A/N Okay here goes, I normally write HP, so this is my first go at any other fandom beside it. I love these two, so, so much, that hug man :D This is set after 2.08 (which broke my heart so bad) and is sort of a parallel to 1.08. So here's my first go at Bellarke. Reviews are welcome :)
It had been at least two weeks since it happened.
She wasn't even sure what to call it.
It hurt to even think about that night, the nightmares were the worst. Clarke hadn't been able to get no more than two or three hours of sleep a night. It wasn't the greatest thing in the world, not when her mom needed her help in the medical bay at times or when it came to trying to plan how they were going to get the 47 out of Mount Weather.
Aside from the nightmares the worst part was that Raven was still refusing to look her way or even to speak to her. Whenever they were in the same room, Raven would leave no sooner than Clarke entered.
It pained her that Raven was being like this, Clarke knew that Finn was family to her and she had took that away. Was it any wonder Raven hated her? Clarke understood in a way, she hated her mom for getting her dad floated. She just hoped that they would be able to sort things out between them in the future.
Camp Jaha was dark due to the late time, anything to put off sleep Clarke was busy doing things to help her mother out. She was sat back the fire, basking in it's warm glow knowing that the months would soon get colder. The trees had already started to change colour, as well as loosing leaves. Clarke was still in awe even now that they were down here, on the ground. It all felt like a dream, in honesty Clarke almost wished that some parts were a dream. At least then she could forget.
"Hey!" a female voice exclaimed above her, breaking her bubble of thought. Looking up Clarke found Octavia standing there, hands on her hips, an almost smile playing on her lips. "You okay?"
Clarke shrugged as she carried on ripping up strips of white cloth, which would be used as bandages.
Octavia took a seat on the log next to her and covered the blonde's shaking hands with her own. "It's okay," she said as Clarke let out a sigh, the white cloth twisting in amongst her fingers.
"Is it, O?" Clarke questioned looking into the younger girls big brown eyes. "I can barely sleep and when I can all I see is Finn's face followed by the grounders. All I can hear is that gut wrenching scream Raven let out. I see the faces of those still in Mount Weather: Monty, Jasper, Miller, Harper and the rest, knowing we can't get to them just yet. It's killing me, O, I just can't do this any more and I wish your brother would quit treating me like I'm about to break!"
With a sharp tug on the cloth, it ripped right in two. Throwing it down into the pile she had already complete, Clarke stood abruptly leaving a slightly bewildered Octavia sat by the crackling fire.
Bellamy who had been watching the two girls from nearby moved as soon as he saw the blonde get up. It didn't take him long to reach his sister, who was staring into the flames.
"What did you say to her, O?" Bellamy growled at his little sister who was still looking puzzled at Clarke's sharp exit.
"N-nothing," she spluttered as she looked up at his brother, seeing the hard look on his face, his brow creased as he glanced from her to the direction Clarke had gone. "I just asked if she was okay."
Bellamy let out a groan, trust Octavia to put her foot in it, he thought. He wished there was something he could do for Clarke, he hated seeing her like this. Like all the fight in her had been lost the second she pulled back from Finn's body.
"Stop thinking so hard, Bell, I can see the steam coming from your ears," Octavia quipped as she stood up, spotting Abby emerging from the med bay. She was just wondering if she should tell her about Clarke when Bellamy grabbed his wrist.
"Don't, O. Leave her to me, the last thing she wants is her mother."
"And since when do you know what Clarke wants? Do you not remember 'Mr lets take the Princess' wristband even if we have to kill her'. You are so smitten, Bellamy, stop denying things." Octavia smirked at her brother almost wishing for him to deny what she said, instead he said nothing. Keeping that hard look on his face that he used, when ever she used to do something bad.
"Just let me sort this," he said again ignoring Octavia's words all together. He watched her roll her eyes before pulling her wrist away. "Go to bed already."
"Fine," Octavia huffed, crossing her arms over her chest, almost looking as if she was ten again and Bellamy had told her she couldn't stay up late to see the shooting stars. "Just one thing, Bell, stop treating her like she's going to break. It annoys her, she told me so."
