Summary: Everyone has their limits. As much as you try you can only hide behind a mask for so long before you eventually snap. When Fai finally snaps who's going to be there to comfort him? Who would see through those frozen, plastic smiles to the real truth? What if the one who can see the suffering doesn't care enough to comfort? Or what if the one breaking rejects the thought of salvation? KuroxFai.

Eroko: Hello everyone! This is my fourth fic on this site so I hope it's alright... My second Tsubasa fic though! I own nothing - all the smexies belong to CLAMP. Rated M for a large amount of swearing, sensitive subjects and a little bit of blood.. Final warning: Yaoi. KuroXFai. Don't like? Then don't read. Please R&R - I even accept collective critism - The worlds are of little relevance at the moment. Takes place before they get to Infinity. Mostly Fai and Kugy's POV.

Limits

Started: November 2009

Finished: January 2010

Edited: January16 2010

By: ErokoNashuri (A.K.A SilverShadow140)

Why... Oh why my God above... have you abandoned me?

One eye of glittering gold stared up at the starry heavens. The moon was at a perfect crescent and the stars were all out as if to comfort the lone mage who sat almost dutifully on a large boulder, staring gloomily at the ebony sky. His light blonde hair was disorganized from a fitful sleep and he had his fluffy white coat drawn tight around him as if it could ward off all the cold insecurities of his past and the present. In truth he believed that nothing could bring back the old him - he was merely an empty shell of what he used to be and nothing could change that. He shuddered as the memories flooded him, drawing his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around his knees and laying his head on his arms as he tried to force them out of his head.

* * *

And why should I care - it's not my problem?

Kurogane walked beside Syaoran and Sakura, his red eyes transfixed on the worn dirt path. It was a peaceful early morning but to him everything felt off. There was a certain mournful feeling to the air - birds sang as usual but the song seemed to carry an underlying hint of sadness. It wasn't just the birds either - when he had awoken Fai had already had breakfast for them, his usual cheery mood had not changed but he seemed exhausted both physically and emotionally. His expression seemed more worn and he hadn't addressed him by any of those retarded pet names like 'Kuro-bon'. Kurogane stole a glance at the magician who seemed slightly dazed, but immediately noticed the piercing glance and set his face to a wide grin. Kurogane rolled his eyes and averted his attention back to the path in the mountainous region they were in.

What an idiot.

But the ninja had to look back at Fai. His eyes were more stressed than usual, his smile more fake than ever. He felt a slight pang of need to comfort Fai, but easily brushed that feeling aside - he would not become that grinning idiot's teddy bear.

* * *

They had settled down for lunch with Fai fussing over a small fire and Kurogane going off to gather more fire wood. Syaoran was the first to make conversation which drew Fai's attention rather quickly. "I'll go see what's holding up Kurogane... I know it's going to be rather difficult in these mountains to find fire wood but he should have been back by now."

Fai shook his head dismissively. "Never you mind Kurogane - I'm sure he'll be fine by himself."

"You never know when there might be a land-slide. I'll go check and I'll take Mokona with me just in case something happens." Syaoran had already gotten up with Mokona resting on his shoulder.

"Mokona will find Kuro-puu! Yup, leave it to Mokona!" The small creature was optimistic and Fai gave a small, fake smile. The old Fai that everyone knew would've smiled and so he'd put up with the act. Sakura was dozing while leaning against a rock so they didn't bother her. Syaoran soon was off behind the rocks and out of sight, only then did Fai let the smile drop. He stared distantly into the small flickering flames of the dying fire. It's like how I used to be, Fai mused. But now that things have turned out this way I believe that my fire has died completely, never to be lit again. Fai let out a small sigh as he grabbed a twig and poked at the flickering fingers of flame. There wasn't even the small crunch of rocks underfoot as Kurogane appeared out from behind some jagged rocks, a few small tree limbs in tow. Fai bolted to his feet and plastered a smile on his face. "Ah, Kurogane! Good timing as always - Syaoran went to go find you - I'm sure I can catch him."

Kurogane shook his head, slightly enraged. "Shut up, wizard!" He calmed slightly. "Anyways, there's something we need to do."

