A/N: this is a oneshot I wrote based on Moments by One Direction. The flashbacks (in italics) aren't really part on the song, and neither is Izzy's pov. only Magnus's. I suggest you listen to the song either before and after reading it, or just after. its better if you listen to it, but you don't have to. it is a really good song though, its one of my favorites. anyways thanks for reading! I hope you like it.

Magnus pov

Magnus stormed into his apartment, slamming the door behind him. The lights were off, but he didn't care. Tears flowed, ruining his makeup. He went to his bright pink couch and flopped down on it, snapping his fingers as he did. It turned gray. This couldn't be happening. Sobbing harder, he curled up into a ball, wishing that he could be with Alec right now. He want to feel his love as they held hands, or curled up on the couch, or kissed. But none of that would ever happen again.

It was his fault, really. If he hadn't let Alec go...

"I'll be fine Magnus," Alec had said. "It's just a couple of minor demons. I'll be back in half an hour, at most."

"I should come with you then," Magnus said. "If you don't want to bother Izzy or Jace..."

"No Magnus you have a client coming in 10 minutes, remember? I promise I'll be back soon ok?" He proceeded to walk out the the door.

Magnus gave in. "Ok, but of you're not back in half an hour, I'll come to find you."

Alec grinned. "I know." He pulled Magnus in for a kiss. "See you soon!"

"Love you!" Magnus called.

"And you!" Alec's voice faded.

He should have followed Alec. He should have not let him go alone. But he didn't. And now?

An hour had passed. Magnus began to worry. He called Jace and Izzy, maybe Alec had gone to the Institute for some reason, and had just forgotten to call. But Alec never forgot to call. He dialed Izzy and Jace's numbers anyways. Both of them thought he was with Magnus.

Hanging up, Magnus had dived for the nearest thing that belonged to Alec - the blue scarf - and used a tracking spell. Panic flared at his chest as he saw a deserted alleyway. Why would Alec be there? Recognizing the building behind it, Magnus started to make a portal, while calling Isabelle.

Two minutes later, he was in the alley, staring down at Alec's body. He was on his knees, magic flowing through his fingertips. Alec lay in a pool of blood, ichor, and demon poison. Huge deep claw marks decorated his torso, slicing from his neck to his abdomen. He wasn't breathing.

Magnus should have gone looking for Alec after half an hour, like he had told him. But his client was being unreasonable and annoying, and he couldn't escape. He could have just rescheduled it and gone to find Alec. But he didn't, and now, Alec was gone. Because of him. It was all Magnus's fault.

Magnus was still sitting near Alec's body in the alley, looking down on him, when he heard Izzy and Jace walk up behind him. He wasn't crying, that had come later. He was in a state of shock. Alec was probably still alive, because he would never do something like die. He would never hurt Magnus like that. Alec loved him too much to ever do that.

Magnus heard a choked sob behind him. Izzy had knelt to the ground, but he didn't turn to look at her. He couldn't tear his eyes away from his beautiful angel, lying on the ground, not moving, not breathing. This wasn't possible. Not possible. It was a bad dream. Yes, that was it, it was just a nightmare. Magnus would wake up soon, on his big fluffy bed, next to Alec. Alec would the. comfort him, telling him it was just a dream, and it would all be good again, and Magnus wouldn't let him go out alone. Yes. Just a dream.

It wasn't a dream, Magnus had soon realized. It was then the tears had come, and nothing he did could stop them. He wanted to die, just so he could be with Alec again. Even if he went to hell, it wouldn't be as bad as this raw pain inside him. He tried to hide that when he saw people, but he couldn't. Jace said to come to Alec's funeral, where they would burn his body. It was the Shadowhunter tradition, but Magnus would never be able to see the boy he loved go up in flames, no more ocean blue eyes, no more only black hair, no more pale skin. No more.

Earlier that day he had gone to see Alec's body for one last time. His heart had pounded as he walked into the Institute, and before he knew it, he was at the infirmary, where they decided to keep him. He had promised himself he wouldn't cry in front of the other Shadowhunters, he didn't want then to see his weakness. As he approached Alec's body, his hands were shaking, he couldn't hold them still. Alec's hair was had been brushed aside, in his usual just got out of bed style. His blue eyes were shut, and he had looked as if he were asleep. One strand of hair had fallen into his face, and when Magnus brushed it away, his fingers brushed Alec's face. That had been too much. The breaking point. Magnus jerked his hand back and tears streamed down his face. He gave a hiccuping sob, and Isabelle rushed in, worried. He moaned and cried into her shoulder as she hugged him. She tried to comfort him, but he wasn't listening as more sobs of pain and grief wracked his body. Then he went home. And now he was lying on his currently gray sofa.

If only there was a spell to go back in time - even for just one more day - none of this would have happened. Magnus wanted just one more day with Alec, then maybe everything would be ok. Alec. He was his life, love and heart. His whole self was breathing for just one more moment with the boy he loved. Just one moment. Then he would be able to tell him how much the Shadowhunter meant to him before he died.

