Unseen

This is a happy day. My best friend is going to marry the man she loves and I am her Maid of Honour. Life is perfect.

The Processional Music begins. That's my cue to enter from the hallway with the Best Man. I walk in wearing the dress my best friend picked out for me. She arranged the wedding all by herself, except for some minor details which she left to me at the last minute: arranging a suitable time for the marriage to take place, sending the invitations, arranging the entertainment. She made sure that she took care of the important matters: the rings, the dresses, the flowers. Yes, she is amazing – very organized.

After we walk in, Mr Daidouji and his daughter enter. They stop, waiting for the Wedding March to begin. As she walks down the aisle, eyes turn to look at the beautiful bride. As usual, I'm unseen.

I remember when we first met. It was a pleasant spring day. I was playing on the swings when the wind suddenly blew away my little pink ribbon. I cried and cried but no one seemed to notice. My coarse, auburn hair blew all over my face; tears streamed down my pale cheeks. I was a mess. Then it happened. I met her. My life was never the same again. She asked me why I was crying; she found my ribbon for me; she let me play with her; she noticed me.

We remained the best of friends throughout primary school. Then it was time for secondary school. She made new friends and we drifted apart.

One day, I asked her, "What happened to us? Are we still friends?"

She stopped applying her mascara to look at me. She was getting ready to go to a party which I wasn't invited to. "What do you mean? Of course we're still friends. You will always be my bestest friend." She returned to her mascara.

After a brief silence, she continued, "You aren't jealous are you? There's no need to be. Just because I have new friends doesn't mean that I've forgotten about you. I will always like you longer because I've known you longer. You will always come first, because I met you first. Do you understand?"

"Yes, of course I understand. I'm not jealous." That was just the beginning. After the party that night, my best friend started avoiding me. I don't know why. I often wonder what happened at that party. I think it was three years later, when she next spoke to me.

There was a new transfer student: Syaoran. I was to show him around the school on his first day. I don't know what it was about him, but there was definitely something. It was love at first sight, I think. His chestnut brown hair and chocolate coloured eyes were…brilliant. He never really learned my name, though. Before long, he knew me as 'the best friend'.

That day, as I was showing Syaoran around the lunch room and telling him where he should sit, Tomoyo renewed our friendship, kind of. She acknowledged that I was her friend once again. I heard them talking about how I had 'connections' and how I was 'worth being friends with'. They let me join the group; they let me sit with them; but they did not let me talk to them. I only ever spoke to Tomoyo. Thus, our friendship began, for the second time.

I didn't mind much that they never spoke to me. I was used to the solitude, having spent three school years alone. What surprised me though, was when Tomoyo and Syaoran started dating. I felt betrayed. For the first time, I felt invisible. Truly invisible. I knew I often blended into the background, but I never knew the real extent of my lack of being noticed by my peers. I guess that's how the downward spiral started.

Syaoran would often come up to me and ask, "You're Tomoyo's best friend aren't you?" I would nod in reply and be asked to pass on a message of some sort. It was then that I'd know that he knew of my existence, that short space in time. It made me so happy just to think that he thought about me, even for so short a time. I could say that I had been on his mind once. I was so happy.

As I grew up, I realised that what Tomoyo and I shared was not a friendship anymore. I couldn't tell you what it was. But it was not a friendship. I returned to the solitude.

We all left school together. Tomoyo and Syaoran still shared a steady relationship. I was invited to her leaving party. It was my first party in…let's see…five or six years. I went for old times' sake.

That was when Syaoran decided to break her heart. He told her he was going abroad to study for a few years. She had been under the impression that all three of us would go to college together. I had planned on going to university instead and never had the courage to tell her that I'd be leaving too. I had hoped that everything would fall into place when the time came. I guess it still did, just not as I planned.

After he told her, she broke down. Unsurprisingly, she came to me for comfort. I have always been there for her; I have never let her down. Being me, I had no choice but to go to college with her and gave up my one chance of going to university. My parents resented me for that decision.

We moved out and rented a little two-room flat near the college. College life passed quickly. My parents will never forgive me for the decision I made. But I knew the risks and I did not back down.

After college, Syaoran came back. We met him at a café in town. When he saw us, he greeted Tomoyo but either forgot about me or just didn't recognise me. The next time we met, he acknowledged my presence but forgot my name. I was glad that he remembered me, especially because it was him, the one person I loved. No one from school seems to remember me.

