I guess you could say that our meeting and then coming together is a bit odd. I used to always laugh at those people who meet some on-line and then fall in love without ever meeting. That is until I talked to her. My name is Spencer Carlin and let me tell you my love story.
I was searching for who I am and found a website with a great group of people from around the world. That is where we first started to talk to each other. This woman amazed me. Is was smart, funny, and confident and knew what she wanted out of life. We didn't get to talk very often in the beginning, and I only knew her screen name on the site. I was at work one day messing around on my break at a computer when I was checking out my MySpace page and I had a new friend request. In the beginning I didn't know who it was and then I figured it out. See the reason that I didn't know who it was is because she was using her real name Ashley Davis.
It just started with us talking via the website and when her job got in the way we would leave messages for each other on StalkerSpace opps I mean MySpace. It got to the point where we were sending each other messages every day. During this entire time I was struggling with my sexuality so I had a lot of questions for her. She was great. She patiently answered all my questions and let me tell you there were a lot of them. She was just wonderful.
We went on like this for a few months, chatting either via the website or StalkerSpace. During that time somehow she got me too completely open up and I don't allow that to happen let alone with somebody that I met on a website. I shared things with here that I had never shared with anyone. At one point we finally traded email addresses. We would trade emails throughout the day and started making a habit of making sure the other one had an email in the morning when they woke up. I guess at this time, I should say that I live in the States and that she is currently living in Africa although she is from Australia. She is in Africa for work. So with that said there is an 8 or 9 hour time difference between us so making sure the other had an email waiting in the morning was pretty easy.
One day it hit me that I was starting to crush on this girl that I have only every chatted with on the inter webs. I didn't even know what she looks like. None of that mattered to me. I knew that she was amazing. She is also one of the biggest smart asses that I know but she could pull it off perfectly. She also let me see the side of her that I am guessing very few people get to see and that is her loving and vulnerable side. I could go on and on about what made me attracted to her but I won't.
It took me about three weeks to get up the courage to express what I was feeling with anyone and then another week or two to tell Ashley how I was feeling. By this time in our friendship we finally started IM'ing back and forth. So one day when we were both at work I was finally able to admit that I was feeling something for her. And to my amazement she felt the same way. I started to do my internal happy dance. We decided that we would give a long distance relationship a shot.
I had been walking on air since then. We would chat every day for how every long our schedules allowed it. She was still extremely busy at work and she had long hard hours. We would be chatting sometime and she would just fall asleep. I thought it was the cutest thing in the world because should would ask me a question and by the time I was able to respond she would be asleep. After around the first month we both finally got brave to start using Skype to talk back and forth. So we talked about once or twice a week. I would run home during my lunch hour and we would be able to talk for about 35-45 minutes before I would have to head back to work.
I slowly started falling harder and harder for her. It was about two months in that I realized I had fallen in love. I was terrified! I had never felt like this for anybody before and in the back of my head I was thinking, what the hell am I doing. I've never met this amazing woman and yet I thought I was in love with her. I had thought this over and over and over again for about a week. I finally decided that I have to tell her what I think I'm feeling.
So one day, we are chatting like normal I tell her that I need to tell her that I have something very important. So I told her. And then nothing and then it was just weird she was speechless. I thought that I had screwed everything up and she was going to never want to talk to me again. It took her a couple of minutes and she finally just said that she didn't know what to say. I wasn't really looking for her to say it back or anything just more of sharing my feelings. Shortly after that she had to go. I was depressed for the next day or two. The next day she explained that I just took her by surprise and was shocked because we had never met.
About two months later I was running into work after just talking to her and she had sent me an IM telling me that she loved me. I was in seventh heaven reading that. That night while we were chatting she had said that she never thought she could fall in love with somebody she had never met in person. I defiantly knew where she was coming from with that. So once again I was walking on cloud nine falling deeper and deeper everyday.
Right around month four we hit our real first speed bump. Ashley found out that she would be moving to another country for her job and that maybe we should break up. I was crushed and it felt like somebody was squeezing all the air out of my lungs. I didn't know what to say or do. I know that I didn't want to break up but also knew that it wasn't just up to me. We only talked about 15 minutes that morning before one of us had to go. I think I cried that entire day. I had sent her, her morning email and just said that I didn't want to break up with her and that I wanted to try this with an even greater distance between us and a 12 hour time difference. Later that night for me and the next morning for her we decided that until she knew more about this move that we would stay together. I was so relived but still was somewhat guarded after that. Knowing that at any moment she would have to move.
Well we had managed to stay together for 6 months. I really was amazed because during this time we still had to meet in person and yet I scheduled everything I did around here. During this time everyone around me had noticed that in general I seemed to be a much happier person. Now I'm not out to anyone but her and the great group of woman on the website and to be honest I am still not certain what I am. I wanted to shout it out to the world that I was in love with Ashley Davies. I couldn't though but I was and am still scared to do that. I wish I could say that it was my fear that finally made us break up but I can't she was extremely supportive of me not wanting to come out just yet. I did decide that once she was here to visit that I would at least tell my Mom.
It turns okay that it is not going to be an issue now. I just got done talking to Ashley and found that she is moving in three weeks and we did break up. I can't believe how much it hurts. The sad thing is that she is hurting just as much as I am maybe even more. I still have hope that once her works settles down that we could try again. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, okay so I am a hopeless romantic but I can't help it. And if we never get a chance to sail those seas again I know I still have a great friend in her. Ashley Davies I will love you now and forever.
My name is Spencer Carlin and that is my love story.