Summary: A series of mistakes leads the Marauders on another adventure and leads Remus to make his favourite one.
A/N: Something I've had sitting on my desktop since the summer and finally finished. Who says I'm a procrastinator?;D Posted at remusxsirius, blacklupindotorg & my livejournal
Warning: silliness, bad porn, bad writing, and sex. Not beta'd, so please forgive any bad grammar and/or spelling. Rated M for a reason, so if you're not old enough, please click on something else. Oh and this is slash. If you don't like the idea of two men together that way, please do the same.
Disclaimer: Alas, not mine and never will be.
Favourite Mistake
Remus never knew how he got into these things. One minute, he would be minding his own, the next, dragged into some cockeyed scheme dreamed up by his troublesome mates. It wasn't unusual for him to be dragged, kicking and screaming (and cursing and yelling) into one hare-brained plot or another (even if most of the protesting was done in his head) but rarely did he instigate the plan. He usually had to shore up the gaping holes, but, like he told himself over and over, it was only to save his mates – who were loyal to a fault – from their own reckless behaviour.
But there were times he regretted ever having had the inclination. Today was no exception.
"Moony," Sirius bellowed from across their dorm room as he and Peter huddled together with James on his bed, "how long do you reckon it takes to get from here to Aberdeen?"
Aberdeen was the closest muggle city to Hogwarts and, as his mates had cleverly deduced, the likeliest place to find what they were looking for.
"No idea," he threw out, as he lay in bed.
Sirius huffed and rolled his eyes, made a rude gesture and turned back to planning.
Remus, thoroughly awake despite having had a long, tiring day, wrenched off his covers and jumped out of bed. He didn't want to give his mates any more help (or ideas), but he wouldn't be able to sleep with them prattling on, so he went to the bathroom just for something to do. As he passed his three friends spread out on the scarlet bedding, their heads together, he realized, with annoyance, that they were huddled over a map of Scotland. Trying not to sigh in exasperation, he bit his lip and slowly slipped into the adjoining toilet.
It had all started when Sirius nicked a newly banned book – a supposed autobiography – from a brash fourth year (with a big mouth and too little inhibitions for Remus' liking) one day in the Common Room. Remus disapproved of stealing and as a Prefect should have stopped them, but Sirius insisted the way they'd done it, it wasn't technically stealing and challenged Remus to turn them in. He didn't, of course. His mates knew he never would.
True Tales from a Naughty Witch, written anonymously and recently pulled off the shelves of every reputable book seller in the wizarding world, was a first-hand account of a young witch's sexual adventures. Gwendolyn, the fourh year, had managed to get her hands on a copy (her older sister must have sent it to her, Remus surmised) and had become very popular with the sixth and seventh years in a matter of a few days (making it impossible for Lily – who, as the other prefect, thoroughly disapproved – to confiscate it). For the last three days, a small crowd of older students had gathered around the younger witch every night in the Common Room to listen as she read excerpts from the book.
"… The wily wizard whipped out his wand, long and stiff, and with a quick flick my robes were gone. I swooned as my large bosoms spilled out of tiny lacy cups and he licked his lips and smiled. "You look delicious," he crooned, his velvety voice tickling my creamy centre, "good enough to eat"…"
Of course, Sirius, James and Peter had been quite intrigued and joined the crowd the first night, hoping to get an earful of Naughty Tales, but the Head Boy, Jacob Lyman, (who protested that no one below sixth should listen because it would "corrupt their young minds") shooed them away. James, who knew it had more to do with exclusivity than concern (Gwendolyn was younger than they were, after all), had sulked all the way back to their dorm room, while Sirius had been much more vocal, calling Lyman "a squinty little bastard" to his face.
To say his three mates were disappointed was an understatement; to say Remus was relieved was as well. But to Remus' horror (but not his surprise) his mischievous mates (who very seldom heard the word no) came up with a plan to get their hands on the book.
Remus had watched the night before as Sirius laid on the charm (something he was very good at), chatting up Gwemdolyn long enough for James to slip the novel out of her rucksack, steal up to the dorm, copy every page with a spell (the same one they used to copy his answers on a regular basis), and convinced Peter to use his newly-acquired animagus form to slip it back into Gwendolyn's dorm later that night. The copy had been hidden away in James' trunk for a day, and after bouncing in their seats in every class and rushing with anticipation through dinner, Sirius, James and Peter had stormed up to the dorm and stayed there all night while Remus finished his Potions essay on the properties of Wartcap and its uses alongside Lily Evans, his Potions partner.
When he'd finally gotten up the courage to join them (or rather, when the Head Boy hastened everyone to bed), he'd found them gathered around the book, Sirius reading aloud.
"…I knew he wanted me. I could see it in his steamy eyes and feel it through his satin robes. He pressed against me, rubbing against my quivering thigh. I couldn't help but moan in anticipation…"
Remus had heard enough. He'd protested that he was tired and needed his sleep, which he wouldn't be able to get if they insisted on "giggling like stupid girls over that lewd piece of trash."
When Sirius ignored him and continued he made up his mind to stop the nonsense once and for all.
That, he realized as he sulked in the bathroom, had been his first mistake.
"Can't you see, it's not even realistic, just something made up, probably by a dirty old man." He didn't care if Naughty Tales was fact or fiction – it was badly written and it had been grating on his nerves.
James had guffawed. "You wouldn't say that if you actually read it." He'd shaken his head in exasperation.
To their surprise, Remus hadn't protested or criticized.
"Fine," he'd said, "read me something." He hadn't fancied hearing it, but he'd realized he needed to prove a point.
