Hey guys! I published this story a while back, but it didn't seem to satisfy how I wanted it told, if that makes sense. So I started over. Couple of things to remember before we get started:

~There are several differences in this story from the canon

~ There will be spoilers from the anime and manga!

~I don't own bleach or its characters in any way

Shadows of the Past

Chapter 1

For once in his life paperwork was the last thing on his mind, despite the ever growing pile that came along with this time of year Captain Toshiro Hitsugaya couldn't bring himself to gather enough thoughts to complete even a single form.

"Gah…" Sighing he looked over at his Lieutenant Rangiku Matsumoto who was engaging herself in her favorite work activity, avoiding work. Currently, she seemed to be day dreaming, moving her pen around in whimsical circles. Rolling his eyes he ran his hands through his short white hair, the motion reminded him even more of her… surrendering he rose from the desk and moved towards the door.

Rangiku straightened hopefully at his actions, ready to be done for the day.

"Finish filing all the new squad members paperwork then you may go." He said with finality.

"Aw come on Taichou! There's so many of them! I don't understand why so many of the new recruits applied to join our squad anyway!" She pouted.

Before he could retaliate, his third seat Caide Yakamei entered the large office holding up a completed pile of papers.

"Well we know it's not cause they like you!" Caide laughed at his own remark before cutting off his now furious superior, "I'm pretty sure it's cause our squad gets so many larger missions to the world of the living, not just hollow duty… Anyway, my team is back obviously and here's the paperwork sir. "

Caide could be pretty outspoken sometimes, but only when away from his subordinates. He loved to poke fun at Rangiku and was almost as good at it as Ichimariu… but despite his uncaring airs when around friends, Caide was one of his most loyal and trustworthy men.

"Thank you Caide, I trust everything went smoothly." He knew it had, otherwise Caide would have let him know immediately.

"Yes sir! I see you two have your hands full with all the new applications."

"Yeah! There's so many of them it's horrible! And now Taichou's ditching me and I have to finish alone!" She pouted again.

"Oi, maybe if you complained less you'd finish before me!" He rebuked.

"What do you mean? You're not even done, look at all those papers! Why can't I take a break too?"

"Because, Rangiku…" He mustered every ounce of his patience as he began, "Those are all forms that don't need to be completed until next week, I have all my paperwork completed for the next three days!"

Caide almost died of laughter at the look of pure disbelief that was on his lieutenant's face. "That's just like our captain! Always a mile ahead of the rest of us!" He had moved to lounge on one of the couches now, which made Rangiku scowl in jealousy. "But really it's not like you to take off and leave early, everything alright Taichou?"

Rangiku straightened again, finding truth in Caide's words. It wasn't like him to take off and leave early, even if he had nothing to do, if for no other reason than to make sure she did all her work. She craved an explanation and hoped for some gossip to spread tonight about why her captain had left early.

He sighed again, "Yeah, just want to get in some training."

Caide knew his captain very well and could sense there was more to the story just as Rangiku could, but didn't press it any farther. "Sounds good, although, I always find that it's good to seek new perspectives when I have a lot on my mind…" He said leadingly.

Rangiku rolled her eyes dramatically, irritated Caide hadn't pressed further to figure out what was up. "And when was the last time you had a lot on your mind pft!" She scoffed.

Caide sat up and argued as he left the office, "Don't forget to finish all those files Rangiku!" He yelled back as he shut the door behind him.

He walked down the courtyard of his squad giving acknowledging nods to those that stopped to respectfully salute or bow to him. Not sure where he was heading he thought about Caide's advice… He sighed and altered his direction to head towards his old squad's grounds. If there was anyone he thought talking to could get his mind off her it was his former captain and mentor 13th division Captain Ukitake.

Momo Hinamori was just as distracted, nearing the end of her mission to the world of the living she was looking forward to returning home. She and her captain Shinji Hirako had been sent to world of the living with the purpose of reaching an agreement with the visoreds concerning whether soul society could count on their assistance regularly on large missions in the real world. Several of the visoreds still harbored very hard feelings against their old home for past events and hadn't wanted anything to do with them. Naturally, her captain being a visored himself was sent to negotiate.

After finally convincing his friends to agree and help when called upon, she and her captain left the old warehouse where the visoreds met for the last time. They shunpo'd through the sky towards Urahara's shop and the second, more difficult part of their mission. The captain commander had ordered a permanent gate from soul society to the shop, finally accepting that Ichigo Kurosaki was a permanent asset and part of the shinigami forces. This part had taken up most of their time as they oversaw and helped with the construction of the gate. She had been vital to the mission being an expert of kido she was charged with setting up permanent barriers around the shop and more importantly the gate to guard it against misuse.

