Chapter One
Kel was tired. She glanced out the opened tent flap; the sky seemed lighter than it should be, though it was only a few candle marks since sunset. With a sigh, her attention returned to the map spread out on the crate-turned-desk in front of her. Although the Scanran armies suffered from the loss of the killing devices, they adapted and all too quickly developed new strategies. A month had passed since her return from Blayce's castle, but they were still at war. In her opinion, they would be for a long time.
Part of her wasn't surprised when a messenger rode through New Haven's gates with a summons to Fort Mastiff for reassignment. Absentmindedly, she swatted at a mosquito. The price of keeping a light to work by at night. She missed the solid permanence of her former office, with windows and walls to keep most of the bugs at bay. But a larger part rejoiced to live in a tent again, no matter how uncomfortable or inconvenient. Kel was surprised that, two days into her new position, the transition had gone so well. As a knight attached to the army, her responsibilities were vastly different from the ones that Fanche and Saefas inherited from her.
Now, rather than defend and manage a camp of civilians, Kel was included in Tortall's offense. She stared at the map, struggling to remember Raoul's advice about coordinating different phases of attack. A red dot, neatly labelled 'IRONRIDGE', marked a Scanran camp. She ran a hand through her hair. With small hills surrounding the camp, just on the other side of the river, how in Mithros' name was she supposed to attack without exhausting her troops or leaving them exposed. On one hand, a cavalry would have a difficult time chasing down the infantry during a retreat, but on the other hand, infantry would be exhausted from a march before the fighting started, and doubly so if ordered to retreat.
"It's not up to just you, you know," a voice called from just outside her tent. Kel grimaced.
"Yes, but someone has to do it," she replied as Faleron ducked his head to enter. One of the changes that she liked about her new position was the chance to catch up with her old friend. Faleron, as a young knight, had been with the army since the beginning of the war. Once upon a time, Kel had been intensely jealous of her friend, who had the position that Kel herself had dreamed of whenever she thought about future service on the border. But those fantasies died somewhere along the line of her own duties with the refugees.
"Yes, but that's why the general has a council. But you and I know that isn't the real reason that you're up so late." Kel was quiet for a moment. She was used to Neal being upfront with her, but few others were so direct. She frowned slightly. Throughout all of their page years, Faleron was never so outspoken.
"You've grown up a lot since the last time we met." He smiled ruefully.
"Well, that's war for you I guess. Mithros, it's been a while, though. When was the last time we met? Back in Corus? Someone's Ordeal?"
"I think we rode out of Corus together, before we went separate ways on our way to the front," she replied thoughtfully.
"You know what — you're right. I think that's the last time I saw you. I remember hearing later about your assignments and I couldn't decide if I thought Wyldon was a lunatic or if I thought he picked the best person for the job. Though I definitely thought he was crazy to leave you with Queenscove and Hollyrose and no one else." Kel smiled.
"You only think that because you know how the story ended and that we did a god job." She did her best to keep the bitterness out of her voice; Haven's success lay in her people's desire for independence, not in her abilities as a commander, a fact that most people she talked to seemed to overlook.
"Have you had much word from New Hope?"
"Faleron, it's only been a week since I left and two days since I got here."
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean that Neal isn't pining for you already." Unlike Kel, Neal and Merric remained at New Hope: Neal to run the infirmary and Merric to take over some of her military duties.
"He's been pining a lot less now that Yuki moved in too."
"I remember his poetry. Pining is one of Neal's favorite hobbies, there's no way he's given it up now that he's married."
"His poetry was pretty bad, wasn't it?" They laughed for a moment, remembering Neal's love for melodramatics. Kel sighed. It was great to catch up with Faleron, but she missed her best friend. Faleron yawned. "So are you just checking up on me, or did you have any specific business?"
"Nah, I was just walking back from the latrine and I saw that your light was on, figured I'd stop by and say hello. Anyways, how are you? I mean, really."
"What do you mean?"