Feeling almost satisfied she had aggravated her brother, Octvaia left him to mull over his thoughts. She felt bad about Clarke, even she had nightmares still from back when they had been on the Ark and those very first few weeks after the drop ship crashed.
Hoping that his annoyance wouldn't show, Bellamy eventually crossed the camp to Clarke's tent which was situated near the med bay in case any one ever needed her. Octavia's words were running through his mind, mostly about him treating Clarke like she would break. But the ones which were bothering him the most were what she said about him being smitten with her.
They were co-leaders, it was normal to be with each other for most of the day. Sure he had been spending extra time with her since the night the true happened, but he was worried about her. And from what had happened just then, he did have a right to worry about her. They needed one another, she made him stronger and he her. How would they get the 47 out if they didn't work together, if they weren't on the same page?
Pausing outside her tent he wasn't sure whether to knock or walk right in. It was only when he heard the muffled sobs did he open the tent flap and head inside. She was sat on her makeshift bed, looking away from him, her golden hair messily thrown over her shoulders.
"Go away, mom," Clarke shot at whoever it was when she heard the soft rattling of her tent being opened.
Bellamy said nothing as he closed the flap behind him, walking over to her, watching as she tugged on her sleeve before wiping her eyes.
"It's me," he said in a low voice, causing her to jump slightly. "Relax, Princess," Bellamy muttered as Clarke let out another sob, half muffled by her hand.
Removing the gun he had been carrying from being on patrol, Bellamy tossed it to the floor, along with his jacket before perching on the edge of he bed right next to her.
"I'm sorry," she breathed as she wiped at her eyes again.
"What for?"
"Being a mess. How am I suppose to help you get the 47 out of Mount Weather if I can't even sleep longer than two hours, or if I see his face when I close my eyes."
There was no guessing as to whose face she was seeing.
"I feel like I can't do this any more, they need us to rescue them and I can't even think straight. Raven can't even say a word, let alone look at me," Clarke continued. "This is worse than when we were at each others throats."
Bellamy laughs quietly, he can't believe how long ago that seems now. He remembers seeing her when they first stepped on earth. The way the sun made her blonde hair glow like a halo, he had seen her at her best when they were working together as a team and now he had seen her at her worst.
Tentatively moving closer to her, he extends an arm around her shoulders. He feels her jump slightly at his touch, the tension in her shoulders is radiating through him as he pulls her closer. Feeling this close to Bellamy, Clarke can feel her heart rate quicken and it has nothing to do with her breakdown or from the sobs she's been letting out. On impulse she rests her head against his shoulder, smelling a mixture of firewood, smoke and sweat on his t-shirt.
"I'm a monster. I-I told him I loved him right before I did it," Clarke breathed before a sob escapes her lips and Bellamy instantly pulls her closer to him. His hand rubs her back, feeling the tension that was previously there, slowly dispersing. "I-I lied because I wanted him to know he was loved."
The only sound between them was Clarke's muffled sobs into his t-shirt.
"You're not a monster, Clarke," Bellamy said and he felt her let out a sigh from where she was leaning into him. "You did what you had to do, you saved Finn from an even worse death, you saved him from being tortured or in pain," he murmured, his fingers on his free hand were absent-mindedly playing with strands of her blonde hair, tucking it behind her ear. "You forgave me for things I did, things I'm not proud of. I forgive you and sure enough Raven will when she sees sense and realises it was the right thing. We've all done things down here, it doesn't define us, Clarke."
He heard her hiccup as she used her sleeve again to wipe her eyes. "Here," Bellamy murmured as he pulled something out of his trouser pocket, handing her a bit of the white cloth she had been ripping earlier on.
Sitting up Clarke mumbled, "Sorry for getting your shirt wet," as the ends of her mouth turned up in a small smile as she uses the cloth instead.
Bellamy shrugged as he said, "I can always go without." which almost makes her laugh.
