Infectious
A/N- Listen this is my first imagine, please bare with me... It might be triggering to those who have self harmed, so please do not read if stuff like that affects you... If you do self harm, please stop. I, myself, struggled with it, and I'm here to help. You can always talk to me about it, and I'll always try my best to help! You're beautiful!
You felt tears stream down your face as you rocked your body in the same rhythm. Like a broken record, you seemed to go back and forth, back and forth, and kept going on and on. Why does everything hurt so much? Everyone at school hated you... For what?
It's very simple. You were in love. But, not in love with a guy, not even someone popular, or 'normal.' You were in love with a fantastic girl... Not just any girl. You were in love with Audrey Jensen.
The girl with the blazing green eyes, the girl with the smirk that killed you, the girl with that silky, short black that you always played with, the girl who was a puzzle, but you did always enjoy mysteries.
You grabbed your phone and scrolled through your profiles. All with the disgusting, hurtful comments.
-Such a faggot.
-Stupid, ugly lesbian freak!
-Fucking emo shit... Now she's a fag, no surprise, there!
-Wow, Y/N, is gay... With Audrey Jensen? Seriously? Didn't her last girlfriend die? God, Audrey sure likes garbage!
-Just kill yourself, Y/N... You were always worthless, anyway.
They got to you. Every fucking comment stained your brain... Making a nest and haunting you. Creeping in your head, even when you weren't totally off the edge. Every message, every word they muttered, every joke they cracked, infected you...
You grabbed your razor blade and sliced. Slicing with so much precision, so much anger, so much sadness, and so much angst, you just kept going until you felt the blood drip down. Your phone kept ringing, but you blocked it out... It was just a slight buzzing in your concentration.
A twisted grin fell as you watched your blood drip. Carving into such deep cuts... Driving it in, deeper, deeper, deeper, and so deep you twitched at the nerve. You felt hot tears stream down your face, but the smile never left your face. God, this pain was so amazing... so infectious. So good, but you wanted more. You kept thinking and muttering, "I'm so sorry, Audrey," over and over.
"What the fuck, Y/N?!" A scream cut through your eardrums.
You looked up and saw Audrey at your doorway.
"Audrey, I'm so sorry, baby... It hurts so bad," You muttered, getting ready to cut again.
She ran over and took your razor, clutching it, grabbing your wrist, and she took a deep breath as she took her sweater off and wrapped it around your wrist. You stared at her and just smiled sadly.
"You're going to leave me, aren't you?" You finally said, as Audrey maintained to your cuts.
She shook her head and finally said, "Who made you do this?"
You looked at her and whispered, "Everyone did... The school, the students, not anyone in particular. I just feel so worthless."
"Don't fucking say that, Y/N," Audrey growled.
"Audrey."
"What?"
"Are you mad at me?"
"Well, I'm not fucking happy my girlfriend is doing... doing this. Tell me, babe, what does cutting fix?"
"It makes me feel the pain I deserve."
She looked at you, tears welling up. "Show me."
You looked at her and even though you knew what she meant you still asked, "Show you what?"
"Your cuts, your scars, fucking anything!" Audrey yelled.
"Why?" You whispered.
"I want to see how many times you fucking needed me to hold you, to kiss you, to whisper how freaking perfect you are. I need to," Audrey said.
You sighed and hesitantly pulled your shirt up and Audrey froze at the amount of body mutilations there were. Scars traced you, and even a few fresher looking cuts that looked to be a few days old. She grabbed you by the waist and began kissing the marks on your waist, and as she did so she began to cry. Breaking down and she kept whispering, "You're beautiful. You're perfect."
You felt tears stream down and she stood up and grabbed you by your shoulders. "Y/N," Audrey started, her green eyes blazing, "promise me, you'll fucking stop."
"I can't," You muttered.
"Then grab your goddamned razor, and cut me. Make me your personal canvas. Paint me a picture," Audrey said, holding your razor out.
"N-No," You said.
"Why not, babe?" Audrey said, almost challenging you.
"I couldn't ever fucking hurt you!"
Audrey looked at you and said, "You're not hurting me, you're killing me... By what you're doing to yourself."
When you didn't respond, she grabbed your face and pecked your lips, "Please, stop cutting. I can help you, okay? I-I can talk you through it, baby. Please," Audrey was begging. She never begged. Never.
You bit your lip and nodded, "I'll stop... For you."
Audrey smiled and kissed your lips, "I love you."
You smirked, "I love you more."
"Yeah, well, I love you the most. And, by the way, tomorrow I'll make sure everyone who made you feel so bad, feel even worse."
You smiled and you've never felt more safe.