James had looked at him sceptically, Peter had the sense to look ashamed, but Sirius had just eyed him in challenge.
"You sure?" he'd asked, his stony grey eyes fixing him with an "I dare you" stare.
"Just pick something and read it. I need my sleep."
James and Peter had watched as Sirius flipped the pages slowly, scanning the copied leaves of parchment for just the right passage.
Remus remembered thinking at the time that Sirius had probably been trying to find the lewdest one.
"Got it."
He'd cleared his throat and began: "…I knew I shouldn't let him, but my professor, with his chiselled chest and flowing locks reminding me of a young Merlin, made it so hard to resist. He threw me on the desk and ripped away my white silky blouse, exposing my firm, supple breasts. He eyed them hungrily and dove in, licking my creamy mounds and suckling on my taut nipples. I ached for him and moaned his name, wiggling under him as his long, hard member – "
Remus had suddenly burst out in laughter.
"What?" Sirius had asked in obvious irritation, looking up from the page.
"It's so ridiculous," he'd said, between bouts of boisterous laughter, "creamy mounds," he choked out, "Really!"
Sirius had scowled while Peter looked irritated and James just looked perplexed.
"So it's not a great work of literature, who cares?" Sirius had demanded.
Remus had rolled his eyes exaggeratedly. "It's pure, mindless drivel."
"Don't ruin it for the rest of us, Remus, just because it isn't Dockens or something," James had sulked.
"Dickens," he'd corrected, astounded that James was so woefully ignorant of Britain's greatest authors.
"Yeah," Peter had echoed, ignoring Remus' words, "just because you aren't curious about… stuff."
It proved how immature they were that Peter hadn't even been able to say the word, though the fact that he had noticed Remus wasn't "curious about stuff" like they were, made him nervous. Only Sirius didn't seem upset by Remus' protests, which made him even more nervous.
"He's curious. Aren't you, mate?"
Remus hadn't answered. He'd tried not to think about the truth, irrationally paranoid that Sirius had suddenly learned the art of Occlumency.
"I saw you eyeing that little blonde Ravenclaw during Potions last week," Sirius had pressed, sounding amused, "you practically undressed her with your eyes."
"I did not!" he'd blurted, blushing furiously.
Sirius had chortled and jumped onto his bed. "I knew it!" he'd howled, misreading the blush. He'd bounced up and down on the mattress like a manic bludger. "I knew you fancied her!"
Remus had tried, in vain, to fight the burning shame that sprung up as Sirius launched his tall, lean frame off his bed and bounced around the room, chanting, "Moony loves Blondie! Moony loves Blondie!" while James and Peter roared in laughter.
"STOP IT!" he'd yelled, angry with himself that Sirius had gotten a reaction out of him.
It was true that he'd been staring at Susie Strand that day in class, but it wasn't because he fancied her. The shame of them knowing that he wasn't really staring at her, just staring ahead, and that the thoughts in his head had nothing to do with "creamy mounds" and more to do with a "chiselled chest" had been too much to bear. They would, no doubt, tease him mercilessly about Susie Strand for days to come but he would have much rather dealt with that then the looks of horror on their faces if they actually knew what he'd been daydreaming. His mates may have already figured out one of his biggest secrets, but he was quite content to keep the other one to himself.
Desperate to steer focus away from himself, he'd gotten up and stalked towards James' bed, where Sirius had just collapsed.
"If you must know," he'd said, sounding haughty, "I've no interest in that shite your reading because it's stupid."
Sirius' wide smug grin had disappeared at those words. "Oh, really?"
"Yes, really. I mean, 'flowing locks reminding me of a young Merlin'? Who talks like that?"
"Girls," Peter had answered, sounding unsure.
"It's thinly veiled porn," he'd said, "might as well just watch a stag movie. There's no flowing locks, or swooning women, just hard, nasty, dirty sex. The rest is fluff, crap, and an insult to writers everywhere."
James had looked at him incredulously while Peter's mouth actually hung open a little. Only Sirius had looked instantly eager and curious.
"What are you going on about?" he'd demanded.
At this, Remus had rolled his eyes. He had to remind himself that two of his mates had never seen a muggle movie, let alone knew what it was.
"You've never seen that!" Peter had interrupted before he could answer. He pulled his mouth shut immediately, embarrassed.
"Seen what?" James eyes had become round and curious too.
"Do I have to explain everything?" Peter had asked, though Remus could tell he loved it when he knew more than James and Sirius.
"Go on, Petey," James had nudged him as Sirius stared from Remus to Peter and back to Remus again in contemplation.
"I told you what a movie was, remember – moving pictures that tell a story. It's like looking at life only up on a giant white screen."
James had nodded his head as if he understood the concept. "But what's that got to do with… sex?" he'd asked, barely mouthing the word.
Before either Remus or Peter could answer, Sirius' face had lit up with comprehension.
"No!" he'd said, sounding excited and scandalized at the same time.
Remus had noted at the time that only Sirius could manage to do that.
"What?" James still hadn't caught on.
"Don't you see, James old boy," Sirius had enthused, "they're saying that they have giant moving pictures… of people… having sex!"
The silence in the room that followed as James' eyes lit up with his own dawning comprehension were the worst two minutes of Remus' young life. After he recovered from shock and delight, he and Sirius had bombarded Peter with questions.
"Is it real?"
"It's like a picture of something real."
"Can you see everything?"
"I suppose, I mean, the people are naked…most of the time," Peter had answered, looking to Remus for assurance.
"Can you get up close?"
"Um, you can probably sit up front at the theatre." Peter smiled but had looked a little overwhelmed.
