-1-

For once in all of my life, I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to be here.. To exist in this place and listen to consistent yelling and fighting.

My eyes watered over some as I heard my mother scream at the top of her lungs at her husband, my step father. I didn't understand why my mother married him, not when she seemed so happy when it was only me and her.

I refused to listen to them again and tried drowning them out. My fingers wrapped around a stone on the necklace hanfing over my chest.

My thoughts quickly turned to it and I looked down at it, frowning slightly.

It was a gift from my grandmother, whom had passed away some years ago. She was such a sweet woman.. I had lived with her most of my life till her passing and she had given the necklace on one of my birthdays...

I closed my eyes and took a breath, remembering that day very clearly.

"Now, Millie, I know soon I'll be gone and you may feel scared and alone again. But if there ever is a day you feel so alone you can't take it anymore, make sure you hold the stone close to your heart and make a wish." My grandma told me in a hushed whisper, hearing my parents fighting in the next room. Her face turned sour as the volume grew.

"Goodness.. Even on your birthday.." She grumbled angrily. "I never approved of that woman.."

Her eyes suddenly lit up again and she handed me another gift as I fixed the necklace a few times. "We'll just have our own fun without them, won't we Millie?" She asked, watching my face light up as I unwrapped the movie and stared at the title.

"Now, let's drown out their fighting with this, okay?"

My eyes fell onto the stack of movies I had collected since then, spotting the one specific title. My favorite film..

I walked over on my knees and pulled it out of the stack, brushing my fingers over the cover.

HOWL'S MOVING CASLTE

I let out a tiny breath, trying to calm down as I moved to my TV and DVD player, placing the movie inside and turning the volume up enough to drown out everything else in the world.

I tensed up as I heard a loud crash come from downstairs just before the movie started and decided to turn the volume up further, just to be sure. "Drown out their fighting..." I said to myself over and over again.

A smiled couldn't help but appear over my lips, hurrying to the door and locking it so noone could bother me, my feet leading me to my desk to pick up some pencils and my drawing book.

I moved back to my TV and plopped myself down in front.

I was evenutally interested enough to begin drawing in my sketch book. I loved drawing the characters from these movies and sometimes inserting myself sometimes. Today I felt like drawing myself in clothes similar to Sophie sitting on a hill filled with flowers, the same field Howl gave to Sophie as a gift. Oh I desperately wanted to see that place in person.

I smiled down at the sketch, a sense of relief falling over me. Like I would get to live this vision of mine. I would love that..

To live with Sophie and Howl and Markl and Calcifer...

I leaned back some, closing my eye momentarily, letting myself imagine it. Maybe I could change places with Sophie, or at least stand beside her, and be given that flower field.

"That would be wonderful.." I whispered.

I suddenly heard someone banging on my door and tensed up, a huge wave of terror and panic falling back over my mind.

"Millie, you better open up this door right now!" I heard the man my mother married after my biological father's death..

"Leave her alone!" My mother shouted, "You the reason she has the volume up so high so just leave her be!"

Her yelling caused the man to stomp back downstairs. I, instinctively, turned down the volume, my eyes going to the movie just at the moment Sophie had met Calcifer for the first time.

"She's too god damned spoiled by you, woman! She needs to be taught some serious respect and understanding! She cannot just go about doing whatever she wants just because her poor father and grandmother fucking died! She needs to just get over it!"

I gripped the stone that hung from my necklace, thinking of my grandmother's words. If I held it over my heart and made a wish.. All the bad things would go away.. But I didn't want the bad things to go away..! I didn't want to be here!

"I-I..." I stuttered, my voice breaking as my mother screamed following a loud, harsh smack and then quick footsteps coming back upstairs to my room.

"I-I want... Howl... I wish..." I struggled to find the words I needed.

I didn't noticed the light from the stone nor the static from the TV, my mind just filled with fear as I stared at the door.

The banging started up again against my door, my step-father yelling at me to let him inside. Threats against me and my movies soon followed.

His words causd me to panic enough to get the words out.

