her a weary smile as well, saying, "That we do. Ciara, m'girl, do you think you can avoid the bullies in the arcade t'day?" Ciara flushed and Talia touched the girl's shoulder. Zechs looked confused, and Shawn explained, "The last time Ciara went t' the arcade, she ran int' trouble. Luckily, there were four gundam pilots there t' rescue her."
Zechs flinched at the mention of his former enemies, and Ciara explained, "It was Duo Maxwell, Quatre Winner, Chang Wufei, and Trowa Barton. I asked where Heero Yuy was, and they told me he was back on earth, paying respects. Whatever that means." Talia had a pretty good idea. She, like thousands of others, listened to the final battle between Heero and Zechs.
The world believed that Zechs was dead. It stands to reason, Talia thought, remembering the conversation between the two young pilots, that Heero was paying his respects at Zechs' gravesite. I wonder. After all the times he himself has survived self-detonation, if it even occurred to Heero that Zechs might still be alive. She shook her head. Well, there was no telling. No telling at all.
. . .
It was decided by the three adults, after Zechs learned of Ciara's last run-in with bullies, that he would accompany the preteen, while Shawn and Talia closed on the deal that would make the Pax their new ship. As had become her custom during the last week, Ciara wove Zechs' blond hair into a braid that shorted the mane. It was an effective disguise. No one would think of Zechs Merquise or Milliardo Peacecraft with short hair.
And it wasn't exactly short. Not as short as Shawn's, or Heero's, hair. But it still accomplished what Talia meant to do. In addition, Zechs was still healing from his broken ribs, so the way he moved was affected. He really shouldn't have been moving around much at all, even seven weeks after the destruction of Libra, but Zechs was a stubborn young man. And every night, he collapsed into bed, exhausted and aching. Stubborn, foolish boy.
As Talia requested, he spoke little, as his voice was very distinctive. Even if the hair was disguised, it was much harder to disguise his voice. And then there was the matter of his eyes. The ice blue eyes, which could pierce as well as any sword. Talia shook herself. There she went again. She took care of the latter problem with a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses. Fortunately, the sun often made the glasses necessary. And when they were not, the baseball cap shadowed his eyes. Still, she was concerned it was overkill.
They hadn't run into problems so far. And as Zechs walked with Ciara to the arcade, Talia sighed, turning her attention to other concerns. Like, where Zechs got the money to help pay for the shuttles. It really wasn't her business. For all his mistakes, Zechs would never do something wrong for a profit, so she doubted if the money was illegally received. But he was a soldier, and soldiers didn't make a lot of money. She told herself that it didn't matter. He asked to help, since they saved his life. It was a small thing. But Talia had to focus on something.
As they headed away from the arcade, Shawn muttered something under his breath. Talia shook herself and Shawn added, swiping his dark brown hair back from his eyes, "I swear t' God, Tal, things just keep gettin' worse instead of better. I don't know who is worse, those idiots in the Romefellar Foundation or that little idiot Relena Dorlian."
"Shawn," she reproved. While she didn't agree with Relena's policies, Talia knew the girl's heart was in the right place. No one wanted war. Not the soldiers. Not the people whose lives were torn apart by the battles and the bloodshed. But getting rid of the weapons wasn't the way to go about it. She learned that lesson from the fall of the Sank Kingdom.
However, Shawn's nightmares the previous night had left him in an argumentative mood, and he replied, "It's true, Tal. You knew her when she was a little girl, just as you knew Zechs. But she's a child! A sixteen year old girl who was made Vice Foreign Minister! What does she know about diplomacy, what does she know of life? It's not her age I object to. She's the same as those gundam pilots, and they have a better idea of the world than she does."
"She ruled the Sank Kingdom," Talia pointed out and Shawn made a noise of disgust, and Talia admitted, "All right, so that was a bad example. What would you have me say? I don't like the idea of total disarmament. I believe in keeping weapons for defensive use, because at some point, someone will decide to start a fight. But the girl is trying, Shawn. Doesn't that count for anything?"
"I suppose it should, but she'll only get more people killed wi' this absolute pacifism of hers. Pacifism isn't letting someone walk over you. That's just plain stupidity. I wish Zechs would get off this kick of 'I'm not worthy t' rule because I've killed.' I've got a newsflash for the boy. People die in wars. He was tryin' t' survive. That doesn't make him a monster, it makes him a boy who wanted t' live," Shawn retorted. Talia nodded in agreement. She knew that. But they had to convince Zechs of that. And that would take time.
"So you think there's another war coming, then?" Talia asked softly. Shawn bobbed his head, staring out the window of their car. His eyes were focused on the road, and something else. Something which Talia couldn't see. The past? The future? Who could be sure? She just knew that something deeper than his issues with the policy of the new regime was troubling him.
"I do. No, I don't think there's another war comin.' I know it. I don't know the details. Who, or when. But it's comin,' Talia. And I'm sick of runnin.' Sick of lettin' boys like Zechs Merquise, or the gundam pilots, fight for me. Talia. . .when the next war comes, we have t' be involved in it somehow. Whether it's helpin' Howard rebuild Peacemillion, whatever. We have t' be involved," Shawn replied. He sighed, muttering, "Maybe, if we're involved this time, we can prevent some young boy from havin' his soul ripped out."
Talia nodded in agreement. The war wouldn't happen right away. If there were any remnants of the White Fang, aside from Zechs, they would be licking their wounds. According to her information, Quinze Barton was dead. She scowled. Even as a teenager, she hadn't trusted him. Hadn't liked him. There were times when she hated being right.
So, White Fang was out three leaders. . .Zechs was presumed dead, Quinze was most likely dead, and Dorothy Catalonia returned to Earth to rebuild the Romefellar Foundation. It would take time, perhaps a year, before White Fang returned in some form. A year. That would be time for them to start preparing. She said, "And you want to use the Pax to help, don't you?"
"Yes. What about it, Tal? I know you still remember the fall of the Sank Kingdom, and I know you're not ready t' talk about it. But if there's another war, when there's another war. . ." Shawn began. Talia just smiled at him and nodded once. Shawn returned the smile and said, "Thank you. Now. Let's go pick up our new ship. Well, the paperwork, at least."
Talia laughed and nodded in agreement. They had a celebration planned for that night, celebrating their new ship. They would go back to the space port tonight with a bottle of. . . something. . .and officially christen it the Pax. Peace. An upgrade from the Purgamentum, or garbage. Zechs' idea. The Latin word for trash. She laughed to herself and wondered how Ciara and Zechs were doing. I hope they stay out of trouble, she thought, because if they don't, there's a good chance Zechs' true identity will be revealed. And we absolutely cannot have that!
. . .
"So, you met the Gundam pilots, excluding Heero Yuy," Zechs observed in a low voice as he leaned against the game. His forearms were folding over the warm glass of the arcade game, protecting his ribs. Ciara nodded, for the moment concentrating exclusively on playing the game. Zechs smiled to himself as he watched her. So focused. So intent.
At last, Ciara looked up and answered, "Yeah, I did. I didn't expect them to be so young." Zechs raised an eyebrow. The girl watched the battles, and she didn't realize the pilots were all teenagers? Ciara continued, "I mean, yeah, I knew they were teenagers, but I guess I never really thought about it much. I never paid as much attention to them as I did to you. It was kinda weird, realizing these guys aren't a lot older than I am."
"Only four years," Zechs confirmed solemnly. Ciara slipped another token into the machine for another round. . .the girl wouldn't give up! Her last score, from what Zechs could tell, was respectable. Either she really liked this game, or she was determined to get better with each run. It occurred to him that she would have made a helluva gundam pilot. He shook his head, disgusted with himself. How could he even think about Ciara being involved with a war, in any way? She was just a child! Hadn't enough children been killed?
Ciara continued as the game started up once more, "Quatre Raberba Winner doesn't seem like he's sixteen. . .he looks closer to my age. Like he's twelve or thirteen. And I couldn't believe he was the same pilot who took out those colonies after his dad died. He was so nice! I wasn't expecting that. But then I. . ." She broke off and looked away.
Zechs already knew what she meant to say however, and he said softly, "But you were expecting me to be someone other than who I was, weren't you?" The girl's eyes remained focused on what she was doing, but her head bobbed. Zechs was silent for several moments, staring at the girl, then said, "I wish I could tell you. . .I wish I could make you understand. . ."
"It's okay, Zechs," Ciara interrupted, looking away from the game for a few moments, "Mom told me about that, when we were talking about changing ourselves for someone else. She said that's what you did, when you became Zechs Merquise again, so Queen Relena and the Sank Kingdom wouldn't suffer for what you were doing in space, against Romefeller." Zechs blinked, shocked by this girl's knowledge. She was starting to scare him, as was her mother.
He wasn't out of the woods yet. Ciara cocked her head to one side, studying him intently, and added, "That's why you won't go back to Earth. It's not just cuz you're ashamed of what you did. You're afraid you're gonna try to change yourself again, for your sister or for that lady lieutenant. The one with the funny name. Is she pretty, Zechs?"
Now she was scaring him. Would he try to change himself to make Relena happy, or Noin? No, that was absurd. He never changed himself to suit someone else. He changed himself, knowing that his father wouldn't approve. Ciara was. . .she was learning about the world, and trying to apply the lessons she learned to him. That had to be it.
Then he focused on the other part of the conversation. About Noin. And the jealousy he heard in Ciara's voice. Zechs started to answer, then realized he didn't know what to say. Of course he noticed how pretty Noin was. He may have been driven, but he certainly wasn't blind. On the other hand, he didn't want to hurt Ciara. He was painfully aware that she was terribly infatuated with him.
He didn't need to speak. Ciara said with a resigned sigh, "She's wayyyyyy pretty, and you love her a lot." Zechs closed his mouth with a snap, now feeling completely out of his depth. Ciara looked at him, adding, "It's in your eyes, Zechs. You love her and you miss her. But you don't think you're good enough for her, 'cause of what you did."