Luckily her part of the mission was nearing completion as well, and as soon as it was they would be clear to return home. They made their way back to the shop in silence, which was totally normal for them. She knew her captain trusted her but was still worried about her stability and condition having experience betrayal by Aizen himself.

She shuttered at the thought of his name, she hated thinking of him and shoved the thought out of her mind as quickly as it had entered. She mentally scolded herself, reminded that she had promised not to give another moment of her life to him, even if just through a thought.

"Hinamomori, I'll leave you to your work, I trust you'll be finishing up sometime tonight so we'll be leaving in the morning." Her captain spoke just as they landed in front of the shop.

"Hai! I should be able to complete the final barrier very soon so we may leave tonight if you wish."

"Nah, no reason to end the vacation early! Haha we don't officially have to be back till tomorrow for the ceremony anyway. Finish up then enjoy the night."

She put up the best fake smile she could at his reply and nodded as he turned away, no doubt to go find Ichigo or spend his last night with the visoreds.

In truth, she was extremely anxious to get back to soul society, her nightmares were getting worse just like they always did when she was away from him… She did her best to hide the darkening circles under her eyes, but the ever observant Yoruichi hadn't missed them when she showed up suddenly a couple of days ago.

Her optimistic attitude forced the fake smile into a sincere one as she headed inside to the basement eager to finish her task.

"Welcome back lieutenant! Did your meeting prove more successful today?" The mysterious shop keeper smiled behind the fan he always carried in a way that led her to belief he already knew the answer.

"Yes! Everything got worked out, although I don't think Hiyori was very happy about it…"

"Well if you ever see Hiyori happy about anything let us know we'll have to throw a party!" He laughed along with her at the thought.

"I should really get back to my work now, were you able to get the gate stable enough for me to set up the last barrier?"

"Ah so soon Hinamori? I suspect you may not enjoy my company you are so eager to leave!" She began to apologize and protest but the sudden appearance and voice of Yoruichi stopped her.

"Yes, she just can't wait to get home to her lover…" Hinamori blushed profusely.

"N…No! Shiro-chan and I aren't like that! You know that Yoruichi!" Both the former shinigami laughed at her flustered expression.

"Now Yoruichi, let the poor girl be, you'll give her a heart attack like that! Well I believe I have places to be, so I bid you both farewell!" He said as he headed to the door. Hinamori also turned to leave for her work but was surprised by the words that followed her.

"Hinamori… make sure you go see him the moment you get back. Judging by what you wake up screaming at night he's the only thing that's gonna get rid of those nightmares." She blushed again, but this time with a small smile.

"Hai, I'll do that, thanks Yoruichi-san." The older woman smirked.

"No problem, beautiful girls of our caliber need our beauty sleep." She winked before turning to follow Urahara. She greatly respected the former captain and her normal smile returned at her words. She hopped into the basement and made her way over to the new gate taking her usual seat facing it to finish her work.

One more day, she thought.

He found his former captain seated outside his office under a shaded porch in the middle of his personal garden. He wasn't one to put much stock in such things but he had always found Captain Ukitake's garden a place of pure beauty. The flowering trees were in full blossom, blanketing the soft grass with petals, the small brook that lead to his koi pond trickled along the rocks giving the place a natural music all its own. He had spent a lot of time here when in regular forces, since he was deemed a prodigy, his captain had helped him personally learn how to control his advanced power, this is where he had been taught to meditate and train mentally with Hyourinmaru. He remembered sitting here for hours with his mentor in complete silence learning…

The older captain was alone drinking tea as he often did and no doubt was aware of his presence long before he spoke.

"Hello captain, it's wonderful to see you out enjoying the day instead of burying yourself in paperwork!" This man knew him better than most and had experience with his overbearing work ethic.

"Yes, there has been so much more to do in preparation of the graduation tomorrow." He answered as he sat down across from the man.

"I've heard your squad has received an enormous amount of applications, I'm sure it will be a busy week sorting through them all."

"Hmm" He mused lost in though. It was always a big ordeal this time of year, it wasn't that long ago that he was on the other side of the chaos. Every spring, those who have proven themselves in the shinigami academy as ready to enter the regular troops, go through a month of rigorous testing and difficult tests. Those that pass are informed as such and send in applications to the squad they wish to join, that is not to say that they will be accepted though.

Once the captains sort through all of the papers, they chose those they believe will best fit in and benefit their own squad they send off the acceptance and declining papers to the academy and those that are rejected are place with other squads. Finally at the end of the month a huge ceremony is given and after a few days each graduate is informed which squad they are joining. The following weekend is filled with the overjoyed partying of triumphant applicants, and the wallowing of those that were placed undesirably.