"I wish Howl would save me..!" I gasped, hearing glass shatter behind me. Before I could look back, a light floating sensation forming around my body. I shut my eyes tightly, kinda scared something happened to me.

The pounding stopped as my door eventually was broken down. But nothing happened. I couldn't even hear anything.

I opened my eyes a tiny bit, my mind becoming incredibly hazy as I looked up, someone standing in front of me between my step-father and me.

"Don't worry, darling, I'm here." The person whispered, their voice being soft and smooth.

I felt myself be picked up into their arms, darkness filling my vision. Then there was nothing.

"Grandma, do you think I could use my wish to travel wherever I wanted..? What if I could go into another world?" I asked, keeping my eyes ahead of me and she braided my hair.

"Hmm... Maybe, I've never heard of anyone doing something like that.. Maybe if your wish was strong enough? I'm sure you could do all sorts of things if your intent is good, I'm sure you can. But you first have to believe you have magical ability." She replied, sounding very genuine.

"Do you think I could do things like Howl or Markl?!" I gasped, very excited to hear about a magical ability I could have.

I heard her chuckle some behind me and shrugged a tiny bit. "Maybe. But only as long as your magic is filled with love. Good feelings. Nothing bad like hatred or anger. Or greed or jealousy. Those will make your magic bad and hurt you in the end... Like the Witch of the Waste." She said, "And you don't wanna look like her, right?"

"Ew!" I giggled, "No! I'll make sure I stay happy to keep my magic good then!" I smiled, playing with my necklace. I grew silent and frowned some after a few seconds.

"Could I use my wish to bring you back after you're gone? I'm gonna miss you..."

She stopped braiding my hair, a little surprised by my question. I turned around and looked at her, watching her face.

"No, dear... I'm afraid you cannot. Once I go, I must stay gone. I'll see you again, I promise, you just have to be very patient. It'll feel like a long time, hun, but believe me when I say you will see me again." She breathed.

I was quiet once more, slowly nodding, "Okay.." I took a moment before looking back up to her, "Can... We watch the movie again? One more time before you go."

I knew her time was running out, I could feel it. I didn't want to lose her now, but if she was okay with it, I was too. Even if I simply thought she was going to leave off to some other home or hospital far away from us.

"Of course, child. It's over there. Let me get comfortable." She pointed to a small DVD pile next to her TV, sitting back some in her bed.

I nodded and hurried over to the stack, finding our movie and putting it into the hospital's DVD player and put the disk inside. I quickly returned to my grandmother's bed and sat next to her, leaning against her some.

Some time after the movie began I felt my grandma gently place her hand over mine, a long, soft breath leaving her body.

I looked up at her and saw that her eyes were closed.

"Grandma..?"

Her chest wasn't moving anymore..

I watched myself in the mirror, a curious look on my face as I looked myself over.

I was never one to dress up, but I missed Lettie and Sophie had told me we would be visiting her today. She was so kind to me all the time. They both were the first few months I lived here here, both treating me like another sister.

It's been years now and I still had no clue how I got here.. Nor who I was beyond that my name was Millie and that the necklace I constantly cherished was a gift from my grandmother. And a vague paranoia of someone I couldn't visualize..

I enjoyed being here, anyways. It was nice helping Sophie in her little hat shop and drawing ideas for hats for her.

I picked up my bag, checking inside for my drawing book and pencils. I quickly found themnd some other items and smiled. I pulled out the book and flipped the pages. There were some missing, but not many. There were quite a few with me and Sophie smiling and laughing and then tons of sketches of hats. Ine page had an elder woman who was labeled as my grandmother.

I lovingly stared at the page and sighed some, my hand hovering over the page. "I miss you, Grandma.." I whispered.

"You're bringing your drawing book? Are you going to show Lettie your new hat designs?" Sophie asked, suddenly next to me.

I jumped slightly and closed my book. "O-oh! Yes, the hats. I wanted to see if there were any she would enjoy."

"I'm sure she'll like at least one of them. Come on, we're going now, Millie."

"Right."