"I'm not," Zechs answered hoarsely. Ciara rolled her eyes at him, a gesture that was pure Talia. The brunette might not have given birth to Ciara, but she was the girl's mother in every other way. Zechs continued, "You know, you're not like other girls your age. Other people your age." This time, it was Ciara's turn to look surprised, and Zechs said, "The way you act with your parents."
Ciara frowned and said, "I don't know what you mean." Zechs was sure she didn't, and realized for the first time how stupid he sounded. Ciara grew up with limited exposure to other children. That was why she seemed so adult in some ways, and so innocent in others. Ciara looked back at her game and continued, "You wanted to know about the pilots?"
Zechs knew this was something Ciara learned from her mother. . .change the subject when she was uncomfortable with the current one. Talia employed it every time he asked about her past. After the first few times, Zechs took the hint. Talia's past was evidently as checkered as Shawn's. . .or, if not checkered, then dark. Not necessarily because of something she did. Zechs found it difficult to believe that she ever killed anyone, even out of necessity. But whatever was in the past, Talia wasn't ready to discuss it. Zechs would respect her wishes.
Now, as then, Zechs accepted the change in conversation, saying, "Well, you told me about your thoughts on Quatre Winner. What about the other pilots? Talia told me that Heero Yuy was on earth, but I'm interested in what you thought about the other pilots." Ciara finished her third game, only to find that she ran out of tokens. She grimaced, and Zechs started to fish around in his own pockets to find money they could exchange for more tokens.
Ciara stopped him, putting her hand on his wrist, and said, "I'm tired of that game anyhow. Let's go for a walk." She slipped her hand through his arm, and said, "WELL, I did not like Chang Wufei at all. That's how you say his name, isn't it? Chang Wufei? Dad says that in China, and the Chinese colony, the last name comes first. Anyhow, I didn't like him. Can you believe he called me weak??????"
Zechs struggled against a smile. . .he could believe it very well. Ciara shook her head in disgust, saying, "Hey, just cuz I couldn't fight against five guys doesn't make me weak. Those are bad odds, you know? Mom said I was being smart, not trying to fight those guys on my own. Then she said, when I told her about him calling me 'weak,' she said a lot of men think that. That women are weak. But she'd like to see any of them having to deal with feeling like a helium balloon has expanded inside their bodies."
Zechs almost laughed, but fought the urge. . .the pain wasn't worth it. The truth was, he actually heard Talia saying something about that. He hadn't caught the entire conversation, but he heard her saying, "If Chang Wufei thinks women are weak, I'd like to see him spend a week in a woman's body while she's having her period. See how he deals with the sensations of having a helium balloon expanding inside his body, aching joints, and hormones running wild. Then we'll see who he thinks is weak."
Instead of encouraging Ciara to continue about the young Chinese pilot, for he knew it would only result in Ciara ranting about how dumb boys were, which would in turn spawn Ciara telling him that's why she preferred men, Zechs asked, "And what did you think of Duo Maxwell. . .or, as we used to call him in Oz, 02?"
Ciara caught herself in mid-breath, before she could start ranting again, and instead thought about his question. After a moment, she replied, "You know, at first, I thought he was just a. . .just. . .well, I'm not sure. But I didn't like him real well, when he was just another kid. Just playing. It was like he didn't take anything seriously. And then, when he came to my rescue, I realized I was wrong. He does that deliberately, so people will underestimate him."
There was another reason for it, but Zechs didn't want to bring that up now. He still wasn't feeling stable himself, and he didn't want to look like an idiot by talking about someone else's sanity. Ciara shook her head as they walked and said, "I dunno. Like, he's only four years older than I am, right? But, when he stood up to those bullies, he wasn't a kid at all."
"War changes a person, Ciara," Zechs answered softly, thinking of his own experiences, first as a Special, then as a rebel, then finally his descent into madness after the fall of the Sank Kingdom. He squeezed her hand and said, "The gundam pilots are just boys, in terms of their age. But they were aged and hardened by war."
"By blood-stained memories," Ciara replied. Zechs blinked in confusion, and the girl explained, "Something Dad told me. He was a soldier. He didn't want to tell me, he was afraid I would be ashamed of him. He said that he had a lot of blood-stained memories. I didn't understand at first. How can memories be stained with blood?"
Once more, Zechs started to speak, but he held his tongue. He wanted to hear what Shawn had to say. Ciara went on, her hand tightening around his, "Dad said that when he dreams, when he remembers when he was my age, all he sees is blood. He shakes when he talks about it. And sometimes. . .sometimes he's not really here. He's somewhere else. Wherever he was when he was a soldier."
"How do you know?" Zechs asked very softly. Chills danced along his spine. He wanted to protect this child, wanted to make sure the madness that temporarily inhabited both Shawn and Zechs wouldn't touch her. But it appeared it was too late for that. Maybe it was just as well. He remembered what Talia told him, about people taking responsibility for others. He wanted to teach Earth just how terrible war was. And, Talia said, people had to know how terrible, how wasteful, how miserable war was. If only for a little while, because people always forget.
So which was correct? Did you protect innocents like Ciara, make sure they never had to deal with the bloodstained memories which haunted her parents and Zechs? Or did you tell her the truth? Tell her about people dying in your arms, people who were barely older than she was herself. Zechs didn't have the answer. He thought he had once. But the answer was gone.
Instead, he turned his attention back to the conversation at hand, involving the Gundam pilots, and asked, "And Trowa Barton, what of him?" He was unprepared for the sudden, guilty expression that crossed the girl's face as she looked away. Zechs stopped in the middle of the walkway, and gently veered the girl to one side, toward the little bridge that spanned the man-made creek. He knelt in front of Ciara, ignoring the pain in his ribs, and asked gently, "Ciara?"
"I didn't tell him, Zechs. I didn't. . .I never told him that you were alive. He realized it. He knew, I think, as soon I said that my uncle served on the Libra. That my uncle tried to destroy it, before it reached earth," Ciara mumbled. It took Zechs a moment to understand what she meant. Trowa Barton knew he was still alive. Zechs tried to process the information. Ciara went on softly, "He promised that he wouldn't tell the other pilots. That you had a family now, people who loved you. That you deserve a second chance. Zechs, I'm so sorry." Zechs' head snapped up, and he stared into Ciara's eyes, cupping her heart-shaped face in his hands.
"Ciara, Ciara, Ciara! There is no need for you to apologize. Foolish as it may sound, I'm a little relieved that Trowa Barton knows," Zechs replied, remembering his encounter with the young Gundam pilot while the younger boy was undercover as an agent of Oz. He continued, "And I believe him when he says that he won't tell anyone else."
"Does that mean you won't tell my mom and dad? Mom worries about you a lot, Zechs," Ciara admitted honestly and Zechs just smiled at her. He didn't need to say a word. The tension eased from her thin body, and Ciara sighed. After a moment, she looked at him again, and asked, "Zechs? Do you know any languages other than English and German?"
"Several languages. . .I was in the military, so I did a lot of traveling. I learned a little of several languages. Why do you ask?" Zechs asked.
He rose painfully to his feet, releasing Ciara's shoulders to take her hand once more and they began walking. The young girl answered, her hand curling around his trustingly, "I heard Mom talking to Olga the other day. She wasn't speaking English. Olga said something, and Mom said something which sounded like 'nee-yet' I thought at first it was 'not yet,' but it didn't sound like that. And she sounded really upset."
What the. . .? Zechs again stopped walking and looked at Ciara, asking, "Was it 'nyet,' Ciara? Is that what you heard?" Ciara thought briefly, then bobbed her head. Zechs frowned inwardly, but said casually, "It's a Russian word. Not so surprising, since Olga is Russian." The question is, he thought, why does Talia know Russian? What hasn't she told me yet?
. . .
He had no way of knowing it, but Ciara was wondering the exact same thing. Talia Malloy was the only mother Ciara ever knew, but the twelve year old was starting to see that she really didn't know her mother at all. As far back as she could remember, her mother spoke American English, with a slight trace of an Irish accent. But when she was speaking Russian with Olga. . .
She spoke Russian as smoothly as she spoke English, often slipping between the two languages during the course of her conversation with Olga. Shortly after her mother told Olga 'nyet,' Mom added in a soft voice, "I am not ready, old friend. There are too many questions which require answers, answers which cannot be given yet."
Olga responded in a flood of Russian, and Mom smiled softly, answering in English, "I know that, my dear friend. And I know that you love me. But the young prince of the Sank Kingdom is more like me than either of us could have guessed. He is not ready to be Milliardo Peacecraft, because that child died before he had a chance to live. Zechs Merquise is the name he chose to protect his family and his name, but he is Zechs now."
Olga muttered something then, and Mom replied in Russian, adding in English, "You have taken care of me, Olga. Always. And you have respected my wishes. I can ask for nothing more from a friend. I know there will come a time when Zechs must learn the truth. A time when I have to tell Shawn what happened on the day the Sank Kingdom fell, but I am not ready."
Ciara slipped away, deeply disturbed. She was still disturbed by that conversation. So disturbed, she didn't realize that they were in trouble until Zechs stopped. They weren't far from home, and she was lost in thought after Zechs told her that her mother was speaking Russian. Trying to puzzle things out. Her first clue that not all was well, was Zechs' abrupt stop. Her second was hearing his raspy voice say, "Would you gentlemen like to move? The young lady and I have no wish for trouble."
Ciara looked up, startled out of her reverie, and beheld the boys who attacked her in the arcade. Her small hand curled around Zechs' larger hand tightly, torn between a desire to fight them, and a desire to protect her still-injured companion. The choice was taken out of her hands when the leader laughed, "Oh, I don't think so. You see, we have a little score to settle with this little bitch. And this time, she doesn't have any gundam goons to protect her."
