Merry Christmas, You Bastard
"The Angel Gabriel from Heaven came,
With wings as drifted snow, with eyes as flame.
All hail to thee, O lowly Maiden Mary.
Most highly favoured lady. Gloria."
"Are you seriously singing a song about yourself?"
Gabriel looked over at Balthazar who was sat at the table, empty Christmas cards in front of him scattered everywhere, pen in one hand, class of baileys in the other with an incredulous look in Gabriel's direction.
"Hey what can I say? It's my holiday." Gabriel grinned and stretched his legs further along the sofa he was sprawled out on.
"You said Halloween was your holiday, because, and I quote, "I am the trickster!". Balthazar said turning back to the Christmas cards.
"And I'm also the Angel Gabriel who reigned on high."
"That's not just you, you special snowflake, that's all angels."
"You're just bitter because there's no song written about you. I could write one it you-"
"No."
"Suit yourself."
Balthazar sighed and leaned back in his chair and gulped back his baileys.
"Look Gabe, reckon you could get your all high and mighty special snowflake butt over here and give me a hand? Since it was your idea in the first place to do this stupid tradition."
Gabriel flew over to a seat next the Balthazar and picked up the nearest card.
"Hey! Why aren't you using the cards I picked out?"
"If by 'picked out' you mean the ones you made with a picture of you in a white dress, fluffy wings and golden halo, playing a harp like an electric guitar? I burned them."
"Dude!"
"Gabe they were awful."
"I thought they were rather flattering."
"Shut up and get writing."
They both sat in silence for a little while, occasionally sighing at their task. Until Balthazar commented;
"It's not exactly accurate that song is it?"
"What do you mean?"
" 'All hail to thee, O lowly Maiden Mary. Most highly favoured lady.' "
"Aww you didn't even have to look at the words! You know my song off by heart."
"That doesn't sound like something you'd say."
"Well it was in ye olde times. I had to fit in with how they spoke."
"Still doesn't sound like you."
"Alright then, as you obviously know me so well, what did I say to Mary?"
"Oi Mary! You're preggers?"
"I'm frankly offended! I was much subtler than that."
"Oh fair maiden, thou art preggo."
"Oh I love it when you talk British to me."
Balthazar chuckled and took another gulp of his drink.
"Any chance I could have a drink? Or have you already drank it all?"
"There's another bottle in the cupboard you prat."
As Gabriel stood up to go and get it he kissed Balthazar on the cheek.
"Thanks babe."
"Get off me."
Gabriel laughed as he reached for the bottle. On his way back to his seat he put his arm around Balthazar and put his chin on top of his head, just to irritate him some more.
"I can't tell if you're hugging me or strangling me."
"I still haven't made up my mind yet."
"As it's Christmas, do you mind not killing me? It'll spoil the atmosphere."
"Good point. I won't kill you this time."
"This time?"
"I can't promise for after Christmas."
Gabriel kissed the top of his head and opened the bottle and took a swing from it.
"Hey! Use a glass you filthy animal."
"God you're so British," sighed Gabriel as he clicked his fingers and a glass appeared on the table in front of him.
"You do realise that this is Jesus' holiday not yours? It's his birthday that we're celebrating."
"But I am the most important angel this time of year. All the songs are about me."
"They are not all about you!"
"Well they should be."
"Jesus is mentioned more in carols than you."
"No I swear I was mentioned in more."
"I don't think so."
"I'm pretty sure I am."
"Wanna bet."
"Yeah alright. How much?"
"All your sweets and chocolate."
Gabriel chocked on his drink upon hearing those words.
"Not so sure of yourself now are you."
"Ok. Fine. If I'm right though, I get all your bottles of alcohol."
"You make me sound like an alcoholic."
"It's ok Balthy, you can admit it. We're in a safe space."
"You can have them if you want, doesn't bother me."
"No I've changed my mind. If I win, you have to wear a proper shirt. With buttons. All done up. Not the stupid V-necks you always wear."
Balthazar hesitated for a moment before saying;
"You're on."
"Should we seal the deal with a kiss?"
"We're not bloody demons. Anyway you don't have any mistletoe."
"I have. It's in my pants."
"Never heard that joke before(!)"
"Anyway speaking of carols and singing, I haven't heard you singing that much."
"I don't sing."
"Which means you do. A little birdy told me that you can play piano."
"That little birdy didn't happen to wear a dirty trench coat did it?"
"May have done."
"Ah well. What a shame we don't have a piano here."
Gabriel clicked his fingers and a grand piano appeared behind them.
"Oh would you look at that!"
"No."
"Come on Balthy, it's Christmas!"
"Don't care."
"Please."
"No."
"Balthy."
"Stop looking at me like that."
"Pleeeaasseeee."
"Get of me."
Gabriel had flown onto Balthazar's lap and was now putting his face very close to Balthazar's with his best puppy eyes.
"Please?"
Balthazar sighed. He leaned in and kissed Gabriel.
"Is that a yes?" asked Gabriel after he came up for air.
"That was to stop you pulling that ridiculous face. Ok fine, I'll sing if it'll stop you whining."
"This can be my Christmas present."
"In that case this is the only present you're getting from me. Also, I swear if you buy me another copy of Titanic on DVD for me, I'll smite you where you stand."
Gabriel laughed as Balthazar seated himself at the piano.
"Go on then play!"
"Give me a chance! I'm thinking what to play."
"It has to be Christmasy."
"Fine ok here we go."
Balthazar began playing the introduction to Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire. Gabriel was quietly impressed with Balthazar playing, and was loudly impressed with Balthazar's singing. Gabriel's chin was practically in his lap the more he listened to the song. He couldn't quite believe it was Balthazar's singing. He didn't think it was possible for him to love him more until this moment. As he finished the chorus for the first time Balthazar looked over at Gabriel and grinned.
"Join in. I'm not entirely sure of the words in this next verse."
They both sang the rest of the song together. By now Gabriel was stood behind Balthazar as they both sang the final line;
"Although it's been said, many times many ways. Merry Christmas, to you."
"The only way this could be better is if it started snowing outside." Laughed Gabriel
Balthazar and doing his best Gabriel impression, eyebrows and all, clicked his fingers. Snow began falling outside their window. It was perfect. Well, almost.
"Oh by the way," said Balthazar reaching into his jacket pocket. "I didn't burn them. They were way too funny to do that. I just could bring myself to do it."
Balthazar pulled out one of Gabriel's cards and placed it on top of the piano. They both looked at it for a few moments before simultaneously bursting into laughter.
"No you're right they're terrible. What was I thinking?" Gabriel laughed.
"I don't know, they're growing on me. Your legs do look fabulous in these pictures."
Gabriel grinned and leaned down to kiss Balthazar.
"Merry Christmas Balthazar."
"Merry Christmas, you bastard."