Logan sat in the Nurses Office of Neptune High School staring at his busted knuckles, he felt kind of satisfied that had landed a few good punches in Duncan's face. That should ruin Veronica's view for a while, and the busted lip and the tenderness when those bruises really came up would certainly slow down their make-out time for a few days he mused to himself, taking cold comfort in the fact, even if his own injuries, the soreness to his ribs meant he would be limping around for a few days himself.
Mr Clements had told him he was going to have refer the matter to the Sheriff's office if anything like that happened again. The school had been watching the two former friends closely since the beginning of the term, apparently worried the boys might be holding a grudge against each other considering Logan's father had just been sensationally arrested for the murder of Lilly Kane, Duncan's sister, and Logan's girlfriend.
"Duncan attacked me first" Logan complained, rubbing the bruising on his wrist.
"Yes, but it has been reported by several witnesses that you provoked him. You would think given your situation over the last few months Mr Echolls, that you would be trying to remain more under the radar" Clements said, his tone implying exactly what Logan knew he was thinking. For someone who had recently just been acquitted and was under suspicion of the Murder of one of his other classmates, incidents like this wouldn't look very good if more evidence came forward and he had to go to Trial.
"Consider me stealthy and informed from here on out" Logan replied sardonically, giving his best mock salute, trying not to give into the ball of rage threatening to erupt from his chest.
"I know things have not been great for you" Clements said sympathetically, a softness creeping into the old educator's voice. Logan broke eye contact and fiddled with the bandage on his knuckles. Like he needed to be reminded of the hell his life had become, it was a national spectacle. This past year had been particularly rough for Logan, his mother had committed suicide and the erupting a media circus, had only gotten worse since his own father, Hollywood's favourite bad boy Action Star, Aaron Echolls, was arrested for killing Logan's girlfriend, the two of them had been having an affair. The there was a constant stream of paparazzi trying to infiltrate the school to get their scoop; Clements had had to oversee a new budget to increase the security on campus after several incidents regarding vandalism on the Echolls property and in the boys Locker. " I know there has been some additional tension between the two of you, over the Mars girl, but do yourself a favour Logan, try and make use of the guidance counsellors office, there is support here for you" he encouraged.
Logan just quietly nodded and jumped off the end of the examination table, mentions of Veronica was the quickest way to knock the wind right out of him. La Douleur Exquise he thought bitterly as he wandered down the corridor towards his locker. She was going to be so pissed at him after this, Duncan her White Knight could do no wrong, yet in contrast, she always accused Logan of having the worst possible motives. Lately she just completely ignored him, lost in her nauseating infatuation with his former best friend. At least when the two of them hilariously had thought they were half siblings after Lianne Mars, Veronica's mothers long time affair with Duncan's father had been exposed Logan had stood half a chance.
It wasn't like this was a new arrangement, Duncan and Veronica had been on and off again for the better part of two years, the three of them had spent a lot of great time together when he had been dating Lilly. They were much more serious than Logan and Veronica had ever been, but that was before all the death and murder and mayhem, before the chaos, before Veronica had reached up shyly outside the Camelot Motel and kissed him for the first time.
He looked at the dent in the locker where his head had pounded into it during the fight. His phone chirped in his pocket again, another text from his adopted step-sister Trina demanding an answer to some interview offer with a producer friend of her boyfriends. He wandered out into the school picnic area, watching Duncan being tenderly scrutinized by the personification of his torment, Veronica. He hated himself for wallowing like this, it was so wretched.
"It's ok V, I think there's still a receipt someplace in the back of my car if you wanna climb in there with me and help me look" he declared ridiculously as she stared at him furiously. That's right Mars, he thought.Hi I exist, remember me? Your miserable heartbroken wreckage of an ex-boyfriend? Potentially Homicidal Crazy Douche-bag, son of the man who murdered your best friend and tried to kill you? How could she forget?
The final bell rang and he gratefully stormed off the courtyard towards his car, away from her indignation and judgement. It was hard not to feel like you were letting her down when she glared at you like that, Logan always felt like he was letting her down, his mere presence was an offence in her blazing righteousness on the side of good and justice. She had seen through his father's lies, through the deception of some of the worst kinds of people in the world… why couldn't she see him? Really see him?
Pulling into his driveway he saw a familiar red sporty number in his driveway and heard music coming from inside. Mistress Casablanca's. Exactly what he needed he thought in amusement. Definitely girl on top because there was no way his ribs were up to anything particularly athletic today. The best thing about Kendall apart from the Carnal benefits was the fact she was a brunette, he got a blissful hour or two of not picturing a particular petite blond haired camera wielding former sheriffs daughter laid beneath him, her blond curls in his hands as her mouth explored his.