"No," Zechs answered calmly, "but she has me. And I can assure you. I will allow no harm to come to my niece. So please. Step aside and let us pass." Ciara looked at him, shuddering at the coldness that appeared in his bright blue eyes. He was trying. She knew he was trying not to blow his cover. But she also knew that Zechs had his limits. . .and that he didn't deal well with fools.
The leader laughed outright at Zechs' calm, assured manner, mimicking his speech, "Step aside, he says. . .step aside! Who the hell does he think he is, royalty?" As a matter of fact, Ciara thought, that's exactly what he is, you jerk-off! But she kept silent. She learned the importance of keeping her mouth shut in a hostile situation. And she was afraid for Zechs.
They were surrounded. Zechs merely looked at the leader, answering, "It matters little whom I am, or whom I believe myself to be. What matters is, you will stand aside, you will allow my niece and me to pass. . .and you will be polite about it." There was a cool contempt in his voice, and Ciara shuddered. Zechs squeezed her hand, but Ciara was still afraid. She could have taken care of herself if it was one on one. Probably.
But they were five against two. One of whom was recovering from life- threatening injuries. The odds didn't look good at all. Perhaps sensing her fear, Zechs put a gentle arm around her shoulders, and drew her close to his body. Ciara would have put her arms around his waist, but she was afraid of hurting him. How on earth were they gonna get out of this?????
. .
.
The odds did not look good. And while Zechs was a soldier, he fought in mobile suits, not hand to hand. And not with a twelve year old girl who could easily be used as. . .bait. His own safety was of secondary importance. Zechs' main priority, at the moment, was getting Ciara to safety. There were five bullies. Two potential victims. Even if Zechs attacked, he knew he couldn't take on all five. Even if he could take a few out before getting the crap beaten out of him, it would only take one to. . .hurt Ciara. An image of six year old Alicia Remington flashed before his eyes, and Zechs quietly vowed he would never allow that to happen again.
He had very little options. The Lightning Count did not like being out of options. He did not like being trapped like this. Much less with the life of a twelve year old girl resting in his hands. Strange. He felt more helpless now than he ever had in the war. Except. . .except when the Sank Kingdom fell. But Zechs firmly steered his mind away from that.
"It appears, gentlemen," Zechs said quietly, "that we have a bit of a stalemate. You want my niece. I will not let you have her. True, you could kill me, and then do as you wish. But I really do not believe you want to do that." The boys laughed harshly, but Zechs could tell his cool demeanor was beginning to frighten at least one boy. That could be good or bad. He was told that his eyes could be described as an icy fire. Or a fiery ice. Zechs hadn't understood, but he stared at the frightened boy steadily.
It appeared to work, for the boy said, "Look, she's not the one we want. I say we track down Maxwell and his buddies, and have ourselves a little rumble. They can't be alone, you guys. He would never be this cool if it was just the two of them. C'mon, let's go." There was a distinctive whine in his voice, and Zechs transferred his gaze from that boy to the de facto leader.
The boy didn't speak. Instead, he lunged forward and shoved Zechs. The former pilot, not expecting the move, stumbled backward, and Ciara cried out. He thought at first it was from the shock. Until he realized that the wind was ruffling his bangs. His bangs. . .? The wind? With his free hand, Zechs reached up for his baseball cap. It wasn't there.
The boys were staring at him in shock, and the leader whispered, "You. . .you're Milliardo Peacecraft. Zechs Merquise." His shock quickly gave way to. . .something else. A slow, cruel smile crossed his face and he said mockingly, "I wonder how much the EarthSphere Alliance would give me for your head? To say nothing of the family which sheltered you."
Zechs' blood ran cold. Talia, he thought, Shawn. . .I hope you can forgive me. I should have died, and spared you this. Spared Ciara this. A voice broke into his self-flagellation, and at first Zechs thought he was hearing things. Then he heard the voice again, now saying, "You pull anythin' like that, and you won't live long enough t' collect your reward." Zechs now turned, picking up his baseball cap as he did. There stood both Shawn and Talia. And neither of them looked particularly happy. Ohhhh shit, Zechs Merquise thought.
. . .
It was a done deal. Shawn and Natalia Malloy were now the proud owners of the Pax, a sleek vessel that housed two small shuttles. The deed was placed in Shawn's hands less than an hour earlier, and the pair were now on their way home. First, however, there were a number of necessary items which they needed from the local stores, including a gift for Zechs, who made this possible.
The young man in question would have most likely said that his life was enough of a gift. But both Shawn and Talia wanted a more. . .concrete. . .way of thanking the young pilot. And so, they spent twenty minutes looking among the shops, before Talia found what she was looking for. Knowing how Zechs loved to fly, she searched for models of ancient airplanes, the first war planes, in fact.
She found what she was looking for at the second specialty shop, and said proudly, "Mission accomplished!" Shawn left the aisle where he was browsing and wandered over to her as she examined the plane. His eyebrows raised and Talia said, "Hey, commander or colonel, Zechs is barely out of his teens. And I'm willing to bet that he didn't spend much of his teen years doing models."
"So you're tryin' t' give him back his childhood?" Shawn asked doubtfully. Talia glared at him. Of course not. She was smarter than that. . she knew she could never give him back his childhood, or his teen years. Never give back his parents, or the years he lost with his sister. But she had to do something. And if she gave him a model airplane, a gift she might have given Petyr, she might be able to continue thinking of him as a little brother. Maybe.
Some of her annoyance must have shown in her face, for Shawn said, "I'm sorry, that was unfair of me. And I'm sure you're right. . .I doubt if Zechs had time t' work on models when he was a teenager. He was too busy tryin' t' stay alive, and avenge his parents. That's a wonderful gift t' give him." Now it was Talia's turn to look at him doubtfully. She wondered if it was her imagination, or if she heard a wound tear loose in his heart.
She had no more time to wonder, for she was being steered to the lines to pay for the gift. Talia smiled. . .he was anxious to get back to Zechs and Ciara. They arranged to meet back at the house, since Zechs wanted to walk more. He was walking a little more each day, slowly building up his endurance. The pair paid for the gift and reached the car.
Talia was lost in thought as Shawn drove home, remembering her conversation with Olga. The older woman, bless her, didn't understand why Talia was keeping her identity a secret from Zechs. Well, from Shawn and Ciara as well, though Olga could understand that better. After all, if Talia was to suddenly announce that she was Natasha Galinova, the daughter of a minor Russian noble, that might mess up her family life just a little. Yes, Olga understood that part quite well. Perhaps even a little too well.
But the older Russian woman didn't understand why Talia kept her secret from Zechs. As she told her long time friend, she simply wasn't ready to discuss that part of her life. She had so many secrets. . .when one was shattered, the others would come tumbling down. Talia had no illusions about herself. She knew she wasn't strong enough to deal with the aftermath.
"Oh, shit," Shawn muttered and Talia shook herself. She looked in the direction of her husband's gaze. . .across the green of the park, she could see Zechs and Ciara. They weren't alone, but surrounded by five young men. The five bullies who attacked Ciara before, no doubt. Shawn pulled the car to one side and said, "Let's go, before somethin' nasty happens."
Talia nodded and unbuckled herself, following Shawn across the park. It sat between the residential area and the business district, as it would have been called on earth. There was a road which looped around the park. . .in fact, if one wasn't very careful, he or she could find themselves going around in a circle, around the park. It happened to Shawn and Talia in the past, before they learned their way around the area.
As it happened, they reached their daughter and Zechs too late. . .as Shawn and Talia approached from behind the pair, they saw the leader shove Zechs backward. The baseball cap fell, revealing Zechs' pale gold hair. The husband and wife heard the leader threatening to reveal that their young companion was still alive. Torn between her desire to take on the bullies and her desire to protect her family, Talia never even noticed Shawn's expression until he snarled, "You pull anythin' like that and you won't live long enough t' collect your reward!"
Talia looked up at her husband, startled by the fury in his eyes, then looked back at her daughter and the supposedly dead pilot. Zechs turned as Shawn spoke, and his expression mirrored what Talia was then thinking. Oh shit. Now what do we do? And how do we protect Zechs from this creep?
. .
.
Now why, Trowa Barton thought as he listened to the exchange, did you go and do something foolish like that???? The young acrobat shook his head in disgust. He saw Ciara Malloy and Zechs Merquise in the same arcade where he and the other gundam pilots met the young girl, and followed them. Why? He couldn't have said. He just knew it was important.
Now he knew why. Trowa's green eyes narrowed as he watched the standoff between the Malloy family and the bullies. And a sly smile crossed his face. As he skirted around the confrontation, to come up behind the bullies, a plan formed in his mind. It would work. . .yes, he thought it might just work. Although, Trowa thought wryly, when Heero finds out about this, he may just threaten to kill me. If only for not telling him sooner that Zechs was still alive.
He moved silently into place behind the bullies, and saw Ciara's blue- gray eyes widen slightly, but he held his finger to his lips in the classical 'shhhh' gesture. The girl maintained her silence as the bully said, "Oh you think so, do you? And just who is going to make sure I don't live long enough to collect my reward, mick? You?" The leader shook his head, laughing.
"Well, you see, while Relena Peacecraft is a pacifist, she may just kill you for bringing her false hope," Trowa said. His mind worked quickly, and caught the eye of Ciara's mother. She was listening intently, and Trowa continued, "It hurts to lose someone you love. To have your hopes boosted by the possibility that your beloved survived a terrible explosion, only to learn that the people who brought you this news. . .have no clue what they're talking about."
