Title: More than that
Summary: That was the woman who believed in him.
Genre: uber!angst
Pairings: John/Elizabeth
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: character death
Spoilers: season 3 'First Strike'
Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis and it's characters don't belong to me.
A/N: Spell checked but all grammar mistakes are mine.
He watched with surprise as Elizabeth stirred and opened her eyes, suddenly aware of the tube down her throat helping her breathe. He stood up from the chair beside her bed, letting go of her hand and hovered over her as she struggled with breathing.
"Shhh, just let the tube do all the work. I'm going to call Dr. Keller." He smiled reassuringly and caressed her hair before disappearing from her line of sight. His legs felt wobbly when he reached Keller's office and knocked on the doorframe. The young doctor looked up and smiled at him.
"What can I do for you, Colonel?"
"Elizabeth is awake." He said softly and watched Keller's surprised face. She only nodded and got up, walking towards the infirmary, John in tow. The doctor removed the breathing tube from Elizabeth's throat and gave her a nasal cannula instead.
"How are you feeling?" John asked softly and smiled at her, clasping her small hand in his.
"Been better. W-what happened?" Elizabeth asked quietly, her voice hoarse. John handed her a cup of water and she smiled her thanks while Dr. Keller went on explaining.
"The Asuran beam hit the city before it was fully protected by the shield. The blast energy threw you across the gateroom."
"I don't remember that."
"You have a concussion and been unconscious for four days. We had to do a surgery, you had a broken vertebra, thankfully the spinal cord wasn't damaged. We gave you sedatives so you shouldn't be feeling any pain right now."
"You gave us quite a scare." John looked at her pointedly, smiling slightly.
"Sorry." She smiled weakly. "Is everyone okay?"
"Yes, everyone's fine, Elizabeth, but don't worry about them. Your health is first and foremost thing. We need our leader to be in top shape again." Elizabeth grinned and nodded, squeezing his hand.
"May I talk to Dr. Weir in private, please?" Knowing what was about to come John nodded solemnly and left the infirmary. Elizabeth perked up, she could sense something was wrong.
"Doctor?"
"Dr. Weir, when you fell, you hit your head pretty hard. Your recent scan found evidence of a fractured skull..." Keller paused before continuing. "We need to make sure there are no fragments of bone that could potentially endanger your life." Elizabeth sucked in a deep breath. "We want to perform a brain surgery, Dr. Weir...but, we'll need your written consent." Keller handed Elizabeth a clipboard she's been holding and she watched as Elizabeth skimmed quickly over the paper.
"What if I don't consent? What is the chance of me surviving?"
"We're not sure about the expanse of your injury so we'll be just guessing."
"Never mind, tell me anyway."
"20 to 30 percent. However, if you decide to undergo the surgery, there is still risk that you may die during or shortly after the surgery." Elizabeth nodded and kept her eyes fixed to the nearest wall. "As I said, it depends on to what extent is your injury life-threatening."
"Okay. Do you have a pen?"
John watched as one of the nurses fastened more securely the tube in Elizabeth's arm, checking the flow of the IV. With a satisfied nod she left and John took it as an opportunity to sneak up to talk to Elizabeth before the surgery. He stood by her side and looked down at her.
"Hey." He said softly and nudged her shoulder lightly with his right hand. Her eyes fluttered open and she looked at him and smiled.
"Hey."
"You going in now?" His left hand slipped into hers that was resting on the bed and squeezed lightly.
"Soon." She swallowed uneasily and turned her head away from him. Warning bells rang in his head and he squeezed her hand tighter in alarm.
"Elizabeth?" She refused to look at him so he reached out and gently grasped her chin and made her meet his eyes. Her cheeks were stained with tears as she looked at him. He's never seen her cry and he never wanted to. He never wanted her to come to any harm. His thumb quickly brushed away the wetness. "Elizabeth, shhh. Don't cry. Your head will hurt." He gently stroked her hair as he spoke. He can hear her breath catch as she tried to calm herself down.
"John, I-...I'm scared." Big fat tear slid down her temple into the pillow.
"Shhh, I know." He wasn't going to tell her how scared he was too. He was frightened. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her. But no, he had to be strong for her right now. For both of them. He bent down slightly and placed a small kiss on her forehead. "It's gonna be alright, you'll be fine." Elizabeth merely nodded and he smiled encouragingly down at her. "I'm going to be right here when you wake up, okay?"
"Promise?" She said in a quiet and small voice.