"Where can we see this?"
At this, Peter had been at a loss for words.
"Um…" He'd looked pointedly at Remus, who, at this point, had been doing his best to look calm while silently cursing his own stupidity.
Sirius and James had rounded on him and Sirius grabbed the front of his shirt.
"Moony!" he'd yelled excitedly, "You have to take us!"
"What?! No! I don't!"
Despite his firm resolve, he had quickly melted into a puddle of panic.
A quick, knowing glance between mates told Remus he didn't have a chance. James and Sirius quickly descended on him, all limbs and bony fingers, as they knocked him to the ground and proceeded to tickle him.
"Come on Moony, say yes!"
"Say you'll take us! We want porn!"
Remus had struggled to break free from the prison of jabbing, torturous fingers to no avail. He'd tried not to laugh, he yelled at them sternly to stop, but they kept up their torturous little game until Remus was begging for mercy.
"Say It!"
"Okay!" he'd yelled between fits of laughter, struggling against the building feeling that he was about to explode, "Okay, I fold! I'll take you! Just – please! – Stop!"
A moment later, the dark cloud that was Sirius and James had lifted and Remus lay sprawled on the floor in the small gap between his and Sirius' beds, struggling to catch his breath. He could hear the two friends chatting excitedly somewhere above him, having unceremoniously forgotten about him on the floor.
Given their kind of attention, Remus had been secretly glad.
He hadn't wanted to get back up, just in case they noticed him again and decided they needed him to do something else completely ridiculous, rule-breaking and utterly shameful. He also hadn't wanted to get up because of his body's reaction, traitorous as it was, to close physical contact with the object of his affections.
As he lay contemplating how in hell he always got into these things, Peter had poked his head into Remus' view.
"You alright, mate?" he'd enquired, looking a little hurt. He'd been forgotten in the ruckus and was being ignored by James Potter and his dark evil twin as they speculated excitedly about what they would see.
"Never better," he'd deadpanned, pulled himself into a sitting position and hastily folded his hands over his lap.
"What were you thinking?" Peter had whispered, taking a seat on Remus' bed.
He hadn't seemed to notice anything amiss and Remus, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, had been secretly grateful for his mates' one-mindedness.
"I mean, how are we even going to get into a place like that?"
Peter had been right to sound worried. Remus had heard about those kinds of theatres from neighbourhood boys back home, but he'd never actually been in one himself and from what he'd heard, it wasn't the sort of place for four teenage boys to be hanging about, even if most of them dreamed of it.
"I have no idea," he'd whispered back, watching Sirius and James pulling out a map of Scotland. "I have no bloody idea."
As a knock on the bathroom door jolted him out of his thoughts, Remus realized that moment, where he'd done nothing to stop James and Sirius' planning before it began in earnest and there was no turning back, had been his second mistake.
XxXxX
"So," James whispered, looking around nervously and adjusting his glasses, "what do you reckon?"
It was a month later and Remus found himself standing in the middle of Aberdeen on a cold, overcast day.
Remus felt his brown eyes watching him curiously, while grey eyes burned a hole into the back of his head, where Sirius stood, looking out. His breath tickled the back of his neck, sending a tiny shiver down his spine and distracting him.
"Not sure," Remus answered, looking across the street at the nondescript movie house and swiping at his neck to stop the pleasurable tingle. Men in long, drab-coloured overcoats ducked in occasionally through the dirty glass doors.
"Peter?"
Peter, who looked surprised but delighted to be consulted, stared ahead at the dingy little theatre. "Looks like the place," he answered, trying to sound sure.
Remus, who, after being disturbed about a dozen times through Transfiguration class the day after his first mistake, had reluctantly let himself be dragged into their newest scheme. He'd written to a muggle boy he knew back home in the pretence of friendship, slipping in the question that James and Sirius (and even Peter, in his own mousy way) had been begging him to ask, all the while fully aware that this was yet another mistake. He'd written to him, despite his misgivings and despite the nature of the friendship – a nature he didn't want his friends to know about.
His neighbour, a kind muggle boy about seventeen years old, wrote back promptly, though it took a few days longer than usual to get the letter through the muggle post system set up at Hogsmeade for students with muggle relatives. Those few days had been a slow kind of torture for Remus.
Hi Remus, it read, Wow, I'm kind of surprised to be hearing from you. Not that it wasn't fun hanging out with you this past summer. I mean, it was fun. Loads of fun. I haven't had that much fun in a while.
I know this letter isn't about that, you made it clear it was a summer fling, and that's okay. I've sort of been seeing someone anyway. He's the bloke I told you about. He's really nice and wants to take things slow. He's very fit, too. Oh, no, now it sounds like I'm rubbing your nose in it. I'm not, I swear. But I guess it wouldn't matter to you anyway. As I remember it, there was someone at boarding school you've had your eye on. A close friend, right? I hope it's worked out for you as well.
To answer your question, there's a place over on High Street in Aberdeen. I haven't been there myself but a mate of mine swears it's the place to go for that sort of thing. Good luck getting in though. The guy that minds the door is supposedly a real Nazi about checking I.D. Seems he can spot a fake a mile away. But be careful! Those places tend to get raided every once in a while.
Good luck! Don't hesitate to write again, hopefully with some good news of your own.
All the best,
Ifan
Remus had successfully hidden away to read the letter in private, concealed behind his bed curtains early one morning, but Sirius had pulled open one side and tried to pry the letter out of his hands.
"Is that it, then?" he'd yelled excitedly, "Is that from your mate? What does it say? Did he tell you where to go?"
