A/N

Hello, I know I told ya'll I was working on something about two and a half months ago. Well, here is the very short first chapter. I promise this story won't be too angsty, but we have to set up a few things in the beginning. The story won't always follow this date/diary format, just the first chapter. Not sure what to expect here, but keep checking in because it'll pick up more in the next few chapters. I'll try to get a new chapter up soon so we can get a better idea of the story.

I own nothing. Stephanie owns every thing. See ya in about 1000 words.

August 17th, 2016

6:48am is an ungodly hour. I honestly believe no human should be awake right now. But here I am, standing outside SeaTac, saying goodbye to my parents. At 55 and 60, Renee and Charlie are heading out for a 500 mile hike across Spain, El Camino de Santiago. I'm incredibly excited for them and so proud. My parents have always been active and outdoorsy, but in the last year they've really kicked it into gear. Long walks around our little town of Forks every day and big hikes on the weekends, all in preparation for this moment.

Swinging his backpack on, my dad turns to me and pulls me into a hug saying, "We should be heading out Bells." I give him another squeeze then turn to my mom. "Good luck, have fun, and be safe. And keep me updated as much as you can," I say gripping my mom tighter. "We will sweetie, have a good rest of your summer!" With one last wave, they head through the airport doors. I hop in my car and head back to my parents' house.

This fall will start my second year at Seattle University. I've still got another month of summer until school starts, perks of going to school on a term system. I've got a summer job working at a local hardware store for another four weeks before school. I'm looking forward to having some time home alone.

September 19th, 2016

My last month of summer has mostly been good. Lots of time with my friends, lots of relaxing with my cat, and lots of working. School starts in two days, and Paul, Embry, and Sam have headed back to their universities. Now I'm in Forks alone, which isn't good for my anxiety. Every summer, before a new school year, my anxiety comes back. I'm getting older. My parents are getting older. We're all mortal. And I don't know what life will bring. It makes me feel scared. Engulfed by endless fear, which only brings on hopelessness. But school will start up again, and I will get busy, and my anxiety will be driven away.

Returning from another day at work, I'm greeted by the silence of my house. I loved having the house to myself for a bit, but now it feels so empty. I have too much time to think when I'm alone. Even Winston, my cat, isn't enough company. It's been like this for a week and my anxiety is setting in. Rose, my sister, has tried to be there for me, but she's extremely busy working as a surgeon at the local hospital. I spend every day trying to occupy myself to get by. Even if I've managed the day, I can't fall asleep on my own anymore, fear grips me too tightly without distraction. I fall asleep in front of my computer every night.

September 30th, 2016

School has started up again. I've got four classes that are, honestly, easier than I thought they would be. You would think that would be good, but it's not. I'm not busy enough and my anxiety isn't going away. It's been a week and a half but I'm still anxious. I'm getting nervous it stuck.

It's a Friday and I've just got back from class. "Hey Leah!" I yell out to my roommate. She yells hey, but doesn't leave her room. Leah lost her dad this summer, so she's been pretty reserved. She's been one of my best friends throughout college, and we still have some great moments together, but the overall atmosphere of our apartment is melancholy. She's obviously going through a lot right now, and my persistent anxiety isn't helping either of us.

October 17th, 2016

My parents are back. I took last weekend at home in Forks to say hello to them. I thought my anxiety was associated with my parent's prolonged absence. If I saw them back safe and sound I believed would feel better. But I don't.

Last year, I applied to study abroad in winter and spring terms. Part of me wants to cancel my trip because I don't know if I can handle it anymore. But most of me knows that I can't let anxiety take anything else from me.

November 24th, 2016

It's Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to time with my sister, her fiancée Emmett, and my parents. However, I cry all the time now. No matter how distracted I am during the day, it hits me at night. I can't stop calculating ages and years and lifetimes in my head and it's wearing me out.

The only thing I'm looking forward to anymore is winter break and study abroad.

December 9th, 2016

I've never been happier to be home. Paul, Sam, and Embry are back and I'm working at the hardware store again. Things are a bit better than school, but I don't even know what it feels like to not be anxious anymore. At least I have work and my friends to distract me.

January 1st, 2017

I had a wonderful New Years. It was good to get away from everything for the night, and just drink and have fun with my friends. But everyone heads back to university tomorrow and I already feel down again.

February 11th, 2017

The past month and a half has consisted of work and preparing for my trip. My anxiety is a bit subtler, but it's ever persistent.

It's 6:48am and I'm at SeaTac, ready to catch my flight to LAX before heading on my study abroad. I'm so excited and so nervous. I give my parents a hug, grab my backpacking pack and duffle, before heading through the revolving airport door toward my adventure.

I think this will be good for me.

A/N

As I said, a brief intro to the story. More soon I promise. Where do you think Bella is off to?