"Everyone knows that you were devoted to your people and that you made an excellent commander. Now, you're a young, though experienced, knight who offers advice on strategy and is loosely attached to the army, once more under someone else's orders. It's gotta be weird."
"Well, it's certainly different. But I was always under someone else's orders— Lord Wyldon was my district commander. Although I certainly have a lot less responsibility now, it's rather refreshing."
"Kel, if I've ever known a workaholic, it's you. Are you sure you're as refreshed as you say you are?"
"I mean, I don't really know what to do with myself, but I'll figure it out."
"And that's why you're up so late pouring over a map on a makeshift desk?"
"Would you rather I use the ground?"
"That's not what I mean."
"I'll figure it out, I'm just used to spending my nights working on paperwork."
"All of your nights?"
"There was a lot of work to do. Clerks are a blessing, but they can't do everything."
"That's not what I— never mind."
"What?"
"It's nothing." Faleron scraped the dirt off one of his boots. Kel sighed, loudly and resigned.
"What's the gossip now?" Faleron jumped.
"Wha—, Kel, that's not—"
"People have been infatuated with my love life ever since I became a page and I know that there are few things that soldiers love more than steamy gossip, though they would rather die than admit it. I'm used to people talking about me. In a way, it's actually pretty funny."
"It's not right."
"It doesn't matter if it's right or wrong. People are people, and unless they're suggesting treason, they can't do anything so there really isn't any point in making big deal about it."
"But —"
"Making a big deal about it is the easiest way to give them power over me." Kel yawned. In a less serious tone, she added, "Look, it's okay if you don't want to tell me, but please don't get into any fights about my honor. We aren't pages anymore."
"What about the Code of Chivalry? You are honorable and everyone should respect that." Kel looked up from the map. Sometimes it was jarring to realize that her friend spent the last year amongst soldiers, not civilians.
"You know, back when we were pages, remember how Sir Myles kept ranting about how the Code is given too much credit?" Faleron nodded.
"Yeah, but he's also an old man who sometimes drinks too much wine."
"He drinks a lot of wine, but that doesn't entirely discredit his opinion." Kel held up a hand to keep Faleron from interrupting. "Anyways, back when we were pages, I fervently disagreed with him. The Code outlined what it meant to be a knight, you know, beyond duty and loyalty. But now that I am a knight, I'm not so sure.
"I spent the last year mostly in the company of commoners. Yes, the army is full of commoners, but the army also commands a strict sense of order and they all volunteered. And yes, I did have a few squads of militia men. But for the most part, I worked, no, lived, with refugees who just wanted to put their lives back together. I'm not trying to be poetic, that's Neal's job. My point is that they didn't give a damn about how honorable I was, they just cared about what kind of job I did.
"The Code is a nice set of guidelines, but it doesn't put food on the table or money in your pocket. So if someone wants to shout about how dishonorable I am, let them. It's not worth it. They don't have any power over me. I'm going to do my job just the same, thank you very much."
"That was quite the speech," Faleron said at last. Kel shrugged.
"It's true."
"Still, sometimes I forget…. We're very different people than we used to be," Faleron said with a chuckle.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you were always willing to give a lecture, but you were a lot shorter then."
"Yeah, well I guess I've got through a few growth spurts since then."
"Mithros, we are adults now, aren't we?"
"Did it sneak up on you?" Kel laughed.
"A little. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I know exactly what to do and how to do it, and sometimes I think the paint on my shield is still drying," he said with a shrug.
"I know what you mean," Kel lied. Her uncertainties seemed like a distant memory. "Well, I think I'm going to turn in. No point in burning through an entire candle tonight and there will be plenty of work to do tomorrow." She got up and stretched.
"Goodnight, Kel. And it really is a pleasure to work with you again." Faleron waved and left the tent. Kel blew out the candle, removed her boots, and clambered into her bed roll. She yawned again, but her mind was wide awake.