"I promise." Her hand tightened around his and he only smiled before he noticed Dr. Keller with a few nurses and other two doctors stepped into the room. He squeezed her hand one more time before he let go. "Go and at 'em, Doctor." He grinned at her.
"Aye, aye, Colonel." She smiled and then she was wheeled in to the surgery room. Dr. Keller smiled at him encouragingly and followed the nurses. John deflated, closed his eyes and sighed heavily, rubbing his palms across his face. All they could do now was wait and hope for the best.
Four hours later Elizabeth was still in the surgery. John paced the infirmary like a caged animal. His team was sitting around the infirmary, waiting for some news. Rodney watched John pace back and forth and back and forth.
"Will you stop that? You are making me dizzy." John turned sharply at him but stopped his pacing and checked his watch, sighing loudly.
"It's been over four hours, what the hell is taking them so long?"
"I believe they want to make sure they haven't overlooked anything." Teyla supplied and rolled her head around her shoulders, rubbing the back of her neck absently. They were cooped up in this room for too long already. Just when John was about to resume his pacing, Dr. Keller entered the infirmary with a smile. John's team jumped up from their seats and closed in on her.
"The surgery went extremely well. The extent of her injury was a lot smaller than we expected, so we took care of the wound and made sure we hadn't overlooked anything." She paused and watched as the nurses wheeled Elizabeth to the secluded part of the infirmary. "We're certain she will make a full recovery." Three relieved sighs sounded in the spacious infirmary. John just stood there, swallowing convulsively around the knot in his throat.
Dr. Keller spoke up again: "The anesthesia is wearing off slowly so now she'll sleep for a while. I suggest you all get some rest." She looked pointedly at John and he nodded, already on his way to his quarters.
Locking the door behind him, he stripped out of his clothes, and stepped into the shower, resting his forehead against the cool tiles, trying to control his immense relief. She's going to be fine. She'll make it. He stepped out of the shower and dried himself off, putting a pair of boxers on and collapsing into his bed.
He was jerked awake by a nightmare sometime later, and the clock on his nightstand told him he was asleep for about three hours. He crawled from the bed and stretched, then put his uniform on and hurried to infirmary, finding Elizabeth still asleep. He sat by her bedside and it wasn't long before her eyelids fluttered and her eyes squinted against the bright infirmary lights.
"Hey sleepyhead." He grinned at her when she turned her head towards him.
"Hi." She said quietly and smiled back at him. "How am I doing?" John stood up from the chair and sat on her bed instead, taking her small pale hand in his larger one and smiling down at her.
"The surgery went great, the injury wasn't as serious as they previously thought."
"That's good." She sighed and closed her eyes momentarily. Worried, John looked down at her.
"Are you in any pain?"
"My head hurts a bit." Just then Dr. Keller walked around the corner and spotted John talking to Elizabeth.
"Ah, I see our patient is awake. How are you feeling, Dr. Weir?"
"Just a bit of a headache."
"Yes, we didn't want to give you painkillers right away, we wanted you to wake up first." Dr. Keller checked her pupils and her muscle responses before she nodded. "I'm going to inject you some sedatives now, so you can rest." She emptied the tube into Elizabeth's IV and with a nod at both of them left.
"You never really told me what you did after you realized we were lost in space." She mumbled and her eyelids fluttered as she struggled to keep her eyes open.
John just smiled at her and squeezed her hand. "Later. Now sleep." Her eyes drifted shut and with a small smile on her face fell asleep.
3 weeks later
"How ya doin'?" John asked Elizabeth as he entered the infirmary in his off-world gear. She placed her book on her lap and smiled at him.
"I'm good. Can't wait to get out of here."
"I know what you mean." He grinned and waggled his eyebrows.
"Heading out?"
"Yeah, we need some supplies so we'll gate to the Genii settlement. They kindly offered us whatever they can spare."
"Looks like the Genii are proving themselves to be a reliable ally."
"Oh definitely. Hey, dinner tonight?" He asked casually and she quirked her eyebrow at him and smiled.
"I'd love to. Now go."
"Aye aye, ma'am." He saluted mockingly and hurried out of the room. Amused, Elizabeth just shook her head and picked up her book.
Several hours later
John and his team stepped through the gate, bags of supplies hung over their shoulders, chatting lively. Once the Gate shut down behind them, they put the large bags on the ground and John commanded a few marines to take them and sort the supplies. He was a bit taken aback when they didn't meet his eyes and took the bags with slightly shaking hands. His eyebrows rose but he brushed it away with a shrug. He took off his vest and started in the direction of the infirmary, hoping to see Elizabeth before his checkup.
