She is leaving, and she is breaking.
The road sign that proclaims the entrance to Tokyo flashes in her rearview mirror, and when images of loud blondes and stolen kisses and broken bedposts and smooth black hair flicker through her mind, there is a painful pressure behind her eyes and she can almost hear her heart struggling not to shatter through the deafening silence in the car. She only presses her foot against the gas pedal harder, watching the speedometer hike up to 60.
(The farther I get away, the better, she thinks, and can't help but feel like she's lying to herself.)
Her bags are packed, all seven of them, into the backseat of her Civic; an entire apartment's worth of belongings, furniture not included. There's 100,000 dollars in the glove compartment, and she doesn't know where she'll go, but she does know it has to be far, far away from him.
Tsunade has given her adequate training to take her skills and use them anywhere she wants, so she can easily end up in any other prominent hospital getting paid six figures and doing what she does best, even if the rest of her life and all her friends are back in Tokyo
(where you belong, something argues, and she pretends not to hear)
but she can't stay there, because he's there.
And she can't be with him any longer, because she is only number two, and will always be number two to him. In this new city, she just might get to be somebody's number one, and that is all she wants.
Something inside her is begging her to go back, to make a u-turn and to return to secret rendezvous and safe embraces and scheduled meetings and being the other woman, but she can't do that.
(It's not healthy, she is telling herself, to not have him all to myself. It may sound selfish, but a girl has her own needs, right?)
So here she sat, driving down the highway at what was now 80 miles an hour, breaking and breaking over what was and what could have been.
The silence is deafening and no longer tolerable, so in a fit of frustration Sakura taps the button to turn on the radio. The song playing on the local station of whatever city she was now passing through just happened to be playing in the club on the night they met, so, she changes the station again and again until she finally can't take it anymore and goes back to silence.
A song begins to play in her head—
(goodbye my almost lover, goodbye my hopeless dream; i'm trying not to think about you, can't you just let me be?)
—and she thinks, it is theirs. It is soft, and sad, and describes them so well it hurts. So this song plays on repeat, inside her cluttered head, and it is clearer and sweeter than any song on the radio.
The song stops when the light from her cell phone illuminates the interior of the small car. Her fingers are shaking as she picks up the phone, so much that she drops it in her lap. She looks down, and sees his beautiful face on the screen.
(And I'd almost gotten away with it, she thinks.)
Resisting the urge to roll down the window and promptly throw the phone out onto the road, Sakura takes a deep breath and flicks open her phone.
"Hello?" she asks, even if she knows who it is.
"Where are you? Your apartment's empty except for your furniture."
She wants to chuckle, because she left an hour ago and he is already noticing, but she does not.
"I left."
There is a slight crackling on the other end; a silence, a loud shifting, and then her reply.
"What do you mean you left? Did you go out or something? Well, I guess you got robbed or something—didn't I tell you to keep your door locked all the time? Now you—"
"No, Sasuke. I left."
Silence, again.
When he speaks, his voice cracks, and she can almost hear the tears seeping through; she feels her heart break a little more for him.
"...What? W...why?"
"I can't stay there, Sasuke. I can't be your little escape anymore."
"W-what do you mean, my escape? Sakura, I—I nee—"
"No, Sasuke, you don't need me. You have her."
She is trying very hard not to cry, to burst into tears at the sound of his voice, normally calm and cool and deep and when he held her, she could more feel it than hear it. And she realizes, hearing his voice, that he is almost as broken as she is.
He is silent for one moment more.
"...So you're just going to leave everything? Just because of this?"
"Just? Sasuke, this is a huge deal! I'm overwhelmed! I can' take it! I can't take being second best anymore, I...I just can't."
She has broken her promise to herself, and feels the momentary pressure in her sinuses before there are hot tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't want to have this final conversation; she wanted to whisk away unnoticed while he was off enjoying his blissful other life, so she could escape to a new city scot-free and make new friends, get a new job, find a new lover. Instead, he calls her with this broken voice, and her tenuous resolve is quivering under the weight.
"We could've..." he trails off, and she can hear the distress in his voice, the distress he's never shown to her, and she almost wishes she could see the look on his face just once before she leaves forever, but knows she can't, and steels herself.
"Sasuke-kun...wou're married. You already have a happy little life with Karin, and what am I to you? Something to pass the time? I can't do that for you, Sasuke-kun, because even I need to be loved once in a while, you know? So just..."
She takes a deep breath, because her tight grip is slipping.
"...just forget about me, Sasuke-kun. It's the best thing you can do for yourself."
She thinks she's finished; that was her exit line (in case she needed one), cue the music, cue the montage, roll the credits, etcetera. She thought she was done.
And he has to ruin it.
"Sakura...I have divorce papers in my bag."
And suddenly, there is a crushing weight upon her head, and the pressure increases to the point that she think she might explode. Her cheeks are soaked now; something in the back of her mind jokes that her eyes must be the cleanest they've ever been, but she doesn't listen. She's too busy falling.
Sakura has to struggle not to crash, between Sasuke on the phone and the tears in her eyes and the god-awful pain inside her chest, and she is a danger to everyone else on the road, so she wipes her eyes and breathes and puts the phone back to her ear. He is silent, like she is used to, but the the phone lines between them convey everything there is to say. Just in case, she says it anyway.
"Sasuke..."
A moment passes. She is gathering her strength, and Sasuke is not ready for his to fall.
"Go back to your own life, Sasuke. Karin loves you, your family loves you...there's no reason for you to destroy it all over...over me."
She has made her point. Sasuke can object all he wants, but she is not wavering, and she is not going back.
He is too quiet. She almost can't stand his silence, because she is sick of it—wants to hear him say something (anything) to break this perpetual silence that is him (not them, because there is no such thing as them anymore).
"...So this is really goodbye."
Sakura sighs. "Yes." She would say something more, but she does not know what.
"...Where will you go?"
"I—I don't know...my parents live in Yokohama. I'll probably end up there."
There is a rustle of something on the other line—like he's nodding his head, and something inside her dares to hope—
he is accepting this.
"Sasuke, I...I have to go. Forget about me, okay?" Sakura says finally, just to say it one last time, as if it will ensure that he will listen.
Sasuke begins to say something, and it sounds like 'wait', but she snaps her phone shut, wipes her eyes, and pushes her foot against the gas pedal.
After he hears the dial tone, Sasuke swears and races home. He pulls his old suitcase from his closet, calls Naruto and tells him to pack for a roadtrip to Yokohama.
Sasuke has had enough with losing the ones he loves.
(so long, my luckless romance; my back is turned on you. should have known you'd bring me heartache; almost lovers always do.)
So yesh. I'm not very happy with this one, but meh. I just need to post more stuff before I go insane with inactivity.
Don't worry, Deidre doll, your HOLYSHITlate oneshot is coming up next. ^^