Fai almost winced. He knew rather well what Kurogane was talking about - he needed to feed. Fai waved his hand and smiled lightly. "I'll be fine for a bit, really, we have a whole day ahead of us anyways."

"It's better if we get it out of the way." Kurogane was stern as he glared down the blonde magician. He pulled his sword out of the scabbard just a little so the blade showed and skilfully [1] made a cut horizontally on his inner forearm . Fai stiffened at the smell of Kurogane's blood before giving a small sigh of defeat, allowing the ninja to walk up behind him and forced him to sit on the ground. Kurogane kneeled behind him and placed his arm in front of Fai's mouth.

"Go on." It was an order which Fai didn't disobey. He gingerly placed his finger tips on Kurogane's arm to keep it steady and carefully pressed his mouth to the cut, his teeth pressing against the skin forcing the blood to flow faster, as he carefully lapped at the flowing blood with his tongue. Fai's eyes fluttered closed as he tightened his grip and sank his teeth in around the cut, his tongue plunging into the wound in order to draw out more blood. The whole drinking blood activity was still relatively new to Fai so he wasn't in too much control of himself. He heard Kurogane's grunt of pain but Fai was already too far gone into his blood frenzy. He could feel Kurogane's pulse under his tongue and hear the quickened heart beats. The taste of the blood was irony and salty, the smell was rather metallic and the contact a little too intimate than he preferred but now that he had his teeth sank into the tanned flesh it was as if he couldn't get enough. With every beat of the ninja's heart more blood flowed into the blonde's mouth, weighing out the negatives like the fact that his hair tie had gotten caught on Kurogane's clothing and his hair was now lose and blowing in the slight breeze, but that didn't matter. It was bliss and that's all that mattered to Fai.

"Let go." Kurogane was light headed from blood loss, his face contorted with pain. No response - the vampire was still contently suckling away his blood, with teeth and nails sunk in to keep the arm from moving. The swordsman felt as if he was to fall over and placed his other hand on Fai's shoulder to keep him steady. This seemed to attract Fai's attention. Fai glanced behind him to Kurogane, who's face was pale. Fai cautiously removed his hands from Kurogane's arm and slid out from where he was, wiping his mouth as he did so. As soon as he stepped back the mask was up. Never that intimate ever again... Fai was repeating that in his mind over and over again as he watched with sympathy as Kurogane wobbled to his feet from blood loss.

"I'm going to go find Syaoran." Fai said a little fast - he was nervous because of the contact and he had already been rejected by this man many of times before - he had no wish for this to be a repeat of Outo.

"Do what you will, wizard." Kurogane was gruff as he carefully bandaged his cut, bite mark and claw marks.

Fai had almost ran to escape the feeling of his mask crumbling in front of the man he had tried to push himself away from, but in the end he ended up closer to the ninja than he would prefer. Fai paused and looked over his shoulder back to the makeshift camp to where Kurogane would no doubt be muttering curses. Fai's lip quivered in longing but he quickly shook it off and continued to run down the path Syaoran had taken.

* * *

The pale face was peaceful, his eye fluttering on occasions from the light that the fire cast, his cheek buried deeply in the fur of his coat . Kurogane sat there gazing blankly at Fai, a deep irritation built in his chest. The swordsman frowned and closed his eyes only to hear some shifting. He opened his eyes to see Fai sitting up and staring out blankly, a deep sorrow in his eye. Watching him so down seemingly hurt Kurogane for reasons he did not know, and it bothered him deeply. He watched as Fai absently brush his hair out of his face with his hands, his eye resting on nothing. After a moment of sitting there, Fai stealthily got up and walked a distance from the camp. Kurogane sat there, slightly intrigued but not to the point of getting up and following him. The ninja leaned back and closed his eyes, preferring to get to sleep; only a gnawing feeling at his gut stopped him from drifting into unconsciousness. He let out an irate sigh and quietly followed the wizard. He hid himself behind some larger rocks a few feet away and watched Fai curiously.

Getting closer to him would only bring me more pain than joy for he'll only reject me like he has so many times...

