I walked out toward La Push beach, it was beautiful and pitch dark outside. The water was almost black against the sky, hardly visible. The bonfire was blazing red, gold, and orange. Everyone was standing around, drinks in hand and smiles on their faces.

I tried not to scoff, but damn normal people made it hard. Okay, these weren't normal people, they're werewolves and unsuspecting humans who are drawn to our extremely warm bodies and gold skin, but to an extent – normal.

I could see Sam and Emily sitting side by side on a log, his lips touching her ear as he whispered into it. I felt a surge of pain rush to my heart and I contemplated turning around and going back to my serenity filled home.

I rolled my eyes and tried to remember how things were before Sam chose Emily. I was so happy and so in love with Sam. I was so stupid. I hate him now. I almost hate Emily, but I don't know if I ever really could hate her, he imprinted on her. She was down to Earth and a genuinely good person, I am just unhappy with the events.

"Are you waiting to make a grand appearance?"

A deep voice brought me out of the ramblings in my head. I turned to see Paul, he was wearing a pair of tan cargo pants and a white tank top with an unbuttoned short sleeved white shirt over it. His hair was cut short, it was messily spiked and as black as mine.

"I'm just thinking, trying to figure out why things are so different is all," I turned my eyes back to the bonfire.

"Why? Just go have a fun night, why do you have to evaluate everything?"

I thought for a moment, why do I over evaluate everything? "This isn't how things should be, it should be how it was,"

" Leah, the past is just that – the past. It's done, it's over. You still have a life, regardless of how much things change," his words were absolutely true, but my heart didn't want to take them in, or take his advice.

"What if I can never accept it? Sam and I will never be together, Jacob has his girlfriend, Seth is interested in someone – where does that leave me, Paul? You guys have your own lives and girlfriends and that leaves me with no friends," I turned to him, a strand of my hair blew across my face from the strong gust of wind that blew around us.

"Free," his face was soft as he gently brushed a strand of long, glossy black hair off of my face.

I smiled at his affection, I'd never really seen him this nice, I liked it.

"Now come on, we'll walk over together," he grabbed my hand and we made our way to the huge fire.

"Oh my god, Leah! You made it," Emily smiled as wide as she could, despite the scar on the right side of her face.

I managed the best fake smile I could and hugged her as quickly as possible, I loved her, but I just couldn't bear it to be her friend anymore.

"We have all the food over on that far table and the drinks are in the cooler underneath it. What have you been up to?" she continued smiling.

"I see Jacob, I really have to talk to him," I lied, and quickly made my retreat from her.

I hated to dodge her attempts at healing our friendship, but with Sam always near her side and staring at the two of us – ruined any attempt she could make. I padded away in my flip flops across the sand and headed toward Jake and his girlfriend, Paloma. I saw the look of worry on his face, like I might embarrass him or something, but I shrugged it off.

"Leah, haven't seen you out in a while," Jacob smiled his big, broad grin and I couldn't help but to reciprocate with my own small smirk.

"Well, I can't stay in bed forever, even though I'm exhausted from the war with the bloodsuckers and running around with fur half of this year," I laughed.

"Paloma, could you go grab us some cokes? I'd really, really appreciate it – I feel like I've got cotton mouth," Jacob smiled his huge smirk, Paloma kissed him lightly and walked toward the food table.

"It's good to see you, Leah," she smiled and rubbed my arm before she walked off, I really had a good feeling about her.

" Leah, how are you? Really?" Jacob asked me as quietly as possible, glancing to Sam.

I exhaled deeply, my eyes darting to the ground momentarily. I returned my gaze back to Jake and he smiled sympathetically at me. "I walked over with Paul, but I think he's found some girl to ogle over most likely," I rolled my eyes and fidgeted with the sheer black shirt over my bikini top. "It's getting better," I finally admitted.

"I know how you feel, Leah, you know that. Just try to find something to get it off your mind," he patted my shoulder and walked off.