Desperately trying to keep Sirius away from the letter, he'd done the only thing he could – he told him the location of the theatre in Aberdeen and made his third mistake.
Standing in a dingy alley as overcast skies threatened to drench them where they stood, he wondered why he bothered to keep track of his mistakes when he never did anything about correcting them.
"Maybe we should just go back," he suggested and was met with three deadly glares.
I tried, he thought miserably, though he knew he really hadn't.
He had a horrible feeling it wouldn't take long before someone noticed them gone, even though it was a Saturday, and a Hogsmeade weekend as well. The four of them never failed to visit Honeyduke's, Zonko's or the Three Broomsticks and he was sure their absence today would cause suspicion. He just hoped and prayed that they would get back to school before any professors were alerted to their absence, or, needed for prefect duties, Lily would go looking for him and figure it out. But he was more worried, if it were possible, that the man from the pub Sirius had bribed into Apparating them all to Aberdeen wouldn't be at the corner pub they'd agreed to in three hours to take them back. Most of all (and for him, disturbingly so, considering his other dilemmas) Remus worried that he wouldn't react to the stag film like his mates and they would realize he was keeping the biggest secret of all.
He was so distracted by his worries he failed to notice the type of clientele slowly streaming into the dilapidated movie house across the street. It would only strike him later that his mates failed to notice, too.
"Well then, boys," Sirius said, jolting Remus out of his thoughts, "shall we?" He smirked and waggled his brows suggestively.
It made Remus more than a little uncomfortable while simultaneously striking a spark of heat that spread like warm honey under his skin.
James led the way across the street and through the theatre doors, taking long strides and puffing out his chest in an attempt to look older. Remus tried not to roll his eyes, knowing the identification cards they'd charmed to make them legal age (eighteen for muggles) would fool the attendant in the ticket booth easily.
They could all easily pass for a few years older anyway. The only worry was Peter, who, being the shortest of the four and still round-faced, actually looked younger than he was. Sirius' attempt to charm some stubble onto his podgy face that morning had resulted in a spotty five o'clock shadow that gave the impression of a prepubescent adolescent who'd pencilled in some hair on his chin with his mum's eyebrow pencil in a desperate attempt to look manly. Remus was torn between hoping the attendant would and wouldn't notice.
As they approached the ticket booth, conveniently jammed in a tiny corridor between two sets of doors, one of which led back outside, the other which lead to the cinema, James suddenly stopped just short of the booth, causing a small scuffle as Sirius banged into him and Peter followed. Luckily, the attendant was too busy riffling through a magazine to notice.
"You go first," James whispered.
Before Remus could protest, Sirius shoved him toward the booth. He realized he was standing at the point of no return. He could turn back now and still save his dignity but he'd already made up his mind. He shuffled slowly to the ticket booth and cleared his throat to get the attendant's attention. The older man looked up at him and eyed him shrewdly.
"Um, one ticket, please," he mumbled, feeling his face start to burn under the knowing gaze.
The man squinted. "Which one?" he asked brusquely. He pointed to the sign behind him.
Remus eyed the sign, which should have had the names of films tacked up beside each theatre (there were three) but bore nothing but a jumble of consonants with gaps, presumably the missing vowels, in between.
The man looked coldly at him and smirked. "Just kidding mate. There's only one and it's about to begin." He pulled a ticket off a roll. "If you hurry, you might still catch the credits."
He chuckled and waited for Remus to pull a tenner out of his pocket. Dipping his hand quickly into the till, he extracted change and shoved it, along with the ticket, through the opening in the glass partition and Remus scooped it up and walked away.
He nodded subtly to James, who swallowed and stepped up to the booth. Sirius and Peter then walked up together (since Sirius looked the oldest of the bunch), paid for their tickets and walked away to join James and Remus by the doors. Remus noticed the attendant watching them and had to clutch his hand over Peter's mouth to stop him whooping with joy.
"Shall we?" Sirius asked again, grinning excitedly.
Remus' heart sank a little at the thought that Sirius' fantasies were about to be played out before him in one form or another, fantasies that were the polar opposite to his own.
James pulled the door open and they stepped inside. There was no concession stand, just a shabby-looking lobby dimly lit by yellow bulbs and three empty frames where posters should have been.
They quickly found theatre three (as there were only three sets of double-doors and two of them were chained shut) and stepped into a darkened room. The lights dimmed even further as they made their way down an aisle, signalling the film was about to start, and Peter lead them to a row in the middle of the theatre, assuring James and Sirius in whispers that they would be able to see better there than if they sat up front.
Remus followed quietly, his stomach churning painfully in preparation for what was to come. He tried not to look around, but couldn't help but notice the sparsely filled theatre consisted mostly of two men sitting side-by-side. He thought it odd that mates would take in this kind of film in the middle of the day but realized that four mates taking in the film was even stranger and instead focused on scanning the theatre for the emergency exit just in case it was too much for him to handle.
Peter sat down in the middle of an empty row and James and Sirius squabbled for a moment over the seating arrangement. James thought it best if they all sat a seat apart. Peter suggested they sit on opposite ends of the rows but Sirius insisted they should all sit together.
"Look around," he whispered, "everyone's doing it."
They hissed in urgent whispers in the dark as the film began until a bloke two rows behind them cleared his throat loudly and gave them a dirty look.
"Well, I'm sitting over there," James whispered, pointing to the end of the row, "Alone."
Sirius looked annoyed. "Fine," he hissed.
Peter, looking guilty, gestured to the seat he was already in. "I think James' idea is better," he said, "I'll stay here."