He had already chosen his graduates, thirty two in all, and had left Rangiku to set up personel files for each of them. He could only hope it would get done…

As he thought he noticed the knowing expression on the kind man's face, he was waiting for him to talk about whatever was on his mind knowing full well the young captain wouldn't come over for tea for no reason. He mentally scolded himself, this man had help him grow so much and honestly he enjoyed speaking to him, he should make it a point to visit more often.

He wanted to speak to him about what was on his mind but suddenly it felt childish, and despite growing well beyond his former height and gaining more muscle in the past year he hated the thought of his fellow captains thinking of him as inferior much less childish… He instead brought up a more buried burden he was harboring, one he needed to deal with, and trusted no else with the insecurity.

"Sir, I still must gain better control… if I am to get stronger, and I don't know how. Hyourinmaru and I train everyday but I still can't seem to overcome my weaknesses."

The man searched his former student's eyes as he spoke, considering the hidden meanings behind them before he spoke. "Weaknesses are also part of our power, learning to defend them and grow despite them is how one achieves true strength. It is not an easy trial to overcome but you are young, and you learn quicker than anyone I have ever taught do not forget that. This isn't something I can teach you, it will come over time."

He let out a sharp sigh, that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear. "I can't wait, how am I to lead when I cannot even control my own weaknesses?" He put his hand to his head and rubbed is temple in slow circles thinking.

"Toshiro," Ukitake was one of the few people he allowed to refer to him in an informal manner, "You have proven yourself as an exceptional leader, beyond that of anyone's expectations, in some of the most difficult times Soul Society has seen in a millennia. You know this, so tell me, what is the real reason you want to get stronger?"

He stopped rubbing his head and looked up at the captain's kind but pressing expression. Something about his mentor made him want to open up and reveal his deepest pains, perhaps it was because he knew the man truly wished to help or perhaps it was because he truly longed to speak to someone about them…

"Sir, if I am not strong enough to even protect those I love most, what does everything I've accomplished even matter. None of it, not the title of captain, or holding the strongest sword of its kind amounts to anything if at the end of it all, I'm not able to stop those who threaten them. I feel that if I cannot get stronger I will lose them. It makes me feel uncertain if I am worthy of my seat."

Though the man's smile had faded in thought, his expression remained kind. At first he regretted his words, but then decided if anyone could help him through this, it was Ukitake.

"Do you know what I believe separates a good captain from a truly powerful one?" The man said calmly between sips of tea. He didn't wait for an answer the question. "One who fights for another; You possess that strength captain, but you have yet to embrace it."

"I have always fought for her, she's the very reason I became a shinigami." There was no reason to pretend they weren't talking about Hinamori, and he felt comfortable being honest with Ukitake.

"Yes, but how are you to learn new strengths if you study only your past? None of us can weigh our strength in perspective to Aizens, we would all fall short because his power was not his own. It took the efforts and sacrifices of many to defeat him. I am truly sorry you and young Hinamori were targeted time and again by his deceptions. You should not have had to bear that burden. If you are to grow stronger you must work for the future, not to make up for the past. You cannot truly achieve strength from that desire to protect until you move on and focus yourself in the present."

He was surprised at his mentor's words, there was some truth in them, but how could he forget something like that? Not only had he failed to protect her, he had actually been so weak he was controlled and almost killed her…

"I'm sorry sir, but my failures are too great to be so easily disregarded. I cannot stop until I'm strong enough that it will never happen again."

"Ah I understand, as I said this is not something I can teach you, it is a journey you will have to travel with her and overcome together. But just remember Toshiro, she bears a burden just as great as yours from that day."

He refocused on the man at this, how could she bear a burden from that day? Noticing his perplexed expression he elaborated.

"Hinamori was deceived from the very beginning, but on that day she was used to hurt you in the deepest way that can never be repaired. She could not have escaped it but she still carries the guilt just as you do."

"That's ridiculous, Aizen is to blame for everything, she had nothing to do with it." This discussion was beginning to anger him, just as any thought of that man did.

"Exactly, so why do you blame yourself so?" He had caught him, the man calmly sipped his tea again with a hint of a smile after his point was made. "Speaking of the young lieutenant I trust you are both enjoying your new relationship?" The smile on his face widened and a childish look of mischief replaced the serious tone of their discussion. He and Hinamori's growing relationship was fairly common knowledge especially among the ever observant captains.

"Ah when speaking of matters of the heart there is no better than I to help." The singsongy voice of the 8th captain Shunsui Kyoraku suddenly interrupted. He rolled his eyes as the captain sat down next to him and poured himself some tea. "Tell us Toshiro have you won the heart of the fair Hinamori yet? You must act fast a woman like that doesn't stay alone for long."

"She's not alone, but that's none of your business…" He replied rolling his eyes.

"Ah so you're not hiding it anymore, that's good. Do you have any plans to take it further?" Ukitake beamed putting down his tea.

