A/N- I've had this idea for a while now but my stupid amount of uni work has kept me from writing. But I've finally got my assigments finished so I'm back to writing :) I'll be back with more OTH stuff very soon, and hopefully more GG too.
Hope guys guys enjoy this, and please review :)
I Do
It wasn't because he loved her the best, the most, the right way. It wasn't because he was the only one she'd ever fallen for, the only one she wanted, the only one who knew her. Nate didn't know her at all, not much, not really.
But Blair Waldorf said yes to his proposal anyway. The Archibald family ring wouldn't look amazing on anyone else's fourth finger but hers.
None of this is because it's Nate who she's in love with. None of this is because he's in love with her. He's still obviously, utterly, hopelessly enthralled with Serena and she can't remember a day when Chuck's words haven't echoed in her head.
Don't marry him Blair. Love me.
But this is five years since the end of high school, and at 23, she shouldn't still be thinking of Chuck Bass.
X
She won't stop pacing until everything is perfect. The flower heads must all be facing the right way, the ribbons must all have equal length bows with equal sheen on the green material, the pebbles in the tall glass jars must reflect the sunlight streaming in through each window.
Funny really, how she's spending the precious few hours before her wedding in the church in which she confessed her secret trysts with the seemingly repulsive, over-sexed yet under-loved man-whore that was, and still is, Chuck Bass.
She's tried to forget the look on his face when Nate had announced their engagement, and then, the worse one when he announced the date of their wedding.
Shame then, that the more she wants to forget his eyes, his lips, his hands across her skin, his scent on those stupid scarves, that deep voice in her ear, the more vivid everything comes back to her.
If it was only yesterday that she'd shared his bed and let him plant kisses over every inch of her burning skin then maybe she'd understand why everything was and is so vivid to her.
The fact that the last time she'd let herself fall asleep against him was on the night of the Graduates Ball after high school meant that she should be over all of this by now.
Just because she was meant to do something doesn't mean she could.
X
Nate bought them a house. Or rather, Nate's parents did. The beautiful four bedroom town house is the picture of opulence, of elegance, reeking of diamonds and unfaithfulness.
Sometimes, Blair thinks that if Nate were Chuck, she would rather live in a studio apartment on the Upper West Side. If not for the chance of scenery, then at least for a different feeling.
But Nate isn't Chuck and Blair Waldorf is resigned to the Upper East Side for what feels like an eternity.
Dan and Serena live in Brooklyn. And as much as Blair wants to admire the blonde for leaving her old life behind her, for pulling herself out of the stereotypical setting, she can't, because Blair wanted to do that herself.
Seems Serena's always got what Blair wants.
Other than Chuck Bass of course.
X
Blair Waldorf (soon-to-be-Archibald) doesn't really do anything. She hadn't excelled at any one thing in particular during high school, and even though she'd graduated from (Brown?) as a Biology major, science had been the furthest thing from her mind.
She'd accompanied her Mother on trips a couple times. They'd visited Paris and L.A and Milan once or twice, seen Venice by gondola when they were there for the weekend some time last Spring.
She'd picked out fabrics and the finest lace, cast her eye over numerous buttons and zippers, looked over different stitching in different cottons in meticulous detail. And yet not once had she felt happy.
Blair Waldorf (soon-to-be-Archibald) hadn't been happy in a long time.
X
Chuck Bass is numb.
Even as the blonde-haired girl lying next to him rubs her hands across his chest and nestles her face into the crook of his neck, he feels nothing.
When Blair used to lie next to him, he'd feel every possible thing in the world. He'd feel the tiniest vibrations sent across the pillows by her tired eyelids as they opened in the morning. He'd feel the sheets move ever-so-slightly against him every time her chest moved up and down with each breath. And he'd feel that sick, prominent uneasy feeling in his stomach whenever she'd disappear into the bathroom with the sound of the shower running.
Chuck Bass felt a lot of things when it came to Blair Waldorf.
He just wishes that one of them wasn't love.
He rolls his eyes at the girl next to him, wriggles away a little, shakes her off like she's some kind of repellent insect. He hates the colour of her hair against the pillow shams, hates the way that the light doesn't bounce off it in the way it does with Blair's brunette curls. And yet, he'd never ever bring a brunette home, never look at them in the same way he'd look at her.
It just seemed wrong.
X
Blair trails her fingers across the expanse of white, lets her fingertips brush against the pearls hand-sewn painfully above the hemline of her dress as she stares at her reflection in the mirror.
It's Nate that she wants to stand behind her and whisper that she looks amazing, stunning, beautiful. But knowing that those words wouldn't ever fall from his lips with true meaning makes her want Chuck here now, even more. Because even though Nate could say them over and over again, she'd never be fully convinced.