Sirius gave him a dirty look and grabbed Remus by the hand. "Fine," he breathed petulantly, "me and Moony will sit together."
Before Remus had a chance to protest (his mind coming to a halt the minute Sirius' hand made contact with his), he was being dragged to a seat in the corner a row behind James and Peter.
"Gits," Sirius mumbled, taking a seat, "ruining all the fun."
Remus wasn't sure what Sirius was so angry about and figured his dark-haired mate was looking forward to providing a running commentary and slapping James on the shoulder during the film.
The credits began to roll, names of actors Remus had never heard of, but all of whom he thought had very unfortunate names, flashing one by one across the screen. Sirius guffawed loudly, earning him a few hushes from the back of the room.
"Sirius," he whispered, leaning towards his friend and trying not to notice the scent of his freshly washed hair, "you're supposed to be quiet during a movie, remember?"
Peter and Remus had given their magical mates a lesson on theatre etiquette only a day earlier.
Sirius rolled his eyes and nodded, suddenly distracted by the film. The camera panned out over a sandy beach, then cut to the inside of a house and a pair of men sitting around watching the telly. Dialogue began but Remus didn't listen, too distracted by the look of utter joy on Sirius' face.
"Wow," he whispered, his eyes leaving the screen momentarily and flicking over Remus. The child-like wonder in them made something in Remus' chest stir. "This is not like how you described at all."
Remus smiled as Sirius' attention went back to the screen. He sat surreptitiously watching his mate, and the object of his affections, as a rapt look spread over his fine features. He was dimly aware of the change of scenery as a lone actor loomed on the screen, shirtless, well muscled and tanned. Remus tried not to look as the actor removed his trousers and pants and began to manually pleasure himself. His eyes flicked to Sirius, who still had the rapt look on his face, and, feeling a stir below the belt, he found that he had to look away. His eyes swept the theatre, first to James and Peter, the back of their heads still as they watched the man, who was, curiously, alone on screen, then moved his eyes around the theatre.
"Where are the birds in this thing?" Sirius asked, leaning close but not taking his eyes off the screen.
Remus had begun to wonder that himself as the actor pulled furiously on his long, erect member. He looked away once more. It was then that he noticed a pair in the corner on the opposite side of the theatre swaying oddly. Another pair behind them were leaning their heads against each other and looking down and a few rows ahead one man planted a kiss on another beside him.
Remus' mind reeled and for a moment, he couldn't breathe. Oh, fuck, he thought panicking, this is a gay film.
He needed to get his mates out of there quickly, before they noticed the extracurricular activity going on around them and before the action on screen turned from a solo wank to something more.
"We need to get out of here," he whispered to Sirius.
Sirius ignored him.
"We need to go. Now!"
Sirius tore his eyes away from the screen as the actor moaned more loudly. Remus was sure it was because of the desperation in his voice.
"Why?" he asked, "Something wrong?"
Sirius was looking at him with curious concern.
"It's just… this is not…" He didn't know what to say. "I think we got the wrong theatre."
Sirius looked confused then his eyes snapped to the corner of the room and Remus' stomach lurched with anxiety.
"Are those blokes…?"
Before he had the chance to finish his thought, another man stepped into the frame on the screen (the same man who'd been sitting on the couch watching the telly earlier) and began to fist the other actor furiously. Sirius looked at the screen, then to the corner and back to Remus, a look of dawning comprehension on his face.
"I didn't know, I swear," he breathed, his voice sounding wretched to his own ears.
It was at that moment, when Remus thought that things couldn't get any worse, that James and Peter both looked back in horror and all Remus could do was lift his hands and shrug helplessly.
James jumped up from his seat, scuttled down the row, grabbed Peter by the shirt and joined them a moment later.
"What the fuck, Remus!" he hissed, his eyes wild behind black-framed glasses.
"I didn't know," he repeated again.
"That fucking attendant," he snarled, "I knew he let Peter in too easily."
Peter gave an indignant, "hey," but otherwise kept his mouth shut.
"Let's get out of here," James went on.
Peter nodded and made to move towards the exit. It was then that they realized that most of the men in the theatre were engaged in various acts of sexual stimulation.
James froze, his eyes wide, Peter made a strangled, startled noise and Sirius huffed beside him. The action on the screen had shifted during their panicked whispering and the tanned actor was now on all fours, his guttural groans filling the theatre and reverberating off the walls as the other actor pistoned into him mercilessly from behind.
Remus wanted to crawl under the fold-down seats and hide, or melt into a puddle onto the sticky theatre floor and ooze away in shame. It occurred to him that he hadn't specified what kind of theatre he was looking for when he wrote to the boy he'd had a summer fling with. Of course, he thought miserably, Ifan would direct him here. He was gay after all. Now his mates knew it, too.
It seemed to take forever for the couple on screen to reach climax, James and Peter staring in horror, but once they did, the theatre began to empty out. Only a few stragglers stayed to take in the rest of the action alone, their anonymous partners having streamed out after being satisfied. This seemed to Remus to be the perfect time to leave, but James refused to budge.
"We can't leave now!" he hissed petulantly, " It'll look like we just came in for a pull!"
Peter looked like he was actually going to cry.
"What do you care what it looks like?" Remus hissed back, desperate to get out of the darkness and back to Hogsmeade, "no one here even knows who you are!"
"That's not the point!" James went on, his voice rising sharply with each word as three hard bodied men began sucking and moaning and licking each other in earnest on screen, "I don't want people thinking we're bent!"
Before any one of them could argue any further, the man from the ticket booth approached them, "Alright boys?" he asked, looking down at them as they sat huddled together in the row.