"Zechs Merquise is alive, and we're gonna tell whoever will listen," the bully jeered. Trowa's eyes narrowed. He thought a great deal about this, ever since he realized that Zechs was still alive. He looked at all the possible scenarios. . .at the possible consequences to Ciara Malloy and her family. Zechs Merquise prevented Heero from self-destructing. He aided them in destroying the Libra before it could smash into the earth. His methods were wrong, but Trowa understood what he meant to do.
He should have his second chance. And the Malloy family should not be forced to endure what would happen to them when word spread they rescued Zechs Merquise. That left one option. He had to protect Zechs, and the Malloy family. He told the other boy just as firmly, "Zechs Merquise is dead. He died in the Libra. This man is not Zechs Merquise."
He was rewarded with a disbelieving stare from the bully, and a hopeful one from Ciara. He glanced at the girl's mother, who was smiling faintly. She said, "He's quite correct. This young man is not Zechs Merquise, but my younger brother, Zachary Gaston. Trowa became acquainted with Zach while they were working together to destroy the Libra."
"That's right," Trowa said, inclining his head toward the woman, "and I was there when Epyon blew up. There's no way Zechs Merquise survived that blast." The bullies were looking confused now, and Trowa could see the broad grins decorating the faces of the three Malloys. And Zechs. . .Zechs just looked confused. But hopeful.
"Then why did the mick say we wouldn't live long enough to collect our reward? And don't tell me because the purity princess would have our hides, no one believes that. Or even that she gave a damn about her brother. Everyone knows she don't care about him," the leader said. Trowa said Zechs stiffen at the insult to his sister, then his shoulders slumped at the observation regarding Relena's feelings about him. Fortunately, the bully was looking at Trowa.
"Because you were in danger of harming an innocent man. And we kill to protect our own," Ciara's mother answered. She glared at him, adding, "I couldn't stop my brother from joining the White Fang. I couldn't protect him a half dozen times. But I will protect him from the likes of you!" Her small hands curled into fists at her sides.
"There's just one little problem," said one of the other boys. All the attention swung to him, and he pointed out, "He don't look like her brother. Look at 'im! He's got white-blond hair, and her hair is almost black!" Trowa looked at the young woman expectantly, hoping that she was still thinking on her feet. She did pretty well the first time.
She didn't disappoint. Ciara's mother replied, "Because he's my half brother. My father also has blond hair, as does Zach's mother. I have my mother's dark hair. That's why we don't look alike. But rest assured, he is my brother." The bully backed down. . .while the dark-haired woman was small, her stance told Trowa, and anyone else who was observant, that she could inflict some serious damage. Trowa knew how protective older sisters could be. His eyes flickered from the woman, to her husband, then to Ciara. The girl was listening intently, and her eyes gleamed. This looked to get. . .interesting.
"I think you boys should get out of here. My uncle still hasn't recovered from being bounced around when the Libra exploded. His MS was caught in the debris field. So we gotta get him home," Ciara said in a challenging voice. Trowa raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the girl's ploy, then glanced at Zechs to see if he picked up on it.
Even if he hadn't, the girl's mother had, and she stepped to his side, putting her arm around his waist. Zechs went white and his knees buckled as he gasped. Ciara's father took his other side and began helping him to the car. Trowa walked through a space left by the bullies and joined Ciara. He put his hand on her shoulder, saying, "Just remember. . .things aren't always what they appear." Then he gently steered Ciara toward her parents and Zechs.
Blood-Stained Memories
The sounds of gunfire and bombs exploding surrounded them. The young boy grabbed his older sister's hand and ran as fast as he could. Until fire exploded in front of him, knocking both siblings back several yards. The boy lay on his side, barely conscious. He knew, somewhere deep within his mind, that he had to move. That he would die if he didn't move. But he was tired. So tired.
Then he heard a moan. It didn't even qualify as a moan, it sounded more like a wounded animal. What was that? He didn't remember seeing any animals when they went into town. The boy forced his eyes open, barely able to see for the blood streaming into his eyes. . .and then it was he who screamed like a wounded animal. Lying only yards away was his sister. She was alive. Just barely.
The boy forced himself to his knees and crawled to her side. He almost vomited. She was alive, but wouldn't be for much longer. Her insides were torn from her body as a result of the explosion. She whimpered, her eyes pleading with him. Begging him. To do something. To make the pain stop. He ignored the pleading and pulled her into his arms, trying. . .not even sure what he was doing. He was only twelve years old, how could he save her?
She was whispering something. What was she saying? The boy leaned closer, and his eyes widened with shock. "End it. Please. End it." He stared down at her, horrified. Her lips moved again, "Please?" He shook his head wildly. No, no, no! He couldn't do that, he couldn't! But somehow, the gun was in his hands. She mouthed, "I love you, little brother." The muzzle of the gun was pressing against her forehead, her eyes closed. The boy closed his eyes, and pulled the trigger, screaming as he did so. . .
"N. . .OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Shawn Malloy screamed, bolting upright. He drew several ragged breaths, looking around wildly. His heart thundered in his chest, tears filling his eyes. He was in his bedroom. In the house on L2. Shawn gave a sound which suspiciously resembled a whimper, then collapsed back against the pillows. He should have realized the nightmare would come back.
He lay in bed, trembling for several moments, then forced himself to get up. The clock told him that it was four thirty. The others would probably be asleep, but he needed to check on them anyhow. Ciara and Talia, Zechs, too. Zechs. Without meaning to, the boy tore open old wounds. Shawn wouldn't dream of telling him that. The kid was carrying enough guilt.
He hadn't dreamed of his sister in five years. It was twenty-three years since her death, twenty-three years since the night that began his transformation from a child to a cold assassin. Twenty-three years since he almost lost his soul. Shawn walked first to his wife's room. His wife. For some reason, though she carried the title, Shawn could never bring himself to make Talia his wife in all the ways that mattered.
He cared for her, that was never in doubt. In the beginning, he couldn't take her to his bed, because of Elene. He loved her so much, more than his own life. More than his own soul. And truth be told, Shawn would have never made Talia his wife, if Father Maxwell hadn't interfered. Not for the first time, Shawn wished the old man kept his big trap shut. What was worse. . .people thinking that Talia was his mistress, or trapping them both in a marriage which would never go anywhere?
Shawn couldn't take Talia to bed. Not because he couldn't. . .perform. He could. That was the problem. Elene told him years earlier that Talia was victimized. Someone hurt her, badly. He saw it himself. In the way she held herself back from touch. She shied away. Even from women touching her, though she tolerated Elene touching her, and the other women on L2.
Talia never told them what happened, why she ran away from home . She wasn't even seventeen when they found her. But both Shawn and Elene could tell. She was victimized. . . violated. And it was so long now, since Shawn was with a woman. He was afraid. . .afraid of losing control. Afraid of becoming another man who violated Talia's trust. No. It was better this way. No matter what the consequences.
He peeked into her room. She was sleeping on her side, her arms curled around a pillow. Shawn felt a smile cross his face. It was one of the few times when she seemed peaceful. When she slept. And when she was with Ciara. Or Zechs. Despite the memories which Shawn knew were returning. Talia admitted that she had another name once. That she was in the Sank Kingdom when it fell. And that the fall resulted in her brother's death.
Blood-stained memories. They bound the three adults. Shawn, with his memories of his sister. Talia, with her memories of what happened that day, the violation of her body and soul, the murder of her brother. Zechs. . .Zechs. Shawn shook his head as he left his wife's room and continued to the boy's room. He wasn't sleeping nearly as peacefully as Talia.
Still tormented by nightmares. Treize Khushrenada, his father, his sister. Too many memories tormented this boy of twenty. Shawn shook his head. He didn't have the fond memories of Relena Peacecraft which Talia evidently did, and just saw the girl as a little fool. Zechs told him that Relena tried to convince him not to target the colonies, by telling him God would never forgive him.
Zechs laughed then, a low, bitter laugh, and lapsed into silence. He needed to say no more. Shawn understood. Zechs already gave up his soul, he believed, to make sure no more wars would occur. His younger sister telling him that God wouldn't forgive him was meaningless, as Zechs believed his soul was already damned. But it wasn't. His soul wasn't damned. And the God which Shawn always prayed to and believed in, forgave anything. Zechs was atoning for what he did, trying to make right what he did wrong. God, Shawn believed, already forgave the boy. He was just waiting on Zechs to forgive himself.
Talia didn't believe in God. She never specified when she stopped believing, if she ever believed in the first place. Shawn didn't know. They never really talked about it. Aside from one time, and the memory of that conversation still burned in his memory. Even after ten years. He had, to borrow a phrase from Elene, put his foot in his mouth down to his throat.
Howard agreed, when Shawn told him of the conversation. Howard. Shawn smiled fondly and shook his head as he left Zechs' room. The skinny, Hawaiian shirt-clad older man was one of the few males whom Talia permitted to touch her. Maybe it was the way he always asked if he could assist her. Taking her hand when the ground wasn't stable. He always asked. Maybe that was the key. Control was taken from her once, and Howard understood that. Shawn didn't know how. He was just grateful to the older man.
After the second fall of the Sank Kingdom, Shawn and Howard often emailed each other. Howard, while he wouldn't say so, was worried about his young friend Zechs Merquise. In a way, he regarded the young ace as a son. Understandable, as he saved the boy's life after the colonel's defection from Oz. In a way, Howard brought about a rebirth for the youngster.
Shawn shook his head as he pushed open his daughter's door. He constantly thought of Zechs as a child, as a boy. He was only twenty years old, but he lived three or four lifetimes in those twenty years. A colonel in the Oz Specials by the time he was nineteen years old, the leader of White Fang at twenty. He saw death and destruction, war and bloodshed for every day since he was six years old. He was no kid.
And yet. . .he was. The way he reacted to Talia, his awkwardness in reacting to Ciara. //Put him in a Mobile Suit, and he's as deadly as someone my age,// Shawn thought as he watched his daughter sleep. //But when he's dealing with other people, with civilians, especially young girls. . .he's a shy teenager.// Shawn wondered what would have happened, during the reunion with Relena, if the young queen wasn't so judgmental.