Chuck would only have to whisper the first one in her ear and she'd believe him like it was the only possible truth.
But she shakes her head, no, because Chuck isn't going to come in here, Nate isn't going to come in here and whisper those words either, because they have to leave her be until the ceremony later that day.
She's not even sure why Chuck would even come. And Blair thought that Nate requesting he be his best man would be the end of it all.
She'd almost choked on her brunch when Chuck agreed.
She'll remember that day, she thinks, forever. She'll remember the passing the yoghurt and cherries to the maid like they were poison, like she couldn't possibly be around them. She'll remember how she missed her mouth, during her first attempt that morning of sticking her fingers past her tongue.
X
She wishes Serena would hurry up and find her damn bouquet. Being in that room brings back too many memories.
And to make things worse, to make her feel sicker, dizzier, heavier, he creeps in, like he's in some sort of spy-sequence in a film, and if this wasn't her, she'd laugh.
But it is and all she wants to do is cry.
"What are you doing?" Blair demands. "You're not supposed to be here, you're not supposed to see me before the wedding!"
"I'm not the one marrying you remember?" He cuts with sorry lips that might not get to rest against hers another time.
"So what are you here for? The numbers of all the bridesmaids just in case any of them are desperate enough to sleep with you tonight?"
"You know, if you hadn't already been in my bed, I'd be quite convinced by you pretending to hate me."
She pretends to fix the slide in her hair before shooting him daggers in the mirror.
"So you're ready then?" He asks. "For a life of lies and Nate's spawn."
"I don't know what you're talking about." She mumbles unconvincingly as she fiddles with the hair slide even more.
"Well lets face it, one of you will be cheating on the other sooner or later. After all that's your style right? And we both know that it's Nate's style too, and Serena's. Wonder if Dan's up for a spot of spouse-swapping."
"Get out." She spits.
Chuck only shrugs and stays exactly where he was.
"I never cheated on Nate. We were broken up."
"I didn't say you did."
"Well I didn't cheat on you you know!" She says coldly. "You just didn't like it because you couldn't keep me."
"I didn't like it because after spending the night with me you went straight to him!" Chuck spits back. "After everything he and Serena did, you acted like none of that had ever happened, like nothing between me and you had ever happened."
"I had to!"
"Like hell you did."
"So what, you and I would have just 'been together', like a 'couple'?" Her air quotes make him feel even more uneasy, like nothing was ever real between them.
"Would that have been so bad?"
Blair snorts, shaking her head, the white veil brushing against her cheek.
Chuck lowers his head a little. "I guess so."
He's almost at the door before she lets out a sigh, a tired voice telling him not to go. "Wait."
"What for?" He asks with a shrug. "I'm done waiting for you Blair."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Like you don't know."
"I don't!"
"Then figure it out." He says softer this time. "Because if you can't, then what's the point?"
And he leaves then, even in the heat of a 40 degree Summer, the draft making goose bumps form on her arms. Suddenly, that isle seems longer than before. And her body seems heavier, stiffer, less cooperative.
Chuck Bass can make Blair's confusion heighten with a single sentence.
X
The music starts playing and he places his hands politely behind his back, lips pursed together as he nods at Nate, his best friend, the man that's marrying the woman he's in love with.
Nate returns with a smile, not a smug one like that awful night of the Debutant Ball, but one of slight fear, of slight unwillingness, yet of slight happiness at the same time.
Nathanial Archibald confuses Chuck Bass more than he'll ever know. And more than Chuck will ever tell.
She's pristine in that white gown. Perfect in silk and lace, in pearls and diamonds and platinum, in brunette locks and chocolate brown eyes.
He hopes Nate realises that.
She avoids looking at him at all costs, her eyes staying firmly fixed on Nate, because Chuck knows that the mask will break if she does. Blair's defence has always been paper-thin.
And when the priest asks if anyone knows of anything why the two should not be married, Chuck wants to scream that it's because Nate doesn't love her properly, and that he'll love her more than she'll ever know.
She looks at him finally, quickly before looking back, but then her eyes flick back again, stay rooted, transfixed, locked with his, and he watches her lip quiver, and he thinks maybe, just maybe she'll run. Maybe she'll say she can't do this.
And his lip trembles in anticipation, with hope, with every wish in the world.
But then nobody speaks and the priest carries on, oblivious to whatever just happened between them.
Nate says 'I do'.
Blair says 'I do'.
But she looks past Nate, and at him the whole fucking time, with her eyes watering at the corners, her hand with its plain band and that damn family ring shaking, and her frail shoulders hunched with cold.
And Chuck knows that none of this is fair, but it's the way it was always going to be. Because even though Nate won't ever love her like he does, Blair Archibald sounds better than Blair Bass ever will.