Fai was not plagued by nightmares on the current clear night. He was however, suffering from a bad case of self pity. The stars that once accompanied him were hiding and he felt spent from the afternoon. His body quivered in complaint of sleep deprivation, his emotions felt as if they shouldn't be used again for a good hundred years and his heart ached from wounds not quite healed and knew wounds that ran deep - almost as deep as still raw scars of the past. It was all too much for the vampire mage to handle - his mask had crumbled and he was sure that if the only one who could support him rejected him, his heart would shatter like a glass ornament being dropped from a mountain. Fai leaned against a rock with his legs drawn up to his chest and his chin resting on his arms just like the night before, only this night was different - it was raining this night. Fai looked at the ground as he felt a wet trail run down his cheek, his hair cascading over his face and hiding his eye and eye patch. His heart had reached it's limit a long time ago but the pain just kept coming, and so he had merely learned to mask it and make no one worry. He couldn't help but sniffle just a little - he was wounded and lonely, left to suffer in the dark with no guiding light.

It was a sudden urge for him to get up and place a comforting arm on Fai's shoulder; a mere non-thought - an instinct. He kneeled next to Fai, his arm wrapped around the small, fragile frame of the wizard as Fai went stiff. Fai carefully removed Kurogane's arm and got up, his body trembling as he numbly walked away. Kurogane had different plans however. He was on his feet and behind Fai at a lightning quick pace; his hand reached out and grasped Fai by the wrist. Fai gave a feeble attempt to escape Kurogane's tight grip.

"Tell me wizard, do you really hate me that much for extending your life so you can protect the princess?" Kurogane was furious at the wizard's current mood swings, but the clenching feeling in his gut kept him from striking out.

Because I'm to be forever lonely- a curse to those I'm close to. I want to dies so I don't have to curse anyone anymore. Fai gave Kurogane a wide grin. "Now Kurogane I'm still fine!" he tried to weasel out of the ninja's tight grip to no avail.

"Stop avoiding the question!" Kurogane tightened his grip as he narrowed his eyes.

"Ow, Kurogane, that hurts..." Fai stepped backwards only to have Kurogane follow his step.

"Bull shit it does! Fucking tell me, mage!" He was ready to strike the blonde vampire out of aggravation.

Fai's grin disappeared and he looked distantly off to the side. "Because I don't want to deal with these things," His voice was a hoarse whisper as he delicately pulled his wrist from the shocked dark ninja. "Everything is so hard..." The mage then walked away before the bigger man could say or protest anymore.

* * *

Syaoran and Sakura walked in the eerie silence of the morning. Fai was unusually quiet and not even Mokona could enrage Kurogane that morning. They had seen the outlines of a small village and so they silently made their way along a well worn dirt path. Syaoran was not one to start random conversations and so he kept his mouth shut, but the tense aura around his two traveling companions was really bothering the brunette boy. Sakura had kept on giving Fai a sideways glance to have no smile to meet her, and she looked away - she didn't want to see her knight sad. They were used to Kurogane being silent, yes, but they hadn't seen Fai like this before. Mokona sat upon Syaoran's shoulder babbling loudly to Kurogane, his small paws clutching Syaoran's hair as he attempted to stay upright.

* * *

The town was quiet and humble, they villagers smiling and greeting the new arrivals in town, their faces all held a delight at the group. They had been eventually led to a small inn that held a tavern at its far corner; the place was brightly lit with comfortable seating and high tables. There was a large window behind the circulation desk that let the afternoon sun peek into the room, small coloured glass vases letting off cascades of different coloured light in every direction. The room wasn't too open or too cramped; it held a feeling of a well loved home as the inn keeper looked up from papers that sat on the mahogany circulation desk. His face was weathered and wrinkled, gruff short hair barely brushed his eyebrows. He had a clean clipped beard and deep looming blue eyes. "Welcome all to this fine inn. What can we do for you all today?"

"I assure you father that they are merely passing through – biding their time until they can leave…" A slender young girl with long honey coloured hair and deep azure eyes walked up to her father's side, her grey and white shawl making her seem out of place next the her father's bright red coat. Her eyes were more mysterious and more piecing, her composure was delicate but proud, and her expression held nothing.