"F…Further? Wha…"

"Ah yes! It's been so long since Soul Society has had a wedding!" The large captain mused.

"Wait what? Shinigami don't get married." He couldn't believe they were talking about this.

"Well of course they do, sure marriage is usually reserved for political reasons among the nobles, but Byakuya was an exception." Ukitake smiled at the memory.

"Don't let him catch you talking about it though… sore subject…" The bitter tone in his voice could only mean he had learned from personal experience.

"But he was a noble, I've never heard of regular person getting married in Soul Society before."

" Well that's only because most are so much older than you by the time they've secured high seats and can settle into some sort of norm. Until then everything's too hectic with running back and forth constantly from hallow assignments months at a time to really build a relationship! But you and young Hinamori…"

"Ok this is ridiculous…" He was ready to run and was desperately looking for an excuse to leave.

"Oh do you not want to show all her other admirers prove of your love? Until then they won't give up on her…"

"I have no reason to worry…"

"Ah you trust her explicitly?"

"Of course."

"But do you trust all those men too?"

"Oh Shunsui no need to worry the boy." Ukitake chuckled.

"That's it, I have work to get done." He grumbled leaving his seat.

"Don't forget to get her a ring!" Shunsui called after him as he walked away. He wasn't certain but it seemed like between his frustrations and slight embarrassment from the turn of their conversation his reiatsu had dropped the temperature several degrees. Those two… separate some of the wisest and powerful shinigami ever, together they were really just two gossips who loved to get a good story.

The cool spring breeze was playing with her hair as she sat at the top of the hill waiting for him. Nothing could describe the view of the sunset she was witnessing, this sight was one that she and Toshiro had loved since they were children and she hoped he would arrive soon and get to see it. She noticed something then out of the corner of her eye, it was him walking casually towards her across the field. He was smiling, an expression reserved only for her and that made it all that more meaningful. Seeing him smile instinctively brought a smile to her face and all of her fears and worries melted. There was nowhere she would rather be other than perhaps in his arms.

Her entire world changed in an instant, as the sunset faded she saw the faintest reflection of the last bit of sun gleaming on a drawn blade, then she felt his reiatsu… then Toshiro's as well. She drew Tobiume and ran for them. Aizen was attacking and Toshiro was struggling to find an opportunity to call his bankai, perhaps she could cause enough of a distraction to give him time… But dread overcame her when her former captain turned to her with the most mocking smile, he began to close the distance between them charging after her.

"MOMO NO!" Toshiro followed using faster shunpo than she had ever seen. But with another taunting smile, Aizen turned plunged his sword into the pursuing Toshiro, killing his true target. She couldn't move, couldn't breathe, all she could do was stare in horror as the man she loved dropped his sword and gasped for air that wouldn't come. If that wasn't enough, Aizen rotated the sword causing the most sickening noise of cracking bone and tearing flesh, all accompanied with gasps of pain from his victim.

"Momo… run…" With his dying breath he begged her to flee just before Aizen quickly withdrew the sword and swung down once again ending his life.

"Toshiro!" She awoke, once again covered in a mixture of sweat and tears, she couldn't bear it she needed to see him so bad. Part of her thought she was pathetic, not being able to handle even the length of a mission without seeing him, but another part didn't care. She loved him after all and she wouldn't trade that love for any price especially sleep.

She sighed and rose from her bed taking down the kido barrier she had started putting up to dull her inevitable screams. After showering she met the rest of the waking household for breakfast, quickly distracting herself in conversations with the visiting Orihime whom she had befriended.

"So you're definitely leaving today?"

"Yes, I finished my work late last night and we have to get back so we can take part in the graduation tonight."

"That sounds so important, how exciting! Our graduation's here are so boring…" The girl's eyes were alight with wonder at the thought.

She giggled at the girls expression, "Hai! It's usually very formal, but the weekend afterward is all a big party!" As they gushed about the extravagant parties and what she should wear her captain finally appeared.

"Hinamori we should be off, we still have to finish all our applications today before the ceremony."

"Mou… I had forgotten about that…" There would be so much to do, thankfully she was very efficient at paperwork as was her captain and they usually got things done very quickly when they needed too. But that meant she wasn't going to be able to see Toshiro when she got back. "Yes we better leave." After saying goodbye to everyone the group moved into the basement, this new gate would prove extremely handy and they were the first to use it.

"Once you get through if you experience any memory loss let me know!" Urahara called just as they were about to walk in.

"What the hell…" Shinji said with a step away.

"Oh I'm just kidding… but if you did happen to have memory loss it would be good to tell me." He replied with a devious smile.

She looked to her captain who rolled his eyes and looked back at the gate, "Alright let's go Hinamori." "Hai!"

Thanks for reading! I'm not real good at this but enjoy coming up with the stories, all reviews are soooo appreciated!