Watching Kendall undress, he was thankful for the more obvious differences, Veronica was petite, angelic, she had an innocent shy smile and always had that beautiful sense of discovering new territory for the first time, it made their encounters numinous. His stomach twisted in a horrible concoction of irritation and grief. Why did he have to be thinking about her right now? Kendall was taller, tanned and fully fluent in the ways of sex, a hot blooded experienced woman who appreciated his talents.
"I don't have all day" she complained as she watched him unbutton his shirt.
"And yet you have been waiting all day, sending me naughty pictures, shame on you" he teased, sliding out of his trousers.
"What happened to you?" she retorted, the corners of her mouth curling in distaste, she was looking at the bruises forming on his ribs. She looked a little pissed off at him, like his injuries were somehow going to ruin her afternoon. So much for her nurturing skills.
"Oh you know, one of the other woman in my life, legs like a vice" he sneered as she gave him a once over, assessing him for potential use.
"You aren't going to be up to much play time today are you?" she asked him in disgust.
"I can be if you are gentle" he told her sarcastically, his hand on her chin, but he could see in by the annoyance in her eyes that this little rendezvous was cancelled for tonight. Sighing he watched her shake her head in aggravation.
"If I wanted Gentle" she began as she stepped away from him and grabbed her dress "I would have slept with my husband" she complained as she headed towards the front door.
"Was it good for you too?" he called out after her. "Rain check" he to the sound of the door slamming behind her.
Dammit, there went his distraction. Maybe Veronica would be so pissed at him she would come and give him a piece of her mind he pondered as his phone rang. A little shocked, he stared at it for a few minutes before picking up.
It was Duncan.
"We should hang out" he answered mockingly "Crack open a few beers, have a brawl, hey we could have a pay per view, I am sure Veronica would subscribe"
"I don't blame you for Lilly" Duncan responded firmly. "Just after today, I just wanted you to know that" he informed him before he hung up.
Logan stared at the phone, a lump starting to form in the back of his throat.
Fucking Bastard, even after their fight, Duncan still had to go and prove himself the better man. He sat on the edge of his bed and fought back the tears. Memories of Lilly and a simpler time of his life bubbled their way to the surface. He had missed his friend, the weight of feeling that blame had been crushing him ever since the truth had come out about his dad. How could Duncan not have blamed him? He blamed himself. Lilly never would have been anywhere near Aaron Echolls if she hadn't been dating Logan.
Fuck it… he was hitting the mini bar tonight again. Hells, he might even invite Dick and Beaver over, make a night of it. He would just have to induratize himself against the powers of Veronica Mars and her gravity in the morning. It hurt him to know that she never thought of him the way he thought about her. She couldn't scamper away quick enough when he was near her, since she had started seeing Duncan again, she had been actively going out of her way to avoid him, if they didn't share so many of the same classes, she would have been completely out of his orbit, which wouldn't have been as difficult for her, if he hadn't been actively trying to be a jackass, going out of his way to make her have to engage with him in every way possible.
He challenged her daily because it was better to cross the line and suffer the consequences than just stare at it. Being around her was like being caught in a brilliant sunlight, she made his world brighter, even if all he could do was catch glimpses of it. How foolish of him to not have savoured more of their time together that summer, if he had known she would leave him, he would have taken more time, committed her to memory, gone without sleep just to spend one more hour with her loving him, being his. He missed the tenderness in her voice when she had spoken to him, now it had an edge to it. Like she was preparing for conflict.
Passur a autre chose… the act of moving onto something else. Something she had mastered all too well, and something that he couldn't quite seem to manage. His feelings for her wasn't because she made him feel better about his miserable life, he ached for her; he couldn't breathe without her if he stopped to recognise it long enough. He was tragic; he was hopelessly in love with someone who he didn't have a chance with.
His thoughts drifted back to visions of the Neptune Grand suite and Duncan laying with his head in Veronica's arms, her caring for him and whispering how much she adored him. He knew the feeling all too well, the night his father had been arrested, the night Logan had been beaten badly but the PCH gang, he had been cradled in her arms. The jealousy of watching them together was destroying him and Logan was going to go crazy from it.
Fuck you Kendall… he thought as he climbed into the shower. Turning it on, he turned sinking to the floor on the wet tiles, he wished the water could just baptise him, that it would just wash him clean, leave him pristine and worthy, or that it would just help him drift away.
Fuck you Veronica… and fuck himself for still needing her.