AN: This was suggested by ArthurGwen2010 who asked me to basically re-write the end of 'His Father's Son' wherein Gwen doesn't accept Arthur's apology.
There was a general sense of relief and happiness as the knights returned back to Camelot; war had been avoided, peace had been achieved between King Arthur and Queen Annis. One of the knights had been sent on ahead to send the word that they were returning and as they reached the kingdom; the townspeople had all abandoned their jobs and routines to cheer the returning knights. Arthur found it hard to hide a smile as everyone cheered for them and as they reached the castle courtyard; it was packed with guards, servants, stable boys, maids and the families of those who had gone to fight. As Arthur watched some of his knights being reunited with their wives, girlfriends, children and sisters; he looked around for Guinevere.
Then he remembered.
Arthur regretted what he had done the moment the words were out of his mouth. He hadn't meant to do it but he wasn't sure of anything anymore. Every decision he made had a consequence. Every decision he made affected every person in Camelot. And so far it seemed, he'd been doing nothing but making mistakes. He wanted to do things right but it all kept going wrong. He had been losing control and he needed something to hold onto but all he had been doing was shoving everything out of his reach. He had hardly ate; hardly slept. Every time he shut his eyes he saw the same two images.
The look on King Caerleon's face as he killed him. The way the light seemed to fade from his eyes as the skin paled and blood pooled from his wounded chest. The vacant glazed over look in his eyes seemed to burn itself in Arthur's memory.
The tears pricking Guinevere's eyes and her attempts to maintain control over her emotions. After a few seconds a mask of sorts seemed to fall over her face but her brown eyes were still sparkling with tears she was unwilling to shed.
Arthur knew he had to try and put things right. If Queen Annis could forgive him; well at least agree to settle their dispute without bloodshed then he hoped that Guinevere could forgive him. If he could explain himself, help her understand… surely she would forgive him. Right?
"Elyan!"
Arthur was brought back to reality as Gwen hurried down the steps. Elyan jumped off his horse and wrapped his arms around his sister as Merlin also dismounted and hugged Gwen too. Arthur and the others dismounted their horses and he watched as Gwaine, Percival and Leon also joined Gwen, Merlin and Elyan. Before he could stop himself, Arthur walked over to where the others were talking about what had happened; relaying the offer Arthur had made with Queen Annis to ensure that none of them would be killed in battle. As he approached, they turned to him and Gwen nodded her head at him.
"Elyan and the others were just telling me what you did. It was a very wise and brave decision." Gwen said politely; too politely.
"Thank you Guinevere, how have things been here while we were gone?" Arthur asked with a smile; and Gwen looked at him and lightly shrugged her shoulders.
"Fairly quiet, I need to get back to work." Gwen replied and returned into the castle. Arthur and the others watched her go. Merlin looked at Arthur; aware of what had happened. He looked at Arthur and frowned. He didn't need to say anything, Arthur could see the anger in his eyes. Merlin had been against Arthur's decision from the moment he found out about it. Arthur nodded at him and walked inside after Gwen. He needed to fix this, to put things right.
As Arthur walked away, Merlin and the knights looked at one another. Arthur hadn't been himself over the past few days, but they had assumed it was simply because of what had happened between him and Queen Annis. Now it seemed there was more than just one battle Arthur had been fighting. But things had been going quite good between Arthur and Gwen, hadn't it?
"What was that all about?" Elyan asked; had they had an argument or something before Arthur left?
"Something like that," Merlin replied.
"Should we do something?" Gwaine asked.
"It's not really our business though. I think we should let them work it out." Leon reasoned and the others nodded in agreement. They had made an unspoken agreement not to get involved with Arthur and Gwen's relationship. They deserved their privacy and since it didn't seem to personally involve any of them; they decided to do the smart thing and mind their own business.
Gwen hurried back to Gaius' quarters. Since Uther's death she had been working along with Gaius as well as covering any of the other maids who were unable to work due to illness or injury. Servant's work. As excepted, she was a servant after all. And she wasn't ashamed of it. She was proud of her background and who she was. Just because some people looked down on her and people like her, it didn't mean they were bad people. Commoners were hard working, decent, respectful people. It was the arrogance of the wealthy which blinded them to that fact. Not that she was bitter or anything; she was just tired. Tired of being put down or pushed around or made to feel like being a commoner was something to be ashamed of. It wasn't. Gwen mightn't have grown up with much of anything but there was always a fire lit, bread on the table and clothes on her back. That was enough. It was all she needed.
