Authors note: I do not own any of these characters. All rights belong to Nickelodeon, Cartoon Network, and FOX.
( We see a shot of a large island. We then cut to a dock near the shore. We then see a handsome man with red hair and pale skin walk in front of the camera. A name then appears below him revealing that his name is Tony Hill.)
Tony: Hello everyone and welcome to the inaugural episode of Total Drama Island! Heres how it works, we are going to have 24 contestants come all the way over here to Camp Wawanakwa where they will be residing in a set of filthy cabins located on the northern side of the island. (The camera then cuts to show a smelly looking cabin that is infested with roaches. The camera then cuts back to Tony.) All the contestants will receive three meals a day at the mess hall courtesy of Chef Eustace. (The camera cuts to the mess hall's kitchen where Chef Eustace is frying an unknown substance in a frying pan. The camera cuts back to Tony.) During their stay the campers will take part in a series of challenges and obstacles in order to win the grand prize of one million dollars. However, there can be only one winner. And with that being said, at the end of every challenge there will be one camper who leaves the island for good, but I'll explain that later. As for right now, let's meet the campers. (The camera focuses on a ship that arrives at the dock, the door to the ship opens and Ed, Edd, and Eddy all walk out.)
Edd: Oh my. This looks much more unsanitary than the in the brochure.
Eddy: Hey wait a minute, this isn't like the brochure at all. Where's all the palm trees, and the fifteen story luxury suite?
Tony: Oh, that. Well, you see, I kinda lied.
Ed: I love canoes.
Tony: Well, enough formalities, now get over there and wait for the other campers to arrive. (Tony then motions for them to go and stand on the other side of the dock while Eddy mumbles something under his breath. The camera then shows another ship arrive, this time the door opens to reveal Rolf.)
Rolf: You might as well hand over the money now, as Rolf will be victor of this competition.
Tony: Whoa, slow down there tiger, you still have to wait for the other campers.( Tony then motions for Rolf to go stand near the Eds.)
(Another boat arrives revealing Fred Fredburger.)
Fred Fredburger: Hi mister, my name's Fred Fredburger I can spell my name real good. F-R-E-D F-R-E-D-B-U-R-G-E-R, Fred Fredburger, yes.
Tony: Um, okay, so just go wait with the others.
(Another boat appears at the dock, this time revealing Kevin.)
Kevin: Aw man, I didn't know those dorks would be here. (Kevin points his finger at the Eds, causing Eddy's face to grow red with anger.)
Tony: Don't worry Kevin, you'll have plenty of time to wail on the Eds during the actual challenges, but right now we still need to meet the rest of the campers.(Kevin then reluctantly began to walk to the other side of the dock.)
(We then see a blue whale arrive at the dock. The whale opens its mouth to reveal Flapjack and K'nuckles.)
Flapjack: Wowee, this place looks like a big adventure just waiting to happen. Right K'nuckles?
K'nuckles: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so when do we get the free food?
Tony: In a minute, but right now I need you to go wait with the other campers.
(Another boat arrives this time revealing Jonny and Plank.)
Jonny: Plank says this place looks like a pig sty.
Tony: Well maybe Plank should keep his mouth shut and go wait with the rest of the campers.
(Another boat pulls up revealing Nazz.)
Nazz: Hey Tony, how's it go-, wait a minute, this place doesn't look at all like it did on the brochure.
Tony: Oh, um, well you know... Just go wait with the others.(Nazz walks over to the other side and the boys, with the exception of Rolf, start to blush.)
(Another boat arrives at the dock, revealing Brian Griffin and Stewie Griffin, and then a drunken Peter Griffin.)
Peter: I don't feel so good.
Brian: I am so sorry everybody there was booze on the boat and-
(Peter vomits on the deck.)
Campers: Ewww!
Stewie: Oh please, you all act like you've never seen vomit before.
(Peter then turns and vomits all over Stewie, causing the campers to start laughing.)
Kevin: Real smooth, dork!
Tony: Um, maybe you guys should head on down to the mess hall so Chef Eustace can try get a new set of clothes for you and so your buddy can sober up. (Tony then motioned for Brian and Stewie to escort a drunken Peter to the mess hall.)
(Another boat arrives, this time revealing Sarah and Jimmy. Jimmy notices the pile of vomit lying on the deck and faints, causing another round of laughter from the other campers.)
Eddy: Oh man, this is even better than cable.
Edd: I don't know, Eddy. It feels wrong of us to laugh at Jimmy's suffering.
Eddy: Yeah, yeah, but did you see the look on his face when he saw that vomit!
(Sarah walks up to Eddy and punches him square in the face sending him reeling backwards and falling into the water, causing yet another huge round of laughter from the other campers.)
(We then see Eddy resurface and swim back onto shore, his clothes were soaked and his face was red with rage.)
Tony: Okay Eddy, maybe you should go down to the mess hall as well and dry off.
(Another boat arrives to reveal Ren and Stimpy. Ren observes his surroundings and begins to grow angry.)
Ren: Hey, where is the swimming pool, and the all you can eat buffet, and hot tub, and the complimentary towels?
Stimpy: And the free butt scratchers!
Tony: Well, to make a long story short, I lied to you. Now go wait over-
Ren: Shut up you filthy swine, I am going to make you pay for lying to Ren Hoek!
(Ren charged at Tony, but Tony saw it coming and managed to sidestep the attack, causing Ren to run straight off the dock and fall into the water below, causing another round of laughter from everyone, especially from Tony. Ren resurfaced and swam to shore.)
Tony: Well Ren, I guess you should probably head on down to the mess hall and dry off too.
(Another boat arrives, this time revealing Courage.)
Courage: Oh man, this place looks terrible!
Tony: Well you get what you pay for.
Courage: But I didn't pay for anything.