"Um," began Remus, his face flushing instantly, "yeah, um, just…"
"'Cause we've had a complaint," he went on, "you're disturbing the other customers. If you don't keep it down, you'll have to go."
He stood looking sternly at them, and he reminded Remus, inexplicably, of an overgrown, male Professor McGonagall. That thought only served to fluster him further.
"Oh," he whispered, standing on shaky legs, "okay, we'll go then – "
To his relief, Peter jumped up beside him and scrambled up the aisle and James followed suit. Only Sirius stayed where he was. Remus, not wanting to look any of his mates in the eye, nonetheless found himself staring at Sirius with a desperate pleading look on his face.
"We'll behave," Sirius whispered, pulling Remus back down into the seat beside him.
Remus was so shocked, before he could even protest, the attendant nodded, smirked, and slipped back towards the main doors, a chink of light disappearing slowly as the door shut behind him.
Trying to ignore the deep guttural groans that seemed to come at him from every corner of the room, he turned to look at Sirius, his expression incredulous, but Sirius didn't notice. His eyes were firmly glued to the flickering screen ahead.
XxXxX
"What the fuck happened to both of you?" James yelled when they met him and Peter across the street half an hour later.
Remus, boggled by the last thirty minutes, didn't even know how to begin to answer that question.
"We had to stay," Sirius answered smoothly, "that big bloke that worked there was suspicious, you know, was about to kick off and call some bloke named Bobby."
"You mean a bobby," Remus corrected, his mind automatically whirring into action and his voice following suit. "Law enforcement," he added when James gave him a blank look. He regretted it once he said it, because all eyes were suddenly on him.
"You think?" James asked as his eyebrows rose in disbelief.
Remus tried hard to keep down the flush that threatened to rise from his cheeks. "Seemed like he might have," he answered calmly, trying to sound matter-of-fact.
"He asked what school we went to," Sirius added, blatantly lying.
Peter looked really worried. "What did you say?" he asked, panicky.
"Told him we went to Oxford," Sirius answered quickly.
"What's that?" James asked.
"A school, you dimwit," Sirius retorted.
Remus wondered how Sirius even knew about Oxford (or bobbies, for that matter), but he didn't have to wonder why he would lie. He'd witnessed the answer with his own eyes.
James and Peter (who actually knew what Oxford was) both seemed satisfied by his answer.
"Well, how bad was it?" James asked sounding truly concerned.
Sirius glanced at Remus briefly before answering. "I'd rather not discuss it, mate," he said effecting a shudder.
Remus could only look away, trying to get the image of Sirius rubbing his obvious erection through his tight jeans as he sat beside him in the darkened theatre out of his mind.
James clapped him on the back. "Serves you right, mate," he snickered, "it was your idea, after all."
"My idea?!" Sirius bellowed, rounding on James as they walked down the street towards the Apparition point, "You were just as eager to see some bouncing naked boobies."
"Yeah, and instead all we got were bouncing b – "
"Let's just pretend this never happened, shall we?" Remus interrupted and walked on.
He couldn't get out of Aberdeen fast enough.
"Somebody will have to Obliviate me to forget this ever happened," Peter grumbled morosely.
James seconded the sentiment but Sirius said nothing. Each boy lost in his own thoughts, they walked two blocks in silence back to the pub.
XxXxX
Five days later and Peter and James just would not let it go. Remus had hoped they were so mortified that it had ever happened that they would never speak of it again but he was wrong. As the days went by, his mates (all except Sirius) all became more curious as to how they'd ended up in a gay cinema instead of the one they'd been expecting.
"Um, Moony?" James asked as they got ready for bed, "why did your mate send us there?"
Remus tried for clueless but had never quite been able to pull it off. He'd already endured the constant, "I wonder where it really was," comment from Peter for days, and hadn't known how to react each time it came up.
"I told you, it must have been a mistake," he said nonchalantly then tried to change the subject.
It seemed to work until Peter piped up, "Did you know it was that kind of theatre?"
"No! I – I didn't, w-why would I?" he stammered, instantly panicked and forgetting what he had been talking about a moment before.
It was moments like these he cursed Peter's penchant for being tactless.
"Oh, I don't know," answered James, looking at him shrewdly, "maybe to teach us a lesson."
"What?" he asked incredulously. He'd never considered that excuse in the long list of plausible excuses he'd been thinking up for days.
James continued to study him, clearly trying to decide if his reaction was real.
"What I don't get," he said, seeming to decide Remus was being truthful and hadn't, in fact, brought them there on purpose, "is how we ended up there."
"Maybe his neighbour was trying to pull one over on old Moony," Sirius suggested, coming to his aid, "he's the one that sent the address, isn't he."
James, looking satisfied, began to smirk at the thought of such a brilliant prank then scowled when he realized he'd been on the receiving end.
"I think we might just have to thank this neighbour of yours, Moony," he said, his eyes lighting up again instantly, "teach him he can't pull one over on the Marauders without consequences."
Remus did not like the sound of that.
"Good idea, Prongs," Peter added from his side of the room.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Remus said, his mind quickly whirring, "we could get in trouble with the Ministry if we send anything magical. He's a muggle, remember?"
"It doesn't have to be magical," James answered, "between the four of us, I'm sure we can come up with something non-magical worthy of being a Marauders prank."
James came towards him. "Let's have it then," he said, holding his hand out to Remus.
"Sorry?"
"The letter. Let's have it. We need this bloke's address."
"No."
James was taken aback for a moment but Sirius didn't seem surprised.