"C'mon Ami, darling, you know not to sneak up on customers." The man was light with his tone but serious with his eyes.

"I apologize." She had turned without another word and slid through a door off to the side.

The innkeeper was slightly shocked. "Don't mind my dear Ami; she's always been like that." He then gestured to the inn's bar and stools. "Why don't you all take a seat and grab a bite, it'll all be on the house."

The three reluctantly sat down and waited patiently, the inn keeper chatting lightly with Mokona as he bustled in and out of the kitchen. Finally they had a steaming bowl of stew in front of them, the smell was delectable and large potato and beef chunks floated to the top of the brown, thick broth. Mokona dived for Fai's bowl, lapping at the food eagerly. "Yum, yum, Mokona loves!"

Syaoran, Sakura, Kurogane and Mokona ate in almost complete silence, only Mokona's praise for the stew was really heard. They finished and the inn keeper smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed. Say how long are you fella's staying in town?"

"It shouldn't be that long, just until we find something." Syaoran was truthful as he absentmindedly patted the small creature's head.

"Might as well stay the night then, we have plenty of rooms in this here inn and I'm sure Ami would be happy to have visitors around."

"She doesn't get along with other villagers?" Sakura was slightly shocked.

The inn keeper shook his head sadly. "'Fraid not – she creeps out all the others in this here village. They treat her like a witch that needs to be burnt on the stake. It's all because she all mystic and all that."

"Mystic? By the term 'mystic' you mean what?"

"Well you lads see, my little Ami can see people's futures and pasts. Nothing hiding from my little girl."

"Stop speaking of something so freely when it doesn't even concern a lazy drunk like yourself." The girl had returned at a door way, her voice acidic and her face set in a long glare. She pointed to the door. "Father as you know I am the only one who works when it comes to eve, so you'd best get out of my sight while I work - I don't want to deal with any interruptions."

Her father held a hurt expression. "Why don't you let these newcomers at least work for a room? They have nowhere else to go."

"As long as they work without a problem they won't sleep outside." She then walked back into the kitchen before coming back out with three aprons and a notepad and pen. She handed the first to Kurogane, then to Syaoran, and the final apron to Fai. "Mr. Black, you take the bar - there are instructions in one of the drawers. Short kid, you take the main desk. Write down name and room numbers, keys are in the top right shelf of the middle cupboard. Grinning idiot, you are going to take up dishes in the back while I cook." She handed Sakura the pen and notebook. "You take down orders for food and then come back into the kitchen and tell me." She then hurried to the kitchen with Fai dragging along behind her.

* * *

The night had gone by flawlessly and Fai, Syaoran, Mokona and the blonde girl sat around a small table, with Kurogane handling some obnoxious drunks and Sakura gone to bed.

"You guys did all right." The blonde girl patted Mokona on the head, only to be disturbed by Karogane shouting cusses outside.

Fai smiled lightly. "I'll go help out Kurogane." Fai left, leaving Syaoran and the blonde girl.

"I noticed something about those two during the night... the way they socialize together is a lot different than the ordinary partnership of man. They fit together like two puzzle pieces despite being opposites. It's like yin and yang... black and white, ebony and ivory," She paused for a moment as she hugged Mokona closer. "Moon and sun, dark and light, earth and sky... whatever you want to compare those two with."

"Um, I guess. I never really looked at it that way."

The girl smiled for the first time that night. "I bet they have gone through a lot together... as time passes certain destinies must be met though things are never permanently written in stone it more or less climaxes to the same thing."

Syaoran merely blinked at her philosophical outlook. Kurogane and Fai walked in; Kurogane seemed pissed as Fai walked beside him with a dark smirk on his face. "C'mon Kurogane, that isn't really needed - I'm fine!"

Azure eyes snapped to Fai's gold. The girl frowned and got up, evidently troubled. "Good night. I'm heading to bed - you can find your rooms by yourself, the brunette knows what rooms." Her voice was sharp as she glared at Fai. She bounded off, long hair swishing as she did so.