Zechs would never accuse his sister of being judgmental. Or of having poor judgment. Shawn wasn't constrained by memories, or by family ties. He could fill in the spaces. He could see the pain in Zechs' bright blue eyes when the younger man spoke of Relena's words to him when he embraced her on the Libra. Shawn never struck a woman in his life, but he wanted to after Zechs explained his reunion with his younger sister.
Just as Ciara had, he remembered, when Zechs mentioned his battle with Heero Yuy in the Arctic. How Relena ordered the young gundam pilot to kill Zechs. . .before Lt. Noin icily informed the princess that Zechs Merquise was her brother. Ciara, Shawn remembered, flew into a rage. Vowed she would personally scratch out Relena's eyes for saying such a terrible thing. Had called the 'Queen of the World' a number of unflattering names.
Protective, protective Ciara. She was a great deal like her namesake, her aunt in that respect. Her aunt Grania. Tears once more filled Shawn's eyes. He accepted a long time ago that there was nothing he could have done about the explosion that killed his sister. The bomb exploded on impact, sending shrapnel into his older sister's abdomen.
But he never made peace with the other part of it. Holding a gun to his sister's head and pulling the trigger. She was dying. . .but Shawn couldn't accept that he might have gotten help for his sister that day. Maybe she didn't have to die. Maybe he could have saved her. He would never find out, because he couldn't bear the pain in her eyes. Had he been wrong?
Shawn didn't know. He only knew that he couldn't live through that again. Regardless of his marriage to Talia, or lack thereof, she still meant a lot to him. Too much for him to stand by and watch anyone hurt her again. He would kill to protect his little girl, his sweet Ciara. And he was quickly growing fond of Zechs as well. It was hard not to. The hardness, the anger that Shawn saw in the White Fang leader, only a few months ago, was gone.
Shawn didn't know what happened. Didn't really care. But Zechs was trying to deserve his second chance. He still didn't believe that he even deserved the right to work for it. But he was working nonetheless, if only to repay the Malloy family. Shawn sighed. He found he couldn't even be angry with Zechs any more about the kiss. Not that he ever blamed the kid. Ciara kissed Zechs. . .and the poor kid was too surprised by the liplock to react.
Of course, Shawn would have killed Zechs if he did anything about the kiss. Like, returned it. But Zechs wasn't like that. Shawn knew that Zechs saw his younger sister when he looked at Ciara. Something that his little girl didn't understand yet. Zechs was always careful about the way he treated her, ever since their arrival on L2 the previous week. But Ciara didn't seem to accept that she could only be his little sister.
Shawn sighed again and pushed his damp dark hair back from his eyes. The fear, the nerves which tormented him after the nightmare, dissipated. In another few minutes, Shawn would go back to his room and try to get some sleep. But for now, just for now, he would watch his daughter sleep. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. In another few minutes, his legs would stop shaking long enough for him to walk out.
. . .
Shawn hadn't slept well the night before. Talia could tell as soon as he entered the kitchen the following morning. Even before she turned around to place bowls in front of Zechs and Ciara, she could hear it in Shawn's steps. It briefly amused her, that she could know him that well. . .and yet, not know him at all. The amusement passed.
"Daddy, are you okay?" Ciara asked anxiously as Shawn sat down heavily in a chair. Talia turned back to put the bowl of fruit in front of her husband, and bit down hard on her lower lip. Shawn looked awful. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his mouth was drawn into a tight line. The skin seemed to be drawn tighter across his high cheekbones. He looked, not to put too fine a point on it, like hell. Or death warmed over. Take your pick.
"I'm fine, acushla. Just didn't sleep well last night. Neither did you, Zechs," Shawn said bluntly. That wasn't as obvious as it was with Shawn, but Talia saw how poorly Zechs slept. Nightmares again. No doubt about King Raoul and Treize Khushrenada. Her heart hurt for him, but she knew he had to face this on his terms. . .otherwise, he would never heal.
That didn't stop her from hating her helplessness. Zechs answered softly, "I'm fine, Shawn." Yeah. Right. Tell me another one, as Elene used to say, Talia thought. The thought of her late friend caught in her throat. She remembered how guilty she felt when Elene died. Like she was some sort of jinx. Katarina was one of her dearest friends, and she died as well.
But at a guess, Talia would say Shawn wasn't dreaming about Elene. For one thing, she was at his side during past illnesses, when he dreamed of Elene. And while she knew he missed his late wife, his memories were of the happier variety. He was delirious in fever, thinking that Elene was still with him. Yes. The memories there were happy ones, made bittersweet by her passing. No. . .no, at a guess, she would say that Shawn dreamed of that time before Elene. He told her a little of it, feeling at first that he should protect her from his past. What complete and utter rot. Still, he was male, and he was an Irish male at that. Elene always said that. . .adding that Irish males were rather protective of their women.
Talia knew that Shawn was twelve years old when his older sister was killed. When his world changed for all eternity. That sounded so melodramatic. For all eternity. It was actually rather silly, when she thought about it. Nothing stayed the same. But some changes were so dramatic, so. . .blinding with the very swiftness of the event. . .that historians and poets often used the term. Especially poets. Dramatic types. Talia never considered herself a dramatic person. She was actually quite nondescript.
Talia returned her attention to the two exhausted, silent men at her table. While Zechs was fifteen years younger than Shawn, it was difficult to tell that at the moment. His shoulders were hunched, as if he was expecting a blow. Or he was trying to curl in on himself. She had learned from certain Oz files that Zechs suffered a heart attack the first time he flew Tallgeese. Nineteen years old, and he had a heart attack. Mobile Suits always frightened Talia. . .now she knew why. But sometimes, it was necessary to conquer one's fears.
She ran her hand lightly over Zechs' pale hair, smoothing it over his shoulders and back, then looked at Shawn. Ciara was looking from her father to Zechs and back again. She looked worried. Talia didn't blame her. However, she asked lightly, "Any ideas about breakfast, Shawn? We pick up the Pax today." She noticed Zechs' weak smile at the name they had given their new vessel.
As Talia hoped when they first found the remnants of Epyon floating in space, their salvaging days were over. The money which they earned from the ruined Gundam, coupled with the money they made from selling off the Purgamentum, piece at a time, allowed them to buy a new vessel. They hadn't figured out yet what they would do with their new ship, and the small shuttles that they bought with Zechs' help. . .but both Talia and Shawn agreed that they were finished as salvagers.
Shawn flashed her a weary smile as well, saying, "That we do. Ciara, m'girl, do you think you can avoid the bullies in the arcade t'day?" Ciara flushed and Talia touched the girl's shoulder. Zechs looked confused, and Shawn explained, "The last time Ciara went t' the arcade, she ran int' trouble. Luckily, there were four gundam pilots there t' rescue her."
Zechs flinched at the mention of his former enemies, and Ciara explained, "It was Duo Maxwell, Quatre Winner, Chang Wufei, and Trowa Barton. I asked where Heero Yuy was, and they told me he was back on earth, paying respects. Whatever that means." Talia had a pretty good idea. She, like thousands of others, listened to the final battle between Heero and Zechs.
The world believed that Zechs was dead. It stands to reason, Talia thought, remembering the conversation between the two young pilots, that Heero was paying his respects at Zechs' gravesite. I wonder. After all the times he himself has survived self-detonation, if it even occurred to Heero that Zechs might still be alive. She shook her head. Well, there was no telling. No telling at all.
. . .
It was decided by the three adults, after Zechs learned of Ciara's last run-in with bullies, that he would accompany the preteen, while Shawn and Talia closed on the deal that would make the Pax their new ship. As had become her custom during the last week, Ciara wove Zechs' blond hair into a braid that shorted the mane. It was an effective disguise. No one would think of Zechs Merquise or Milliardo Peacecraft with short hair.
And it wasn't exactly short. Not as short as Shawn's, or Heero's, hair. But it still accomplished what Talia meant to do. In addition, Zechs was still healing from his broken ribs, so the way he moved was affected. He really shouldn't have been moving around much at all, even seven weeks after the destruction of Libra, but Zechs was a stubborn young man. And every night, he collapsed into bed, exhausted and aching. Stubborn, foolish boy.
As Talia requested, he spoke little, as his voice was very distinctive. Even if the hair was disguised, it was much harder to disguise his voice. And then there was the matter of his eyes. The ice blue eyes, which could pierce as well as any sword. Talia shook herself. There she went again. She took care of the latter problem with a baseball cap and a pair of sunglasses. Fortunately, the sun often made the glasses necessary. And when they were not, the baseball cap shadowed his eyes. Still, she was concerned it was overkill.
They hadn't run into problems so far. And as Zechs walked with Ciara to the arcade, Talia sighed, turning her attention to other concerns. Like, where Zechs got the money to help pay for the shuttles. It really wasn't her business. For all his mistakes, Zechs would never do something wrong for a profit, so she doubted if the money was illegally received. But he was a soldier, and soldiers didn't make a lot of money. She told herself that it didn't matter. He asked to help, since they saved his life. It was a small thing. But Talia had to focus on something.
As they headed away from the arcade, Shawn muttered something under his breath. Talia shook herself and Shawn added, swiping his dark brown hair back from his eyes, "I swear t' God, Tal, things just keep gettin' worse instead of better. I don't know who is worse, those idiots in the Romefellar Foundation or that little idiot Relena Dorlian."
"Shawn," she reproved. While she didn't agree with Relena's policies, Talia knew the girl's heart was in the right place. No one wanted war. Not the soldiers. Not the people whose lives were torn apart by the battles and the bloodshed. But getting rid of the weapons wasn't the way to go about it. She learned that lesson from the fall of the Sank Kingdom.