Clarke stifled a yawn as she stretched out and Bellamy realises it's his cue to leave. Clarke almost knew that he would leave as she as she let out the yawn and she wishes she hadn't. Bellamy had never come in her tent before now, so why did now feel so much different? The warmth and closeness of him had been lost when she pulled away and she missed it, which was something she never ever thought she would be thinking.
She never thought she would have done half the things she had done. As Clarke watched him stood up, he bent over to get his jacket and gun, she couldn't help but stare at his behind. The jeans he had on were far too tight and she smiled as thoughts flooded her head, all of one man with brown curls, tanned skin and deep brown eyes.
When Bellamy turned around he saw her smiling, followed by her cheeks turning a light shade of red. Feeling that he had done good and that he had at least got her to smile, he said,"Get some sleep, Princess."
It wasn't until he had crossed her tent did she utter another word. His name in fact. "Bellamy."
His hand was already un-zipping the flap when he heard her, pausing he turned around.
"Stay," Clarke whispered as she looked at Bellamy's outline near the entrance of her tent. She wasn't entirely sure what she was doing but she didn't want to be alone tonight. She didn't think she could stand the nightmares. Why this was different from any other night she had spent alone, she didn't have a clue. "Please."
Bellamy was in two minds, he wanted nothing more than to pull her into bed and hold her close forever and a feelings that he had been trying to overcome had taken over her heart, now they were trying to take over his head. At the same time she was vulnerable, just as he had been when Dax had tried to kill him. Now wasn't the right moment to try and explain the weird feelings he got when he saw her, or how she made him feel. He had to be her friend right now, that would have to wait for another time when she was herself.
Running his one hand through his brown curls, he sighed. He knew how tired Clarke was, she hasn't been at the meetings about rescuing the 47 as she had been so tired, that and she wasn't really up to it. He had found that out tonight.
One night would be okay to stay with her. Nothing else, simply platonic. Giving her a small nod she smiled back as she strips off her own jacket, tossing it onto the box in the corner of her tent.
After re-zipping the flap, he follows suit putting his own jacket and his gun back down. He almost feels like she's watching him as she kicks her boots off before climbing under fabric and animals skins she used as covers.
As he tried to get in, Clarke points at his legs and Bellamy briefly wonders why. It becomes clear when she raises her eyebrows at him, her lashes looking even longer in the glow of the lantern from the tears which had adorned them earlier.
Looking down Bellamy realised why and rolled his eyes as he kicked off his own boots. Clarke welcomed him into her bed, something he had dreamed about soon after they were reunited. It had been under completely different circumstances though. Shaking his head he climbed in as Clarke moved over.
Feeling awkward, Clarke had wriggled to make room but as soon as the soft fabric had covered them and the thick animal skins had been pulled up, Bellamy pulled her close so they were practically face to face, except her face was closer to his chest more than anything. She was relieved when she came into contact with his warm skin but at the same time it felt weird. They had never been this close before, the sprinkling of freckles across his face seemed even closer than she had realised. He seemed to radiant warmth around her and even though she wasn't cold, it was comforting.
"Thank you, Bellamy," she whispers as he feels the palm of her hand rest against his chest, the rest of her fitting almost perfectly against his body.
"I need you, Princess," he said in a husky voice, the sweet smell of her hair was getting up his nose, as he wished for himself to not get a boner right now. That was the last thing he needed. God how on earth would he explain that to her. "The 47 need you, we all need you."
Clarke let out a sigh and a yawn at the same time which made Bellamy smile. "Go to sleep, Princess," he mumbled as he stroked her blonde hair, the sweet smell driving him crazy.
He did need her. She was his other half in command. Between the two of them they had led a group of teenagers, doing things they wouldn't have dreamed on.
It was this moment Bellamy truly realised how much he did need, Clarke. She had saved him that night with Dax, now he had saved her.
A/N Apparently I had nothing better to do on the afternoon of Christmas Eve, but still these two make me smile so much! I wasn't entirely happy with some bits, but its my first The 100/Bellarke fic.
Also MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE !