Summary: In this story, Silena lives through the final book and is now back at Camp Half-Blood, where she has a dream about Charlie. Told in her P.O.V. Please R&R!
A/N: It's my first fanfic, so please read and review! ;-) (I'm okay with constructive critcism but nothing mean, please!)
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series.
Losing him was terrible, horrible, shocking, and I could go on for hours listing every adjective describing his death and that still wouldn't be enough to explain how I feel. The only good thing about any of this is that he sacrificed himself for all of us. For that, everyone respects him.
A dream I had last night helps with the pain. It was the first bit of sleep I'd had since we got back from the battle three weeks ago.
In the dream, Charlie and me were just sitting on the beach, and watching the waves. We stayed that way for a few minutes, but then he suddenly turned to me.
"You look beautiful."
I blushed. "Thank you."
"I love you, Silena."
"I love you, too."
"Now, why don't you tell me why you're here?"
I must've looked shocked, because he said, "We're both here for a reason, and my reason is to help you."
"I, uh, I'm confused. What would my reason be?" Normally, a dream for a half-blood was a message, so I assumed this was, too.
Charlie gently brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "I know your reason, but I can't help unless you know it."
"Charlie, I miss you. Isn't that a good enough reason?"
"I miss you, too, but that's not your answer."
"What type of answer do you want from me?"
"You'll know when you figure it out."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Here, I'll help. Why is my death so hard for you? There is more to it than you're admitting to me."
"Because I love you. How is that not enough? Why do you need another answer?"
He sighed. "I love you, too. But there is another reason that you can't sleep; a reason you're miserable."
I just stared into his eyes. Suddenly I understood, and I couldn't bear to look in those eyes anymore. "The guilt."
"Right. But why do you feel guilty?"
"I betrayed everyone, and I killed you."
He cupped his hands around my face. "You didn't kill me."
"Yes I-"
His voice grew stern. "You did not kill me. The ship would've come anyway, and I would've sacrificed myself no matter what. It was destined to happen."
"It was my fault! I betrayed everyone! I helped bring this war here."
"You may've sped it up, but it was going to happen. And my death was my decision. Nobody else made that choice for me."
"It was my fault! I know it was! You know it was! Everyone else knows what I did! And I can't even do anything about it!" I was beginning to feel exasperated.
"Silena, please don't feel guilty. Spying was wrong, but you didn't kill me. It all would've happened sooner or later. You know it would. If you didn't spy, Luke would've chosen somebody else to do it. Even if he didn't choose some one else, they'd have still came."
As much as I hated to admit it, Charlie had a point. "The guilt will never stop. I can't take it back!"
"But if you forgive yourself, the guilt will stop! I want you to have a good life. You can't do that if you hate yourself. I want you to find a person to love. I want you to have children. I want you to have the life we were going to have, but with someone else who respects you, loves you, and treats you right. Trust me, I'll be watching you. If you don't live your life the way you want to, then you're wasting it."
"I can't fall in love again."
"You will. A door won't close without another door opening."
"No. Never. I cannot forget you, Charlie!"
"You'll never forget me, Silena. But I've got to go. It really isn't your fault, and I don't want you to think it is." He stood up. "No one blames you. They've all treated you like they always have. I love you, always and forever. That's why I want your burden lifted, why I want you to have a life, and a great one at that! "
"I love you, too. Is it really not my fault?" I wanted a little more reassurance.
"Of course not. Everyone thinks of you as a hero if anything.
He kissed me goodbye, then walked knee deep in the water. I knew he was leaving, but instead of crying, I found myself smiling. He had taken the guilt off of my shoulders, even though I didn't see it at first when we were talking. And before I knew it, he faded away.
I woke up with a smile on my face. It seemed like it had been ages since I last smiled.
At the pavilion for breakfast, everyone was looking at me funny. Not because of the spy incident, Charlie was right about no one blaming me, but because they hadn't seen me smile in ages. As I walked, I saw a lot of couples, but that didn't bother me. I knew Charlie loved me and wanted what was best for me. That thought made me radiate confidence.
Everyone noticed my change in attitude. Instead of the looks of pity I usually received from the other campers, they smiled back once they realized things were better. Still, no one mentioned the death, but they treated me like normal. Charlie wanted it this way; I just know it.
I think in the end, the dream offered me a type of closure. Sure, my true love was gone, but that didn't mean I couldn't have a life, that I couldn't love. It really wasn't my fault about Charlie. Life just became a little easier to deal with, so his intentions worked. I will always owe him for that.