However, Shawn's nightmares the previous night had left him in an argumentative mood, and he replied, "It's true, Tal. You knew her when she was a little girl, just as you knew Zechs. But she's a child! A sixteen year old girl who was made Vice Foreign Minister! What does she know about diplomacy, what does she know of life? It's not her age I object to. She's the same as those gundam pilots, and they have a better idea of the world than she does."
"She ruled the Sank Kingdom," Talia pointed out and Shawn made a noise of disgust, and Talia admitted, "All right, so that was a bad example. What would you have me say? I don't like the idea of total disarmament. I believe in keeping weapons for defensive use, because at some point, someone will decide to start a fight. But the girl is trying, Shawn. Doesn't that count for anything?"
"I suppose it should, but she'll only get more people killed wi' this absolute pacifism of hers. Pacifism isn't letting someone walk over you. That's just plain stupidity. I wish Zechs would get off this kick of 'I'm not worthy t' rule because I've killed.' I've got a newsflash for the boy. People die in wars. He was tryin' t' survive. That doesn't make him a monster, it makes him a boy who wanted t' live," Shawn retorted. Talia nodded in agreement. She knew that. But they had to convince Zechs of that. And that would take time.
"So you think there's another war coming, then?" Talia asked softly. Shawn bobbed his head, staring out the window of their car. His eyes were focused on the road, and something else. Something which Talia couldn't see. The past? The future? Who could be sure? She just knew that something deeper than his issues with the policy of the new regime was troubling him.
"I do. No, I don't think there's another war comin.' I know it. I don't know the details. Who, or when. But it's comin,' Talia. And I'm sick of runnin.' Sick of lettin' boys like Zechs Merquise, or the gundam pilots, fight for me. Talia. . .when the next war comes, we have t' be involved in it somehow. Whether it's helpin' Howard rebuild Peacemillion, whatever. We have t' be involved," Shawn replied. He sighed, muttering, "Maybe, if we're involved this time, we can prevent some young boy from havin' his soul ripped out."
Talia nodded in agreement. The war wouldn't happen right away. If there were any remnants of the White Fang, aside from Zechs, they would be licking their wounds. According to her information, Quinze Barton was dead. She scowled. Even as a teenager, she hadn't trusted him. Hadn't liked him. There were times when she hated being right.
So, White Fang was out three leaders. . .Zechs was presumed dead, Quinze was most likely dead, and Dorothy Catalonia returned to Earth to rebuild the Romefellar Foundation. It would take time, perhaps a year, before White Fang returned in some form. A year. That would be time for them to start preparing. She said, "And you want to use the Pax to help, don't you?"
"Yes. What about it, Tal? I know you still remember the fall of the Sank Kingdom, and I know you're not ready t' talk about it. But if there's another war, when there's another war. . ." Shawn began. Talia just smiled at him and nodded once. Shawn returned the smile and said, "Thank you. Now. Let's go pick up our new ship. Well, the paperwork, at least."
Talia laughed and nodded in agreement. They had a celebration planned for that night, celebrating their new ship. They would go back to the space port tonight with a bottle of. . . something. . .and officially christen it the Pax. Peace. An upgrade from the Purgamentum, or garbage. Zechs' idea. The Latin word for trash. She laughed to herself and wondered how Ciara and Zechs were doing. I hope they stay out of trouble, she thought, because if they don't, there's a good chance Zechs' true identity will be revealed. And we absolutely cannot have that!
. . .
"So, you met the Gundam pilots, excluding Heero Yuy," Zechs observed in a low voice as he leaned against the game. His forearms were folding over the warm glass of the arcade game, protecting his ribs. Ciara nodded, for the moment concentrating exclusively on playing the game. Zechs smiled to himself as he watched her. So focused. So intent.
At last, Ciara looked up and answered, "Yeah, I did. I didn't expect them to be so young." Zechs raised an eyebrow. The girl watched the battles, and she didn't realize the pilots were all teenagers? Ciara continued, "I mean, yeah, I knew they were teenagers, but I guess I never really thought about it much. I never paid as much attention to them as I did to you. It was kinda weird, realizing these guys aren't a lot older than I am."
"Only four years," Zechs confirmed solemnly. Ciara slipped another token into the machine for another round. . .the girl wouldn't give up! Her last score, from what Zechs could tell, was respectable. Either she really liked this game, or she was determined to get better with each run. It occurred to him that she would have made a helluva gundam pilot. He shook his head, disgusted with himself. How could he even think about Ciara being involved with a war, in any way? She was just a child! Hadn't enough children been killed?
Ciara continued as the game started up once more, "Quatre Raberba Winner doesn't seem like he's sixteen. . .he looks closer to my age. Like he's twelve or thirteen. And I couldn't believe he was the same pilot who took out those colonies after his dad died. He was so nice! I wasn't expecting that. But then I. . ." She broke off and looked away.
Zechs already knew what she meant to say however, and he said softly, "But you were expecting me to be someone other than who I was, weren't you?" The girl's eyes remained focused on what she was doing, but her head bobbed. Zechs was silent for several moments, staring at the girl, then said, "I wish I could tell you. . .I wish I could make you understand. . ."
"It's okay, Zechs," Ciara interrupted, looking away from the game for a few moments, "Mom told me about that, when we were talking about changing ourselves for someone else. She said that's what you did, when you became Zechs Merquise again, so Queen Relena and the Sank Kingdom wouldn't suffer for what you were doing in space, against Romefeller." Zechs blinked, shocked by this girl's knowledge. She was starting to scare him, as was her mother.
He wasn't out of the woods yet. Ciara cocked her head to one side, studying him intently, and added, "That's why you won't go back to Earth. It's not just cuz you're ashamed of what you did. You're afraid you're gonna try to change yourself again, for your sister or for that lady lieutenant. The one with the funny name. Is she pretty, Zechs?"
Now she was scaring him. Would he try to change himself to make Relena happy, or Noin? No, that was absurd. He never changed himself to suit someone else. He changed himself, knowing that his father wouldn't approve. Ciara was. . .she was learning about the world, and trying to apply the lessons she learned to him. That had to be it.
Then he focused on the other part of the conversation. About Noin. And the jealousy he heard in Ciara's voice. Zechs started to answer, then realized he didn't know what to say. Of course he noticed how pretty Noin was. He may have been driven, but he certainly wasn't blind. On the other hand, he didn't want to hurt Ciara. He was painfully aware that she was terribly infatuated with him.
He didn't need to speak. Ciara said with a resigned sigh, "She's wayyyyyy pretty, and you love her a lot." Zechs closed his mouth with a snap, now feeling completely out of his depth. Ciara looked at him, adding, "It's in your eyes, Zechs. You love her and you miss her. But you don't think you're good enough for her, 'cause of what you did."
"I'm not," Zechs answered hoarsely. Ciara rolled her eyes at him, a gesture that was pure Talia. The brunette might not have given birth to Ciara, but she was the girl's mother in every other way. Zechs continued, "You know, you're not like other girls your age. Other people your age." This time, it was Ciara's turn to look surprised, and Zechs said, "The way you act with your parents."
Ciara frowned and said, "I don't know what you mean." Zechs was sure she didn't, and realized for the first time how stupid he sounded. Ciara grew up with limited exposure to other children. That was why she seemed so adult in some ways, and so innocent in others. Ciara looked back at her game and continued, "You wanted to know about the pilots?"
Zechs knew this was something Ciara learned from her mother. . .change the subject when she was uncomfortable with the current one. Talia employed it every time he asked about her past. After the first few times, Zechs took the hint. Talia's past was evidently as checkered as Shawn's. . .or, if not checkered, then dark. Not necessarily because of something she did. Zechs found it difficult to believe that she ever killed anyone, even out of necessity. But whatever was in the past, Talia wasn't ready to discuss it. Zechs would respect her wishes.
Now, as then, Zechs accepted the change in conversation, saying, "Well, you told me about your thoughts on Quatre Winner. What about the other pilots? Talia told me that Heero Yuy was on earth, but I'm interested in what you thought about the other pilots." Ciara finished her third game, only to find that she ran out of tokens. She grimaced, and Zechs started to fish around in his own pockets to find money they could exchange for more tokens.
Ciara stopped him, putting her hand on his wrist, and said, "I'm tired of that game anyhow. Let's go for a walk." She slipped her hand through his arm, and said, "WELL, I did not like Chang Wufei at all. That's how you say his name, isn't it? Chang Wufei? Dad says that in China, and the Chinese colony, the last name comes first. Anyhow, I didn't like him. Can you believe he called me weak??????"
Zechs struggled against a smile. . .he could believe it very well. Ciara shook her head in disgust, saying, "Hey, just cuz I couldn't fight against five guys doesn't make me weak. Those are bad odds, you know? Mom said I was being smart, not trying to fight those guys on my own. Then she said, when I told her about him calling me 'weak,' she said a lot of men think that. That women are weak. But she'd like to see any of them having to deal with feeling like a helium balloon has expanded inside their bodies."
Zechs almost laughed, but fought the urge. . .the pain wasn't worth it. The truth was, he actually heard Talia saying something about that. He hadn't caught the entire conversation, but he heard her saying, "If Chang Wufei thinks women are weak, I'd like to see him spend a week in a woman's body while she's having her period. See how he deals with the sensations of having a helium balloon expanding inside his body, aching joints, and hormones running wild. Then we'll see who he thinks is weak."
Instead of encouraging Ciara to continue about the young Chinese pilot, for he knew it would only result in Ciara ranting about how dumb boys were, which would in turn spawn Ciara telling him that's why she preferred men, Zechs asked, "And what did you think of Duo Maxwell. . .or, as we used to call him in Oz, 02?"