"How are Arthur and the knights?" Gaius asked as she entered the room.
"Unhurt, Arthur managed to persuade Queen Annis to one-on-one combat rather than war." Gwen replied and Gaius nodded thoughtfully. He knew Queen Annis, she had once been a good friend to Queen Ygraine and he knew her to be a mature, respectful and strong woman. Her declaration of war was an expression of her grief and rage but Gaius expected nothing less of Queen Annis when Arthur made his offer to prevent as little bloodshed as possible. Annis was a stern woman but she wasn't vengeful and not the sort who would allow her hardships be shared by others who weren't as strong as her.
"Who was it that fought?" Gaius asked, none of the knights had come down to him yet and he supposed if they were injured, they would have come straight away.
"Arthur," Gwen replied and Gaius frowned slightly at his assistant. Gwen hadn't been herself the past few days; she had been quieter than usual, more withdrawn and would move around almost in a sort of daze. Gaius had secretly always viewed Gwen as the daughter he'd never had and he knew she seen him as a surrogate father following Tom's death. She had been a good student for him as well as being a good friend to Merlin and Gaius may be getting on in years, but he knew what two people in love were like and that was definitely Arthur and Gwen. The physician was actually getting quite concerned over her well-being.
"Gwen, are you sure you're quite well. You haven't been yourself recently." Gaius pointed out.
"I'm fine Gaius, really. I was just worried about the others, that's all." Gwen replied. It wasn't a lie; her brothers had gone to war, of course she'd been worried about them. It's just that she'd been that little bit selfish and had spent some time feeling sorry for herself. Gaius nodded thoughtfully.
"I see, you said Arthur was the one who fought in the combat, did he seem injured?" Gaius asked.
"I wasn't really speaking to him," Gwen replied. "But he seemed quite well."
"I'll have you check on him later if he doesn't come down. Could I ask you to deliver these for me to Lady Catherine; the child has been giving her trouble again." Gaius instructed as he pressed two bottles into Gwen's hands. As he did so; they made eye contact with one another. "Everything will sort itself out Gwen, you can be sure of that." Gwen looked at Gaius who smiled at her. Despite herself, Gwen had to smile back. There was no getting anything around Gaius; the man seemed to literally know everything.
"Thank you Gaius," Gwen smiled and she left the room. Gwen quite liked Lady Catherine; she was married to one of the knights and was five months pregnant with her first child. However Lady Catherine hadn't been able to be with the other women awaiting the knight's return after a bad bout of morning sickness had kept her in bed all day. The morning sickness was usually supposed to have eased off at this stage of her pregnancy so Gaius had prescribed her bed rest to be on the safe side. Gwen reached Lady Catherine's chambers and knocked on the door.
"Come in," a voice responded and Gwen opened the door. Lady Catherine was sitting up in bed and her husband, Sir Richard was sitting on the mattress with his hand pressed to his wife's stomach with a wide smile on his face and as Gwen walked over he chuckled and moved his hand slightly.
"That was a big one," Sir Richard remarked as his unborn child kicked at his hand.
"They know it's you." Lady Catherine commented. "He or she's been quite content the past few days. It seems like they have been waiting for you to come back."
"It's because of Arthur I did come back." Sir Richard replied, the idea of sitting here with his loving wife and unborn child had been the thought that always kept him going. Everything he did in his life was for them. Gwen smiled slightly as Lady Catherine looked at her.
"Gaius sent these up for you to help with the sickness. Take one dose before you go to sleep or if you feel any more nausea." Gwen explained as she set the bottles down on the dresser.
"Thank you Gwen," Lady Catherine smiled and Gwen slipped out of the room. As she walked back towards Gaius', she turned a corner and came face to face with one of two people who she really didn't want to see.
"Guinevere," Arthur said as he walked up to her. Gwen quickly bobbed into a curtsy, noting the frown which appeared on Arthur's face as she did so.
"My lord," Gwen replied politely.
"I think we've moved past the 'my lord' Guinevere, you can call me Arthur. You know that." Arthur stated and Gwen shook her head.