Tony: Exactly.
(Another boat arrives revealing Waffle, Gordon, and Mr. Blik.)
Gordon: Aye lads, I think we may be on the wrong island, I don't see any palm trees.
Waffle: Maybe their all hiding somewhere.
(Gordon and Mr. Blik both face palmed.)
Tony: Actually, you are on the right island, now go wait with the others.
(Another boat arrives revealing Chowder and Mung Daal.)
Mung: Are we on the right island?
Tony: Of course you are, now go wait with the others.
(All the campers now stood on the dock, with the exception of Ren, Eddy, Stewie, Brian, and Peter, who were all in the mess hall.)
Tony: Alright, well it looks like that's everybody. I guess now I can give you the grand tour of the place.
(Tony then leads the campers over the towards the cabins.)
Tony: These are the cabins you will be staying in during your time here.
(Tony then points to the mess hall which is located at the center of the camp.)
Tony: And this is the mess hall where you will be served breakfast, lunch, and dinner courtesy of Chef Eustace. And speaking of the mess hall, let's see how the other campers are holding up.
(The camera then cuts to the inside of the mess hall where Ren and Eddy are both wrapped in towels and Peter is laying in a drunken heap on the floor. Meanwhile, Brian and Stewie, who changed into a new set of clothes, were busy talking at another table.)
Stewie: I think we should form an alliance, Brian.
Brian: You and me form an alliance?
Stewie: But of course, Brian. Don't you see, no one would ever suspect that a dog and a baby would ever be up to something like this. We could be unstoppable. We would wipe the floor with the fat man and the rest of those bumbling imbeciles.
Brian: Maybe your right, ok Stewie, I'll form an alliance with you.
Stewie: Excellent, now let us return to the other campers before they suspect something's up.
(Meanwhile, over in the boys cabin, the boys began unpacking their things.)
Ed: I call top bunk!
Mr. Blik: Yeah, and I call the bunk that's not infested with roaches. (Mr. Blik then goes to one of the beds and pulls the covers off revealing several cockroaches.
Flapjack: Oh that's nothing, you should see the bugs that we have up in Stormalong. There about as big as my face.
Chowder: Hey, you should see the ones in Mung's kitchen, they're big and slimy and wrinkly and-
Mung: Okay Chowder I think that's enough details.
(We then hear Tony's voice on a megaphone.)
Tony: Attention all campers, meet me at the flag pole in 5 minutes.
(5 minutes later all the campers have shown up at the flag pole.)
Tony: Okay, now the reason I've called you here is because you will now be joining a team. There are two teams, and whichever team you're on is the one you will stick with until I say so, which will probably be a while, so you better learn to work with your team fluently and coherently. Now, when I call your name I will direct you to either the left side or the right side and that is where the rest of your team will end up as well. Now let's get started, Ed, Edd, and Eddy please go to the left side. Gordon and Mr. Blik please go to the right side. Peter, Brian, and Stewie please go to the right side. Waffle, please go to the left side. Nazz, please go to the left side. Kevin, please go to the right side. Jonny and Plank, please go to the right side. Chowder and Mung, please go to the left. Flapjack and K'nuckles, please go to the left. Rolf, please go to the left. Courage please go to the left. Fred Fredburger please go to the left, and as for the rest of you, just go to the right. Now for your team names. For those of you on the left side your team name is the Killer Bass.
(Several members of the Killer Bass cheer.)
Tony: And over on the right side, your team name will be the Toxic Rats!
(Several members of the Toxic Rats cheer.)
Tony: And for those of you watching at home who are still a little unclear on whose on which team, here's a little reminder.
(A screen pops up showing the names of all the campers and what team they're on.)
Killer Bass
Ed
Eddy
Edd
Rolf
Nazz
Mung
Chowder
Flapjack
K'nuckles
Waffle
Courage
Fred Fredburger
Toxic Rats
Jimmy
Sarah
Kevin
Peter
Stewie
Brian
Jonny
Plank
Gordon
Mr. Blik
Ren
Stimpy
(The screen then goes away.)
Tony: Alright, now before I introduce you to your first challenge, I need so show you something else first.
(Tony directs the campers towards a trashy old outhouse next to the cabins.)
Tony: This is the confessional, where you may come at any time and share your feelings to our nationwide TV audience.
Ed: Oh boy, Oh boy, Oh boy, I'm so happy I got to be on the same team as Eddy and Double D!
Ren: Hey, what the heck are you staring at!? I just came in here to do my business, leave me alllooonnneee! (Ren punches the camera.)
Stewie: Ah, this is too easy, these campers are even dumber than I thought, once I have Brian under my control there is no way I can lose!
Eddy: This competition is in the bag. I've already formed an alliance with Ed and Double D. Once I win I'll be able to afford a truckload of jawbreakers! (Eddy's eyes then turn into dollar signs as he begins to drool.)
Tony: Anyway, I will now present to you your first challenge. Seeing as how this is your first challenge I have decided to go easy on you. Which is why I will be giving you the very simple task of running a 50 yard relay race. There will be three people from each team competing in said race. The winning team shall receive a five star meal and get to relax in a luxury hot tub near my place.
(Campers begin cheering.)
Tony: And... There is no catch to it at all.
(All the campers let out a sigh of relief.)
Tony: The race will be held tomorrow at noon. Until them you will need to discuss with your teammates about who will be competing and who won't. See ya tomorrow campers.
Kevin: This challenge is in the bag. Heck, I'm probably the best runner out of all these guys.
Rolf: Rolf is amused by this challenge as Rolf was the fastest son of a gun within a hundred miles back in his home country.
Tony: Who will be the first team to claim victory, The Killer Bass or The Toxic Rats?
Find out next time on another episode of Total... Drama... Island!