Cover art by me, Astral Thatcher. (It will most likely change since it was a pretty poor first attempt.)
Chapter One - Damage Done
Our eyes locked simultaneously – cerulean interlocking with aqua – as we nudged past each other in the congested hallway. We glanced away, his eyes returning to the face of his friends, mine to survey my feet as I carried on. Choking back tears, my legs rushed me into the girls' restroom where I hid away in a stall. Forcing the stubborn lock to the right, I leaned my back against the door, willing my lungs to accept the air I was breathing in. It came in short gasps, and I cringed with each one.
Why does this hurt so much? I asked myself. This is so stupid! I'm such an idiot. I doubled over, putting a hand to my mouth to stifle oncoming sobs. I didn't move until I heard the warning bell resound throughout the school. Two minutes, I noted. Swallowing large gulps of air, I calmed my breathing and opened the stall doors. In my reflection ahead of me, I observed my streaming eyeliner. Hurriedly erasing any trace of tears, I exited the restroom, adjusting my checkered backpack on my shoulder.
Knowing I was overreacting, I chastised myself. It wasn't even that big of a deal, so why was I making it out to be? It's only the first day of school, for fuck's sake! I sighed before my front pocket vibrated. Retrieving my phone, I flipped the outdated device's screen open. Seeing who it was from, I fumbled to reach the button labeled "view."
"you ok?" it read. "you ran off in quite a hurry."
I clicked "reply" as I entered my first period. "Yeah, I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be?"
"just making sure. you know how much i worry about you when it involves these circumstances. are you sure you're all right?"
"Yes," I lied. I didn't want to worry him any more than I already had on multiple occasions.
I took my usual place in the very back of the classroom, which so happened to be next to a certain fiery red-head that I knew. He greeted me with his customary, overly-emphasized stoic façade. "Hey, Naminé." His eyes were closed with his arms folded across his torso. It was typical of him to appear so indifferent to the world around him so early in the day; he never had been one for mornings.
"Hello, Axel," I addressed with an almost non-existent grin. A smile spread across my lips as I concocted a plan to make him more alert. "Y'know, I still don't understand how, as a junior, you manage to get yourself into a sophomore class. You must have great skill."
"It's a pre-AP class for sophomores, so it's a regular class for juniors. You're the one outta place here, Nami. Get your ass out," he stated unenthusiastically, one of his eyes prying open to glare at me. When I only smiled smugly, he ruffled my platinum blonde hair and teasingly shoved my head to one side. I giggled before fussing about my mane, attempting to manage it.
"Ah, well, I guess we won't bring up how you're supposed to be a senior this year. That wouldn't be playing fair, now would it?" I stuck my tongue out at him.
He glowered at me from the corner of his eyes, but couldn't make a comeback before the teacher strode in as the bell rang. Long dirty-blonde hair framed his long face as he stood before us. "Good morning, everyone," he drawled.
"Good morning, Vexen," Axel retorted, using the same tone.
The chemistry teacher only cleared his throat in annoyance before continuing with his introduction to the class. My friend persisted with his comments, until the teacher finally lost his composure. After being scolded and told not to speak again, Axel beamed at me – his face in danger of splitting in two – holding a thumb up. He mouthed "Teacher one: annoyed. Mission accomplished."
Somehow we had managed to survive the teacher's endless rambling. On course for second period, Axel continued to ridicule Vexen. "How can he talk so much, and on the first day of school? Did you even hear him pause for any breaths? Just listening to him made me even more tired." He finished his sentence with a yawn to emphasize his point. I smiled empathetically before my friend and I were stopped. "Roxy!" Axel exclaimed, losing all signs of exhaustion and causing my ear to bleed.
"Axel!" Roxas screamed back as the towering male embraced the short blonde in a tight hug and spun him around. While they ended their twirl with a kiss, I stood awkwardly to the side, debating about whether or not I should leave and let them have their moment. They pulled away from each other slightly, Axel already telling his boyfriend about the chemistry teacher.
"Wow, Naminé. Do have any friends that aren't flaming homosexuals?" Reluctantly, I about-faced, releasing a quick breath.
"Wow, Kairi. When are you going to get some real ones?" I muttered a silent "thank you" to a higher power that Yuffie had chosen that moment to come to the rescue. She stood only a few feet away, her hands resting on her hips.