"I think that's quite inappropriate, my lord. A servant to address the king in such a way." Gwen stated; the emphasis used on the word had not gone unnoticed by Arthur who attempted to reach her hand but Gwen placed her arms behind her back before he could.
"I've been looking everywhere for you. I wanted to apologise." Arthur said. It was all he had wanted to do the moment he let those poisonous words out. He wanted to take them back, apologise, make things right between them.
"For what?" Gwen asked. "You were right Arthur. You and I, we're just too different. It just took us too long to work it out. You're a king, descended from a long line of royalty and nobility and I am the daughter of a blacksmith and a maid. Yet I still don't see why you had to be so callous to me? Our time together mustn't have meant anything to you."
"Are you being serious? Guinevere, I am truly sorry for what I said to you. Believe me, if I could somehow take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. I was just so confused and worried about everything and I am truly sorry for all I said and did. But I had to." Arthur argued.
"Had to?! You 'had to' rip my heart out of my chest and stamp all over it? You 'had to' make me feel like I was completely worthless? You 'had to' break my heart before you went off to war, knowing you might not come back? Maybe I'm being stupid but I don't see why you 'had to' do any of it!" Gwen snapped as she struggled to regain control of her temper. Losing her cool would not do her any good right now.
"Because I was scared!" Arthur retorted. "I have been preparing all my life to become king and now that I am, I am completely over my head. Don't you see, every single little thing I do now has massive consequences. I killed a man and almost started a war in which hundreds of us could have died. I couldn't go away knowing that if I died, you would be left devastated and you've experienced so much death; I couldn't add mine to that list. I needed to make sure that you wouldn't have those feelings anymore so that if I did die, you would only mourn me as a king, not as the man you loved. I was trying to protect you. I didn't mean what I said but they were a means to an end. It was for your benefit."
"My benefit? So crying myself to sleep, having every last piece of self-esteem be destroyed and constantly worrying about you and your safety was for my benefit? How on earth do you rationalise that? Do you honestly think I would hate you? Do you think I could hate you? Even now; I'm angry at you, yelling at you and literally seconds away from slapping you but I still love you. After all we've been through; all we've seen and done; all the times we faced the dangers and stared death right in the face before emerging the other side… how could I not do anything but love you." Gwen snapped. God almighty she did love this man but she was also using every last piece of her self-control to not slap him. Didn't Arthur get it; she never cared about his titles or anything like that. She loved him for who he was; the man behind the crown and chainmail; the real living, caring, funny, loving man he really was.
"I guess I wasn't really thinking. I just didn't know what to do and I am so sorry. Please, let me put this right. I mean it Guinevere, I am just so, so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen; it all just did. Please, can you forgive me?" Arthur pleaded as he reached behind her back and took her arms forward so that she could squeeze his hands. Gwen looked at their joined hands before looking Arthur in the eyes. She could see the emotion in his eyes; emotion that wasn't there the other night. She had her answer.
"I can't."
"What? Why?" Arthur stuttered.
"Because I'm tired. Tired of always being looked down on because of my background. Tired of feeling like I wasn't good enough for you or your love. Tired of people whispering behind my back about how I was this, that and the other. Tired of being called every name under the sun because we dared to be together. Tired of offering you my heart over and over again and watch you use it as a plaything and throw aside like it's nothing. Like I'm nothing. So if you'll excuse me," Gwen said and she pulled her hands away and attempted to walk past Arthur who stepped in front of her, blocking her path each time.
"Guinevere, I really am sorry." Arthur attempted but Gwen shook her head.
"Sometimes sorry isn't good enough Arthur. Excuse me." Gwen said and she walked past Arthur and hurried away; determined not to start crying. Arthur watched her go and felt tears prick his own eyes.
"I love you Guinevere," Arthur whispered brokenly as he turned and walked in the opposite direction.
From their positions just around the corner, Gwaine and Percival looked at one another.
"What was that all about?" Percival whispered; they all could sense something was off between Arthur and Gwen but they hadn't been expecting that.
"I don't know but I think Mum and Dad have just split up." Gwaine muttered and he made a mental note to tell the others what had happened. Even though they had agreed to keep out of Arthur and Gwen's relationship; something told him that they needed to get involved.