Her thoughts skipped between nostalgia for her refugee camps and worry over Faleron. Had he really gotten into fights over her honor, or was he just a concerned friend? She hoped it was the latter; cruel remarks might not be much more than entertainment to her, but a fight would only make life difficult for everyone involved.
By the time the sun rose, it felt as though she hadn't slept at all. Groggily, Kel rose and went about her morning chores. The army waited for no one and she would be damned if she didn't get in at least a quick pattern dance before meeting the other knights and officers for breakfast. Practice done, Kel switched to a less-dirty set of clothes and went to search for food.
Upon leaving her tent, Kel glanced at the smaller tent pitched alongside hers. She could hear muffled cursing coming from within. A moment later, Tobe hopped out of the tent on one leg. She chuckled.
"Everything all right?" Tobe made a face.
"Yeah, I just stubbed my toe pretty good, that's all."
"I see. So what are the grooms having you do today?"
"Oh, probably same as yesterday. It's weird, having strange people barking orders at me all the time, like I'm some sort of idiot who doesn't know a horse's face from a horse's ass."
"Tobe."
"Right, horse's tail. Sorry, Mother. I'm just a little cranky."
"You miss New Hope, don't you?"
"Well, of course I do. Don't you? Right that was a stupid question. You're probably worrying about them more than I am."
"Tobe, you know that you can go back to them. You're not enlisted in the army. If someone throws a hissy fit I could always say that I was worrying about the state of affairs there and I ordered you to return."
"Everyone already sees me as nothing more than your servant. I don't really want to encourage that," Tobe said with a grimace.
"I know. Life here is… it's different. But you and I both know that I won't boss you around. But I also think that your talents are put to use better at New Hope than they are here." They'd had the same conversation ever since Kel received her new orders.
"Uh uhh. If I leave you here all by yourself, you wouldn't get any sleep and you'd work yourself way too hard and no one else here is going to watch out for you like I can." Kel opened her mouth to argue, but Tobe beat her to it. "And I don't care how stifling it is here, or how much it reminds me of working for Alvik, I'm not leaving you to fend for yourself."
"Very well then. Let's go see about some breakfast then." At first, Kel had been surprised to learn that breakfast in camp was a much simpler affair than breakfast at New Hope. After all, with all of the army's resources, they could afford to requisition a larger variety of food. But then again, no one knew how long the war would last and it would be foolish to spend more money than necessary. Everyone was worried enough as it was about when the King would implement new taxes to pay for the war. Still, was a small garden really too much to ask for?
After breakfast, they parted ways: Tobe to the stables, Kel to the officer's conference tent. When she arrived, she chose the seat nearest the entrance. As the newest member of the group, her place was the bottom of the table. She knew that some of her friends might complain that her superiors had placed her there due to her gender, but Kel was perfectly comfortable in her knowledge that it was tradition, like a subtler form of hazing. Others claimed that, as an experienced commander, she ought to take a higher place, but Kel disagreed. She would move up the table when she deserved to, just like everyone else.
In fact, not being in charge was a nice change in pace for Kel. Part of her lamented her decreased authority, but the larger part welcomed the change. Some might see it as a demotion, but Kel reveled in her quasi freedom and lack of responsibility. It was nice to follow orders, instead of issue all of them. Life with the army, aside from missing New Hope, was carefree compared to the bustling refugee camp. For once, Kel was not accountable if and when anything went wrong.
At last, the conference tent was full. There were a handful of knights whom Kel recognized from the Progress in addition to a few of her former training mates, including Quinden of Marti's Hill and Seaver of Tasride. So far, Kel had done her best to avoid talking about her role in the war, particularly her defeat of Blayce the Necromancer. Of course, that was one of the stories that everyone wanted to hear.
The biggest difference though, between life with the army and life back at New Hope, was the different attitude about the war. When she was in charge of the refugee camp, Kel spent every moment of every day working towards the defense of her people. Here, everyone discussed different strategies of taking the fight to the enemy. At New Hope, Kel did her best to survive another day, another week. The army worked towards winning the war.