Kairi only scoffed in reply, clearly unable to think of a return insult. "She does have real friends, unlike you bitches." Larxene came up behind the brunette to help defend her. "At least hers can be considered actual people."
"Now, are you including yourself in this, or are you some sort of add-on?" Yuffie strode to my side, crossing her arms. "You seem like you'd be a pest, in more than one way. What insect are you trying to imitate today?" she asked, motioning to the blonde's hair.
"Bitch! No one fucking asked you!" she yelled, preparing to throw a punch. Before she could someone called to them from farther down the hall.
"Kai! Larks!" A tall, blonde senior came dashing toward us, a pearly-white smile plastered to his face, highlighted by his blonde goatee. His pale blue eyes glowed with every bit of the smile in them. I quickly turned in the opposite direction, distracting myself by toying with the end of a strand of hair.
Under her breath, I heard Yuffie mumble, "Oh, great. Now we get to deal with all of the whores' pack leaders." Larxene shot her a dangerous glare, but my friend was unfazed.
"Luxord!" The joy in Kairi's tone was painfully obvious. I didn't have to be looking at her to see the smile she wore as he approached.
"'Ello, ladies!" he greeted, addressing only Kairi and Larxene, as he came to a halt before them. "What are the two of you up to?"
"Oh, nothing," Larxene answered. "Just catching up with old friends." Yuffie made a gagging sound.
"Ya mean this lot? Don't waste your time. I'd rather we skip the formalities, and we'll," he purposely laid on his accent thickly, "forget them an' have a good time." Slinging an arm around each of the flustered girls' shoulders, he escorted them away. I watched, still twiddling with my hair, as they sauntered away, a slight twinge in my stomach. It wasn't until Yuffie waved her hand in front of my face did I realize that Axel was trying to grab my attention, still clinging to his blonde.
"Hm? What?" I asked, startled.
"I was just saying how it seemed strange. They wouldn't normally pass up a chance to give us hell," Axel pondered.
"Eh, that horny bastard just probably wants to get fucked, a-sap," Yuffie offered. "Doesn't matter. But I am disappointed; I didn't even get a chance to beat Larxene's face in."
Roxas chuckled. "Only you could, Yuffie. You with your mad ninja skills!"
"Haha! You bet!"
The remainder of the school day passed by uneventfully, and I now ambled toward the bus to take me home. I climbed up the steps to be greeted rather louder from somewhere in the back. "Nami!" I looked up from the floor to see the expected face of my older brother, beaming toward me.
"Hey, Demy!" I smiled back. As I took my usual place in row seventeen, he wrapped his arms around me from across the aisle. He then returned part of his attention to the male sitting next to him: his boyfriend, Zexion. "So how was your first day as a sophomore, Girly?" the blonde asked me.
"It was okay," I lied, easily. "Better than being a freshman, anyway. What about you?"
"My day was great! Looks like I won't have to do work in any of my classes."
I sighed, exasperated. "It's your first day as a senior, and you're already getting senioritis, Demy!" We both giggled.
"He's had senioritis since his first year in middle school," Zexion uttered. I craned my neck around my brother to see the slate-haired teen. He was smirking slightly, and I had to agree with him.
"At least I know I don't have to worry about you graduating, Zexion. Are you coming over today?"
Next to him, my brother nodded so enthusiastically that I feared his head might fall off. "As always!" he exclaimed with a grin. I was thankful that I wouldn't have to tolerate his energetic antics alone.
We marched through the front door of the house, and I was greeted by my black Labrador, Vivi. I scratched the friendly animal behind the ear in greeting, cooing words of affection. Demyx crept around me – bringing to my attention that I had stopped in the middle of the doorway – and raced to switch on the Play Station with Zexion in tow. They sat on opposite ends of the couch, the dark-haired teen knowing better than to sit too close to the blonde while he was playing a game.
I smiled at the memory; he had attempted to cuddle up to my brother – uncharacteristically, I'll admit – hoping to distract him from his game, but instead earned himself a nosebleed after the controller collided with his face. For hours after he'd stopped bleeding, Demyx wouldn't quit apologizing. Vivi, I remembered, had also been a victim to my brother's violent gaming when he was just a puppy. Demyx had stretched the cord much too far, ripping it from the game system. Unfortunately for my dog, he was right in the line of fire, and was attacked by the plug. The Lab had been too afraid to go near the TV when Demyx was near it since.
