Twilight: Breaking Wind
I sat in my bedroom crying. I became bored. I understood that this boredom stemmed from something, but I wasn't sure what? Then I realised...That I wasn't doing anything interesting. Of course, I couldn't let the reader down. They paid good money for this book, so I had to do something, no matter how robotic it was. Then I realised. I'll go for a walk in the dark, scary woods. I put some make-up on and my usual dab of chocolate sauce to the neck. I threw on my favourite 'I'm a Virgin' T-shirt, and just in case of danger, brought my favourite book of 'last words.' Looked in the mirror, movie-star gorgeous (not that I'm insinuating you should make a movie of my book or anything :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD), I hated being so sexy. I headbutt the mirror. I chipped my tooth. I felt the pain swell threw my choppers, like a butterfly trapped in a sea of ghosts and lovers. It hurt. I left my room, feeling angsty and hormonal. (Which I'm sure you can all relate to. I completely understand, buy big sister Steph's books. COME ON! MAKE MAMA A MILLIONAIRE!)
I walked through the woods, feeling generally dissatisfied with everything. That was when I saw Edward Cullen...Again, but it was still surprising.
"Edward!" I shouted. He smiled and walked over to me.
"Oh, Edward, I've missed..." he grabbed me and pulled me towards him, sinking his teeth into my neck. I screamed and flailed around like a cheerleader on fire. Once he'd sucked every ounce of blood out of me, he bit out my throat and threw me to the floor. I watched him go, feeling weak and girl-like.
I passed out for a while, I woke up with relief that I was not dead. I looked up and saw a werewolf urinating on my feet.
"Jacob?" I croaked. He began to sniff me, "Oh, Jacob. You won't belie..." Then leaned forward and devoured me, as if I was a cheeseburger, that he used to have a crush on.
When you're dead, you run out of things to complain about. So, that's the end of the series.
GIMME MONEY!