Fortunately, Kel did not spend her entire day cooped up in a tent debating tactics. Although she very much enjoyed these discussions, Kel doubted whether she would ever be content to sit around all day. A feeling of relief washed over her at the end of the morning session. Per usual, Kel grabbed a quick lunch with the other knights before heading out to inspect the camp.
Although Kel was attached to the army in general, she often found herself training with one or two of the same squads, if the past few days were any indicator. Today, she joined Squad Two-Three, or, as they called themselves, Squad Squash. At first, Kel had planned to train with a different squad each day, but Lieutenant Braeden, a firm man in charge of Company Two's organization implored her to work with either Squad Squash or Agency Squad. She wasn't sure where the nicknames came from, but she figured that the men would tell her once she had built up enough rapport with them. Yesterday, she wondered why Lieutenant Braeden suggested these particular squads.
Today, she still didn't know, but she found that she enjoyed their company all the same. In a way, training with these men reminded her of her days as a squire, training with the men of the King's Own. With an inward smile, Kel remembered riding through the mud to some corner of the realm, competing with Lerant, and Dom making fun of her lamentable carpentry skills. Training with Squad Squash, while in some ways similar, was inherently different. Working with the infantry was reminiscent of her first years as a page.
Just as Kel began to worry that enlisted soldiers would treat her differently due to her gender or rank, Sergeant Bertran introduced himself and told her that his men were practicing with pikes and asked if she would care to join them. Since then, in addition to her pike skills increasing, she also learned more about her comrades. Sergeant Bertran, his younger brother Torsten, and another man named Marc had grown up together in a village near Lake Naxen and had all enlisted at the same time. Meanwhile, Jaheem came from one of the Bazhir tribes of the Great Southern Desert while Geron and Farald hailed from Persopolis, though they did not know each other prior to their service in the army. Oleg grew up in Corus and was once a kitchen boy at the Palace, and though he swore that they had met, Kel could not remember him. Emlyn was not very talkative, but he seemed interested in her stories about the Yamani Islands and, try as she might, neither Corbin nor Vardon would speak to her, not that she had many opportunities during their exercises.
Sweaty and tired, Kel strode back to her tent as soon as practice wrapped up. A voice whispered that she was wasting a good opportunity to get to know the soldiers better, but a louder voice wanted a wash and to get back to work. Kel listened to neither voice, instead finding Tobe in the mess tent.
"How'd it go today?" she asked, biting into a biscuit. Tobe scowled.
"I swear, sometimes they think I'm an idiot, never leaving me alone to tend to my chores, hovering over me, ready to yell at me the second I do something wrong or unusual."
"Don't worry, they'll figure it out soon enough. You're a talented boy, they just don't see it yet."
"Yeah, yeah. Better get back to it though, those horses won't appreciate it if I'm late with their dinner."
"Bye, Tobe."
"See ya, Kel." Food eaten, Tobe walked out of the tent. Kel sighed; she should probably get back to work too.
When she reached the shade of her tent, Kel stared once more at the dot marked IRONRIDGE. She sighed once more. It felt as though there was an obvious solution right in front of her, but somehow it eluded her. The only way to find a solution was to keep working, so Kel sat down with a groan and devoted the rest of her attention to the map in front of her.
So, it's been a really long time since I posted a story, but I thought that I was overdue. This one has been stewing for a while and I really want to see where it takes me. Most of the post-Lady Knight fanfics assume that the war ends quickly, New Hope becomes a free town, and Kel goes off to replace Raoul in the King's Own. All of these stories are great, and I absolutely love reading them, but I also wanted to stir the pot a little and try something different. I'm going to try to write often and post regularly, but life is messy and complicated and sometimes gets in the way. Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this and please (please!) feel free to leave feedback, constructive criticism, etc.
-Rudduck
PS: I have no idea if I'm going to keep the title; I'm really bad at picking titles and my document was already named 'tired', so that's what I'm going to work with for now.