"Come on, Moony, hand it over," he replied in sing-song, "you don't want to do this the hard way." He raised his hands, wiggled his fingers and grinned. "Isn't that right, Sirius?" he added, throwing their dark-haired friend a glance as he sat on his bed.
Remus looked over to Sirius, who had a strange expression on his face. He quickly looked away, the scene in the theatre flashing through his mind.
"No need to threaten, James," Sirius answered casually, "I've already got it."
Remus whirled around, and saw, to his horror, the letter in Sirius' hand.
"Give that back!" he yelled, launching himself onto Sirius and knocking him back onto his bed. He grabbed the corner of the envelope and pulled but Sirius was too quick.
All rational thought gone, Remus wrestled his mate for the letter, arms flailing as Sirius waved the letter just out of his reach. Sirius grunted and managed to roll him over and off the bed, dropping with a heavy thud to the floor, but Remus managed to best him and grabbed the letter just as he regained his position atop his grey-eyed mate. He didn't realize he was straddling Sirius until he felt something poke him in the thigh. Shocked, he tried to move but Sirius, wild-eyed, grabbed a fistful of his shirt and held him firmly in position.
"Ha! Ha! Got it!" James proclaimed happily as he pulled the envelope out of Remus' outstretched hand.
Remus, anchored by the powerful fist, managed to turn his head around to see James holding the letter over his head triumphantly.
"James, please," he pleaded, feeling suddenly as if he were about to expel his dinner.
"Too late, Moony," he said as he grabbed a quill and copied down the address from the corner of the envelope on a torn piece of parchment Peter had so helpfully provided.
When he finished, he walked over and dropped the envelope onto Remus' bed.
"Um, you can let go now, Padfoot," he said, coming around to stare down at them as they lay in their precarious position.
"Yeah, right," Sirius said, sounding flustered but trying to hide it. He reluctantly let go of the front of Remus' shirt.
Remus got up slowly, allowing Sirius to shift and hide his erection, then clambered onto his bed, feeling tired, confused and aroused. He pulled his bed curtains closed and grabbed the envelope, shoving it under his pillow in shame and bewilderment.
"No hard feelings, mate?" came James' voice a moment later from the other side of the bed curtains.
Remus, angry at James and Sirius and almost as angry at Peter, didn't answer and his dorm mates, knowing him well enough to know when they'd crossed the line, left him alone for the night. Unfortunately, long after the whispers and shuffling stopped, and the dark room was filled with soft snores and slow, even breathing, Remus still couldn't sleep.
His mind was going over the look in Sirius' eyes, that wild, embarrassed look that told Remus so much – too much -- but he wasn't sure he believed it. Sirius had gotten aroused during the film, watching as two and three (and at one point, five) men got each other off, and he'd gotten aroused again tonight as Remus straddled his lap. Could it mean that Sirius was attracted to men, he wondered. Could it mean that Sirius was attracted to him?
Remus wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. After two years of secretly fancying his mate, he had come to accept that it would never be more than one-sided. Sirius was wildly popular and good-looking, with a dedicated following of smitten girls he barely noticed and only occasionally paid any attention to. But every once in a while, he would go off with one of said girls for an evening of what, Remus didn't want to think about, only to show up later glassy-eyed, smirking and smelling of perfume. Sirius liked girls – that much was obvious. Wasn't it?
As he pondered the question, he heard a small squeak of bedsprings beside him and a moment later, his curtains parted and Sirius poked his head into his dark cocoon.
"You awake?" he whispered softly.
Remus, taken by surprise, hadn't had time to close his eyes and feign sleep so he had no choice but to answer. "Yeah."
"Can we talk?"
Remus hesitated. "I'm tired," he said.
"Please?"
The soft plea in Sirius' voice softened his resolve. "Okay."
Sirius climbed in, stretching out beside him on his side and propping his head up to see him better. Remus wanted to shift over a bit and do the same, if only to put some distance between them, but he didn't want to chance the groaning springs waking his other mates up.
Sirius stared downed at him. It made Remus nervous.
"So?"
"I'm sorry about the letter."
He heard rustling and a moment later, a leaf of lined paper appeared before his eyes. He reached out and took it from Sirius, their fingers brushing momentarily.
"It was only the envelope," he explained, "I wouldn't have handed over the actual letter to James, you know, just in case he read it."
Remus turned his head away. "You read it, though" he stated, too embarrassed to look Sirius in the eye.
"A few days ago."
Remus was surprised by this and turned his head instinctively to look at Sirius. "Not before then?" he asked sceptically.
Sirius shook his head.
"Well, now you know I'm a poof."
"Are you?" Sirius breathed.
Remus was taken aback.
"You just said you read the letter," he shot back, annoyed.
"Yeah, but I mean, are you sure?"
There was something in his eyes that made him seem vulnerable. It was unnerving for Remus.
"Pretty sure."
There was a lull of silence as Sirius sighed. The only other sound was the slow, even breathing of the other two boys in the room and the occasional snore drifting from across the room.
"Have you ever, you know, with a bloke?"
Remus nodded his head.
"What's it like?"
The question caught Remus by surprise. It wasn't what he'd expected and he didn't want to answer the question or talk about this with anyone, let alone Sirius, but something in Sirius' voice changed his mind.
"Brilliant," he answered truthfully.
Sirius shifted his position slightly and looked down at him.
"Did you – "
"No," he answered quickly, "not that. I've never done that."
"Then what?"
He sighed, thinking. "Do you remember, in the film, when those two blokes were on the beach?"
"Mm, hmm."
"That."
Sirius let out a huff, his hot breath wafting over Remus' cheek.
