Akkarin's Point of View

This is a work of fan fiction set after Akkarin's nightmare from which Sonea wakes him up.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor the events in this – all I own are the thoughts I imagine (or like to imagine) have gone through Akkarin's mind at this point.

His shield was touched. On impulse, he sent a strike at the person, blank fear on his mind. The Ichani…

'Ow!'

He recognised the voice instantly.

'Sonea!' He pushed her onto her back, his hands trembling from the nightmare and the shock, and fear of having hurt her. He took a deep breath. 'Are you hurt?'

There was a moment before she answered, 'No, just bruised, I think.'

'Why did you wake me?' He fought to keep his voice calm. Images of his nightmare flashed before his eyes: Yilana, dead, and Sonea, captured by the Ichani…

'You were dreaming. A nightmare…' Her voice trailed off and he saw her eyes dart down towards his shaking hands, and tried to control them. He was relieved that this was all – nothing else was threatening, no Ichani, no dangerous, nocturnal animal. And, despite himself, he couldn't smother a feeling that she has woken him because…

No, he told himself.

'I am used to them, Sonea,' he said, hearing the calmness of his own voice, grateful that it was no longer trembling. 'They are no reason to wake me.'

'You were making a lot of noise.'

Of course. He paused, then straightened.

'Go to sleep, Sonea,' he said in a low voice. 'I will watch.'

'No,' she said irritably. 'You've barely slept – and I know you won't wake me when it's your turn to sleep.'

At this, he felt an involuntary smile on his lips. He was always so content to watch her sleep, and she was so peaceful, he couldn't bear to take it away from her, despite the fact that he knew how foolish he must look.

'I will,' he heard himself say. 'I give you my word.'

He leaned forward and offered her a hand. As she took it, he felt the velvet softness and the warmth of her skin. He caught himself and tried not to concentrate on the contact but on pulling her up…

He stilled as he caught sight of her.

The sun illuminated her face and hair, giving her something like a golden halo. Her eyes shone mysteriously, her luminous hair rippled rhythmically in the soft breeze, and her perfect skin looked so soft…

And then he felt it: a light, tentative touch at the edge of his mind. Suddenly fearful, he snatched his hand away, taking a step back. If she saw what was on his mind… He would surely lose her…

She took a careful step toward him, followed by another. Noticing how close she was, he frowned and watched her beautiful dark eyes intensely, looking up at him with an earnest expression in them. She sent him a mental image then, and the realization that she had sensed his every thought overcame him. But the image was followed by another, this time of himself, looking unlike he had ever seen himself before. He looked mysterious yet kind, his features enhanced, and followed by the image came a sense of admiration and something bordering on desire and love. His eyes widened in surprise. He could not smother any hope now: his body seemed to explode with it, making his heart race and filling him with happiness.

She stepped very close. He let his hands encircle her arms, and tighten, as she leaned up towards him, and kissed him.

Her lips were very soft. His heart was racing, but something was wrong… this was Sonea, not Yilana. He has promised to himself never to care for anyone like he cared for her, yet Sonea was touching something within him, something he had thought was long lost…

He pulled away. 'Stop,' he breathed, confused. 'Stop this.'

An inquisitive, slightly hurt look, was reflected in those dark eyes which so enthralled him, and, looking down at her face, his confusion seemed to double.

'Wrong?' she said. 'How? We both feel… feel…' Lost for words, she let her voice trail off. He looked down.

'Yes,' he said softly. 'But there is more to consider.'

'Like?' Sonea held him with her gaze. He noticed that his arms still held her tightly. He let go of her and said, 'It would not be fair – to you.'

She looked at him. 'Me? But – '

'You are young,' he said. 'I am twelve – no thirteen – years older than you.'

'That is true.' She sounded like she was picking her words carefully. 'But women in the Houses are matched with older men all the time. Much older men. Some when they're as young as sixteen. I'm nearly twenty.'

He struggled with himself, feeling as if pulled in two directions – towards his loyalty to Yilana, and then, towards what he felt for Sonea…

'I am your guardian,' he reminded her, more sternly than he had intended to. Sonea's lips curved into a smile. 'Not any more.'

'But if we return to the Guild – '

'Will we cause a scandal?' She chuckled. What a lovely sound. 'I think they're getting used to that.'

He felt a smile pull at his lips, but forced a frown instead. She sobered.

'You speak as if we'll go back and everything will be the same again. Even if we return, nothing will ever be as it was for us. I am a black magician. So are you.'

Her words made him wince, reminding him of what he had taught her. 'I am sorry,' he said. 'I should never have – '

'Don't apologise for that,' she exclaimed, cutting him off. 'I chose to learn black magic. And I didn't do it for you.'

He regarded her silently, drinking in the sight of her. She was here, and regardless of all he had put her through, returning his feelings for her.

She sighed and turned away. 'Well, this is going to make things awkward.'

He couldn't bear it. 'Sonea,' he said, not a split second after she had finished the last word.

She looked back and he stepped closer, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. Her skin was soft and warm.

'Either of us could die in the next few weeks,' he said quietly. She nodded.

'I know.'

'I'd be happier knowing you were safe.'

She narrowed her eyes and he smiled at her suspicion. 'No, I will not start that argument again,' he said, 'but… you test my loyalties, Sonea.' He thought of Yilana, the memory no longer cutting his mind but peacefully just being. Then he thought of Sonea, and he knew he could never have rejected her.

She frowned. 'How?'

He reached out and ran a finger across her brow. 'It doesn't matter,' he said. He let a corner of his mouth curl up into a half-smile. 'It's too late, anyway. I started failing that test the night you killed the Ichani.'

He didn't know when it started, but he knew that something had happened that night. Sonea blinked, looking surprised, and he smiled. He let his hands slip around her waist and pulled her closer. She reached up and ran a soft fingertip over the curve in his lips. Then he leaned towards her and his mouth met hers, and the world, Yilana, and the Ichani, melted away.