A few months later they started dating again. I had expected it all the time. It was only a matter of time. I knew that anything I did to prevent it from happening would have been in vain, even though I really wanted to try anyway, just to prove that I tried. Then a few months later, she moved in with him. That meant he wouldn't be visiting the flat anymore. I had looked forward to those visits.

Even though I wasn't the one he wanted to see. I would awkwardly sit at the side, admiring and staring into his deep inviting eyes (unknown to him).

On a number of occasions, Syaoran brought along a friend. I think it was for my benefit. He probably figured that I'd be bored listening to them talk. I appreciated his concern. This friend was a pleasant sort of person. He tried to start conversations with me, and I would politely respond, even though I was thinking about the way Syaoran laughed or how his hair would flick at a certain angle.

After Tomoyo left, I didn't expect any visitors. I was shocked to find that I still had a regular visitor – Eriol. I never really understood why he came. After all, there was no real need to come and keep me from being bored of listening to Syaoran and Tomoyo talk anymore. She didn't live there. Nevertheless, he came. Everyday.

I once thought that Syaoran might have sent him to make sure of my safety, but it seemed improbable. Sometimes I still like to flatter myself though that that was the case. Then I thought that maybe Tomoyo asked him for the favour, since I was her best friend. In the end, I decided not to think about it and it became routine: greeting Eriol, having dinner with Eriol, chatting with Eriol, saying 'good night' to Eriol.

Next thing I knew, Tomoyo and Syaoran were engaged. They asked me to be the Maid of Honour and having never let her down before, I sure wasn't going to start now. I knew what it would involve and I took the job.

That's why I'm here watching them marry.

"If anyone here for any reason believes that this man and woman should not be united, speak now or forever hold your peace."

This is my last chance to let him know that I love him, but I'm letting it pass before me with my eyes wide open. I look up and see Eriol staring at me intently. He knows. Of all the people in the room, he knows. I look away, fearing that he may discover more about me if I hold the gaze.

"I, Syaoran Li, take thee, Tomoyo Daidouji, to be my lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God's holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith."

After she says her vows, then it's time for the ring exchange. I do as rehearsed. I'm a robot. I can't let my emotions take over. This is it. This is the end.

"I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Too late. It is over. The ceremony is over. He is now untouchable.

"You may kiss the bride."

The newly weds share a passionate kiss before the congregation. The whole crowd looks on overjoyed, while I'm in pain, and the only person to see that…is him. I can barely remember his name now. That person who is always there. But why? Why is he always there?

The Recessional Music begins to play in the background. The bride & groom are leaving, and I'm supposed to follow. I force a smile onto my face and walk composedly after the bride. In a matter of minutes, I'm in the little back room where they sign the Marriage Licence. I thought the worst was already over. I thought seeing them kiss to seal the marriage would be bad enough, but no. We have to sign the legal document too as the witnesses. That is, the best man and I. My mind is going blank. I think I'm going to faint. Someone came up from behind and stopped me from collapsing in a heap. It's him. Again.

Now, I have to face the reality of it all. It has happened. They are married. I have to sign the paper saying that it has happened. Tomoyo is counting on me to complete her marriage. She knows I would never let her down. I finally see it all in perspective. I don't have it. His love. I never did. I had once hoped that I did. But I didn't. And now I never will.

I am unaware of what's happening. I believe I signed the documents. I must have. I'm walking outside now, holding his hands. His hands are so warm and comforting. I know I can rely on him to support me and give me shelter. But…what's his name? He's the best man; the best friend.

I have no recollection of ever making a speech, but I must have made one, otherwise she wouldn't be thanking me just now. People all around me are talking about what a success the reception was. I stand alone, speechless, smiling stupidly. I pretend to be happy for them. What can I say? They loved each other; they were meant to be. We were not. I realise that now. I should have yelled out when I had the chance. I should have told him at the first opportunity. Now I know better. I was blind. In my own pretence of happiness, I even managed to fool myself.

I have loved him. I have been loved. I love him. I shall always love him.

This was a happy day. My best friend married the man she loved; the man I love.

A/N: Thank you for reading my story and I would appreciate it greatly if you reviewed. Any criticism will be welcomed with open arms, as each review is an opportunity for me to improve my writing skills and to create better stories.

Celestial Secrets -x-