After paying the much needed attention to the black dog, I gathered my school things and slowly began the ascent to my bedroom to change out of my school uniform, and into some real clothes. I closed the door quietly behind me, wondering when my sister would be home, seen as she usually got a ride home from a friend. Pushing the curiosity to the back of my mind, I grabbed the nearest pair of clean jeans – sea-foam blue with faded crinkles and paint-splattered – and a black v-neck t-shirt. As quickly as I was able, I stripped out of my horrid plaid skirt, tie, and button-up shirt, and changed into my clothing, adding a pair of dotted and striped socks. I slipped on some black and white jelly bracelets, and made extra sure to clasp the Mickey Mouse key necklace that was given to me…
At last comfortable, I turned to my stereo and flipped the switch, allowing it to blast Skillet's "Better than Drugs" through the speakers. I threw myself onto the bed, getting lost in the melody, but most of all the lyrics. I wasn't there for long, though, before deciding that I was dying of thirst, and debating about whether or not to make the trek downstairs to get a drink. With a sigh, I lifted myself from the bed, pausing the song, and wandered back down the steps. As I passed by the game room, I heard a cry of frustration from my brother.
"What's wrong, Demy?" I asked, poking my head into the room on the way to the kitchen.
"I died again! This guy with the fucking mullet is massacring me!" He slunk back against the arm of the couch, Zexion and I giving him an incredulous look. We had expected him to know what exactly we were getting at, but he didn't even notice the look on our faces. Zexion spoke up.
"Demyx?"
"And he's having to read his lines from note cards!" he continued, not paying any attention to the other as he began the battle again. "I mean, he's such a space cadet!"
"I'm finding that it's a trait of people with mullets…" Zexion muttered.
"Hey!"
"Get over here; you know I don't really mean it."
"B-But…my game."
"Is over," Zexion informed him as the slow motion of the final hit played. My brother stared at the screen, dumbfounded before the other grabbed him by the collar of his dress shirt – left over from the school uniform they had yet to change out of – and pulled him to his end of the couch. I cried out in distress.
"Can't you two at least wait until I get back in my room?" I allowed false revulsion to seep into my voice before absconding from the doorway to avoid becoming a target of anything they could find to throw at me. I had never had a problem with my brother being gay, but that doesn't mean I felt guilty for ridiculing them when they did things a couple should. And I was glad that my brother had found Zexion; while he kept to himself, he was very kind, and – along with taking care of Demyx – he would often help me if I needed advice. He was like my second brother.
Speaking of advice… No, I thought. No one can know. I'd promised, even if he did try to talk me out of it. There was one thing that I desperately needed a solution for, but I couldn't tell anyone, even someone as close to me as Zexion or Axel, or even my brother. My hand froze on the refrigerator door, my gaze falling to the floor as I lost myself in thought. Tears began to sting my eyes.
When I heard the front door of the house open, I quickly blinked the waterworks away, and continued to fetch my drink. Coming back through the front room, I saw my twin sister and one of her friends strolling in the entrance.
"Heya, Kai!" Demy greeted, having already returned to his game.
"Hi, Demy!" she screamed, over-doing the baby sister act she put on in front of her friends. She bounded over to him, throwing her arms around his neck, despite the danger that threatened her seen as Demyx didn't have the game paused. I popped open the can tab, taking a sip of the Dr Pepper, half expecting Kairi to acknowledge me. When she didn't, and kept rambling about her first day as a sophomore, my gaze turned to her guest. I looked up at the tall blonde who stood in the entryway, his bright blue eyes sending jolts down my spine. Luxord grinned at me, making sure the others wouldn't notice it, his goatee arching with the curve of his lips. I willed my hair to hide my red-tinted cheeks.
"C'mon, Luxy," Kairi ordered, taking him by his wrist and leading him up stairs. I almost gagged at the nickname.
Once she was out of earshot, Demyx breathed a sigh. "Y'know, I don't like to play favorites between my two baby sisters, but Naminé-" he paused his game "-you take the cake."
I smiled, taking a seat on the couch, a safe distance from the wild gamer. Zexion sat to my left, already having pulled out one of his textbooks. I groaned.
"I take it you just remembered that you have homework," he affirmed. I nodded, inwardly swearing that he could read people's minds sometimes. I reluctantly rose from the couch, and Zexion chuckled. Dragging my feet, I took each step, painstakingly, one at a time.