Fai shuddered slightly, his grip around Kurogane tightening. The shinobi noticed his shudder and looked down at Fai with a raised eyebrow. "What was with that, wizard?"

"I felt as if she just looked straight into my soul," Fai shuddered again. "It was if she knew where I had been and where I'm going." Fai paused for a moment. "So, where are these rooms?"

"Right. There's only two so I'll bunk in with Mokona and the princess." They all made it to their respective rooms after making sure that the doors were locked and the lights were out, seeing how the inn girl had rushed off.

Fai sat on the edge of the single bed. "So, who gets the bed?" Kurogane glared over at Fai but remained silent as he gazed out of the four pane window in the room. The room was small and cramped, but it was to be expected with a small couch, a bed, and a book case crammed into it. Kurogane turned sharply, grabbing Fai by the neckline of his clothing.

"Tell me mage, what the hell is your problem! First you stay up all night then you wander away and don't come back until daybreak!" Kurogane was furious as he almost shouted at the sombre Fai.

"Now Kurogane, I already told you."

"Like shit you did!" Kurogane tightened his grip an brought the vampire closer.

Fai's expression turned almost desperate and he looked away from Kurogane. "The nightmares haven't stopped lately and..." I'm lonely. I curse everyone I care about to death... despite that I still want you as much as ever, even though I hate you for letting me stay here, letting me remain to hurt people... Oh like hell I'm going to say that straight to his face. Fai blushed lightly thankful that his hair blocked out the majority of his cheek.

"And?" Fai forcefully pulled his body away from the ninja and swiftly rolled off the bed. Anything was better than getting close to someone again and then rejected again. Before Fai could make a dash for the door, a thick, strong arm wrapped around his waist. Fai went to struggled only causing them to crash to the floor with a thud. "Tell me damn it!" Doing this hurt the ninja - he had already grudingly came to realize that he had developed some close bond with the mage and so forcing him to answer him in such a forceful manner made his fingers twitch and burn. He heard Fai take in a long breath and let out a small sigh.

"How can I pretend to be so strong...?" Fai whispered to himself and he wasn't sure if Kurogane had heard him or not.

Kurogane pulled Fai onto his lap rather than their scattered position on the floor, Fai's back rested against his chest as he wrapped his arms around Fai's torso. "I'm trying to help you... Tell me." Kurogane's voice shook with the pent up anger and frustration.

Fai bit his lip, taking in a ragged breath. "I can't tell you. It will hurt me more then it will help..." He was almost in tears - he didn't want to be hurt, and if Kurogane knew then the most likely outcome would be that Kurogane would utterly reject him. Fai tried to wiggle out of the ninja's grasp only to have him tighten his grip.

"Fai, please... tell me..." Kurogane's voice was hurt.

Fai leaned back against Kurogane, tears streaming down his face - he didn't have any choice in the matter. ""I-I've... i-it's all been too much... the pain is just too much..." He bit his lip so hard that it drew blood. "I... I just want to forget it all... forget all the faces of those I've hurt..."

Kurogane hesitated - he knew that the mage was mad and hurt but he never expected being guilty to be one of them. "Mage?"

Fai continued on as if the ninja hadn't even spoken. "I just don't deserve to be alive… that's why… I c-can't forgive…"

Kurogane's arms loosened on the lithe frame, his face drawn in a frown. Why did this stubborn mage think that? Had he killed someone unintentional? Had he committed crimes? He was so deep in thought that he didn't notice Fai get up and silently walk over to the door. "Good night Kurogane." He left and Kurogane's snapped up to where the mage had stood. His chest ached and his fists clenched – he had melted the ice to find stone and now he was determined to break down the stone to see what was on the inside. Fai was Yin to his Yang. He wouldn't lie about that anymore.

[1] I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. The way I see it is that because he is skilled with a sword he'd know what would kill or not. I didn't mean to make him sound emo! *Hides behind Fai* I'm sorry those who fan over Kuro-bon, but I really didn't know what else to do! _'

Eroko: Edit; I was informed that there were errors so i fixed that. It's also hightly plausable that I'll end up updating this again; there was so many things that I want to fix or add.