"That it?"
"No."
Sirius shifted and lay on his back, his arm pressed up against Remus', the soft blanket a barrier between them.
"What else?"
"You remember near the end, with the five of them?"
"Yeah."
"The two at end, what they were doing to the other two. That."
Sirius drew in a shaky breath and pulled the loose end of the blanket over himself.
"Did you do it to him or did he do it to you?"
Remus smiled at the recollection. "Both."
Sirius let out a soft moan and Remus realized why. He could feel the movement of Sirius' arm as it brushed against his. He was alarmed but also more than slightly aroused.
"Have you ever – " he began but the words died in his throat.
"What?" came the breathy reply.
Remus let his own hand slip over his growing erection. He sucked in a breath at the sensation that washed over him as he rubbed himself, ignoring the screaming voice in his head telling him this was a terrible mistake.
"Moony?" Sirius whispered, turning his head so that his lips brushed Remus' cheek as he spoke.
"Yeah."
"Show me."
Remus didn't want to make another mistake but he couldn't stop himself. He reached over, his hand shaking slightly, and pressed his palm over Sirius' hard cock.
Sirius hissed and bucked his hips, startling Remus. He pulled his hand away but Sirius caught him by the wrist.
"Please," he begged, shifting onto his side so that his erection poked Remus in the thigh. The feel of it sent a surge of heat from the spot up to his face and he flushed as his own erection throbbed.
Tired of thinking, Remus acted. He turned on his side to face Sirius, pulling the blanket off and letting it fall to the floor, and pressed his erection, which strained through flannel pyjamas, to Sirius'. Sirius moaned loudly and Remus quickly covered his mouth. They lay still for a moment, listening for any movement then resumed rubbing their bodies together in frantic, spastic fashion, stifling groans of pleasure that threatened to leak out.
"More," Sirius whispered, shoving his hand down the front of Remus' pyjama bottoms.
Remus, suddenly not caring about the sound of his bedsprings, began to fumble with his pyjamas, pulling them down to expose his erection. Sirius did the same, letting his hard, leaking cock out from its own flannel prison.
Remus grabbed his cock and rubbed it against Sirius' hard member, eliciting a whimper as Sirius bit his lip, drawing blood. Their legs tangling together, they pressed into each other chest to chest, stomach to stomach, thigh to thigh, trapping their hard erections between them and thrusting in unison as the heady pleasure grew and coiled around them. Remus was aware of the even breathing and soft snores that continued on the other side of his bedcurtains, and knew he should have reached for his wand and cast a silencing charm to ensure they stayed that way, but the thought of pulling away now was ridiculous to him. Remus dug his nails into Sirius' back as he pulled him closer, desperate for contact and willing their bodies to meld together and Sirius, thrusting desperately, reached orgasm first.
"Moony," he moaned, pressing his lips to Remus' shoulder as he came in hot, sticky spurts. Remus, thrusting wildly, came a moment later.
They lay in each other's arms for a long time, their bodies still pressed together, faces buried in each other's necks, the hot pool of semen growing cool and sticky between them. Remus was aware of the uncomfortable feeling but he did not want to be the first to move away, afraid of ending the moment.
"Moony?"
"Yes," he breathed, anxiety filling his lungs and his head.
"That was… brilliant."
Remus let out a breath and smiled. He raised his head and Sirius did the same, looking him in the eyes for the first time in days.
"Was it?"
Sirius smiled and nodded. "Can we do it again?"
"Now?"
Sirius smirked. "Whenever you want."
Remus knew it would be his worst mistake – worse than actually doing this a first time – to continue to do this with one of his best mates. Remus knew it would end badly. He knew but he didn't care. He pressed his lips to Sirius' softly, tentatively, and Sirius pressed back, deepening the kiss as tongues darted over lips, seeking entrance.
"Mmm," Sirius moaned softly, his tongue tangling briefly with Remus' before he pulled away.
"Is it always this good?" he asked, his voice a husky whisper.
"Better."
Sirius shifted a little and with an outstretched hand, accioed his wand from his bedside table and quickly vanished away the sticky mess.
"That' better," he said, tucking his wand under a pillow.
Remus raised an eyebrow. "Getting comfortable, are we," he commented, secretly thrilled that Sirius showed no intention of leaving his bed anytime soon.
"Thought you might like to show me that thing on the beach," Sirius answered, pushing Remus onto his back with a gentle nudge on the shoulder and climbing on top.
"Well, this isn't really the position," he said, giddy at the thought of it.
Sirius slid a little down his body and ran his tongue along his collarbone then pulled up, his eyes glazed and shiny in the dark.
"Then teach me, Professor Lupin," he urged softly, "I so want to learn."
Remus smiled, growing instantly hard at the words and the feel of Sirius' body pressed down on him. "Now?"
Sirius undulated his hips, and Remus knew he was more than ready. "Now, tomorrow, day after…"
Remus wanted to believe it, but he had to be sure.
"Are you sure that's what you want?" he asked, cursing himself for ruining the moment.
Sirius studied his face, meeting his eyes a moment later, and he grinned, his eyes lighting up and causing a delicious shiver to run down his spine.
"Moony," he breathed, "I've never been more sure of anything in my life."
That was all Remus needed to hear. He shoved Sirius off him, flipped him onto his back and settled over him, straddling his thighs.
"You should cast a silencing charm first," he warned, smiling deviously, "this time we'll need it."
Sirius' eyes twinkled and Remus knew that whatever happened between them, whether it ended badly or left him with a broken heart, this would always be his favourite mistake and, unlike every other one, he would never regret it.