Author's Note: I initially started this fic about two years ago, but... whatever, I got distracted and it never happened. So here it is. The fic that I struggled not to name 'Love in an Elevator'
one:
The first time it happens, they don't realise until it's far too late to stop it. When it clicks, neither one of them wants to make that move, wants to back down. So they stand, awkwardly, side by side for the elevator ride down.
Kalinda wants to grab her.
She considers pressing the emergency stop button, but stops herself by truly considering Alicia's potential responses. There's the obvious, the mostly likely. She glares, she gets mad, and Kalinda gives in. There's the possible. Alicia faux-sweetly asks her if she wouldn't mind please starting the elevator up again. Kalinda gives in. There's the 'if only'. Alicia smiles. Actual, honest sweetness. Stops being sweet, and pushes Kalinda up against the wall. They make up. And everything would be normal. As it was. At the very least, Alicia would just put her hatred aside for 45 minutes every now and again; act like Kalinda was somebody else. Kalinda tells herself that would be enough.
The elevator reaches the parking garage.
two:
The second time, it's planned. It's not like Kalinda's been lurking near the elevator (it's exactly like that, but she tells herself otherwise). She just… well, she knows that Alicia's answer to pain is schedules. Alicia likes schedules anyway. She likes to be on time, she likes to know where she's going to be and when. Alicia likes schedules even more when she's upset. If she was going to analyse, Kalinda would say that this is because Alicia needs to control something right now. She feels like her life is a mess, that everything she thought was hers was a lie, and something as simple as leaving for lunch at exactly the same time every day for two weeks, is a small mercy. Kalinda doesn't analyse, she just waits. Jumps into the elevator last minute and apologises, saying she would have waited for the next one if she'd known it was Alicia in here.
And then she just leans against the back of the elevator and watches her. Her posture is… well, off. It's not right. She's not standing tall. She knows that's her fault, but she just brushes past her at the ground floor and walks away.
three:
Kalinda thinks the second time is planned, too. It's been a few months and they're a little more… civil. She's almost sure Alicia shot her a half-smile yesterday (at the very least, it wasn't a glare), and she doesn't get nervous just thinking about being alone with her anymore. So when Alicia hops into the elevator seconds before the doors close, she can't be sure if she imagines her colleague mumbling "oh, hey". She awkwardly smiles and nods, and that's that. No conversation. But things are more comfortable. And for the first time in months, Kalinda thinks again about pushing Alicia against the wall and apologising in the best way she knows how. And when Alicia gets out of the elevator, Kalinda doesn't even feel bad for watching her walking away.
four:
The fourth time is a year since what Kalinda's mind refers to as "the incident". It's been an awkward, uncomfortable year of drinking alone or with someone who just doesn't fit right. A year that's seen her befriend Eli (and damnit if that man doesn't know something by now), that she's watched Alicia from the side lines, practically interrogating Will, that saw her unable to fight back the urge to help Alicia out, and deliver Grace to the doorstep. And now, the year that saw the two of them make up, in a fashion. The elevator rides aren't awkward anymore. So this time, they get in together. There are no accidents, no hours of planning, they just walk in together and Kalinda has to stop herself from pointing this out. They just continue their conversation, and Kalinda tries to focus on Alicia's words, and not her lips. But it's hot in the elevator and Alicia takes her blazer off and god, she hopes she's not expected to contribute to this conversation. Kalinda nods, she just nods and only thinks about kissing Alicia four times in the next minute. Counts it as a success and hyperventilates when she gets to her car.
one:
It's not the only reason it happens, but they're running out of firsts. It's been almost two years since 'the incident' and sometimes Kalinda forgets it ever even happened. In really beautiful moments, she forgets anything that happened before the first time she kissed Alicia. But when Cary gets out, leaving the two of them alone in the elevator, she remembers all the times she stood next to her in this box, wanting nothing more than to kiss her. Two years ago she thought about pressing the emergency stop button, this time she does it. Alicia holds her hand out, and Kalinda grabs it, pulling her closer. And when it's over, when Alicia is buttoning her blouse again and Kalinda is readjusting her skirt, she tells Alicia. She doesn't tell her everything, but she mumbles something about how long she's wanted to do that. Tries not to use a timeframe, because she doesn't want to bring all of that back up, but she tells her a little. And, just like she has done for months now, she melts when Alicia smiles at her. Someone mentions work, and they both reach to start the elevator again.
And when the elevator stops, they go out and go their separate ways, just like before. But Kalinda couldn't be happier.