Upon passing my twin's room, I noticed that her door was open, and went to close it, knowing that I would get yelled at if I blasted my music without doing so. Glancing in, I stopped dead in my tracks. Luxord sat on the bed with Kairi's legs on either side of his hips, her face, buried in the nape of the blonde's neck.
Horrified, I hurriedly grabbed the doorknob, leaving it open just a crack as to not disturb them with the sound of brass hitting brass. I covered my lips with my hand, a failed attempt to keep from sobbing while rushing back to my own bedroom. In one fluid motion I slammed the door closed, turned the music to its maximum volume, and collapsed on the bed, stomach down, and my face smothered in my pillow.
I hadn't heard my door open and crash closed again, so when I peeked up at it when I heard my sister banging, I really didn't expect to see Luxord standing there, leaning against it. I sat up too quickly, giving myself a head rush. Outside, Kairi was screaming at him, but her words weren't understandable thanks to my music being so loud. He almost seemed out of breath.
"Luxord?" I only spoke loud enough for him to hear.
"I'm sorry. I don't mean to intrude," he apologized, using the same volume. Releasing one last heavy breath, the senior pushed himself away from the door, approaching me. Instinctively, I brought my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. He stopped in the dead center of my bedroom. "I was only trying to find a safe place from her," he stated hesitantly, as though he was afraid if he spoke one word more, I would break. I didn't mean to come off as defensive, wasn't trying to keep him at bay, but I couldn't help the wrench in my chest.
"You seemed to be enjoying it…"
His eyebrows creased, but he was otherwise frozen as he asked, "You saw that, then?" I could only nod my confirmation, my eyes welling with tears. God, I felt silly, already having been so close to tears so many times in one day. "Naminé…" My name was only a whisper; Luxord knelt in front of my bed, taking my face in his hands, forcing me to look in my eyes. His thumbs swept over my cheeks to swipe away the tears that had fallen. Without another word he leaned in, brushing my lips with his, taunting me. My eyes slipped closed in anticipation of the kiss, but it didn't come, his breath continually ghosting across my skin. His hands still cupping my cheeks, Luxord allowed me to close the small gap between us, the kiss becoming one of need. My breath caught and my heart raced at the sincerity of the gentleness behind his actions. Time seemed to decelerate, as if nothing could ruin the moment. That is, until the banging on my door had picked up again.
I pulled away from him, sighing. "We don't want to make her think something's going on. You'd better get back out there."
"Don't worry about her," he told me, trailing his long fingers through my hair. "You're all that matters right now. It's just us." He kissed me again with the same longing, a kiss that made me feel as though I was needed, not wanted - as though I was the only thing that could keep him sane when his world was crumbling, as though I was the only person that could keep him tethered to society, as though I was his world.
I gently pushed on his shoulder. "What is it? What's wrong?" he questioned, growing panicked. I couldn't keep myself from giggling at his concern.
"If you keep kissing me that way I won't be able to keep this up." This caused him to smile innocently, yet he still managed to look seductive while doing so. "I just… Anytime I see you, and know I can't be this close to you, I just…" I couldn't get the words out, simply because I didn't really know what I was trying to say. The entire situation was screwing with my thoughts.
He shushed me with an "I know," his smile faded. "I'm sorry about all of this…"
I was taken aback. "Luxord, none of this is your fault. This is my choice. I don't want you to lose all of your friends and everything because of me."
"But I don't want to lose you." Abruptly, he rose to his feet, and equally as unexpected, I reached out to cling to his arm.
"Sorry," I reflexively mumbled, releasing him from my clutch. The song faded away, and we remained silent to avoid my sister hearing us. But neither of us spoke even after Open Wounds by Skillet began to play. Instead he took a place on my bed next to me, our hips touching, as one of his arms snaked around my waist. My insides felt as though they were about to shudder apart. "So," I started, tentative. "So what happened in Kairi's room?"
