Title: Undercover: Pink Cotton Panties
Fandom: Gundam Wing
Pairing: Hints of 2+1 and 6+1
Rating: R
Summary: Heero goes undercover. He is not amused.
Warnings: Cross-dressing, sexual innuendoes, bad language
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing; please don't sue.
"So what's this big disguise that's going to get you in the building?" said Duo. "It'll have to be good. Their security's nearly impenetrable."
"I know that," said Heero, on the other side of the door. "It's fine."
"Come on, let me see it," said Duo.
"No," said Heero.
"Please?" said Duo.
"No."
"Oh, really. What's the big secret? It's not like I can compromise the mission by having a look."
"The answer is no," said Heero. "Go away."
"I'm only here to give you my professional opinion," said Duo, pouting. "If you want to jeopardize things because you're too vain to show me…"
"I'm not vain!" said Heero.
"Then come out here and show me!" said Duo.
"…You'll give only your professional opinion?" said Heero.
"Yes," said Duo.
"You won't make any inappropriate remarks?" said Heero.
"…"
"Duo."
"What, what? Okay, fine. No, I won't. There, are you happy? Just come out already."
Heero opened the door.
"Oh. my. God," said Duo.
"Say it and I'll eviscerate you," said Heero.
"I—" said Duo. "I—"
For once in his life, Duo was speechless.
"But—a schoolgirl's uniform?" he finally said. Then, looking it over appraisingly: "A slutty schoolgirl's uniform?"
It was short and tight: a little white shirt and a teeny-tiny skirt that, while girly, left no room in the chest for anyone but a boy; and, as small as Heero was, it barely covered the parts of his body that it should have, including his…well.
Duo hoped, for the sake of propriety (which he'd never been big on, but there had to be a line drawn somewhere), that Heero wouldn't have to bend over, at any point, with that outfit on. It would…show things. Indecent things.
And, no, that did not make Duo think of the flimsy pink cotton panties he'd seen in Heero's traveling bag a few days before, and questioned him incessantly about thereafter.
…Though, now he knew what they were for. And that Heero must be wearing them. Right now.
"The base commander has a fetish," said Heero, flushing.
"For pretty, underage boys dressed up like pretty, underage girls—who put out?" said Duo: a little flushed, himself.
"Apparently," said Heero, choosing to ignore Duo's assessment of his attractiveness. Heero wasn't sure what he thought about it yet.
"Wait—" said Duo. "You don't have to—?"
"No!" said Heero, quickly. "No. I'll knock him out as soon as we reach the bedroom."
"Oh," said Duo. And: "Where's your equipment?" he asked, eyeing Heero's ensemble suspiciously.
There was little enough of it as it was; there was no place he could see to hide the things Heero would be needing.
"Where do you think?" said Heero.
"Surely not in your—!" said Duo, scandalized; his eyes darting immediately to Heero's skirt. His tiny, plaid, schoolgirl skirt. With pink panties underneath.
"It's in my purse!" said Heero, equally scandalized. He grabbed the aforementioned accessory off the table near the door, shooting Duo a dirty look.
"I can't believe you thought—" said Heero.
"It was an easy mistake to make!" said Duo.
"It's not like it possibly could have fit," said Heero.
"Well…" said Duo. "Depending on what you took…if you used enough lube…"
"I am not having this conversation with you," said Heero.
"You wanted my professional opinion!" said Duo.
"You are unbelievable," said Heero.
"You're the one dressed up like some sicko's walking wet dream!" said Duo.
"I'm leaving," said Heero, walking down the safe-house stairs and to the front door—ignoring his comrades' shocked stares as he passed them in the living room—and left.
"What," said Trowa, "was that."
Quatre was blushing.
Wufei said, "Was that—?"
"Yeah," said Duo, curtly. He was still angry. "That was him, alright."
"I never would have thought…" said Quatre.
Duo snorted. "Mission," he said.
The door opened again abruptly; all four boys snapped their attention to it: ready to act.
It was Heero. He glared at them, and grabbed his coat.
"Don't you all have something better to do than gawk?" he said, and walked back out (ohGod; Duo was pretending he hadn't seen that little flash of pink when Heero had turned like that), closing the door behind him perhaps more harshly than he ought. It groaned miserably under the onslaught, creaking on its hinges.
"What mission is he going on dressed like that?" said Wufei.
"He's infiltrating base 32 tonight," said Duo. "Some high-profile thing to get their division's system codes. It's too delicate an operation for the old smash-and-dash with the Gundams, it seems."
"So he's got to dress up like some common street whore, instead," said Wufei, his face scrunched up like he'd eaten something sour. "Disgraceful."
"Well, you've got to do what you've got to do, I guess," said Duo—feeling, unexpectedly, protective. "The commander's some kind of perv who's into that sort of thing. It's the best way in."
"Wait, wait," said Quatre. "Don't they have a new commander, now?"
"What?" said Duo. "When was this?"
"Yesterday," said Quatre. "We got sent an update. He doesn't know?"
"His laptop got banged-up pretty bad when we escaped that raid on Wednesday. He hasn't gotten to fix it, yet. He was too busy setting up the stuff for this mission," said Duo.
"This isn't good," said Trowa.
"Oh, I'm so, so sorry," said Quatre. "I thought he knew! I would have told him about the command change if I'd known about the mission, and that his intel wasn't up-to-date."
"It's not too late to reach him," said Wufei. "Is it?"
"Yes, it is," said Duo. "He didn't take his Gundam, and we can't take ours. Plus, he borrowed Trowa's wheels for this, and, seeing as how that was our only real transport from here—besides the Gundams, that is—we can't catch up with him now."
"He's probably at the base already, anyway," said Trowa. "He'll have to get out of this on his own."
"I just hope he can," said Quatre. "The new commander there is Zechs Marquise."
"Fuck," said Duo.
"Well," said Trowa. "Let's just hope Marquise has the same tastes as his predecessor, then."
Luckily for Heero, he did. He most definitely did.
Heero got the information he came for, in the end…although he couldn't quite explain to Duo, afterwards, what had happened to the little pink cotton panties he'd started out with.