Three hours later, Magnus had made up his mind. It was three twenty-seven a.m. He left two notes on the coffee table. One was addressed to 'Isabelle, Jace, Clary, Simon, ect.', and the other was labeled 'any other random person to come in here'.

Then, he slammed his front door behind him, not caring when it just rebounded back open again, and tossed his key on the front step. Magnus won't be needing that anymore. And it reminded him of Alec and how the Shadowhunter had an identical one currently in his front pocket of his jeans. He fleetingly wondered if it was still there. Magnus remembered the day that he gave Alec the key. The boy had blushed and kissed him with a passion. They had fun that night.

Magnus choked back a sob. Don't think of that right now, he told himself. Don't remind yourself.

He didn't want to spend another second in this world where there was no Alexander Lightwood. He knew he wasn't thinking clearly, but he didn't care. He just continued to walk under the cloudy night sky.

Magnus's hands were stone still, tucked in his pockets. He doubted that his voice would be very strong if he tried to talk. His lungs probably wouldn't cooperate. It was as of he were going numb from pain. If only it was a physical one, he would be able to handle that. But this pain tore him up from the inside, starting at the heart, while leaving him perfectly intact without a single mark to show it.

The back of his eyes started to sting, and a lump formed in his throat. He began to break down right there in the middle of the street. Tears swam in his eyes, and poured out. He hiccuped and forced himself to stop. It'll be over soon, he told himself over and over. Soon.

Magnus stood on the edge of the bridge. He was thinking of Alec, the way he smiled and blushed when Magnus complimented him. The way his laugh lit up the whole room, and how beautiful he was with his dark inky hair and cerulean eyes.

Magnus's toes were staring to go numb, but it was probably in his head. After all, he was already numb from the pain. You can't be doubly numb.

Magnus hesitated, looking at the black water underneath his feet. Should he do it? Then he remembered - Alec is gone. He will never see him again.

As Magnus fell, he almost smiled. What a joke. He was a gay - well bi - warlock (the High Warlock of Brooklyn to be exact) who fell in love with a Shadowhunter who died. And to wrap it up with a bow, he was committing suicide by jumping off a bridge, because he couldn't live without said Shadowhunter.

He hit water, and shuddered. It was cold. He fought down the urge to surface and breathe. He found himself thinking once again - if only there was a spell to turn back time. Then everything went black.

Izzy pov

Izzy was a mess. And that was saying something because Isabelle Lightwood was never a mess. But here she was. No makeup, plain white clothes. It wasn't as if she had a good reason though. She had just been to Alec's funeral. Another brother lost. Izzy started crying. She hoped that wherever Alec went, he was happy, and with Max.

Izzy was walking to Magnus's apartment. He hadn't been at the funeral, even though Jace had told him to come. She wanted to make sure he was holding up ok, and she needed someone besides family to cry with.

Isabelle reached Magnus's flat and walked up to the doorstep. To her surprise, his key was on the ground, and the door was slightly ajar. Frowning slightly, she stepped in.

And gasped. The whole place looked as if the color was sucked out of it. Magnus's usually over colored apartment was now shades of grey and black. The tv was on, but full of static. And on the coffee table sat two notes, one for 'Isabelle, Jace, Clary, Simon, ect.', an the other to 'any other random person to come in here'.

Fearing the worse, she picked up the one with her name on it.

Dear Isabelle/Jace/Clary/Simon,

I'm sorry. I tried, but I couldn't live without him. He was my life, my soul mate. When he died, it was like my own soul dying. Every time I thought of him, it felt as if my insides were being ripped apart by a gigantic blender. It hurt so much. But when I managed to think of something else, it was as if I was numb inside. My mind felt detached from my body, and I knew I couldn't live like this. I knew I deserved the pain, since it was entirely my fault. I shouldn't have let him go alone, or I should have called or checked on him in half an hour like I promised. He probably died thinking 'Where is Magnus? He said he would come.' But I couldn't do it. I apologize, but you can find another warlock. I didn't have another reason to live, besides Alec. He was my only true love.

I'm sorry

Magnus.

Isabelle had broken down halfway through the letter. Now, she was clutching it, as choking sobs wracked her body. She was sitting on the grey couch, rocking back and forth. After a couple minutes, she picked up the other letter. It read:

Get out. I apologize for the inconvenience, but I am not available right now, and I never will be.

Sorry

Magnus Bane, not High Warlock of Brooklyn anymore

Still holding the letters as if they were a lifeline, she stumbled out of the apartment, pausing to pick up the keys and lock the door behind her, and headed back to the Institute. If only time could just turn back, she thought.

A/N: well I hope you liked it :). is little angst there for you all. I'm not exactly sure what to written next so I'm open to suggestions and requests! well anyways, review if you liked it! thanks again for reading!