As he and his team went through the corridor, passing various expedition members, he noticed them whispering to each other, before they walked away. He swore he heard a choked sob from behind him. His skin suddenly prickled, goose-bumps appeared on his arms and the hair at the nape of his neck stood up. His heart started beating faster as he swallowed, his breath shortening. He broke out in a run, leaving his confused team behind.
He sprinted into the infirmary only to find Dr. Keller draping a white sheet over a motionless body. She jumped at his arrival, quickly wiping the tears from her cheeks. John looked at the doctor, his heart thudding madly against his ribcage, blood rushing through his ears. He couldn't hear anything except for his labored breathing. He swallowed convulsively and approached the stretcher.
With shaking hands he drew the sheet back and for a moment his heart stopped and he fought the urge to vomit. This wasn't happening. He was sure that was a bad dream, alternate universe or the Genii were holding them captive and doping them with hallucinogens because there was no way the pale face he just uncovered was Elizabeth's. Somewhere in the back of his mind he registered the heavy footfalls as his team ran into the infirmary. As the shock settled in they began to ask questions. But John didn't hear any of it. His mind only chanted 'no, no, no, no' over and over again. He staggered backwards, his eyes fixated on her serene face.
"What the hell happened?" Rodney exclaimed, his voice cracking just a little bit. "She was absolutely fine before we left."
"She had a brain hemorrhage. It happened all so suddenly...w-we couldn't save her. She died half an hour ago." The young woman deflated, tears streaming down her cheeks.
An eerie silence filled the infirmary.
John felt the need to get away from it, get away from it all as soon a possible. He backed into a trolley and the steel tray that was lying on it clattered to the ground with a loud noise. He flinched and ran away from the infirmary, thankful no one followed him. So he ran.
He ran through the uninhabited parts of the city, ran through his usual jogging paths, ran until exhaustion seeped into his bones and the adrenaline wore off, sweat pouring down his back. He didn't believe it. It had to be some kind of a bad joke. Just several hours ago she was talking with him, smiling and even agreed to dinner. He didn't know how long he was running before he arrived at his quarters and crawled into the shower, propping his arm against the wall, letting the freezing water cascade down the back of his neck and his back. He shivered and squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of emotions. The water washed away the tears that slipped from his eyes.
He stepped into the morgue, feeling numb and detached from reality. He took the long route here and avoided all contact with the personnel and his friends. He wanted to be alone. He swallowed uneasily and approached the stretcher. The shaking of his hands returned when he pulled the sheet back up to her shoulders, revealing her pale face. He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. Unbidden memories ran through his head; how they first met, their first arguments, their first hug, their first kiss...John slumped into the chair beside the stretcher and took her small cold hand in both of his and brought it to his lips, gently kissing her knuckles.
"It wasn't your time, Elizabeth." He said quietly.
He sat there for a long time, just looking at her lifeless body and talking to her softly and quietly, talking about unimportant things. Standing up, he released her hand and leaned forward, pressing a soft kiss on her forehead, his fingers caressing her hair. He felt the walls zoom in on him and his chest tightened in panic. 'Leave. Just leave.' He put the sheet back in its place and stalked out of the infirmary.
"Colonel." A soft voice from behind him stopped him. His hands balled into fists, his nails digging into the skin of his palms. He didn't really want to deal with people now. "We were worried about you." Teyla said softly.
"Why?" John drawled out but didn't face her. He knew why. They were worried he'd done something stupid. There was a pause when Teyla contemplated her answer.
"I know how important Elizabeth was to you-" He cringed at the use of the past tense and his nails dug into his palms tighter, enough to draw blood.
"Honestly, Teyla, I don't think you do." He swallowed around the knot in his throat and faced her. She's been crying, that much was obvious. "That woman, Teyla..." He raised his hand and pointed at the closed doors of the room where Elizabeth's body lay. "That woman...was the only one who gave me a second chance when no one else did."
"That is the woman who-..." His voice cracked and he looked away for a moment. "That is the woman who believed in me." His hand fell back to his side and his shoulders slumped. "So don't tell me you know how important she is to me." John watched as Teyla came closer to him and put her arms around his torso, embracing him, catching him off-guard. Reluctantly he hugged her back lightly.
"I am sorry. You do not have to hide from us, you are allowed to grieve. She was your friend-"
"She was much more than that." He admitted quietly.
"I know."
THE END
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