I turned on my heel and decided this was too much right now, I headed back for the land and my awaiting Jeep and radio. I didn't want to be the only person without anyone. I wanted someone to whisper in my ear, I wanted someone to walk alone with me on the beach, to kiss under the moon. I wanted passion and fire in my life, but all I have right now is the occasional outbreak of complete body fur and a tail. I trudged across the sand faster. As I reached my car I looked toward it, Paul was leaning on the hood with his elbow, one foot crossed over the other. I walked faster.

"Trying to run away?"

I eyed him viciously and grabbed my keys from my tiny shorts pocket. "Sitting at home on my laptop is better than submitting myself to this torture," I replied while I passed him and shoved him, he toppled backward but spun to keep from plummeting to the ground on his ass. I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing.

"Leah, just because you're not with the one you want – doesn't mean you have to find ways to be miserable,"

I flew back around to face him and was trembling in anger. "I was in the right place, I loved him! I wanted to marry him, I wanted a family! Why not me? Why did he choose her?" I spat at him. "I don't find ways to be miserable, it just happens when you're life is this fucked up!," I ground out at him and whirled around the front of my white jeep, my knight in shining armor.

He stood there and lightly stuffed his hands in his pockets, I wanted to confide in him, but I just couldn't right now.

"I just am tired of all the questions about my well being and sanity. I just want to get out of here and run away!" I climbed into my jeep and exhaled when it roared to life. I flew off.

I drove a good two miles before pulling to the side of the road, I was too distracted to drive. Even though I wasn't scared of any injuries – I would hate it if anything happened to my jeep. It had been a while since the Sam shit happened, but my god – it still hurt to see them together tonight. I needed a release, I needed a reverie. I needed to run and just let myself go. I pulled the jeep onto a familiar dirt road and parked it behind a large patch of trees and bushes.

I flipped off my flippers, and jumped out of my high sitting jeep. I unbuttoned my black see through shirt slowly, I let it fall onto the leather seat softly. Along with it followed my bathing suit top, and later so did my small khaki shorts, then my bikini bottoms. I breathed in the black, cool air deep into my lungs. I could smell the fire wood burning and the deer running in the woods around me.

I trembled violently and flew forward as I burst into my wolf form, fur escaped around my entire body. I shook myself and took off at a dead run in no specific direction, I needed the wind, the solitude, and the silence. I knew Quil and Seth were probably out shitting around – so I had to remember to keep my thoughts shielded wisely. I still couldn't stop the the thoughts that seeped into my mind as I soared and ducked through the trees and clovers.

Emily now had everything that I thought would have been mine, everything I wanted so desperately and wholeheartedly. Running through this field brought back so many memories of Sam and I, the flirting and hiding paired with anticipation that he'd catch me and what would happen next. I also couldn't forget all the times we'd sit out here and talk, I listened to him talk about his plans for the future, the plans he had for us. It all seemed like my own little fairytale had come true, my prince had come. I guess dreams are just that, dreams.

I came upon a small pool of water with a small waterfall cascading into it, it was beautiful. Green moss surrounded the bank, and the water looked so inviting to my warm wolf's body. I decided to jump in, and I did, fur and all soaking up tons of the cool water. I bobbed back to the surface and paddled around happily, I breathed in and relished the scent of the woodsy water and the mist that hung around in the air. I could smell the pine needles in the tree branches above me. The distant smell of lavender wafted around my nose as well, all these things served as aroma-therapies while I floated in the cool pool of water. I let my thoughts go and they drifted wildly and freely:

Maybe I'm just too independent for him, I have my own mind – I don't need a man to think for me. Perhaps he didn't, or doesn't, want a woman who can think for herself.

I chuckled inwardly.

Maybe he needed a woman who would cater to his every want, need, and whim. Emily excelled at this, being the cook, being the nurse, basically being a bunch of dog's slave. He probably doesn't want a woman who would challenge him and his strength. He'd always talked about how he wanted to do the man's job and handle the things men were supposed to.

He's such a dumb, sexist brute, and such a goddamn idiot. Maybe it's what I wanted that he didn't, I suppose he did see an easier woman to deal with in Emily. Who wouldn't?

That would be awful, not just being rejected – but being rejected because I'm free willed and out going! I have my own life, I don't want to be controlled by any man, and I have my own mind and my own life.

