Just an idea I had, set at the start of series 9. Every thing's the same except Joey didn't propose to Rachel, R&R much appreciated, the good and the bad ;)
And no before you ask I don't own any of the characters, etc...
TOW All the baby stuff
Scene: Hospital, everyone's looking into the nursery where the babies are sleeping
Rachel: ah just look her, what an angel
Ross: um Rach tilt you head slightly to the left . . . . thats Emma
Rachel: what no, that child is no where near as . . . . Ohhhh wait
Phoebe: yep she looks like Ross, if he were a girl
Rachel: Ross! Your genes having totally taken over
Chandler: hey now come on she's really cute, despite all the 'ross-ness'
Rachel: easy for you to say if your kids are going to look like Monica!
Chandler: you know I'd talk back but we all know its true the less bing they are the better . . . Mon that's your cue to say 'no Chandler bla bla bla you're so cute'
Monica: well . . . . (Chandler stares at her angrily) you know what screw it . . . we Gellar's produce really cute children!
Opening Credits
Scene: Rachel's hospital room
Rachel: Ah this baby thing isn't so bad
Ross: well sweetie that's easy to say when we're in the hospital being waited on hand and foot, I mean once we get home tomorrow its going to be feedings every couple of hours, lack of sleep, less money to spend on ourselves and gosh don't even think about having time for yourself . . . yea I remember when Carol came home with Ben, putting make-up on every day went out the window . . . and Carol's complexion needs make-up
Rachel: (whimper) no Rachel time
Ross: oh well no but now you'll have Ross-Rachel and Emma time . . . won't that be fun, I can see it now . . . yea the three of us sitting on the couch together watching the discovery channel . . . don't look at me like that Ben doesn't like science and I'm not making the same mistake with Emma, nope she's going to be immersed in science from day 1! I even have started looking in to science camp for her
(Monica & Phoebe enter)
Monica: hey guys!
Rachel: oh thank god, will you please tell Ross to stop scaring me! I have just shot something out of an unnaturally wide window and he's going on about how I've lost my life and turning Emma into a nerd, being scared right now isn't the best thing for me
Ross: what I was just trying to get her to think realistically about what it'll be like to have a screaming baby with no nurses to help
Phoebe: or this whole situation could be solved if you were to man up and get a proper paying job and hire a nurse for Rachel because lets be honest Ross Jarassic Park is so 10 years ago!
Monica: listen sweetie we'll all be here to help you
Rachel: oh like we'll do shift work, like you guys could take nights . . . because you knew it takes a village to raise a child (holds Monica and Phoebe's hands)
Phoebe: nope Rachel it's only your life which is going to be ruined for the next eighteen years, not mine!
Scene: Hallway, Joey & Chandler
Joey: wow dude you Ok? You look like you've just given birth
Chandler: well I feel like that. . . if I were a woman . . . uh Monica and I decided to start trying for a family of our own but every time I see her it's like she's a sex addict and I'm a piece of sperm for her to devour . . . and no that's not as much fun as that sounds!
Joey: hold on you guys have been getting on while we're all here?
Chandler: yea bedrooms, closets you name it we've been there and christened it
Joey: wow dude respect for you like doubled right now!
Chandler: yea well there's only so much little Chandler can take! Would you just make sure I'm not left alone with her . . . because my tank's running on empty if you catch my drift
Joey: although I know what you're talking about being a REAL man I've never experienced that
Chandler: Joe hate to burst your bubble but the walls between our bedrooms when I lived with you were paper thin and
Joey: JOEY DOESN'T SUFFER THOSE PROBLEMS!
(Monica enters)
Monica: hey guys . . . (strokes Chandler's shoulder) hey you
Chandler: right back at ya, you know Joey and I were thinking of getting something to eat
Monica: Joey you wouldn't mind if I stole Chandler for like . . . I don't know 20 minutes
Joey: take him!
Chandler: Joe what about our deal!
Joey: once you insulted my manhood the deal went!
Scene: Hospital room, Ross is there & Joey enters
Joey: hey where's Rachel?
Ross: oh she's with the nurse begging her to let her stay here for about a year
Joey: so how are things with you guys?
Ross: I think I know what you're implying, Phoebe was already around probing me for information
Joey: probing? That sounds sexual! Don't go making more babies with Phoebe gosh man keep it in your pants!
Ross: thanks for the advice . . . no I haven't really gotten a chance to talk to Rachel what with the baby and everything but once we get home and we're settled we'll have the discussion
Joey: Ok well you better do something because although I wouldn't do anything to mess up things between you and Rachel she was like the only woman I've ever loved and you better treat her right
Ross: umm thanks I think . . . while that makes me incredibly uncomfortable its nice to see you're so protective of Rachel
Joey: yea well she's Rachel you know so . . . oh my god what's that nurse doing to that lady's breasts over there!
Ross: she's showing her how to breast feed man
Joey: wow its like the greatest movie ever . . . . . .if only that stupid baby would move its head!
End Credits
Scene: Monica & Chandler's apartment, they enter
Monica: so you wanna just head to the bedroom?
Chandler: you know I would love that but I haven't seen the news in days so I'm gonna pass on the bedroom
Monica: (seductive) I'll put on lingerie
Chandler: again great but the news and then I have to do work stuff oh yeah and then I have to sleep and recharge my sperm bank! We could just cuddle instead?
Monica: I'll give you one whole week of me laughing hysterically at all your jokes
Chandler: and full refrigerator privileges!
Monica but you mess up the food order so much . . . . Ok fine!
Chandler: little chandler its game time!