A/N: This is an AU fic based on how Clare's life would be if Julia never died and Eli never went to Degrassi. Jake would still be her step-brother but they never dated because she never had a reason to go after him since she was never with Eli. Her character is much more reserved and inexperienced than it would have been under Eli's influence. But I think that, no matter what, she and Eli would cross paths...just at a different time in their lives.

I'm really insecure about my writing and reviews would let me know if people are reading this/if I should continue writing. So, please, a review of any sort would be much appreciated.

Chapter 1

"I had a good time, Clare."

The look on Jeremy's face told me that a second date was out of the question. As much as I found him attractive and charming, I couldn't help but feel relieved since I didn't have any romantic feelings for him. He saw me as a friend - like all the others. I don't even remember how it was we ended up going on a date.

"Same here," I smiled. "I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Goodnight," he said, looking at me as if trying to decide whether he should kiss me or not.

He left after a giving me a brief hug and although I didn't want to kiss him, it hurt that he had to consider it at first and decided not to in the end.

I walked inside my apartment and threw myself onto the couch, replaying what went wrong with the date. But my train of thought was soon interrupted by a call.

It was my editor.

"Claudia, I need to know if you're the one I assigned to write that story on the park fundraiser. I can't remember if it was you or Alicia."

"It's Clare, sir, and it was Alicia."

"Right, right," he breathed. "I know this is sudden but a new story just came up. There's going to be another fundraiser in downtown tomorrow. The Mayor will be there."

Tomorrow night? I get Saturday nights off. I was supposed to spend it with Alli and Jenna for Jenna's birthday.

"I guess I'll do it."

"Great. I'll e-mail you the details. I expect a story by Sunday morning."

I texted Alli that I wouldn't be able to make it and I called the flower shop to make sure that they'd send Jenna flowers tomorrow morning. I haven't been with them in a month and tomorrow night was supposed to be a reunion and celebration.

My love life wasn't the only thing dead; anything besides work was failing. There are days when I don't want to do anything because I feel too upset to see people. I've been trying really hard to distract myself but work takes up most of my free time. The Interpreter was my dream job but it was also a nightmare at times.

Alli texted back that it was okay and that we could schedule another reunion. She also mentioned that it would have been awkward for me since both Jenna and she were going to bring their boyfriends.

The last real boyfriend I had was in college. Liam was in a band and majored in journalism as well. He was nice and very attractive but in the third month of our relationship, he became distant. It was then that I realized he was harboring feelings for Zoey, a girl who worked at the coffee shop where his band played at. She was in my ethics class and we only spoke once - I could tell why Liam liked her. He soon broke up with me. A week later, I saw Zoey and Liam sucking face at the library. It hurt me much more than the time KC left me for Jenna when I was 14 and extremely sensitive.

The last guy, prior to my date with Jeremy, was Mark. He was the friend of the Interpreter's photographer, Johnny. We met at a holiday party and he was really into me at first. We went on several dates which made me think we were in a relationship. But Mark eventually clarified that what we had was meaningless when he tried to take things further with me. Mark was much more experienced than I was and didn't want to wait for a "prude" like me. We put an end to our fling on Valentine's Day when he used the I-only-see-you-as-a-friend-unless-we-have-sex excuse. After that, he called me three times but I ignored those calls. I guess he got the hint.

I turned on the television and settled down for a channel showing Casablanca. The entire time I saw Rick lovingly stare at Ilsa, I kept thinking to myself about how lonely I was. My parents and step-parents were living the way they intended without their grown children in the way. Jake was engaged. Darcy was living with her own family in Africa. And my friends were slowly starting to move on with their lives and accept that I was being left behind in my work.

I wanted someone who would watch this old film with me - who cared about me enough to ask how my day was. I couldn't remember if I even had that with Liam or Mark. I just needed somebody.

But, deep down, I was starting to accept that maybe I wasn't cut out to fall in love.

Maybe this is all my life will ever be.