Finn's a nervous fucking wreck and it would be kind of funny if he wasn't pacing a hole in the locker room floor and mumbling incoherently. Puck thinks about punching him in the face just to get him to stop but he's pretty sure that's against the Bro code and Coach might bench his ass for anti-team-ism or some shit. It's football, it's not that big of a deal, so what if it's the first game of their high school life and could totally make or break their social status? Fuck up and it's slushy facials and atomic wedgies, win and it's an instant panty dropper.
"Dude, relax," Puck snaps, slapping Finn on the back. "We totally got this shit. State championship here we come."
"McKinley hasn't won a state championship in…well, a really long time," Finn replies.
"That's because they didn't have our secret weapon."
Finn's got that confused look on his face, the one that kind of looks like constipation only way more painful. Puck rolls his eyes, "They didn't have us, man. We're total badasses. We could singlehandedly carry this team all the way to Buckeye stadium."
"Care to put your money where your mouth is freshman?" one of the senior linebackers interjects.
"Or that big ass head of yours? I know a great haircut that would suit it perfectly," another one of the older players adds.
Finn's eyes grow large and he vigorously shakes his head no, but Puck's never been one to back down from a challenge. "You're on, ass-hat."
-0-0-
They don't make it to Buckeye stadium. In fact, they finish the season exactly where they started it; zero wins and the title of worst high school football team in the great state of Ohio, but Puck's a man of his word so he lets the seniors have their way with his hair. Turns out, even with a 'hawk he's still a stud and the girls really seem to dig the new do. He's bedding Cheerios left and right by the time spring break rolls around.