Ciara caught herself in mid-breath, before she could start ranting again, and instead thought about his question. After a moment, she replied, "You know, at first, I thought he was just a. . .just. . .well, I'm not sure. But I didn't like him real well, when he was just another kid. Just playing. It was like he didn't take anything seriously. And then, when he came to my rescue, I realized I was wrong. He does that deliberately, so people will underestimate him."
There was another reason for it, but Zechs didn't want to bring that up now. He still wasn't feeling stable himself, and he didn't want to look like an idiot by talking about someone else's sanity. Ciara shook her head as they walked and said, "I dunno. Like, he's only four years older than I am, right? But, when he stood up to those bullies, he wasn't a kid at all."
"War changes a person, Ciara," Zechs answered softly, thinking of his own experiences, first as a Special, then as a rebel, then finally his descent into madness after the fall of the Sank Kingdom. He squeezed her hand and said, "The gundam pilots are just boys, in terms of their age. But they were aged and hardened by war."
"By blood-stained memories," Ciara replied. Zechs blinked in confusion, and the girl explained, "Something Dad told me. He was a soldier. He didn't want to tell me, he was afraid I would be ashamed of him. He said that he had a lot of blood-stained memories. I didn't understand at first. How can memories be stained with blood?"
Once more, Zechs started to speak, but he held his tongue. He wanted to hear what Shawn had to say. Ciara went on, her hand tightening around his, "Dad said that when he dreams, when he remembers when he was my age, all he sees is blood. He shakes when he talks about it. And sometimes. . .sometimes he's not really here. He's somewhere else. Wherever he was when he was a soldier."
"How do you know?" Zechs asked very softly. Chills danced along his spine. He wanted to protect this child, wanted to make sure the madness that temporarily inhabited both Shawn and Zechs wouldn't touch her. But it appeared it was too late for that. Maybe it was just as well. He remembered what Talia told him, about people taking responsibility for others. He wanted to teach Earth just how terrible war was. And, Talia said, people had to know how terrible, how wasteful, how miserable war was. If only for a little while, because people always forget.
So which was correct? Did you protect innocents like Ciara, make sure they never had to deal with the bloodstained memories which haunted her parents and Zechs? Or did you tell her the truth? Tell her about people dying in your arms, people who were barely older than she was herself. Zechs didn't have the answer. He thought he had once. But the answer was gone.
Instead, he turned his attention back to the conversation at hand, involving the Gundam pilots, and asked, "And Trowa Barton, what of him?" He was unprepared for the sudden, guilty expression that crossed the girl's face as she looked away. Zechs stopped in the middle of the walkway, and gently veered the girl to one side, toward the little bridge that spanned the man-made creek. He knelt in front of Ciara, ignoring the pain in his ribs, and asked gently, "Ciara?"
"I didn't tell him, Zechs. I didn't. . .I never told him that you were alive. He realized it. He knew, I think, as soon I said that my uncle served on the Libra. That my uncle tried to destroy it, before it reached earth," Ciara mumbled. It took Zechs a moment to understand what she meant. Trowa Barton knew he was still alive. Zechs tried to process the information. Ciara went on softly, "He promised that he wouldn't tell the other pilots. That you had a family now, people who loved you. That you deserve a second chance. Zechs, I'm so sorry." Zechs' head snapped up, and he stared into Ciara's eyes, cupping her heart-shaped face in his hands.
"Ciara, Ciara, Ciara! There is no need for you to apologize. Foolish as it may sound, I'm a little relieved that Trowa Barton knows," Zechs replied, remembering his encounter with the young Gundam pilot while the younger boy was undercover as an agent of Oz. He continued, "And I believe him when he says that he won't tell anyone else."
"Does that mean you won't tell my mom and dad? Mom worries about you a lot, Zechs," Ciara admitted honestly and Zechs just smiled at her. He didn't need to say a word. The tension eased from her thin body, and Ciara sighed. After a moment, she looked at him again, and asked, "Zechs? Do you know any languages other than English and German?"
"Several languages. . .I was in the military, so I did a lot of traveling. I learned a little of several languages. Why do you ask?" Zechs asked.
He rose painfully to his feet, releasing Ciara's shoulders to take her hand once more and they began walking. The young girl answered, her hand curling around his trustingly, "I heard Mom talking to Olga the other day. She wasn't speaking English. Olga said something, and Mom said something which sounded like 'nee-yet' I thought at first it was 'not yet,' but it didn't sound like that. And she sounded really upset."
What the. . .? Zechs again stopped walking and looked at Ciara, asking, "Was it 'nyet,' Ciara? Is that what you heard?" Ciara thought briefly, then bobbed her head. Zechs frowned inwardly, but said casually, "It's a Russian word. Not so surprising, since Olga is Russian." The question is, he thought, why does Talia know Russian? What hasn't she told me yet?
. . .
He had no way of knowing it, but Ciara was wondering the exact same thing. Talia Malloy was the only mother Ciara ever knew, but the twelve year old was starting to see that she really didn't know her mother at all. As far back as she could remember, her mother spoke American English, with a slight trace of an Irish accent. But when she was speaking Russian with Olga. . .
She spoke Russian as smoothly as she spoke English, often slipping between the two languages during the course of her conversation with Olga. Shortly after her mother told Olga 'nyet,' Mom added in a soft voice, "I am not ready, old friend. There are too many questions which require answers, answers which cannot be given yet."
Olga responded in a flood of Russian, and Mom smiled softly, answering in English, "I know that, my dear friend. And I know that you love me. But the young prince of the Sank Kingdom is more like me than either of us could have guessed. He is not ready to be Milliardo Peacecraft, because that child died before he had a chance to live. Zechs Merquise is the name he chose to protect his family and his name, but he is Zechs now."
Olga muttered something then, and Mom replied in Russian, adding in English, "You have taken care of me, Olga. Always. And you have respected my wishes. I can ask for nothing more from a friend. I know there will come a time when Zechs must learn the truth. A time when I have to tell Shawn what happened on the day the Sank Kingdom fell, but I am not ready."
Ciara slipped away, deeply disturbed. She was still disturbed by that conversation. So disturbed, she didn't realize that they were in trouble until Zechs stopped. They weren't far from home, and she was lost in thought after Zechs told her that her mother was speaking Russian. Trying to puzzle things out. Her first clue that not all was well, was Zechs' abrupt stop. Her second was hearing his raspy voice say, "Would you gentlemen like to move? The young lady and I have no wish for trouble."
Ciara looked up, startled out of her reverie, and beheld the boys who attacked her in the arcade. Her small hand curled around Zechs' larger hand tightly, torn between a desire to fight them, and a desire to protect her still-injured companion. The choice was taken out of her hands when the leader laughed, "Oh, I don't think so. You see, we have a little score to settle with this little bitch. And this time, she doesn't have any gundam goons to protect her."
"No," Zechs answered calmly, "but she has me. And I can assure you. I will allow no harm to come to my niece. So please. Step aside and let us pass." Ciara looked at him, shuddering at the coldness that appeared in his bright blue eyes. He was trying. She knew he was trying not to blow his cover. But she also knew that Zechs had his limits. . .and that he didn't deal well with fools.
The leader laughed outright at Zechs' calm, assured manner, mimicking his speech, "Step aside, he says. . .step aside! Who the hell does he think he is, royalty?" As a matter of fact, Ciara thought, that's exactly what he is, you jerk-off! But she kept silent. She learned the importance of keeping her mouth shut in a hostile situation. And she was afraid for Zechs.
They were surrounded. Zechs merely looked at the leader, answering, "It matters little whom I am, or whom I believe myself to be. What matters is, you will stand aside, you will allow my niece and me to pass. . .and you will be polite about it." There was a cool contempt in his voice, and Ciara shuddered. Zechs squeezed her hand, but Ciara was still afraid. She could have taken care of herself if it was one on one. Probably.
But they were five against two. One of whom was recovering from life- threatening injuries. The odds didn't look good at all. Perhaps sensing her fear, Zechs put a gentle arm around her shoulders, and drew her close to his body. Ciara would have put her arms around his waist, but she was afraid of hurting him. How on earth were they gonna get out of this?????
. .
.
The odds did not look good. And while Zechs was a soldier, he fought in mobile suits, not hand to hand. And not with a twelve year old girl who could easily be used as. . .bait. His own safety was of secondary importance. Zechs' main priority, at the moment, was getting Ciara to safety. There were five bullies. Two potential victims. Even if Zechs attacked, he knew he couldn't take on all five. Even if he could take a few out before getting the crap beaten out of him, it would only take one to. . .hurt Ciara. An image of six year old Alicia Remington flashed before his eyes, and Zechs quietly vowed he would never allow that to happen again.
He had very little options. The Lightning Count did not like being out of options. He did not like being trapped like this. Much less with the life of a twelve year old girl resting in his hands. Strange. He felt more helpless now than he ever had in the war. Except. . .except when the Sank Kingdom fell. But Zechs firmly steered his mind away from that.
"It appears, gentlemen," Zechs said quietly, "that we have a bit of a stalemate. You want my niece. I will not let you have her. True, you could kill me, and then do as you wish. But I really do not believe you want to do that." The boys laughed harshly, but Zechs could tell his cool demeanor was beginning to frighten at least one boy. That could be good or bad. He was told that his eyes could be described as an icy fire. Or a fiery ice. Zechs hadn't understood, but he stared at the frightened boy steadily.
It appeared to work, for the boy said, "Look, she's not the one we want. I say we track down Maxwell and his buddies, and have ourselves a little rumble. They can't be alone, you guys. He would never be this cool if it was just the two of them. C'mon, let's go." There was a distinctive whine in his voice, and Zechs transferred his gaze from that boy to the de facto leader.
The boy didn't speak. Instead, he lunged forward and shoved Zechs. The former pilot, not expecting the move, stumbled backward, and Ciara cried out. He thought at first it was from the shock. Until he realized that the wind was ruffling his bangs. His bangs. . .? The wind? With his free hand, Zechs reached up for his baseball cap. It wasn't there.