Maybe it's my body – I always thought my tall and statuesque legs looked strange. Most of the Quileute women were petite, but I was taller and definitely more muscled, but I was still soft. Maybe I'm just not sexy.

"You're more than sexy," I heard Paul's thought sound into my ears like a train's horn, I whipped my snout around and saw Paul standing on the side of the pool on his haunches, his eyes dark and they now held a new definition

I was so startled that halfway through my climb out of the water onto the mossy bank and into the clover covered ground, I shifted involuntarily to my naked human body. I was now sitting in front of Paul, more naked in front of him than I'd ever been in front of any man in my entire life, besides my father when I was 3. I looked around desperately seeking anything I could hide behind, or cover myself with. All that surrounded us were tall, slender trees and and clovers covering the ground in a green pillow like top. I remained turned away from him due to the most embarrassed feeling I'd ever experienced in my life. I knelt onto my knees on the silky green clovers and squeezed one arm over my bare breasts and slung one over my lap, hiding my sex.

"Damn you, Paul!" I ground out of my teeth in anger and frustration.

I turned to locate him, he was gone and my heart began to pound in my chest. I exhaled a shaky breath and let my arm fall off of my breasts. The wind hit my nipples and they immediately peaked due to the cool chill in the air and the exhilaration due to the recent encounter that took place mere seconds ago.

I was mortified that he sat and listened to my personal thoughts about my life and body – they were mine and private. I had already gone through this with the pack, I didn't them ever hearing one more of my thoughts ever again. I wanted to run away and forget about the last 5 minutes. I couldn't stop my throat from tightening from the hurt of being seen in my most intimate state by Paul. My eyes began to water, and soon a tear fell through my thick fan of lashes.

I turned to make sure he was gone and prepared to yell at him if he remained, but he was gone.

I returned to my position and stared into the black night that was as black as my hair and closed my eyes as I inhaled the strong scent of the forest. I opened my eyes and looked out in front of me, there was Paul as he was shifting to his human body. I was struck dumb as I lost my sense of vocabulary, along with my voice.

Seeing him without his shirt regularly had become normal, with all the patrolling and meetings about the war with the red haired bloodsucker and her army of newborn idiots. I was somewhat used to the sight. Then I looked further down and he was naked in front of me and only 10 feet away – my breath was caught in my chest.

His legs were longer, leaner and caramel colored. His chest was predominantly larger than I had remembered from the last couple of months . His stomach now donned sets of ripples and grooves of muscles. I closed my eyes when they lowered to his large, hardened, lower lying anatomy, my heart sped at his size.

I suddenly remembered my body was bare and I re-crossed my arms over my chest and my face reddened horribly – I prayed he couldn't see the shade in the darkness, but due to our enhanced eyes, I knew he could.

"Leah," Paul began, I remained still as possible. I continued kneeling on the and tightened my arms over my chest. I didn't want to respond to him, because if I did, then it would make this horrifying experience even more tangible.

Against my strong personal will and strong defiance, and my better judgment, I felt the first tingles of arousal creep into the area right between my legs I was trying so desperately to hide right now. I inhaled deeply and let the strong scent of pine calm my nerves slightly.

Three things were true right now and undeniable. One, Paul and I had just seen each other completely nude and for the first time ever. Second, neither of us ran off in disgust in opposite directions, and the third fact was that I wanted to turn and continue staring at his beautiful body more than anything right now. I was about to shift back into my wolf form and flee – but two firm, but gentle, hands grasped my upper arms. Electricity coursed through my veins and into my stomach, my eyes opened and I flinched slightly at the feeling of moisture seeping from my naked center.

"What are you doing?" I whispered. I didn't have the confidence to turn to him just yet.

"Touching you, Leah. I've wanted to for a long time," his breath was on my ear and he trailed one hand up my arm, over my shoulder and to my hair. He pulled back a handful of the silky strands and his lips lightly touched the skin behind my ear.

I gasped at the attraction that seared my skin and warm body, my eyes widened and I couldn't think.

His next move sent my body into a spiral of heat and desire like the fire on the beach.