I was finally going to do it. It took 16 years but I was finally getting out of Gatlin. On my way to check out NYU with my best friend Link by my side, you'd think life couldn't be better. But something was wrong. For the first time in my life, I didn't want to leave. My momma always used to say that there's two types of people that live in Gatlin, the people too stupid to leave and the ones too stuck to move; and I was stuck. Stuck between freedom and the jail I'd called home all these years. But for some unknown reason I wanted nothing more than to tell Link to turn the car around.
I looked down at the book in my hands, You Get So Alone at Times That It Just Makes Sense by Charles Bukowski, and decided to try to relax, assuming that it was just nerves causing me to feel this way. I opened the book and began to read a poem called Lifedance. I couldn't quite put my finger on why but this poem was really familiar…
"Hey, man? Can I read you something? I think I've heard it before" I asked Link, who simply nodded.
I began reading, familiarity in every word:
some lose all mind and become soul:
insane.
some lose all soul and become mind:
intellectual.
"I've never heard it before. What on EARTH are you reading?" Link asked, curious, keeping his eyes on the road.
"It's Charles Bukowski" I replied, showing him the cover.
"Cool" Link replied after glancing at the cover, with a look that told me that he thought I'd lost my mind.
I finished reading the poem, to myself this time:
some lose both and become:
accepted.
I looked out the window, taking in the scenery one last time. I was comfortably numb until I saw the Gatlin sign, or more accurately what was left of it. For some reason my mind snapped back to Lena, forcing me to look down at the last two lines of the poem again.
'Accepted?' I thought to myself and gasped. Everything finally made sense! I had lost both my mind and my soul to Lena Duchannes and had found acceptance. I didn't want to leave because I was already home. Memories and flashbacks hit me, vivid, bright memories of the way my life used to be and the happiness I had found with Lena. The way her curly black hair framed her face, the way she kissed me, and the way her beautiful deep green eyes looked into mine.
My momma used to say there's two types of people that live in Gatlin, the people too stupid to leave and the ones too stuck to move. Now, I don't think that's quite true. There's two types of people that live in Gatlin- that's true, those who want to stay and those who have found something worth staying for.
"Stop the car" I commanded, earning a look of confusion from Link who stopped the car as asked. I got out of the car and yelled "Lena!" before running back to Gatlin and back to the woman I loved.