The boys were staring at him in shock, and the leader whispered, "You. . .you're Milliardo Peacecraft. Zechs Merquise." His shock quickly gave way to. . .something else. A slow, cruel smile crossed his face and he said mockingly, "I wonder how much the EarthSphere Alliance would give me for your head? To say nothing of the family which sheltered you."
Zechs' blood ran cold. Talia, he thought, Shawn. . .I hope you can forgive me. I should have died, and spared you this. Spared Ciara this. A voice broke into his self-flagellation, and at first Zechs thought he was hearing things. Then he heard the voice again, now saying, "You pull anythin' like that, and you won't live long enough t' collect your reward." Zechs now turned, picking up his baseball cap as he did. There stood both Shawn and Talia. And neither of them looked particularly happy. Ohhhh shit, Zechs Merquise thought.
. . .
It was a done deal. Shawn and Natalia Malloy were now the proud owners of the Pax, a sleek vessel that housed two small shuttles. The deed was placed in Shawn's hands less than an hour earlier, and the pair were now on their way home. First, however, there were a number of necessary items which they needed from the local stores, including a gift for Zechs, who made this possible.
The young man in question would have most likely said that his life was enough of a gift. But both Shawn and Talia wanted a more. . .concrete. . .way of thanking the young pilot. And so, they spent twenty minutes looking among the shops, before Talia found what she was looking for. Knowing how Zechs loved to fly, she searched for models of ancient airplanes, the first war planes, in fact.
She found what she was looking for at the second specialty shop, and said proudly, "Mission accomplished!" Shawn left the aisle where he was browsing and wandered over to her as she examined the plane. His eyebrows raised and Talia said, "Hey, commander or colonel, Zechs is barely out of his teens. And I'm willing to bet that he didn't spend much of his teen years doing models."
"So you're tryin' t' give him back his childhood?" Shawn asked doubtfully. Talia glared at him. Of course not. She was smarter than that. . she knew she could never give him back his childhood, or his teen years. Never give back his parents, or the years he lost with his sister. But she had to do something. And if she gave him a model airplane, a gift she might have given Petyr, she might be able to continue thinking of him as a little brother. Maybe.
Some of her annoyance must have shown in her face, for Shawn said, "I'm sorry, that was unfair of me. And I'm sure you're right. . .I doubt if Zechs had time t' work on models when he was a teenager. He was too busy tryin' t' stay alive, and avenge his parents. That's a wonderful gift t' give him." Now it was Talia's turn to look at him doubtfully. She wondered if it was her imagination, or if she heard a wound tear loose in his heart.
She had no more time to wonder, for she was being steered to the lines to pay for the gift. Talia smiled. . .he was anxious to get back to Zechs and Ciara. They arranged to meet back at the house, since Zechs wanted to walk more. He was walking a little more each day, slowly building up his endurance. The pair paid for the gift and reached the car.
Talia was lost in thought as Shawn drove home, remembering her conversation with Olga. The older woman, bless her, didn't understand why Talia was keeping her identity a secret from Zechs. Well, from Shawn and Ciara as well, though Olga could understand that better. After all, if Talia was to suddenly announce that she was Natasha Galinova, the daughter of a minor Russian noble, that might mess up her family life just a little. Yes, Olga understood that part quite well. Perhaps even a little too well.
But the older Russian woman didn't understand why Talia kept her secret from Zechs. As she told her long time friend, she simply wasn't ready to discuss that part of her life. She had so many secrets. . .when one was shattered, the others would come tumbling down. Talia had no illusions about herself. She knew she wasn't strong enough to deal with the aftermath.
"Oh, shit," Shawn muttered and Talia shook herself. She looked in the direction of her husband's gaze. . .across the green of the park, she could see Zechs and Ciara. They weren't alone, but surrounded by five young men. The five bullies who attacked Ciara before, no doubt. Shawn pulled the car to one side and said, "Let's go, before somethin' nasty happens."
Talia nodded and unbuckled herself, following Shawn across the park. It sat between the residential area and the business district, as it would have been called on earth. There was a road which looped around the park. . .in fact, if one wasn't very careful, he or she could find themselves going around in a circle, around the park. It happened to Shawn and Talia in the past, before they learned their way around the area.
As it happened, they reached their daughter and Zechs too late. . .as Shawn and Talia approached from behind the pair, they saw the leader shove Zechs backward. The baseball cap fell, revealing Zechs' pale gold hair. The husband and wife heard the leader threatening to reveal that their young companion was still alive. Torn between her desire to take on the bullies and her desire to protect her family, Talia never even noticed Shawn's expression until he snarled, "You pull anythin' like that and you won't live long enough t' collect your reward!"
Talia looked up at her husband, startled by the fury in his eyes, then looked back at her daughter and the supposedly dead pilot. Zechs turned as Shawn spoke, and his expression mirrored what Talia was then thinking. Oh shit. Now what do we do? And how do we protect Zechs from this creep?
. .
.
Now why, Trowa Barton thought as he listened to the exchange, did you go and do something foolish like that???? The young acrobat shook his head in disgust. He saw Ciara Malloy and Zechs Merquise in the same arcade where he and the other gundam pilots met the young girl, and followed them. Why? He couldn't have said. He just knew it was important.
Now he knew why. Trowa's green eyes narrowed as he watched the standoff between the Malloy family and the bullies. And a sly smile crossed his face. As he skirted around the confrontation, to come up behind the bullies, a plan formed in his mind. It would work. . .yes, he thought it might just work. Although, Trowa thought wryly, when Heero finds out about this, he may just threaten to kill me. If only for not telling him sooner that Zechs was still alive.
He moved silently into place behind the bullies, and saw Ciara's blue- gray eyes widen slightly, but he held his finger to his lips in the classical 'shhhh' gesture. The girl maintained her silence as the bully said, "Oh you think so, do you? And just who is going to make sure I don't live long enough to collect my reward, mick? You?" The leader shook his head, laughing.
"Well, you see, while Relena Peacecraft is a pacifist, she may just kill you for bringing her false hope," Trowa said. His mind worked quickly, and caught the eye of Ciara's mother. She was listening intently, and Trowa continued, "It hurts to lose someone you love. To have your hopes boosted by the possibility that your beloved survived a terrible explosion, only to learn that the people who brought you this news. . .have no clue what they're talking about."
"Zechs Merquise is alive, and we're gonna tell whoever will listen," the bully jeered. Trowa's eyes narrowed. He thought a great deal about this, ever since he realized that Zechs was still alive. He looked at all the possible scenarios. . .at the possible consequences to Ciara Malloy and her family. Zechs Merquise prevented Heero from self-destructing. He aided them in destroying the Libra before it could smash into the earth. His methods were wrong, but Trowa understood what he meant to do.
He should have his second chance. And the Malloy family should not be forced to endure what would happen to them when word spread they rescued Zechs Merquise. That left one option. He had to protect Zechs, and the Malloy family. He told the other boy just as firmly, "Zechs Merquise is dead. He died in the Libra. This man is not Zechs Merquise."
He was rewarded with a disbelieving stare from the bully, and a hopeful one from Ciara. He glanced at the girl's mother, who was smiling faintly. She said, "He's quite correct. This young man is not Zechs Merquise, but my younger brother, Zachary Gaston. Trowa became acquainted with Zach while they were working together to destroy the Libra."
"That's right," Trowa said, inclining his head toward the woman, "and I was there when Epyon blew up. There's no way Zechs Merquise survived that blast." The bullies were looking confused now, and Trowa could see the broad grins decorating the faces of the three Malloys. And Zechs. . .Zechs just looked confused. But hopeful.
"Then why did the mick say we wouldn't live long enough to collect our reward? And don't tell me because the purity princess would have our hides, no one believes that. Or even that she gave a damn about her brother. Everyone knows she don't care about him," the leader said. Trowa said Zechs stiffen at the insult to his sister, then his shoulders slumped at the observation regarding Relena's feelings about him. Fortunately, the bully was looking at Trowa.
"Because you were in danger of harming an innocent man. And we kill to protect our own," Ciara's mother answered. She glared at him, adding, "I couldn't stop my brother from joining the White Fang. I couldn't protect him a half dozen times. But I will protect him from the likes of you!" Her small hands curled into fists at her sides.
"There's just one little problem," said one of the other boys. All the attention swung to him, and he pointed out, "He don't look like her brother. Look at 'im! He's got white-blond hair, and her hair is almost black!" Trowa looked at the young woman expectantly, hoping that she was still thinking on her feet. She did pretty well the first time.
She didn't disappoint. Ciara's mother replied, "Because he's my half brother. My father also has blond hair, as does Zach's mother. I have my mother's dark hair. That's why we don't look alike. But rest assured, he is my brother." The bully backed down. . .while the dark-haired woman was small, her stance told Trowa, and anyone else who was observant, that she could inflict some serious damage. Trowa knew how protective older sisters could be. His eyes flickered from the woman, to her husband, then to Ciara. The girl was listening intently, and her eyes gleamed. This looked to get. . .interesting.
"I think you boys should get out of here. My uncle still hasn't recovered from being bounced around when the Libra exploded. His MS was caught in the debris field. So we gotta get him home," Ciara said in a challenging voice. Trowa raised an eyebrow, intrigued by the girl's ploy, then glanced at Zechs to see if he picked up on it.
Even if he hadn't, the girl's mother had, and she stepped to his side, putting her arm around his waist. Zechs went white and his knees buckled as he gasped. Ciara's father took his other side and began helping him to the car. Trowa walked through a space left by the bullies and joined Ciara. He put his hand on her shoulder, saying, "Just remember. . .things aren't always what they appear." Then he gently steered Ciara toward her parents and Zechs.