Luxord gave a single chuckle with a sly smirk playing across is lips. I gave him a quizzical look. "She had me sit on the bed, exactly how I am now. The moment I did, she climbed on top of me, just like…" Placing his hands on my hips, he pivoted my body to face him, setting me down in his lap to straddle him. "This." My face flushed. He still had hold of my hips, but soon they began to roam over my back to my shoulders, and down again to my wrists. With my hands in his grasp, he led them up his chest to place them on his shoulders. I could feel my heart pounding. "She rested her head on my shoulder." He wrapped his arms around my back to cradle me against his chest, my head coming to rest on my shoulder as one of his hands wound itself in my hair. "Then she kissed my neck." I did as he narrated before taking a speck of skin between my teeth. It earned a sharp hiss of breath as he sucked in air through his teeth.
He allowed me to continue these actions for a short moment more before taking each of my hands again and holding them between our bodies, causing me to sit up. "Then I shoved her off'a me and got away as fast as I could. I could never do such a thing to you, but I do have to go before she manages to pick the lock an' barges in." I nodded in understanding, and he gave me one last kiss before I swung a leg around to let him up. The blonde sauntered to the door, throwing one more fleeting grin back at me before exiting my room, and leaving me alone. Faintly, I could hear their voices outside my room, my sister interrogating him about what was going on in here for "so long." When I heard their steps receding, I made a snap decision to shower, needing something to help me relax. Once I was sure they were no longer in the hall, I grabbed what I needed, and made my way to the bathroom.
With my hair sopping wet, I made my way back to my bedroom, only to find that Zexion was casually seated in my desk chair. Oh, dear, I thought, knowing very well he wouldn't impose unless he knew something was going on. Fucking psychics, man. "Hey, Zex-"
"Something's troubling you," he stated, rather than asked.
"Uh, yeah…" I decided it was best not to lie about it if I was only going to be found out anyway. I began to mess with a random trinket on my dresser, not saying anything more.
"Would you care to elaborate? I know it has something to do with Kairi's friend."
"Are they still here?"
"No. They left, arguing the entire way out about something while you were in the shower."
"They left together?"
He sighed, knowing that I was trying to stall. I just couldn't get anything by him. "He drove off in his car after they both went out to the front lawn, then someone else came to pick Kairi up. Now, will you kindly tell me what all this is about?"
I couldn't stop the sigh from leaving me. "Well…Luxord and I…are dating."
"That's apparent. What else?"
"What do you mean it's apparent? I thought we were keeping it well hidden."
"So you are trying to hide it, then. Why?"
"Wh-" Damn, he got me. I'd developed a disdain for reverse psychology in the years that I'd known Zexion – for obvious reasons. I heaved another breathy sigh. "Because all of his friends hate me and I don't want him to lose them because of me."
"If they cease to be friends with him because of who he's dating – when you've done nothing to provoke them – then they can't be very good friends."
"I know that, but try telling that to them. You know what they're like. And Kairi! Oh, God, Kairi has the biggest crush on him; she has for years! Can you imagine what she would do if she found out?" I was nearly yelling at this point, inducing something relative of a panic attack.
Zexion rose from the chair to place a hand on my shoulder, leading me to where he was, forcing me to sit. "Is that the only reason?" he questioned. I nodded, focusing on my breathing to calm myself. He sighed. "That's silly. If he really cared about you, he wouldn't let his friends get in the way-"
"This was my choice. One person isn't worth losing everyone else."
"Depending on the person; and you, Naminé – you're worth it."
I couldn't bring myself to agree with him, but instead of trying to argue the point, I remained silent. Was there really any point to this? Yes. It was simpler. This way, there were only two – now three, I guess, since Zexion figured it out – people that were involved, there were no jealous girls looking to get in Luxord's pants (they wanted to do that anyway, but not for the sole purpose of spiting me,) and there would be minimal drama; the only downside was that I couldn't be with him like I wanted to, couldn't hold his hand in the hallway. Any time we spent together had to be in secret. But I guess I've already proven how well I can handle that…
Zexion kneeled in front of me, searching my eyes for some sort of epiphany or understanding, but when he found none, he sighed before standing. "What should I do?" I whispered, not really talking to anyone.
As he reached for the door to pull it closed behind him, Zexion turned back to me. "Don't let them make you think you're not somebody, not human. Don't lose yourself over this."
Thatch: Yay, life lessons from Zexi! I just wanted to let you all know, on my profile you can find a link ("Stories' Outfits") that will lead you to – you guessed it – the collection of outfits that appear in this story. Right now, it's only a list from this story, but I will be adding more to it…eventually. Thanks for reading and just a friendly reminder to review! Until the next chapter!